Why I Loved Christmas As A Kid

Written By Don Shetterly

The day that many people have been waiting for has arrived.  If you're like me, Christmas Day is one of those times as a kid that I looked to in anticipation.  For days and weeks before, I struggled to sleep.

For me, I loved the Christmas programs at school and church.  Often, I would get to play the piano for all the Christmas music.  Also, my mom baked all kinds of Christmas goodies and cookies and candy.  It was fun decorating the Christmas cookies with her.

It also meant that for one day out of the year, we could just be kids and not have to go outside and work meaningless tasks on my father's to-do-list.  There were other aspects of the day that were not as pleasant, but I'm avoiding them in this blog post.

One other thing I loved about Christmas as a kid was seeing the decorated Christmas tree and all the tinsel and decorations and lights on it.  Living in the rural Midwest with the white snow-covered landscape, I loved to see Christmas lights on homes in the area.  The snow reflected the lights beautifully.  I am still mesmerized by the Christmas lights on houses.

These days things have changed for me, and I don't see Christmas in the same way as when I was a kid.  I still love Christmas Music playing in the background.  I still love the lights, decorations, and cookies.

It bothers me when I see people talking about this war on Christmas as if everything needs to be a battle.  Afterall, I think many who feel this way have lost sight of the true meaning of what Christmas is.  It is too easy to get lost in the "purchasing frenzy" and then claim there is a war on Christmas.  I believe some need to do some serious soul-searching before they proclaim what they do.  Unfortunately, the attitude of divisiveness seems to be the way of our society.

Regardless of how you view Christmas, I hope you have an enjoyable day.  I hope the joy and peace that comes on this day stay longer than a few hours or a couple of weeks.  I hope you took time out to not just focus on what you got, but that you gave back to someone else.

My only Christmas wish is that we as a civilization will start to practice love throughout the entire year.  I wish for respect and humility and kindness.  May we all start seeing one another through eyes where we recognize each other as human, not enemies.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Seasons Greetings to each one who visits my blog!  Don't forget, if you want to hear some beautiful Christmas music, check out my Christmas Cd.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 11/30/17 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required in writing before any part of this blog is reprinted, reworded, transmitted or used in any format. 
• Feel free to share the blog post LINK and a brief summary.  

---

Christmas Gift Giving Anxiety

Written By Don Shetterly

One of the things that makes this time of year so difficult is Christmas gift-giving anxiety.  I had many horrible experiences while growing up, and it makes it a struggle.

Yes, I know everyone will tell you that you give gifts at Christmas out of love.  While there is so much truth to that, there's a part that is not spoken.  Try not giving a gift to your family and see how the reaction is.   That will show you the other unspoken part.

In all honesty, though, we spend a lot of money at Christmas because we have to buy the perfect gift for our loved ones.  I think we've truly lost our way in what really matters, but trying to get the world to see that is like plugging a leaking dam with your finger.

One Christmas while I was in college, I was struggling to make it financially.  I didn't have money from parents.  I had no financial aid.  Everything I needed to pay for college was either student loans or from a full-time job I was working.  I was making it each month, but with nothing extra left over.  If Starbucks had been around then, that would have been a luxury.

This particular year, I had been saving my pennies, nickels, and dimes up.  I was collecting soda cans and turning them in for the 5 cent deposit we had in Iowa.  By Christmas, I think I had saved around $50 which was not a lot, but it's all I had.  I had presents to buy for my Dad, Mom, older brother, younger brother, and my older brother's wife.  Splitting $50 up between that many people doesn't go far, but I did the best I could.

I looked for items that they could use, and that would allow me to spend within the budget I had.  Using the comics sections of the Sunday newspaper, I wrapped the gifts with care.  Wrapping paper was too expensive for me to buy at that point.  I was proud of what I had done because the $50 I spent on gifts could have purchased a month's worth of groceries for me in those days.  Instead I was giving some of my Christmas joy away to my family.

When my family opened the gifts I had gotten for them on Christmas Day, the response I got was not what I expected.  They looked at me and said, "this is all you got us?"  I was crushed.  I was hurt.  They should have just shot me with a gun because it would not have hurt anymore at that moment.  I so badly wanted to take all the gifts back and go give them to the homeless.

