Christmas Gift Giving Anxiety

Written By Don Shetterly

One of the things that makes this time of year so difficult is Christmas gift-giving anxiety.  I had many horrible experiences while growing up, and it makes it a struggle.

Yes, I know everyone will tell you that you give gifts at Christmas out of love.  While there is so much truth to that, there's a part that is not spoken.  Try not giving a gift to your family and see how the reaction is.   That will show you the other unspoken part.

In all honesty, though, we spend a lot of money at Christmas because we have to buy the perfect gift for our loved ones.  I think we've truly lost our way in what really matters, but trying to get the world to see that is like plugging a leaking dam with your finger.

One Christmas while I was in college, I was struggling to make it financially.  I didn't have money from parents.  I had no financial aid.  Everything I needed to pay for college was either student loans or from a full-time job I was working.  I was making it each month, but with nothing extra left over.  If Starbucks had been around then, that would have been a luxury.

This particular year, I had been saving my pennies, nickels, and dimes up.  I was collecting soda cans and turning them in for the 5 cent deposit we had in Iowa.  By Christmas, I think I had saved around $50 which was not a lot, but it's all I had.  I had presents to buy for my Dad, Mom, older brother, younger brother, and my older brother's wife.  Splitting $50 up between that many people doesn't go far, but I did the best I could.

I looked for items that they could use, and that would allow me to spend within the budget I had.  Using the comics sections of the Sunday newspaper, I wrapped the gifts with care.  Wrapping paper was too expensive for me to buy at that point.  I was proud of what I had done because the $50 I spent on gifts could have purchased a month's worth of groceries for me in those days.  Instead I was giving some of my Christmas joy away to my family.

When my family opened the gifts I had gotten for them on Christmas Day, the response I got was not what I expected.  They looked at me and said, "this is all you got us?"  I was crushed.  I was hurt.  They should have just shot me with a gun because it would not have hurt anymore at that moment.  I so badly wanted to take all the gifts back and go give them to the homeless.

Another experience was after I had just gotten out of the hospital from going through Conversion Disorder and being paralyzed.  My parents and I were not on great speaking terms because they were afraid I was going to spill the family secrets.  So, I could have cared less that year if I bought presents or not.  I finally sent them a check for $25 and a lovely card and letter.  The response I got back was "if this is all you're going to do for Christmas, then please don't send us anything more!"  You talk about being crushed.  This was so hurtful, and I honored their request.  I never sent them another thing.

So while everyone wants to think this is an excellent time of year, Christmas gift-giving anxiety is a real thing.  We might not be conscious enough to admit it, and often we feel powerless in our families.  There can be some real hurt inflicted on this day.

If someone gives me something, I don't care if it is a rock, I will cherish it.  Never will you hear me disparage a gift as if it is not enough.  Christmas gift-giving anxiety causes people to spend mega fortunes and go deep into debt at Christmas.

We never got a lot of gifts at Christmas, but the ones we got were special.  My mom would find a way to make the season special even if she could not spend much.

These days, I'll surprise people at the last minute the day before Christmas with homemade cookies or little things.  I'm not looking for them to give me a gift.  I just enjoy giving something.  I still struggle with Christmas gift-giving anxiety, but I try to do things on my own terms.

Call me a Scrooge if you want because I don't celebrate like most people do, but then why would I want more hurt inflicted upon me.  If someone doesn't appreciate what you get them, then no sense to do it for them.

I'm guessing that I am not the only one with Christmas gift-giving anxiety.  If you deal with this, please leave your story in a comment below.  I'd love to hear your experiences.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 11/30/17 by Don Shetterly

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We Have It Good

As I was viewing a historical site, Ft Boonesborough, I just had one of those moments of reflection.  I was looking at the cabins within the fort and seeing all their living conditions.  There was nothing great and everything they had was limited.

If they had a wooden bed to sleep on up off of the floor, it was a lot.  They didn't just go down to their local Target, Walmart, or IKEA and buy a bed.  They had to make it and that meant cutting trees down, sawing them up and putting it all together.  Even if they did all of that, having a nice mattress or comforter and sheets was a luxury.

In one cabin, there was nothing more than a straw bed on a dirt floor.  Imagine that!  I know some in this world still live in those conditions.  In the United States, we don't even consider these conditions.  It doesn't even enter our consciousness most of the time.  We are often oblivious to what occurs in our world, unless it is a newscast on the TV.

