Say NO to Early Thanksgiving Store Openings

The one thing I grew up with was a joy of the holiday season.  Even with the stress that comes with the holidays, it is still one moment of the year that I look forward to with anticipation.  I'm appalled at how the major retailers have put profits over people.  I think we should all say NO to early Thanksgiving store openings.

Yes, I realize that the stores see Black Friday as a way to make a profit and I realize that there is a lot of money made on this day.  However, is it not possible to value your employees enough so that they can spend time with their families?  I'm sure all of you retailers promote how much you are a family and how much you care about family values!  If you do, then why are profits more important?

We live in a world that we value people very little, but if we can stuff another dollar in our pockets at their expense, we don't seem to see a problem with this.  If we don't watch out, we will destroy the bedrock that business and corporations have been built upon.

Triggers Are Everywhere

Triggers can get us at any time, place, moment or in any circumstance or with any person. There is no discrimination by triggers. Often when you least expect them, they rise up and smack you hard in life.

Recently I was in a workshop and got triggered so hard, the shame and pain of the trigger almost pulled me under. Fortunately, I was able to deal with it in a positive way because life was spiraling out of control very quickly. To read more, check out the blog post Healing The Triggers Of Life.

Another example was that I had gone to a Toastmasters meeting to check them out and possibly join. Toastmasters goal is to help you learn how to speak in public more effectively. The first meeting went okay with one individual significantly pushing the boundaries but I shrugged it off.

On my second visit, there was a person giving a speech who thought it was appropriate to give a sermon about God as her speech. The evaluator for her speech of course loved it because as he said, "I am a pastor (minster of a church)!" I felt violated and triggered. Later I found out that topics such as religion and politics are not appropriate for these meetings as they are not meant to make people uncomfortable. The purpose is to help people give speeches, not deal with hot button issues.

For me, going into stores during the holiday season and seeing people buy gifts for Christmas is extremely triggering. It brings me back to some very painful gift exchanges at Christmas in my early years.

Just to be in a store where it is crowded or where they have aisles filled with merchandise to restock the shelves like in Walmart, is triggering. I get claustrophobic easily and if aisles are blocked, I panic that I am trapped and cannot get out.

People (especially strangers) bumping into me are extremely triggering to me. At one time to be touched by anyone was so frightful. I have really come a long ways in this. Still, I am very guarded when I am out in public. It is hard for me to trust anyone.

Recently, I had a friend come down to visit and was triggered unexpectedly and hard when the friend left without saying goodbye. I remember the traumatic moments around my older brother getting up early, slipping out the door and driving away. No goodbye had been said and no one realized he had packed all his belongings into his car, the night before. The only way we knew he was gone was when we heard his car start as he coasted out the driveway.

Who could blame my older brother for his escape? While I had to play counselor and console my parents, I was both angry and jealous of him for leaving. I was just a teenager held captive in life that was brutally traumatic. What amazed me though was how strongly I was triggered back to these events and just how much pain surfaced as a result.

Other times in bodywork and massage, I've been strongly triggered in the role of being a massage therapist. I have had people overtly and covertly try to solicit sex from me as part of the massage. Some of it has been more of a sense and feeling than anything but each time it happens, it triggers me back to some horrible experiences I went through with my father.

I could go on and on about many more triggers. Triggers are the one thing that are abundant in my life. I wish I could wave that magic wand and make them all disappear. Often though they show up unexpectedly while surprising me with a hit and run kick to the gut.

When these triggers hit, I am trying hard to recognize them. It is so easy to continue in life thinking that everyone else is seeing the events unfold as you do. When you are able to check your reactions with people you trust, there is a chance for a different outcome. It is so easy to think that when you're triggered, how you see things is how others see them. Understanding that a difference exists is helpful and healing.

I do not try to stop my emotions or feelings when I am triggered. Instead I work to help myself understand what is going on in this situation and how it is affecting me. I allow myself to learn and work with the trigger by talking and writing about them. In addition, I also allow myself to connect with the feelings and emotions of it with where it is located in my body.

Triggers are not easy for me to deal with but I am learning that I can work with them and begin to heal from them. The more I acknowledge and give them a voice, the more energy and power that I take back from them. At times, I do try to minimize triggers in my life so that I am not completely overwhelmed.