Another experience was after I had just gotten out of the hospital from going through Conversion Disorder and being paralyzed.  My parents and I were not on great speaking terms because they were afraid I was going to spill the family secrets.  So, I could have cared less that year if I bought presents or not.  I finally sent them a check for $25 and a lovely card and letter.  The response I got back was "if this is all you're going to do for Christmas, then please don't send us anything more!"  You talk about being crushed.  This was so hurtful, and I honored their request.  I never sent them another thing.

So while everyone wants to think this is an excellent time of year, Christmas gift-giving anxiety is a real thing.  We might not be conscious enough to admit it, and often we feel powerless in our families.  There can be some real hurt inflicted on this day.

If someone gives me something, I don't care if it is a rock, I will cherish it.  Never will you hear me disparage a gift as if it is not enough.  Christmas gift-giving anxiety causes people to spend mega fortunes and go deep into debt at Christmas.

We never got a lot of gifts at Christmas, but the ones we got were special.  My mom would find a way to make the season special even if she could not spend much.

These days, I'll surprise people at the last minute the day before Christmas with homemade cookies or little things.  I'm not looking for them to give me a gift.  I just enjoy giving something.  I still struggle with Christmas gift-giving anxiety, but I try to do things on my own terms.

Call me a Scrooge if you want because I don't celebrate like most people do, but then why would I want more hurt inflicted upon me.  If someone doesn't appreciate what you get them, then no sense to do it for them.

I'm guessing that I am not the only one with Christmas gift-giving anxiety.  If you deal with this, please leave your story in a comment below.  I'd love to hear your experiences.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 11/30/17 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required in writing before any part of this blog is reprinted, reworded, transmitted or used in any format. 
• Feel free to share the blog post LINK and a brief summary.  

---

How I Handled Christmas In 10 Steps

I'm writing this a year in advance.  In fact, Christmas Day 2016, was just yesterday.  Things are beginning to get back to normal.  Email and social media feeds are starting to liven up again.  Trash pickup just went by trying to collect everyone's trash from yesterday.  So, yeah, Christmas is over once again.

However, I thought I would write this because someone asked me if I would do anything different the next year.  I had written earlier that I struggled to deal with the holidays.  I'm one of those where the hurt and pain shows up with the fun and presents.

Growing up, my mom did her best to really go all out celebrating Christmas on a shoestring budget.  Yes, we were envious of our friends who got a lot of presents, but my mom tried to make it special in other ways.  From decorating Christmas cookies, to the food and candy she would make and to just decorating the house, it became a special day.

Unfortunately, in the midst of all of it there was a lot of stuff that hit the fan.  There were many moments that are painful and in fact so painful, that I can't even talk about them yet.  I've done a tremendous amount of healing and forgiveness but the stuff is there in too great of quantities.

So, when Christmas comes - it isn't easy.  The turmoil that hits me emotionally and in my mind feels like 200 MACK trucks hitting me at about 100 mph every second of every day.  It isn't easy.  Lord knows I've tried to find ways to deal with it, but it just is not easy.  If you're like I am, than this isn't news to you.

Here's some of the things I did in 2016 and I'm writing this to my future self so I'll remember what worked and what helped.

1. We were able to take a trip for a few days leading up to Christmas.  In that final week before Christmas, I truly struggle, and so this helped keep my mind off of dwelling on it.
2. I tried to slow down for December.  Even half of my normal speed is almost too much.  A few things to do can quickly and easily overwhelm me.  So, it's best to slow it down a lot!
3. I made sure that anything I wanted to get done to celebrate Christmas was done by the middle of the month.  I knew that the last week or two, I just needed to coast through it.  Any more than that and it was too much.
4. I reached out to my partner and tried to explain things about what I needed.  He was very loving and compassionate and worked with me.
5. I reached out to friends, and they were a support during this time.  In fact, I tried to help be there for them, and I think it helped me in the long run.
6. I recognized that this was a tough time and tried hard not to beat myself up for it.  It is the way it is, and there is no sense in shaming myself into what my "surreal concept" should be for Christmas.
7. I tried to get in extra exercise and activity by walking and worked to not let myself isolate from others or the outdoors.  Fortunately, I live in a warm climate, but just being outside in nature and the sun helped me greatly.
8. I looked for ways to be creative, but not necessarily that I had to complete a project.  Creativity helps me deal with life and stress and the past.  If I embrace it, it helps me.
9. I would look for moments of quietness and stillness to just take care of myself.  I didn't do this to hide or isolate, but to just give myself a chance to breathe.
10. I worked to help connect with my mind and body through awareness and breathing so I could give myself a boost in energy to deal with all the pain I was facing.

