Is Anxiety Impacting How You Think?

(by Survive, Thrive And Conquer, Matt)

Every Sunday morning, I do a weekly reading on my Periscope channel. We interactively read through a book, and discuss how we can relate it to our lives. These are of course books to help us in everyday life, whether we are an abuse survivor or not.

I thought I might take this column here that Don has so graciously given me on his blog, and start a monthly series on a topic that millions of us struggle with. Anxiety!

Just the thought of Anxiety can make the hair on the back of your neck stand up, send shivers down your spine, and pretty much make us as uncomfortable as possible. Which is precisely what Anxiety lives for, making us uncomfortable and being stuck.

Let’s chat for a bit about Black and White thinking, or in other words, thinking in extremes.  Is anxiety impacting how you think?

Anxiety loves it when we live in these extreme thoughts. Everything is either completely one way or completely the other way. This is just the type of mindset that promotes self-shame, and keeps us from loving ourselves, and embracing all the good that we are.

Healing happens in the gray area...

There’s a concept that is important to embrace as abuse survivors, “healing happens in the scary middle”, the gray area. That’s where loving ourselves happens too. That middle or gray area where we accept ourselves, flaws and all, and stop trying to figure everything and everybody else, out.

• Stop beating ourselves up because we didn’t get that promotion.
• Stop thinking that we are doomed to a life of solitude and misery because we went through a divorce.
• Don’t beat ourselves up because somebody was rude to us, and it must be our fault. We must have done something wrong.
• If our children make a poor decision as a teenager, it doesn’t mean that we are a terrible parent.

I’m sure you can think of countless situations in life, recent or past, where you blamed yourself for something that wasn’t your fault. That extreme thinking of, “there’s no logical explanation other than I must have done something wrong”, is unbelievably toxic to our self-esteem.

Anxiety loves this, because Anxiety itself is toxic. It uses every trick in the book to make us feel like we have to be at fault, we are broken, we make all the wrong decisions, we are unlovable, etc. Then it feeds on that and just keeps growing and growing until we finally say, enough is enough.

There’s a thousand and one reasons why people are the way that they are, and every day circumstances can change how we react to a given situation. Life is fluid, it’s always changing. Think of this example:

Your coworker, who is normally easy going, talkative, friendly, and helpful suddenly snaps at you out of the blue.  You’ve never known them to act this way, but for some reason today they jumped down your throat when you came to ask them a work-related question.

Many times, our default reaction is, “well I must have done something to them”. Then we start to worry about what we did, why we did it, and how we can fix it…and we don’t even know what “it” is, but it must our fault.

Anxiety is just loving life at that moment, because we spend the rest of the day questioning ourselves and beating ourselves up for something we can’t control.

Once again, there are countless reasons why your co-worker snapped and very few, if any, have anything to do with you. Yet we are so used to blaming ourselves, that it’s just a default response.

Living in extremes, thinking we must be to blame and that we are always the reason for someone’s else’s actions is so self-defeating and just continues to give Anxiety power.

If there’s one lesson that can be very hard to learn, but so yet so important, is that we can’t control anyone else’s actions. You’ll never be at peace by trying to please someone else or fix something. Nor will you be at peace in trying to figure out someone else’s intentions.

All you end up doing is blaming yourself, shaming yourself, and living in the extreme world of you being all wrong, all the time.

That my friends, is no way to live.

I encourage you, to step back, look at a situation from a high level, rational mind point of view. Doing that gives you perspective on what is really going on, not what Anxiety tries to make you think is going on.

If you would like to join Matt on this chat, just watch for his announcement around 10:30am on Sunday mornings.  @SurvivingMyPast

-Matt (SurvivingMyPast.net)



 

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Matt is a regular columnist on Mind Body Thoughts.  He writes Survive, Thrive and Conquer monthly column.  This article is written by Matt.

To learn more about him and see all his other articles, go to Matt's Page, Survive, Thrive And Conquer.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly and Matt

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Thought For The New Year

While everyone seems to make resolutions at this time of year that they don't keep, maybe instead we could do something different.  Most resolutions don't last long enough for anyone to realize and most of the time they are just an extravagant desire, that they become a burden of failure.  So instead of a resolution, why not try to think differently about the days, months and years ahead.

Here's what I mean.  What if all those parts that aren't going good for you or you don't like, question it?   What if the struggles you are dealing with in this moment, instead you question it?  How about all those people, places, and things that you feel are vital to your every breath, that you question all of it?  How about questioning everything that you think is important in your life and what makes up your world?  How about questioning everything that you hold as your beliefs?

Sweat Lodge, James Arthur Ray and Common Sense

James Arthur Ray
Sentenced To Prison

I'm torn on both sides of this issue, but yet I'll be the first to admit, I don't know all of the facts.  I normally don't follow trials whether it is Michael Jackson, OJ Simpson, Casey Anthony or James Arthur Ray.  I figure I have better things to do with my time than get sucked into the energy of these trials.  Most of the time, they tend to be more of a media circus than anything.

