Keeping Things To Yourself

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place on this blog post.  Lately, I've seen various situations in different people that they withhold information from their friends.  In each case, it is most likely stressful and frightening news, sometimes horrible news.  Yet, unless you're in on the "inside crowd", you have no idea what is going on.

In fact, I even saw one one individual tell a couple of people close to him that he wanted no sympathy and if there was any sympathy put forward, he would never talk to them again.

Unfortunately to the people close to him, it made them feel very awful and horrible and hurt.  They had compassion for him, but without being able to say anything, they had to be alone with their own pain over watching his condition.

For a long time, I thought that if I had a terminal illness, I would just not say anything.  Yet, I would be doing the same thing that these other friends are doing.  I would be slapping my friends in the face just so I didn't have to think about it.  It would be a big selfish thing that I did.

Yes, I know.  When people find out something is wrong with you they try and fix you, help you, or alleviate it.  More times than not, their actions and words cause more discomfort because people just fail miserably at being there for others.

Cause more discomfort...

I get that.  I know it isn't easy to know what to say in the most difficult of situations.  Often the person going through it is angry and that anger gets displaced upon the ones close to them.  Yet, in many ways, the people who have been there for you are cut off because you leave them out.  You ostracize them.

Maybe if it was me, I'd see this different.  I don't know.  It is hard to tell in that situation.  I just think that those who are going through an illness or life changing situation need to consider what their support network feels like if they are shoved out of the equation.

It does hurt.  It makes you feel like they do not value you at all.  It leaves you feeling rejected and despised. When someone is a friend and is hurting, you want to be there for them in all your awkwardness and mistakes with your compassion.

If it was you dying or having a serious medical condition, what do you think you would do?  Have you been in the situation where someone did this to you and how did that make you feel?  Leave a comment below with your thoughts.  I would love to hear them.

#Authentic

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Demise Of Facebook

At one time, I had some great friends on a platform called Xanga.  It was a great place to go and not feel pressured or inundated with things you didn't care to see or read.  Then Facebook showed up and everyone went there.  At first it was nice, but then it happened.  The demise of Facebook.

Facebook became this place where you saw everything people liked and loved and shared.  It replaced the email chain letters of stuff that could almost sound true, but no one checked out. It became the place where every "pretty" saying and every "pretty" picture was shared and re-shared and then shared again.

Facebook became the go to place for politics.  It was where all your friends needed to see every article and post and promote all things political.  The politicians loved it.  Most people hated it.  After all, the propagation of hatred from one person to another is more than one can often stomach in a day.

Then there was the messenger app that Facebook thought was so important.  In fact, they want to replace the telephone with it.  Sure, I want to stare at my phone all day waiting for a message to pop up and then in the most inefficient form of communication, type a reply with my thumbs!  Sure!  Sign me up!

Organizations pushing their agenda started using Facebook.  They forwarded on every picture known to man of something being abused or wronged.  They forwarded on their one and only belief as to what all should concern themselves with 100% of the time.

Petition after petition, recall after recall and cause after cause, Facebook forced people to be overwhelmed by all of it.  One could spend 24 hours a day with all of these "good" and "righteous" and "things you should do" but have very little to show for it at the end of the day.

Granted, there are good things about Facebook but all too often those good things turn into a saturation of an annoyance.  If something could be in moderation, it would be good.  If something didn't have to get propagated like there was no tomorrow coming, it would be lovely.

Of course, Facebook knew that if they showed you everything your friends liked and shared and subscribed to, that somehow this would be a good thing.  Unfortunately, it over-saturates what you see in a day that you barely want to read anything.  It is good for the bottom line wealth of what the Facebook founders make and so it isn't going to change anytime soon.

The stuff that I would love to see like things going on in a friend's life are hidden by their constant propagation of forwarded memes, pictures, sayings, political blips and ads.  How on earth can anyone possibly read most of that, let alone show a level of care.  If it was a way to keep in touch with friends about what is going on in their life, it would be great.  It is not.

So, for that reason, like others, I see the demise of Facebook at full steam.  I see little benefit to it and will miss my friends, because all too many of them have forgotten how to call or email.  I'm tired of wasting far too much of my day on this platform for little in return.  I don't wish to be a mind-numbed robot.  I'll leave that up to others to  be part of.