For the most part, these things helped.  Yes, I did get depressed.  Yes, I struggled with anxiety.  I already try to stay out of the stores right around the holiday because people are usually rude and inconsiderate.  It takes very little to push me over the edge.

I do avoid any parties because I just don't do well at this time.  On Christmas, I stay away from family functions because it is just too much for me to sort out.  A good video and downtime from the computer are far more welcomed to me than having to negotiate family pain.

These things help.  I just know that it isn't an easy time and I've learned it is okay to be okay with that.  The "beautiful family gatherings" may exist out there, but I know many who struggle with the pain it brings.  If we honor and respect where we are, what we can do and that we have so much going for us, it can make the days go a little easier.

What do you do to help yourself handle Christmas?  Leave a reply and let me know.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 11/30/17 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required in writing before any part of this blog is reprinted, reworded, transmitted or used in any format. 
• Feel free to share the blog post LINK and a brief summary.  

---

Tis The Season For Christmas Music

Written by Don Shetterly

By the time this posts, we will be well into the Christmas season.  The shopping is in full swing.  The company Christmas parties are scheduled.

Growing up as a kid, the holiday season was something I looked forward to for weeks.  The artificial Christmas tree going up with the lights and decorations holds an endearing place in my heart.  My mom would bake all types of Christmas candy and cookies which I enjoyed.

There were the Christmas programs at church and at school that I would rehearse for and prepare.  Most of the time I was playing Christmas carols on the piano.  I loved every minute of it.  In high school, I was the main pianist for the choir.

In among all the good, there were some very rough moments, but the one thing that remained with me throughout my life is Christmas music.  It always gave me a smile and a moment of peace.  It helps bring in the joy and anticipation of the season.

A few years ago, I had the opportunity of creating a CD of Christmas Music for someone to give as a gift.  My Christmas Songs CD is a collection of many of my own favorite songs of the season.

The CD is filled with simple music played on the piano in just the way I used to play it when I was a kid.  It will connect with you emotionally and lift you up in the spirit of the season with joy and peace.

I hope you check my CD out.  You can listen to it or download it on most of the music download sites.  If it doesn't show up in your favorite music store, let me know, and I'll see if I can get them to carry it.  If you want, you can also buy the physical CD!

The Christmas Songs CD is ideal for family gatherings or Christmas parties.  Play it when you decorate your Christmas tree.  Use it in the morning where you wake up on Christmas Day and open presents.

Please share this blog post with everyone you know.  I'm proud of this CD, and this music means something very special to me.

Tis The Season For Christmas Music!

The Christmas Songs On the CD

1. Silent Night, Holy Night
2. Angels From The Realms Of Glory
3. Away In A Manger
4. The First Noel (Nowell)
5. What Child Is This?
6. We Three Kings
7. It Came Upon The Midnight Clear
8. Hark The Herald Angels Sing
9. O Little Town Of Bethlehem
10. O Come All Ye Faithful
11. Joy To The World
12. Deck The Halls
13. I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day
14. Christmas Morning Bells
15. Christmas Medley

Download / Listen To Christmas Songs 

• Spotify
• iTunes
• Amazon
• ChristmasPianoSongs.com

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 11/30/17 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required in writing before any part of this blog is reprinted, reworded, transmitted or used in any format. 
• Feel free to share the blog post LINK and a brief summary.  

---

YouTube Video of Christmas Piano Songs

This is one of my all time favorite videos that I have created.  I sat down and played some of my Christmas songs on the piano for a small concert audience.

The video is simple.  I uploaded a portion of the concert to share on YouTube.

This was recorded at my house.

I love Christmas music of all kinds.  Those Christmas songs on the piano are just wonderful reflections for me from my childhood.

No matter what was happening, the magic of Christmas made it hard for me to sleep in the days leading up to Christmas.

So, enjoy this Christmas Piano Music video on YouTube.  It is simple and beautiful, just the way I like to play the music. 

Feel free to share it and pass it along so others can experience it as well.  You'll notice my beautiful Christmas tree in the background.

Yes, I wish the audio would have been a little better on this video, but it is still quite beautiful.

For more information on my Christmas Piano CD, check out www.christmaspianosongs.com.  There is information and lyrics up there on each of the Christmas songs on this CD.

