A Simple Touch Can Change So Much

If you read my blog post from yesterday on "Traumatized By Seizures", you will understand more of what I am writing today.  All too often we are just not fully connected to life, and we fail to see that a simple touch can change so much.

I'm sure we would all agree that healthy touch is good, but why is it we live in a society where touch is not honored and celebrated?  If it were, everyone would be having weekly massages and sharing hugs with one another.  Yes, I know there are some that do this, but it is more the exception than the norm.

When I went through the seizures of Conversion Disorder, I was so frightened and I felt so alone.  Yes, people were there with me, but deep inside I wanted someone to help comfort me.  I wanted to feel supported.  I wanted to know I wasn't going through this alone.

Yet, no one touched me.   No one supported me.  Everyone just stared at me through their own frightened eyes.

I have now realized that just a simple touch is what I needed.  That simple touch could have changed so much in me.  My eyes fill up with tears as I think of how alone I felt in those moments.

If you want to inflict further pain and trauma on someone, just withhold touch in a moment like this.  If you want to change someone's life, use a simple touch and see what happens.

Touch doesn't have to be extravagant and skilled.  All you need is touch that says, "I care about you or I love you."  It can be as simple as laying your hand on someone's shoulder or touching their arm.  It can be as simple as lightly caressing their arm or back, or even holding on to their hand with strength and courage.

A simple touch just requires that you show up, not to manipulate or cause anything to happen, but just to be there in that moment without judgment or preconceived ideas of what should happen.  Touch can be so light, but with your presence and your heart, you can affect so much in another person.  It can be most powerful when you are just holding the space for someone.

We can see what anger and hatred and a lack of healthy simple touch is doing to our world.  We have the power to change that.  We don't have to wait or depend upon anyone else to do it for us.

For a long time though, I was so afraid of simple touch because of how badly my body was beaten, abused, and traumatized as a small child.  It took me a lot of hard work to accept touch and to accept a hug.  If you're in doubt, ask permission from someone before hugging and touching.  In that small act of asking them permission, you might just be helping them to take major leaps in healing.

Regardless, let's get away from being afraid of touching others and allowing ourselves to be touched.  Massage, in the professional sense, is about healthy touch, and the human body really needs that.

Let's make the world a better place by realizing that a simple touch can change so much in the life of another person.  Let's not forget it can also change OUR lives in big ways.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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Just Be My Friend

Just be my friend and walk with me through the meadows of life. While you walk, don't be alarmed if I become afraid of taking a step into a forest that is on my path and part of my journey. Try not to worry about me as I walk through this forest alone, searching for the other side.

Know that I will keep walking my journey and keep putting one foot in front of the other until I reach the meadow to reunite once again. It may take me some time to find my way, but in due time, I will find my steps.

Sometimes, I just need to know that you are waiting on the other side of this dark part of my journey. Sometimes just knowing you are there and listening to my tears is more comfort than I could ever imagine at that moment.

Please know that you cannot walk my path for me no matter how much you would like to do this. It is not your path and even if you walked it for me, I would be missing a major part of my own journey.

As difficult as it may be for you to only watch as I walk through these dark moments, please realize that you are truly offering much more to me than you may currently realize. Sometimes, the silence and withdrawing is the moments where I am trying to figure out how to place my feet on my path. Taking my eyes off those moments, only delays me from taking another step.

And know that as I walk, my thoughts of having a dear friend as close as you walking with me in spirit, is energy to my feet and sustenance to my body. It is the glue that helps keep all of us walking onward into and through those difficult moments.

In life, the one that shines the flashlight is as vital as the one that is taking a step. Sometimes, without a dear friend holding the flashlight, finding the path becomes much harder. It isn't that I always will be in a difficult moment because there will come many more days where I have the privilege of shining the flashlight for you on your own journey.