Facebook, if I'm making you sad, please just go post a happy thought, okay?

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Blog Post And Images (c) 1/17/16 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Walking Through It One Step At A Time

So much is happening.  Some of it is good and some of it is not so good.  I try to stay positive but it is pretty rough waves at the moment.  I'm walking through it, one step at a time.

I know we all have our rough moments, and most of the time I can weather through things pretty well in my day.  However, this feels nonstop lately and I'm trying to keep myself grounded and centered.  Sometimes it is easier to say than it is to do.

From family issues cropping up over the holidays to the anniversary of losing some special people in my life, the other things that hit me seem small in comparison.

It was at this time many years ago, that I got the call my mom had been killed in a car accident. It was just a year ago that I was planning to go see a friend and days before I was supposed to be there, he died unexpectedly from pneumonia.  Another person I felt close to also was in her last days around this time.

It is never easy to lose someone you love.  There was so much that was left unsaid and unanswered with my mom, but it is not like I can have a face-to-face conversation with her at this moment.  Yes, I talk to my mom, but it isn't the same.  She was the one in the family that loved me and cared about me and why she left all the monsters behind, I will never understand.

For now, I just keep walking through it one step at a time.  I don't know what else to do.  When people mean as much as they do to us, it is hard to just let them go.  It is hard to not be reminded of them constantly.

• And to my Mom, this page and website is for you.
  
• And to my friend, David Bland, I still struggle with you gone.
• And to my friend Randee, I know you're at peace now, but I miss you so much.
• And to my friend Crystal, I found that time was too short.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 1/1/16 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Don't Wait Until Tomorrow

If someone is on your mind, in your thoughts or touching your heart, don't delay.  Don't wait until tomorrow to reach back to them or call them or go see them.  Don't wait until tomorrow because you're too busy today or you have countless mundane tasks to be completed.  Do it now.  Reach out to them now before its too late.

In the past few months, I've lost two friends that I kept saying, "I need to go see them".  It was always something standing in my way.  I'm too busy.  I've got too much going on.  Oh, we'll stop and see them another time.  There was always something and well, the day came and gone when it was too late.  There no extra moment or tomorrow that could be harvested or used up.

Its easy to let life take control and in this day and age, it isn't always easy for us to make the time we need to for others that we hold dear in our life.  Its just part of our modern day culture and its the part that truly sucks!

Just Be My Friend

Just be my friend and walk with me through the meadows of life. While you walk, don't be alarmed if I become afraid of taking a step into a forest that is on my path and part of my journey. Try not to worry about me as I walk through this forest alone, searching for the other side.

Know that I will keep walking my journey and keep putting one foot in front of the other until I reach the meadow to reunite once again. It may take me some time to find my way, but in due time, I will find my steps.

Sometimes, I just need to know that you are waiting on the other side of this dark part of my journey. Sometimes just knowing you are there and listening to my tears is more comfort than I could ever imagine at that moment.

Please know that you cannot walk my path for me no matter how much you would like to do this. It is not your path and even if you walked it for me, I would be missing a major part of my own journey.

As difficult as it may be for you to only watch as I walk through these dark moments, please realize that you are truly offering much more to me than you may currently realize. Sometimes, the silence and withdrawing is the moments where I am trying to figure out how to place my feet on my path. Taking my eyes off those moments, only delays me from taking another step.

And know that as I walk, my thoughts of having a dear friend as close as you walking with me in spirit, is energy to my feet and sustenance to my body. It is the glue that helps keep all of us walking onward into and through those difficult moments.

In life, the one that shines the flashlight is as vital as the one that is taking a step. Sometimes, without a dear friend holding the flashlight, finding the path becomes much harder. It isn't that I always will be in a difficult moment because there will come many more days where I have the privilege of shining the flashlight for you on your own journey.

(Above Picture taken at Wekiwa Springs - (c) 12/25/07)

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Behind The Christmas Glitter

This is actually the first year for many that I've not just dreaded Christmas. Normally at this time of the year, my body is aching, stiff, sore and I'm wanting to hide or lash out at anyone I see (especially in the stores). But this year, its been different for some reason. Not that I'm doing anything different per se in my activities but maybe that part of me is beginning to heal. Normally depression has hit me so hard I'm struggling to keep my head above water and I remember a few very recent Christmas times that just about pulled me under. A couple of years ago, I almost lost it in a Kmart shopping lot on an unsuspecting shopper. That really woke me up a bit. Than I went into hiding, wanted to just end things. It was a tough year. So that's like I was saying, something has changed.