The CD is available on iTunes, Spotify, Amazon and most major online digital music stores.

Songs Played In This Video:

1) Angels From The Realms Of Glory
2) Away In A Manger
3) The First Noel (Nowell)

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Black Friday Is Not Christmas

Everyone loves a good deal.  Everyone loves the specials of Black Friday.  This year, it doesn't look like there are that great of specials because the retailers want you to spend money on full price items, not heavily discounted items.  They don't make as much money that way.

Everyone thinks that Black Friday is the start of the Christmas holiday shopping season.  In today's ways, it is.  However, at the time everyone claims there is a war on Christmas, they gladly go belly up to the bar of shopping and spending all they can.  They get caught up in the craziness of Black Friday.

Of course the retail organizations and others claim that people need to go out and spend money.  After all if they don't, none of these businesses in our country will make it.  Sure, everyone thinks it is about Christmas, but it isn't.  Where in the bible does Jesus command you to go out and buy, buy, buy on Black Friday?

Celebrate The Magical

Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, let this be a day where we have that child-like innocence about life.  Let us celebrate the magical, the unseen, and the possible in our life.

Let today be more than gifts and holiday stress.  Let today be more than just what happened in this moment.  See the world through the eyes of a child with wonder and awe that has not been tarnished by time and a world who suppresses it.

Let today be about the magical nature of human good and kindness.  See the world through the eyes of peace and goodwill to others, not only this day, but every day of the year.  We are all human.  We are all born in the same way.  Let us celebrate the wonders of being human.

Let me leave you with my musical version of this.  Its a video I did on YouTube several years ago, but is still as relevant today as it was back then.  The title of the video is Christmas Piano Music by Don Shetterly.

The Reason For The Season

Okay, I know not everyone does this.  I know that some keep the balance but still love Christmas and the holidays and shopping.  I'm not one of those.  And this blog post isn't about those that keep the balance.

Unfortunately for all too many people, the reason for the season is about buying stuff and getting stuff and getting more stuff and buying even more stuff.  I know, it makes the economy go round and round, and after all, isn't this what is written in the Bible and preached in the churches.  The reason for the season is all about buying all kinds of gifts and hoping that your loved ones will love you even more.

Now, if I'm offending you and you're not one of these people, please go back and read the first paragraph again.

Is Christmas Really About Love?

All too often we say one thing in life, but our actions depict something other than what we say.  Christmas may be very likely one of those things.  After all, if you people watch and observe for a few days, you will get a much different picture than what actually happens.

Most people claim Christmas is about love and joy and peace.  I would say that I would totally agree with that.  Yet, when we find things to disparage and put down in others and trample upon, are we really practicing love?  All you have to do is read the recent news headlines with a little objectivity to understand what I mean.

Most people claim that they give presents out of love and I believe many do.  Unfortunately, I also believe it is done out of a necessity (even if it is subconscious and we are unaware of it) to give the perfect gift.  If you don't believe me, try not buying gifts for everyone but maybe finding some small action that you can give them and see what the reaction is.  You might be surprised, and this may come with repercussions that you'd rather not have in your life.

I still go back to one big example in my family and I believe that many other families go through this, but none will admit it. 

True Christmas Humanity - Favorte Blog Post December 2012

  
Donald D'Haene On Huffington Post

Topic: 
During Christmas, I Think of My Once Homeless Brother

Date Posted:  12/24/12

I first met Donald D'Haene at the Oprah Male Survivor show back in 2010.   He is also the author the book, "Father's Touch" which details much of the struggles he went through as a kid.  Even though it was a challenging read, I found it to be rewarding in that I knew someone else truly understood the family issues I faced.

In this blog post, Donald opens up his soul about his family and his long lost brother that was homeless.  It is a touching story that draws you in as if you are almost there watching it take place.  Best of all - it is appropriate for this time of year especially when everywhere we look, there is discord, disrespect, fear and greed running rampant.  All too often people do things at Christmas that are very self centered, but in this case Donald shows through his own life, what it means to do something for someone that truly matters while not seeking any glory for himself.

I'll let you read the blog post he wrote so you get the full effect of what transpired.  You may want to get a Kleenex or two on hand as you read this, because for me - it touched me so deeply.


I really identify in my own life with his statement, "you laugh, you live, but it's always there".   This is more real then I could describe for experiences that I deal with in my own family.  So many people tell you that you have to replace your family and that you can choose your family now, but those words often fall to the ground without meaning because unless you've been through some of this, it is difficult to comprehend exactly what this means.