Life Is Always There Giving

Life Is Always Giving
NC Trip Picture

Sometimes it is easy to question if we are truly connected to life or if life is connected to us.  There are so many abundance courses on the internet and new age gurus trying to convince everyone that you need to spend thousands of dollars to get somewhere in life.  While I know people purport to have stories that prove the validity of these things, I remain in question as to these "products" being the best thing since sliced bread.

In the book, You Are The Answer by Miachel Tamura, he states the following which I believe is a core truth of being connected to life in an abundant way.

Page 49 - Life is always there, giving; the only question is whether we are there to share in it.  At this stage of fulfilling our soul purpose, our needs become the needs of fulfilling life’s own purpose instead of our personal needs.  We begin to realize that, if we ask life to provide us with what we need to fulfill life’s purpose, it will provide us first with all that we need personally. After all, if we don’t survive, we wouldn’t be able to fulfill any other purpose, would we?

Thanksgiving - The Time To Shop For Christmas

Thanksgiving - Time To Shop
For Christmas

We once again commemorate this long awaited for day in our country, Thanksgiving Day Holiday.  We've waited all year long to buy those much needed Christmas presents.  After all, its those great deals that help us buy the gifts for others and ourselves that we truly need.

We convince ourselves that there is just no time like this weekend to buy everything our heart desires.  Spending money we don't have, it all goes on the credit cards to pay off over the next year.  Nothing would stop us from doing this because it is just too practical to not go out and buy things at discounted prices.  The lure of the stores, the sounds of Christmas music and the fever of people lining up to get everything they can is too intoxicating for us.

We do recognize that this marks the season of the birthday of Jesus and we vow to keep Christ in Christmas, but please don't get in our way when the doors open at the stores on black friday.  You most likely will be trampled, or have toys and items yanked from your hands.  After all, to get the best deals, this is all worth it!   Trampling people and fighting for deals is all part of the game.  It is being human.  It is survival of the fittest!

Holiday Message From Tama Kieves

The following video from Tama Kieves talks about how some are focusing on how many days there are left before Christmas. Tama, of a Jewish background, offers alternative ways to look at this time of the year. She is suggesting that people give of themselves this year as an alternative. She is asking people to consider asking themselves and focusing on the answers to questions like: What did I do right this year? How did I show up for myself? What inner shifts did I make?

While this is not a religious video in any sense, I struggled to watch it because I am so triggered by the Christmas holiday. For me, any mention of the holidays is difficult to deal with and I just wanted to be upfront and honest with anyone reading this. I have watched part of it but am relying on the judgment of a good friend of mine in sharing it on this blog.

To View The Video on Youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyasRnz8tG4

For more information on Tama Kieves, check out www.AwakeningArtistry.com

I'm Working For A Giving

Note: This was written by a guest writer, Juanita Mazzarella. She is a wonderful friend, a mentor and someone who when you are around her, your heart just wants to sing and smile with joy. What she wrote here and shared with me was so beautiful, elegant and powerful that I asked for her permission to share this.

"I'M NOT WORKING FOR A LIVING...
I'M WORKING FOR A GIVING."

I realized a little while back in 1993, that I had become retired from my previous occupation as a graphic designer...and was given a new vocation as an instrument for God's love and wellbeing. This was the "side effect" of letting go of a job, a marriage, and a life which was not working according to my plan. I needed a new plan.

When I surrendered it all and asked for help...help is what I then received. Help from God. Sixteen years later, life is healthy, happy, strong and free...not because of what I did, but because of what God did through me. I was given a new life.

And today, I am living that life. The old one is long over and the plug pulled on it completely. I am living in ways I never thought possible. "I am LIVING THE GIVING LIFE." Life is simple and abundant and so is the work I have been given to do. It has taken a lot of inner work and commitment to living a new way...hand in hand with God/Source. (Whatever name you wish to call it.)

This is not the way I was raised to live, but I always KNEW in my heart there was another better way. Digging deeply, I found that filling myself up to overflowing with spiritual knowledge...prayer...meditation...and keeping a loving heart was the new way for me to live.

From this place, my cup ran over and I had more than enough to share with those around me and it felt great. Life began to look prosperous and very abundant for the first time. I began to trust God and have faith in this new way of living.

I also learned about "The Four Spiritual Laws of Prosperity." Tithing, Forgiveness, Goal Setting and Divine Purpose. There is a book by the same name by a wonderfully humorous woman named Edwene Gaines. This entire year I have taken PROSPERITY TELECLASSES with Rev. Gloria Ramirez which have been nothing short of extraordinary. Her website is: www.gloriaramirez.com if you wish to learn more.