(Above Picture taken at Wekiwa Springs - (c) 12/25/07)

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The Yellow Butterfly Angel

This is my journal recording of a dream I had this morning (9/4/10) about the yellow, butterfly angel. It is recorded as I wrote these things down. The flow of the words may be a little off, but I am typing this as I recorded it in my journal. The picture that is associated with this write up is what I painted this afternoon.

Just before my alarm went off this morning, I dreamed of a yellow butterfly flying around me. As I looked out a window that had a pasture of green grass over it, in my dream, the yellow butterfly continued to fly all around. It seemed to grow and take on the shape of an angel. When it stopped and landed, it stood upright. Its height was as least as tall as I was and it was looking directly at me.

The colors were magnificent. There were shades of yellow and almost like a red bow of ribbon wrapped around its mid-line area. The wings were unlike any thing I had ever seen. They were so rich, vivid and were full of so much depth. From various shades of yellow mixed in with reds, the image was so vibrant and full of energy. I felt protected, safe and comforted when I saw this. It was a very uplifting and positive image.

The image is unusually clear in my mind as I write this. It only came to me in my dreaming just before my alarm went off or so it seems. I am recording these moments right after waking up to make sure I do not forget any of the detail.

To me, this dream is significant, because lately I've felt the presence of an angel through a beautiful and gorgeous yellow butterfly that has visited me during my meditation times. I rarely see it any other time and it does not always appear.

There is no way I can easily describe this, but I get the sense it is an angel appearing to me much like the dream I had this morning. When I see the butterfly flying around, which again is rare, it is at the moments I've been asking questions in my mind or I just need to know I'm not alone.

I'm not going to try and analyze if this dream is real or just a symbol. The way I can still picture the vivid image in my mind after waking up is unusual for me. The sense of comfort and peace I feel is very much around me. In my mind, I know what I sensed and that's good enough for me.

Of all colors, yellow is one of my favorites but I've never seen these shades of yellow before that I saw in the image this morning. This yellow was so vibrant and so multidimensional. It matches the butterfly that I've been noticing lately. In addition to this, I was able to immediately record my thoughts.

As I record this, I feel a sense of peace, comfort and calmness coming over me. It is like everything I asked about lately is going to be okay. I can feel the lightness of my breathing almost as if I am peaceful, comforted and taken care of. The world around me looks so peaceful and calm right now. I feel that within my body, the tension in my neck, shoulders and back just let go.

The final part of the image from this morning was in the midst of the pasture of green grass where the angel stood, there was a tree growing. It was of medium height but so full of leaves and branches. It seemed to depict keeping myself grounded into the earth as well as showing me that I have so much courage and strength within myself.


Picture taken of the painting, The Yellow Butterfly Angel (c) 09/04/10

Fear Of The Dentist, Part 3

**Note: For full details please read PART 1 and PART 2 **

Today I made it.

Today I did it.

Without any xanax, I managed to get myself into the dentist office and into the chair and allow them to take x-rays and examine me.

Sure, I know there are many people who think, hey I can do that. What’s the big deal? The big deal is that I suffer from an intense fear of going to the dentist. That previous statement was a big understatement. For the fear, is much worse than I can even describe here. When the dentist asked me what my fear of coming in there was, I replied without hesitation and told him it begins when I try to walk in the door and make an appointment. The procedures are just more layers of anxiety that I have to deal with.

However, today I didn’t pass out and I didn’t hide. I faced myself and my fears and went in there. I asked for what I needed and explained what the very difficult moments were for me. And I breathed and I breathed and tried to stay focused even through the tears flowing from my eyes. Fortunately, everyone was very supportive and compassionate but by the time I was ready to leave, it felt like I was in a furnace reaching well over 1000 degrees. It was time to exit stage left.