Thank you Donald for writing this and sharing yourself through your words!

Holidays Suck Less

This year, I have been trying something different.  In years past, I barely lived through any of the major holidays such as Thanksgiving or Christmas.  Normally I would be taken under by the weight of past experiences, hoping that the minutes would rush by and the end would come quickly.  In order to make holidays suck less, I decided it was time to change things in life.

One of the things I did this year was I had some major healing release work done on me just prior to the holidays.  Going into these healing sessions, I wasn't completely fixated on the holidays, but it was definitely on my mind.  Through these healing sessions, I was surprised at what came up and took place.  It was a far different picture than what I thought it would look like and it felt far different than what I expected.

As a result though, I'm making it this year much better than most years.  Yes, I still feel the stress and weight of the past, but they are not as large of creatures as I normally would observe.  It is like they are normal every day stress, not giants that would gobble me up in one bite.  They are manageable in that I can do some regular activities to help deflate the stress, rather than be over taken by it.  It helps me to experience a moment when holidays suck less.

Christmas Shopping Season

It's that time of year again!  You know, where we celebrate Christmas with some good ol' fashioned shopping.  Its barely time for Halloween to be over and the Christmas shopping season is in full swing.  Christmas carols are playing, merchandise is out and designed for the "i want everything" shopper.

Stores are lightly decorated to appear as if they are Christmas, but not enough to really make them look nice.  After all, we don't want to spend much on Christmas decorations.  We just want people to buy stuff.  The Black Friday specials are already being announced and almost launched.  In fact, some stores report they are going to open them up early.  Really, who needs the Thanksgiving holiday to get in the way.

Of course, you have the people that claim there is a reason for the season and how awful it is that we take Christ out of Christmas. Yet these very same people are the ones beating the other shoppers down as they grab the latest and greatest toys and gadgets.  They talk the talk, but they don't walk the talk!

Christmas Pulse Rate

PulseRateHealthy.com
Christmas Pulse Rate

Even in the midst of all the magic of Christmas, it can be a difficult time for many of us.  I am one of those people and if you have been reading my blog the past few days, you will readily see what I mean.  However, each year that goes by, I heal a little more and the pain of the season lessens.

This year, I have been focusing more on very deep relaxation where I connect deeply with my body.  Even though my pulse rate has still gotten up in the high 90 range, I have been able to drop it significantly if even for a temporary moment during the day.

The details of what I am referring to can be found on the blog of another site I manage called "Pulse Rate Healthy".  Please click the following link to read more about my Christmas Pulse Rate and check out my pulse rate log that can be accessed from that site.

The Myth Of Christmas

Myth Of Christmas

Even though many people see Christmas as a magical season where family and friends unite, in all reality the stress of this time is far greater than anyone will admit.  We think of the Norman Rockwell setting and look forward to traveling home to be with our loved ones.  Yet, the struggle of the season is alive and well inside many people.

We spend countless hours in the stores trying to get the best bargains on all the presents we can buy.  We spend untold dollars to get those expensive electronic gadgets including the electronic games, iphones, ipods, ipads, androids, computers and everything else.  No dollar amount is too large and no difficulty too great as we attempt to brave the crowds, use our pepper spray, and trample others in the dash to get what is ours.  After all, we must have those gifts.

The news media comes along and fights over who is putting Christ in Christmas and who is not.  They declare a war on Christmas and vow that the a segment of our population is taking over the season and pushing us into the dark ages.  As this discussion continues, the same news media outlets pad their pockets with advertisement dollars promoting the commercialism of the season they so detest.   The viewers of said programs watch and gulp it all down as if nothing else matters.

Christmas Pulse Rate

Holiday Pulse Rate
http://PulseRateHealthy.com

At one time, my pulse rate would stay up around 99 and no matter what I did, it would not come down to a healthy pulse rate.  After some intense healing work that allowed me to release some physical trauma stored within my body, my pulse rate started to drop.  Most of the time, it is around the 70's to the 80's and I can live with that.  Occasionally, I drop down into the 60's.  The pulse rate I am referring to is my resting pulse rate or also known as a resting heart rate.