2009 has been a busy year of learning, growing, giving and receiving. God does not know about a slow economy. There is another system we can follow besides the one with 401K plans, investments and retirement accounts...it is God's system of investing in ourselves so that we become spiritually pure...and GIVING AWAY through our time, treasure, talents and tithes to those around us who help us grow spiritually...giving back to our Source/God.

This will produce a renewed economy and a new thought within us as we move ahead in this new world order of love, well being and prosperous thinking.

May God bless you a million times over.

And so it is.
Amen.

Juanita Mazzarella
Oasis House, Miami, Florida
www.oasishouse1.com

Give With Joy

I saw this note posted on Doreen Virtue's Angel Therapy Newsletter and thought it said so much.

Of course we don’t give in order to receive. That’s called “outlining” which is handing the universe a script of how you want your prayers answered . . . a limiting and blocking behavior.

Instead, give with joy and courage, and without attachment to outcome. And know that you are already receiving in surprising, unexpected, and sometimes humorous ways.

Today, look for three or more ways to give. It can be anything: a smile, a hug, words of encouragement, a ride, a meal, or money. Feel the shift within yourself each time that you give. And trust that your needs are being taken care of automatically. Give with confidence. Give today.

Note: Picture courtesy of Don Shetterly's Single CD, Meditation Music, Healing Angels.

Creating Our Moments

For a licensed print ready version, download on LuLu.com

Some days I wonder about my life and where it is heading. While I can see specific steps in my path, it seems like there is just so much that I haven’t discovered and as if I’m at the beginning of the journey. In some ways that is most likely true and in other ways it feels as if I’ve been walking for many life times. Almost as if this isn’t the first time through this journey.

But as I know, all things that I encounter and all the experience I have had up to this point in my life, have made me what I am today. It is the sum of all the parts of myself with the good, the bad and the pieces I would greatly like to discard. Without any of these parts, I would not be who I am today nor where I am at. Each part played a role in getting me to this one moment in time that I am at today. And so, while I revel in the great moments of my life and the great experiences I have had, it is those dreaded parts that have been just as momentous for me.

The other day I was thinking that I just really had not done enough for others around me. I felt as if I didn’t really have anything to offer those around me in my community or the world for that fact. I felt inadequate with just not having enough. A mindset of lack, not of abundance even though I know I’ve been so blessed in so many ways.

Than it struck a chord with me, just as if I put my fingers on the keyboard. I was not lacking and inadequate and failing others. In fact, the past year, I’ve helped some people out selling a estate record collection for them. Even though I knew very little about this, my job was to do the physical work to get it sold. Others around me knew the ins and outs of doing this and so their help and assistance made it all possible.

More importantly though is that the people I was selling this for and myself included were in dire straits and needed the extra income. The extra income both ways helped each party make it through a year that would have been even harder to get through. The timing of how these things came together was not of this world because it all happened at the right moment and with the right set of circumstances.

So as I thought about all of this, I realized that I was doing more than I gave myself credit for. That’s not unusual for me to do this and it is one of those things in my life, I’d love to give up. It is my beloved and hated twin – that of not giving myself credit. If I would have not done my part in this entire scenario, than not only would I have suffered but so would others involved with it. They would have been deprived of something that greatly helped them through a very difficult year.

Maybe sometimes we don’t need to put helping others and being there for others in a non profit organizational sort of way. Maybe these things come in all shapes and sizes and allow ourselves to be enhanced in life while we help others. After all it doesn’t have to be one or the other. It could be both!
Putting this in perspective, I can now look back at the previous year and see things that weren’t obvious to me each day. I can now look back and know that I did add to the overall good of others, the community and our world while I also helped myself along. I can now look back and realize that my skills and time used to do this were exactly what was needed. Nothing more! Nothing less! Those skills don’t say lack either. They are abundance because they gave so much to so many.

Sometimes we want to fit life into our own little molds and through our filtered eyes view it as a picture film already created. We fail to see that our life has not been designed but is created with each passing moment. It is in the individual moments where life is lived to the fullest, not in the unrealistic expectations that we may place upon ourselves.
And we can always know that if what we created today is not what we wanted it to be, that we can always create something different tomorrow. Tomorrow will always be a clean slate for us. The important part is to create and live in the moment we have right now.