Why am I torn on this?  Well, just as the judge talked about in the sentencing today, common sense was not employed on the part of the participants or the people in charge.  I'm not sure how else you can state that because those in charge seemed to ignore basic concerns and those in attendance did not have the courage to listen to their body or understand what their body was telling them.  If one individual would have stood up and said, "No, I'm not going to continue this" or "this should stop", than the outcome might have been different.  Yes, the person might have been ostracized by the collective group for going against what was being done, but it may very likely have changed the course of events.  

Looking For What We Need

So often we go through life looking and questioning and wanting what we need. Often times, it may be right before our eyes and we are just intent on looking for it that we miss what is before us.

More importantly though as we open ourselves up to what is all around us, we will find exactly what it is that we need to keep us moving forward. It is more than just finding our resources within for some situation we are currently facing because this current experience of our day is but one moment in the evolution of our awareness and consciousness.

If you're asking and searching and seeking for something to guide you through these moments, stop and take a look at all that is before you.

Take a look at all that is within you and what you feel deep within your body. It is in this way that you will discover the strength for the journey you walk.


Blog Post & Images (c) 3/2/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

Are You Brainwashed?

I am constantly amazed when I just observe people and humanity, just how much we follow things without question. Of course, if you're reading this, I'm sure the first reaction is, others do this but not me for I know when someone is trying to get one over on me. However, I think we all follow to some degree without question.

For me when I grew up, I was heavily brainwashed in the ways of one particular church denomination. Now it wasn't like someone strapped me to a table and put electrodes into my brain forcing me to follow what they said. It was more subtle than that. It was much more subtle than that. The brainwashing occurred in small and tiny little pieces that were almost too small to see with the naked eye. I'm not sure a microscope would have picked it up either. These things were cloaked around acceptance into the group. The acceptance into the group was not that anyone was allowed or not allowed in the doors, but that once they were allowed in the doors, there was a degree to which people were accepted or somewhat shunned in the group dynamics. Yes, there were things that were stated outright in many of the sermons, but they were the overall structure given to the brainwashing.

While you may be ready to say, I know of churches that do this and focus on the churches, this is not where brainwashing stops. We are involved in it every day of our life whether it is in an office we work or a job that we go to. It could be in some organization that we are a part of or it could be a community we are aligned with in some manner. While some of these may not necessarily denote a horrible ideal of brainwashing, they are in fact imposing some of the same things. It is up to each individual to not follow the unspoken truths of each source that I mentioned without pause but to question that which is presented as truth. Questioning these things through the sensing of our bodies can be one of the most important truth detectors for us.

Let's go one step further though in where you might find brainwashing. Have you ever stopped to think what the advertisements on the internet or on TV are doing to you? They have the right music, the right beat, the right images and emotions depicted to implant in your mind, the need to buy or use whatever it is that they are offering. What about the news? You know the source that tells you everything that is going on in the country and supposedly the world. Have you ever noticed though that the percentage of raw news facts is a fraction of the overall reported opinion by whichever news host you're listening to? If you haven't, put your critical glasses on and watch the news. Let me know what you see because I'm sure it will be different than what you have seen before.

Even in the new age enlightenment camps of our society, there is brainwashing. Maybe it doesn't appear that way but if you look closely you will see it. They often replace so many of the ideals and concepts in churches for a "more enlightened" version as they would say. However, as long as you follow their truths, and their origins, you'll be fine. The minute you start to question these things, it will be proclaimed that you are just not enlightened or you still have a ways to go on your journey. There can be a lot of good in these new age things but make sure you're just not following them blindly. It is ok to question, to ponder and not be in agreement with them. That is part of our human experience. It is part of our growth and our journey.

We can also look at governments from the United States to those around the world. Have you noticed how close Chavez is taking Venezuela to socialism? Some may disagree with that but there have been many changes Chavez has done all in the name of helping people and yet I feel the people are blindly being led down a road that is going to close in on them one of these days. Yet, our own government, The United States has in effect brainwashed us. From having our freedoms eroded day by day to looking to the government to solve our problems, we are following blindly to every bit and morsel they feed us. I'm not talking politics here either as I'm pointing out just how much the government gets away with. Again, put on your critical glasses and take another look. Let me know what you see because I'm sure it will be different than what you have seen before.

There are many examples around us and much of what I'm sharing or what I see comes out of my own personal experience growing up in a family where my father was a master manipulator. It was so subtle, yet so powerful. It has taken me years to rid myself of those things and begin seeing life through a much more clear set of lenses.

One important thing to remember is that if you are told something, taught something or asked to follow something, make sure it fits. What I mean by that is if it feels like you're trying to shove a round peg in a square hole, than question it. If you hear the words or thoughts and your first gut reaction is to say, that doesn't add up, than question it. If you are being taught something or fed an offer of some sort, check it out in your body. What does your body say about it? How does your body react? If you quietly listen, you will understand what your body is saying. The body is one of the best truth reactors there is, that is if the fears of the past are not standing in the way. So, in addition to listening to your body, work to rid the body of the fears that distort what you are able to see through the lens of your life.

While you may be questioning many things around, know that sometimes the process doesn't unfold immediately before your eyes. This is not about correcting yourself because you are wrong but learning more about yourself and allowing yourself the understanding of what you may or may not see in this moment. There is not necessarily right and wrong in concepts such as this but allowance and awareness in the understanding of them. Questioning is a healthy thing to do and awareness is the key to growth.