Because of the Christmas season, I've been experiencing a great deal of stress as is normal for me.  The past pains catch up with me this time of year and although it is not as bad this year, I still feel the effects.  Generally, the day after Christmas, it is like my body has been reborn again and the stresses that I felt for days before have mostly vanished.  The after affects though, sometimes linger around for days.

Thanksgiving - The Time To Shop For Christmas

Thanksgiving - Time To Shop
For Christmas

We once again commemorate this long awaited for day in our country, Thanksgiving Day Holiday.  We've waited all year long to buy those much needed Christmas presents.  After all, its those great deals that help us buy the gifts for others and ourselves that we truly need.

We convince ourselves that there is just no time like this weekend to buy everything our heart desires.  Spending money we don't have, it all goes on the credit cards to pay off over the next year.  Nothing would stop us from doing this because it is just too practical to not go out and buy things at discounted prices.  The lure of the stores, the sounds of Christmas music and the fever of people lining up to get everything they can is too intoxicating for us.

We do recognize that this marks the season of the birthday of Jesus and we vow to keep Christ in Christmas, but please don't get in our way when the doors open at the stores on black friday.  You most likely will be trampled, or have toys and items yanked from your hands.  After all, to get the best deals, this is all worth it!   Trampling people and fighting for deals is all part of the game.  It is being human.  It is survival of the fittest!

Happy Holidays From Corey

Hi everyone! This is Corey, one of cats that helps watch over Don. He's very busy these days and so me and Topanga are going to give him a break on the blog. He really does try hard to keep up with the blog and write meaningful concepts. So we thought it was only fitting that we would give this special gift of writing his blog for him.

However, we aren't really that good with words so we figured a couple of pictures showing us in the holiday spirit would warm the hearts of all who read the blog. For us, we're getting lots of love today and some special little toys. I'm actually enjoying the Christmas wrapping paper that we get to play with.

Seriously though, I just want everyone to realize that no matter how many paws you have in life, you are loved and cared for in a special way. We all matter regardless of our height in the world or how much food is in our food dish. Just know that you matter and you are loved. My sister and I was born three years ago right around Christmas Day. We were a Christmas wish that came true and so together we celebrate all the love that life has to give.

Christmas Illusions

Christmas is many things to many people. If you ask a hundred different people what Christmas is all about, you will most likely get a hundred different responses. It is celebrated in many ways among many different people and yet, all across this world, it is a day of great importance.

When I was a child, the Christmas season was one of the happiest times of the year to me. My mom would bake Christmas cookies and candy, and together we would decorate the beautiful cookies with icing and sprinkles. I remember the taste of the fudge, so full of sugar and chocolate that it made your taste buds dance with glee. I remember the divinity and the peanut brittle along with many other types of Christmas treats.

Leading up to the days before Christmas, I was a child full of smiles, waiting for Santa Claus to bring me those special few gifts. It didn’t really matter to me what I got, just as long as there was some special gift for me to unwrap. I was happier receiving a gift than being concerned with what I was given. It did not matter to me what the gift was. It was the joy of the surprise and the endurance of the wait that I longed for each Christmas.

Through the many church programs, singing and playing the Christmas songs for the Christmas story, I found myself wanting to perform these moments forever and ever. I enjoyed playing the piano as well as singing the songs at the retirement homes, where the faces of the elderly beamed with joy. Tears would come to my eyes as these beautiful songs filled the room, and I felt the peace and love of the season flowing through me.

As time passed by, my life endured many things that were difficult beyond measure. I hid within the joy of Christmas from the pain that surrounded and engulfed me. It became my hope and fantasy but it also was my illusion. For me to realize that anything but happiness, joy, and good cheer existed, took me from the illusion that I was living in life. It grew into a conflict between trying to deal with reality and trying to enjoy a world of fantasy. The pain that I felt was mixed in with the joys of the season, and my heart longed with sadness, my eyes filled deep with tears.

As I stated at the beginning of this, Christmas means many things to many people. I wish I could write that it was all joy and magic and make believe that is portrayed through the season. I wish I could write that it is a time of family being together that I was born into, but I cannot write those words. For if I tried to make it appear that everything was full of cheer for me during this time, I would be living an illusion. As difficult as it is, I face a reality that is anything but full of cheer.

During the holiday season, I see so many people spending countless dollars of worry to make sure they buy the best present they can buy for another person. Whether it is family or friends, the stress of picking that right present is a struggle to many. I know completely just how difficult it can be to spend what little you could save throughout the year to buy Christmas gifts for family members, only to be shunned and ridiculed for the gift you bought and gave them. Christmas has to be about so much more than giving gifts or being with family.