Granted, its not all fun and giggles. I get irritated when I see people spending countless hundreds (thousands) of dollars on gifts that are going to end up in yard sales or the garbage a few months later just to prove to someone they love them. I get irritated when like today I was trying to go to the store for something we needed and everyone was acting as if the world was ending tomorrow and you'd never be able to buy another thing. In the Target parking lot, one lady was coming out in her motorized wheelchair (there's a lot of those around here) and she was crossing the parking lot. I was waiting for her, and another lady figured she'd get the jump on me because she saw an open parking spot but she almost ran the wheelchair lady over. I almost got out of my vehicle and let her have it. I had to restrain myself. I do have a soft spot for people in wheel chairs because of being in one myself at one point.

I remember those times when people invited me over for Christmas and I felt so awkward. While I know they cared and they were offering their home and goodwill, it was some rough moments. Again though, I remember when no one invited me over and I sat at home missing everything in life and hating everything there was to hate. Those times were difficult and if you turned on a TV or a radio (pre-mp3 ipod days), all you heard was Christmas. If you just happened to catch your neighbors through the window, you could see they were off celebrating with family or someone was coming to their home bringing presents in the door. There was no escaping it.

From the time I was a little kid, there was one time of year that was special in our house. My mom made sure of it. It was Christmas. We never had much and we barely got any gifts. I could never understand for the longest time how Santa would bring many gifts to my friends, but not to us. Then when I learned who Santa really was, I found out how my mom saved their pennies up all year long to buy a few gifts for each of us. She made it special with her baking of holiday treats, with helping put together a Christmas program at church to decorating the house. I'll never forget that about her. There were of course the rough moments mixed in when we would exchange gifts as I got older. Sometimes the gift wasn't perfect enough for the person and you would see and hear the disappointment in them. That grew difficult to accept and to this day I still struggle receiving gifts and giving them. I worry so much if the person will like them or if I will disappoint them.

There is no easy way to deal with this time of year. Each person has their own perceptions of what Christmas should be and it is rooted in what it was when they were a kid. While it is supposed to be one of the most happiest times of the year, I know personally just how tormenting it can be. I've learned over the years that I do what I need to do for myself and push aside all the things that others feel I must do. As time has went, I have begun to create a Christmas time that works for me as I borrow from all my experiences and as I lean on to that which I truly feel like doing in a year. And yet I know, that whatever I do it will be enough for me to enjoy or tolerate Christmas in whatever way I so desire. I am not obligated to do Christmas just because it is that time of year. The only thing that matters is that I take care of myself and nurture the little boy inside of me.

10 Things I’m Thankful For

1) That I’m taking care of myself more and more and really continuing to discover all there is about myself. No more do I go through life just as a human but as a human that is evolving.

2) Having a partner that cares so much about me, that loves me unconditionally and puts up with all my faults, heartaches, fears and quirks. I’ve never had that in my life until I met Jeff and I’m so thankful that we met and are spending our lives together as we just marked our 9 year anniversary.

3) Having a house that stayed dry through the hurricane and not losing everything we owned like many in our areas did.

4) Having a home which we just love and enjoy and gives us a nice quality of life.

5) Having two new kittens that are so adorable and fun to be around along with snuggles who is the ruler of the kittens and the house or so she thinks.

6) Getting enough income this year to make it through the year without completely falling on my face. In addition, I was able to make some purchases that I badly needed and had put off for many years.

7) A new president being elected who is down to earth, a common person and hopefully one that will truly be a President of the people. It is refreshing to see the President elect embrace those who are gay instead of bashing them and for that I am truly thankful.

8) All that is growing in my garden and the great vegetables that I get out of it.

9) The things that I as well as many others take for granted. Things that appear to be necessities when in fact they are luxuries. It wasn’t that long ago in my life that going to be on a full stomach was quite an accomplishment for a day.

10) Friends far and wide who I know in person or online, who have moved away or we moved away from them, for some that I speak to frequently and for some it feels more distant.



What are you thankful for?