Christmas Gift Giving Anxiety

Written By Don Shetterly

One of the things that makes this time of year so difficult is Christmas gift-giving anxiety.  I had many horrible experiences while growing up, and it makes it a struggle.

Yes, I know everyone will tell you that you give gifts at Christmas out of love.  While there is so much truth to that, there's a part that is not spoken.  Try not giving a gift to your family and see how the reaction is.   That will show you the other unspoken part.

In all honesty, though, we spend a lot of money at Christmas because we have to buy the perfect gift for our loved ones.  I think we've truly lost our way in what really matters, but trying to get the world to see that is like plugging a leaking dam with your finger.

One Christmas while I was in college, I was struggling to make it financially.  I didn't have money from parents.  I had no financial aid.  Everything I needed to pay for college was either student loans or from a full-time job I was working.  I was making it each month, but with nothing extra left over.  If Starbucks had been around then, that would have been a luxury.

This particular year, I had been saving my pennies, nickels, and dimes up.  I was collecting soda cans and turning them in for the 5 cent deposit we had in Iowa.  By Christmas, I think I had saved around $50 which was not a lot, but it's all I had.  I had presents to buy for my Dad, Mom, older brother, younger brother, and my older brother's wife.  Splitting $50 up between that many people doesn't go far, but I did the best I could.

I looked for items that they could use, and that would allow me to spend within the budget I had.  Using the comics sections of the Sunday newspaper, I wrapped the gifts with care.  Wrapping paper was too expensive for me to buy at that point.  I was proud of what I had done because the $50 I spent on gifts could have purchased a month's worth of groceries for me in those days.  Instead I was giving some of my Christmas joy away to my family.

When my family opened the gifts I had gotten for them on Christmas Day, the response I got was not what I expected.  They looked at me and said, "this is all you got us?"  I was crushed.  I was hurt.  They should have just shot me with a gun because it would not have hurt anymore at that moment.  I so badly wanted to take all the gifts back and go give them to the homeless.

Another experience was after I had just gotten out of the hospital from going through Conversion Disorder and being paralyzed.  My parents and I were not on great speaking terms because they were afraid I was going to spill the family secrets.  So, I could have cared less that year if I bought presents or not.  I finally sent them a check for $25 and a lovely card and letter.  The response I got back was "if this is all you're going to do for Christmas, then please don't send us anything more!"  You talk about being crushed.  This was so hurtful, and I honored their request.  I never sent them another thing.

So while everyone wants to think this is an excellent time of year, Christmas gift-giving anxiety is a real thing.  We might not be conscious enough to admit it, and often we feel powerless in our families.  There can be some real hurt inflicted on this day.

If someone gives me something, I don't care if it is a rock, I will cherish it.  Never will you hear me disparage a gift as if it is not enough.  Christmas gift-giving anxiety causes people to spend mega fortunes and go deep into debt at Christmas.

We never got a lot of gifts at Christmas, but the ones we got were special.  My mom would find a way to make the season special even if she could not spend much.

These days, I'll surprise people at the last minute the day before Christmas with homemade cookies or little things.  I'm not looking for them to give me a gift.  I just enjoy giving something.  I still struggle with Christmas gift-giving anxiety, but I try to do things on my own terms.

Call me a Scrooge if you want because I don't celebrate like most people do, but then why would I want more hurt inflicted upon me.  If someone doesn't appreciate what you get them, then no sense to do it for them.

I'm guessing that I am not the only one with Christmas gift-giving anxiety.  If you deal with this, please leave your story in a comment below.  I'd love to hear your experiences.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 11/30/17 by Don Shetterly

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Pausing With A Thankful Heart

Written By Don Shetterly

I've been through some challenging moments lately.  In fact, it was getting to the point where I was beginning to question my own existence and if I wanted to continue in that arena.  I can take many things, but after a while when layers build upon layers, the weight gets to be almost too much.


In the past few months, I've had body memories of past abuse surface and cause me terrible physical pain, including a rash that would not go away for months.  I struggled to figure out how to let go of it and heal.  Normal methods that once worked were no longer working, and I was left feeling helpless and lost.

The next thing I knew, some healing work started to shift the rash and my life, just as dental pain came front and center.  I had been neglecting it, but then it got so bad that the pain got my attention.  I'm addressing these situations now, but as a result, I can see that it has been holding me back.  Here I have been asking the universe for help while ignoring it at the same time.

It Leaves Me Standing In Awe...

This brings me to why I'm pausing with a thankful heart.  I had a couple of things gifted to me out of the blue, and the timing of them could not be more perfect or more complex.  Even if I tried to tell the story, I would not know how to weave it together.  It all came together in a way that leaves me standing in awe with a thankful heart.

Both of these gifts feel a little suspicious to me (in a good way).  They feel suspicious because I'm not sure why they are entering my life at the time they are and in the way that they are.  All I know is that the universe has my attention.  No need to put any more flashing neon lights up.  I see what is behind it.

In fact, an angel card that I pulled yesterday and today signaled that there is more to this than just something being gifted to me.  I'm so thankful for what the universe has done, and I'm not going to squander it in any way.  I'm not going to discount it.  I will embrace the possibility of these things to help me see further than I can see.

I had to be reminded once again that sometimes we ask for things in a certain way, but they often show up differently.  I am pausing today with a thankful heart full of possibility and awe.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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Mothers Day Is May 14

Mother's Day is May 14, 2017

www.MothersDayMusic.net

 

Bag Of Potatoes

This is something that was going around the internet and while I usually don't give these things much credibility, I thought this had a nice moral to the story that fit on this blog. If the person who wrote this is reading my blog, please let me know and I'll be glad to give you credit for this work as I do not know who wrote this.

Bag of Potatoes
By: Author Unknown

One of my teachers had each one of us bring a clear plastic bag and a sack of potatoes to class. For every person we'd refuse to forgive in our life, we were told to choose a potato, write on it the name and date, and put it in the plastic bag. Some of our bags, as you can imagine, were
quite heavy.

We were then told to carry this bag with us everywhere for one week, putting it beside our bed at night, on the car seat when driving, next to our desk at work.

The hassle of lugging this around with us made it clear what a weight we were carrying spiritually, and how we had to pay attention to it all the time to not forget, and keep leaving it in embarrassing places.

Naturally, the condition of the potatoes deteriorated to a nasty slime. This was a great metaphor for the price we pay for keeping our pain and heavy negativity!

Too often we think of forgiveness as a gift to the other person, and while that's true, it clearly is also a gift for ourselves!



Blog Post & Images (c) 4/1/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

Give With Joy

I saw this note posted on Doreen Virtue's Angel Therapy Newsletter and thought it said so much.

Of course we don’t give in order to receive. That’s called “outlining” which is handing the universe a script of how you want your prayers answered . . . a limiting and blocking behavior.

Instead, give with joy and courage, and without attachment to outcome. And know that you are already receiving in surprising, unexpected, and sometimes humorous ways.

Today, look for three or more ways to give. It can be anything: a smile, a hug, words of encouragement, a ride, a meal, or money. Feel the shift within yourself each time that you give. And trust that your needs are being taken care of automatically. Give with confidence. Give today.

Note: Picture courtesy of Don Shetterly's Single CD, Meditation Music, Healing Angels.