Of course, we should not forget that the corporate retail market believes Christmas is a success when every man, woman, and child is out buying armfuls of gifts to shower their love upon their fellow humans. For according to the retailers, if you aren’t buying Christmas gifts and putting yourself in debt, you truly aren’t human. So many in our country celebrate this time by spending thousands of dollars to show they love one another.

Yet, my mind wanders into the night asking, “Is this what Christmas is truly about?” Is it a time of stressing over holiday parties, holiday gifts, and which family member is going to visit which home at what time? Is it a time of living in a fantasy world full of illusion, and sipping the champagne and egg nog until our senses grow numb? It is a time where we become intolerant of how others believe?

The answers to these questions I see in our world are inadequate. I only write about that which I see and currently understand. Each person is of course, free to believe and practice in the way that is appropriate for their life. My hope though is that each one of us will really stop and consider what this season truly means.

Christmas is a time of celebrating peace, love, and goodwill to men. It is a time of giving to others, not with hopes that you will have bought the perfect gift but that you will have given it out of pure love. It is a time of helping our fellow man, and realizing that the help should not only be on one day of the year, but each day we are fortunate to be alive and living in this world.

Christmas is much more than we make it out to be and much less than we think it truly is. The lights, trees, gifts, carols, and parties are all part of it. There is nothing wrong with these things. However, if we forget what Christmas is all about, we become a noisy gong and a clanging symbol decorated with pretty lights and glitter.

Let us remember that during this holiday time, not everyone is able to participate and many suffer in silence as a result of Christmases past. They often sit on the sidelines in suffering, hoping that the day will soon pass, when all they want to do is to forget the painful moments that this day brings. Let us reach out in love to these people, but let us remember to respect their pain and honor their true feelings.

Christmas is not about doing something because we expect anything in return. Christmas is about giving of our true heart through peace, understanding and goodwill to all that we know and meet. If we can understand this one thing about Christmas, then we will have truly celebrated the real spirit of the season.

I leave you with the lyrics to the song, “Let There Be Peace On Earth”

Let peace begin with me
Let this be the moment now.
With every step I take
Let this be my solemn vow.
To take each moment
And live each moment
With peace eternally.
Let there be peace on earth,
And let it begin with me.



Blog Post & Images (c) 12/5/10 Don Shetterly - use by permission only

Is Christmas Over Yet?

On November 29, 2010 the 5th most searched term on Yahoo.com was "depression". Does anyone find this odd or strange? Why is it that we have entered the "HOLIDAY SEASON", or as some demand we say, Christmas, and yet depression is on the top of everyone's mind? Let's pause and think about this for a moment.

Everyone has this utopia picture of Thanksgiving being a time when family gets together and enjoy the love that they share for each other. Yet, this more often than not, is so far from the truth. In fact, one of the more recent articles I saw published the other day said that domestic violence cases rise during the holidays.

Why is it that we all subscribe to this concept in our society? Is it out of duty and upbringing that we put ourselves through this torment? Is it because we feel we cannot rock the boat if we do not go along with what our family expects of us? Could it be that in order to show our love that we profess to our God that we put ourselves through something which we clearly do not want to do?

If we are to survive as a society, we need to begin opening our eyes up to how we treat one another and to what we all try to sweep under the rug. Depression, domestic violence and suicide does not make for happy holidays. We all know that of course but yet so many of us do very little to change that in our own lives. We tend to view it as a problem in the lives of others while were oblivious to what is going on in our own life.

Maybe what I write here today sounds pretty harsh and preachy but it really bothers me that the fifth most searched word on Yahoo.com was depression. My hope is that those who are struggling to make it through the holiday period and are fighting to stay alive will realize that the happy pictures of the holidays are not the norm. In fact, it is probably more normal to have a messed up family situation, especially during the holidays.

I know for years, I struggled to even make it through the holidays. This year is no exception because even with those around me that I love and cherish, the holidays are still a difficult time for me. Friends that I know are saying some of the things I am like "how much longer until December 26th!" For those of us who have gone through the horrors of Thanksgiving and Christmas, it is not an easy time. Yes, we suffer through it and we put the happy face on but deep down inside, it is pure torment. I'm just hoping that this is the year that the holidays are not quite as rough. I hope for this to be true.