I wish it was a simple fear that I could just easily let go of. However, to walk in to the dentist office and surrender to the will of what someone needs to do to you is frightening beyond belief for me. I’m very sensitive anyway, so a little bit of discomfort or pain is enough to push me over the top. You throw on top of that, someone putting objects or their fingers in my mouth and now you’ve triggered memories that have haunted me since I can barely remember.
Anytime something is put in my mouth, it feels as if someone is “STUFFING” something in there and forcing it in which I don’t want. If you suffered childhood sexual abuse, you will most likely understand what I’m referring to. If you haven’t suffered through this, use your imagination a little and you will quickly see why I’m so afraid of these things. When I first got my partial plate several years ago, it was all I could do to put it in my mouth and keep it in there without almost gagging and choking to death. Of course, I’m sure there is more to this story but when you’re so young and when your memory doesn’t process things well, all you’re left with is the horrors you are forced to face.

Several years ago, when I finally faced the courage to do major reconstructive work on my teeth, I faced insurmountable fears of just walking into the dentist office. One of the things that I did to help me get there, even with the use of xanax, was playing some of my favorite songs. The song that helped me the most was “I Won’t Back Down” by Tom Petty. In it, the words state, “you can stand me up at the gates of hell but I won’t back down”. In my mind, that sums it up pretty good.

While the remaining procedure is still yet to be completed, I’m glad that I made it through as much as I did today. It was a difficult day and I’m feeling very exhausted. However, I’m quite proud of myself for what I accomplished today. And I can only close this part of my process with the thoughts of the “Fear Poem” by Joy Harjo, an inspirational piece of poetry to put fear in perspective.

And just writing this 1 page piece, I feel that furnace of a thousand degrees. The room has become very warm. Hello Anxiety - so we meet again today.



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Fear Of The Dentist, Part 2

**Note: For full details please read PART 1 and PART 3 **

From My Daily Journal: I am very scared and full of fears at this moment and instead of sweeping them under the rug, I am going to acknowledge them. For today is my dentist appointment. Last night was so difficult to sleep worrying about it and dealing with the pain of the tooth.

To be very honest, I'm not sure what all my fears are. However, without a doubt, I know they are there. I can feel my pulse increase and my heart beat overtime as I acknowledge the fear within me at this moment.

The anxiety of what will happen, how I will react, is alive and growing within me. The anxiety of just being anxious is trying to engulf me.

These feelings and emotions are not new. They are estranged bedfellows to me. Yet, they feed off of me as their last meal just before starvation. My hope is that they get their bellies full and move on to their next victims. They only laugh and scoff at me in these thoughts.

May I today reach way down into that area that seems to not exist in this moment, and find the courage I need. While I'm there reaching, may I also find the comfort and peace to know that it is going to be all right. I'm going to get through this. I'm much stronger than I realize.

Please, Angels, I ask that I will have the courage, comfort and peace that I need. May I allow myself to just be in all of this as the day unfolds.



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Hands Of Angels

Last night as I went to bed, I was filled so many ordeals that I had been through in the past week. Situations that were very stressful, painful at times and overall exhausting. I felt as if the universe had give me too much and comfort was extremely difficult to come by. My mind was racing and I knew that somehow, I needed a rest from this. I needed comfort and safety and just knowing I wasn't alone.


It was at that moment, that I sensed the angels around me. I could feel them, many in numbers. Startled by what felt like hands laying firmly on my back as I laid in bed, I jumped to look around and noticed that no one was touching me. The hands laying on my back were not oppressive but calming, reassuring and gentle. As I tried to just relax and let go, I felt more hands, too numerous to count on my back. Again, I jumped up to see who was touching me and there was no one.

While I knew deep down that there were many angels around me all with their hands on my back as if to say, we are all here for you - you are not alone. I noticed the warmth and the heat generated where the hands were touching and it felt so supportive and so filled with love. It gave me a great sense of relief knowing that there was something watching over me. Their hands of love gave me assurance that I am not alone but all this that has been given to me will pass.

So in thankful adoration to the angels who were there for me, I lovingly accept your hands of encouragement, support and a calming reassurance to me. Thank you for being there for me. I will hold this in my thoughts and in my heart for when I feel the burdens are too great.


*For more articles, check out the Mind Body Thoughts Blog