In life, what I considered to once be a life sentence in dealing with triggers is now something I am able to work with. Even though times where I am triggered may get rough, I do realize there are other options in how I react to life. Triggers can get easier to deal with and I know that I can heal from these moments.

Further Reading:
Healing The Triggers Of Life, Blog Post on November 24, 2010


Blog Post & Images (c) 12/13/10 Don Shetterly - use by permission only

Happy Holidays From Corey

Hi everyone! This is Corey, one of cats that helps watch over Don. He's very busy these days and so me and Topanga are going to give him a break on the blog. He really does try hard to keep up with the blog and write meaningful concepts. So we thought it was only fitting that we would give this special gift of writing his blog for him.

However, we aren't really that good with words so we figured a couple of pictures showing us in the holiday spirit would warm the hearts of all who read the blog. For us, we're getting lots of love today and some special little toys. I'm actually enjoying the Christmas wrapping paper that we get to play with.

Seriously though, I just want everyone to realize that no matter how many paws you have in life, you are loved and cared for in a special way. We all matter regardless of our height in the world or how much food is in our food dish. Just know that you matter and you are loved. My sister and I was born three years ago right around Christmas Day. We were a Christmas wish that came true and so together we celebrate all the love that life has to give.

Is Christmas Over Yet?

On November 29, 2010 the 5th most searched term on Yahoo.com was "depression". Does anyone find this odd or strange? Why is it that we have entered the "HOLIDAY SEASON", or as some demand we say, Christmas, and yet depression is on the top of everyone's mind? Let's pause and think about this for a moment.

Everyone has this utopia picture of Thanksgiving being a time when family gets together and enjoy the love that they share for each other. Yet, this more often than not, is so far from the truth. In fact, one of the more recent articles I saw published the other day said that domestic violence cases rise during the holidays.

Why is it that we all subscribe to this concept in our society? Is it out of duty and upbringing that we put ourselves through this torment? Is it because we feel we cannot rock the boat if we do not go along with what our family expects of us? Could it be that in order to show our love that we profess to our God that we put ourselves through something which we clearly do not want to do?

If we are to survive as a society, we need to begin opening our eyes up to how we treat one another and to what we all try to sweep under the rug. Depression, domestic violence and suicide does not make for happy holidays. We all know that of course but yet so many of us do very little to change that in our own lives. We tend to view it as a problem in the lives of others while were oblivious to what is going on in our own life.

Maybe what I write here today sounds pretty harsh and preachy but it really bothers me that the fifth most searched word on Yahoo.com was depression. My hope is that those who are struggling to make it through the holiday period and are fighting to stay alive will realize that the happy pictures of the holidays are not the norm. In fact, it is probably more normal to have a messed up family situation, especially during the holidays.

I know for years, I struggled to even make it through the holidays. This year is no exception because even with those around me that I love and cherish, the holidays are still a difficult time for me. Friends that I know are saying some of the things I am like "how much longer until December 26th!" For those of us who have gone through the horrors of Thanksgiving and Christmas, it is not an easy time. Yes, we suffer through it and we put the happy face on but deep down inside, it is pure torment. I'm just hoping that this is the year that the holidays are not quite as rough. I hope for this to be true.

If you are struggling with depression, thoughts of suicide or anger that leads to domestic violence, please go get help. Let me repeat this important statement. Please, go get help! It is not a sign of weakness to seek help. It is a sign of strength! I've been there and I've walked in those shoes. There are far too many horror stories I could tell in this regards. Alcohol is not the answer. Drugs are not the answer. Suicide is not the answer.

I just want everyone to know that you do not have to suffer in silence and even though you may feel all alone, there are people that care. I realize how difficult that is to hear and understand because I struggle with it as well. Just know that you are not alone. Others have walked in these same shoes.

Resolve to find something different you can do this year during the holiday season to change the course of events for your life. It may be planning a trip somewhere during the difficult times or on Christmas Day. It may be spending some quality time out in nature just enjoying the connection that you share with the world around you.

What if there was something that you could just give yourself that would help you know this year did not need to be like all the years past. What can you do to change the course of events for your life this holiday season? How can you help yourself? Go ahead and plan it out and enjoy the process of connecting with yourself. You might just find the joy that you can create in your life during these difficult moments.

(c) Don Shetterly 11/30/10 - Use by permission only.