If you are struggling with depression, thoughts of suicide or anger that leads to domestic violence, please go get help. Let me repeat this important statement. Please, go get help! It is not a sign of weakness to seek help. It is a sign of strength! I've been there and I've walked in those shoes. There are far too many horror stories I could tell in this regards. Alcohol is not the answer. Drugs are not the answer. Suicide is not the answer.

I just want everyone to know that you do not have to suffer in silence and even though you may feel all alone, there are people that care. I realize how difficult that is to hear and understand because I struggle with it as well. Just know that you are not alone. Others have walked in these same shoes.

Resolve to find something different you can do this year during the holiday season to change the course of events for your life. It may be planning a trip somewhere during the difficult times or on Christmas Day. It may be spending some quality time out in nature just enjoying the connection that you share with the world around you.

What if there was something that you could just give yourself that would help you know this year did not need to be like all the years past. What can you do to change the course of events for your life this holiday season? How can you help yourself? Go ahead and plan it out and enjoy the process of connecting with yourself. You might just find the joy that you can create in your life during these difficult moments.

(c) Don Shetterly 11/30/10 - Use by permission only.

Behind The Christmas Glitter

This is actually the first year for many that I've not just dreaded Christmas. Normally at this time of the year, my body is aching, stiff, sore and I'm wanting to hide or lash out at anyone I see (especially in the stores). But this year, its been different for some reason. Not that I'm doing anything different per se in my activities but maybe that part of me is beginning to heal. Normally depression has hit me so hard I'm struggling to keep my head above water and I remember a few very recent Christmas times that just about pulled me under. A couple of years ago, I almost lost it in a Kmart shopping lot on an unsuspecting shopper. That really woke me up a bit. Than I went into hiding, wanted to just end things. It was a tough year. So that's like I was saying, something has changed.

Granted, its not all fun and giggles. I get irritated when I see people spending countless hundreds (thousands) of dollars on gifts that are going to end up in yard sales or the garbage a few months later just to prove to someone they love them. I get irritated when like today I was trying to go to the store for something we needed and everyone was acting as if the world was ending tomorrow and you'd never be able to buy another thing. In the Target parking lot, one lady was coming out in her motorized wheelchair (there's a lot of those around here) and she was crossing the parking lot. I was waiting for her, and another lady figured she'd get the jump on me because she saw an open parking spot but she almost ran the wheelchair lady over. I almost got out of my vehicle and let her have it. I had to restrain myself. I do have a soft spot for people in wheel chairs because of being in one myself at one point.

I remember those times when people invited me over for Christmas and I felt so awkward. While I know they cared and they were offering their home and goodwill, it was some rough moments. Again though, I remember when no one invited me over and I sat at home missing everything in life and hating everything there was to hate. Those times were difficult and if you turned on a TV or a radio (pre-mp3 ipod days), all you heard was Christmas. If you just happened to catch your neighbors through the window, you could see they were off celebrating with family or someone was coming to their home bringing presents in the door. There was no escaping it.

From the time I was a little kid, there was one time of year that was special in our house. My mom made sure of it. It was Christmas. We never had much and we barely got any gifts. I could never understand for the longest time how Santa would bring many gifts to my friends, but not to us. Then when I learned who Santa really was, I found out how my mom saved their pennies up all year long to buy a few gifts for each of us. She made it special with her baking of holiday treats, with helping put together a Christmas program at church to decorating the house. I'll never forget that about her. There were of course the rough moments mixed in when we would exchange gifts as I got older. Sometimes the gift wasn't perfect enough for the person and you would see and hear the disappointment in them. That grew difficult to accept and to this day I still struggle receiving gifts and giving them. I worry so much if the person will like them or if I will disappoint them.

There is no easy way to deal with this time of year. Each person has their own perceptions of what Christmas should be and it is rooted in what it was when they were a kid. While it is supposed to be one of the most happiest times of the year, I know personally just how tormenting it can be. I've learned over the years that I do what I need to do for myself and push aside all the things that others feel I must do. As time has went, I have begun to create a Christmas time that works for me as I borrow from all my experiences and as I lean on to that which I truly feel like doing in a year. And yet I know, that whatever I do it will be enough for me to enjoy or tolerate Christmas in whatever way I so desire. I am not obligated to do Christmas just because it is that time of year. The only thing that matters is that I take care of myself and nurture the little boy inside of me.