Do You Really Care?

I see this far too many times and all I can do is scratch my head in disbelief.  I see and hear people say, "I care" and yet their actions don't match their words.

So, do you really care?  Is it just words or do you follow through.  Sorry, for the bluntness and harshness of this subject, but I'm really trying to get everyone's attention.  I'm trying to really put this in everyone's face, because it happens far too often.  It happens to the ones that say, "Yes I care".

How many times have you seen people in a tragedy or death event tell others, "let me know if there is anything you need".  Most of the time, if someone needs something, the ones saying this have a million things to do.  It was a nice thing for them to say in the hour of need, but if words don't match the actions, why are you saying it?

How many times have you seen people say, "I am there for you" or "I support you" and yet, when the going gets tough, there is no one to be found.  Yes, there's a few people that will follow through, but to most it seems like it is a string of words, rather than something they really mean.

What about the times when people say "we care" and yet, they avoid you and hide every time you try to get in contact with them?  Do they really care?  Or is it just a feel good thought by them to placate themselves to go along about their lives and not give it anymore thought.

Maybe it is because we're too "busy" following the latest political rants or what is happening in the latest reality show.  Maybe it is because were too busy staying busy that we don't stop to take time out for those that supposedly matter in our lives.  Maybe it is because we have our own personal agenda and if someone doesn't fit those confines, we're not going to give them the time of day.

Heck, it could be because we're so busy at being overwhelmed by social media and the latest news gossip of the day, that nothing else matters.  We're so caught up in life that we don't have capacity for anything else.

I honestly struggle with this because I see people make "supportive comments", but yet they treat the person as if they don't exist.  They treat them as if they are a bother, rather than someone that they care about.  It might be unintentional, but we really need to wake up.  We're hurting one another badly with this practice.

Let's make our words count.  Let's make our actions match our words.  If we truly don't mean what we say, then let's not make it appear that we do.

Sometimes people are banking on what you say to them.  Sometimes, it is more than mere words in that moment.  There are times people really need for you to reach out to them, rather than just avoiding and acting as if they don't exist.  It may be their lifeline back to reality in that moment.

When we say things we don't mean, it holds our integrity suspect.  We become that clanging symbol in the world that just makes noise, but not much else.  Put your heart in action before you put your words in action and you'll help improve the world in ways you can't imagine.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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You Will Make It Through This

Today, I think I'm writing this as much for myself as I am for anyone.  Often we go through difficult and trying times and some days, it just doesn't feel like we're going to make it.  In those moments, all seems fruitless and hopeless.

However, I know from experience that we will make it through what comes our way.  Humans are resilient and we can go through a lot while still standing at the end of the day.

It may feel like you can't make  it.  It may seem like you can't make it.  In fact, the giant wave may be crashing down upon you, but keep in mind that you will make it through this.

You will make it!  Have confidence that you will.  Repeat it over and over as many times as  you have to that you will make it through this.

Sometimes I have to go back and remind myself that in the darkest of times, I found hope.  In the most trying of times, I found something solid to stand on.  In the hopelessness that I felt, I had to look for the smallest of silver linings there was.

Recall a previous moment...

Often I look back and I try to recall a previous moment when it felt like all was lost.  If I can get my mind to take a look back and see that I made it through that moment, then it is easier to convince myself that I can make it through this.

No, I won't lie to you.  I won't say it is always easy to get from where you may be in this moment.  That would be dishonest and it isn't reality.  I can just say from my own life and my own experience, I have made it through moments that I never thought I would.

So, I'd like to hear from you.  How have you made it through those difficult times?  How do you remind yourself or prove to yourself that you've made it through times that felt hopeless?

Please leave your comments below because I think it would help encourage everyone to see how others make it though those difficult moments in life.

#PainfulMoments

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Can You Be Thankful

It is easy to be thankful when things are going well and times are good.  When moments are sailing by in smooth winds and calm waters, it is one things.  However, can you be thankful in the moments that are anything but easy and calm and smooth?

In those moments where it appears all hope is loss and there is no way to go on, how do we react?   There are many moments in life which will test us and try us and push us to our limits. When the storms of life blow hard against our days, can we be thankful?

There are moments where we look at the world around us and we see all the horror and killing and cheating and stealing.  We see the moments where it looks like all is collapsing in this world.  We see moments where we can hardly believe our eyes.  Can you be thankful in these times?

It may sound strange to be thankful in times of misery, despair and horrors.  Yet, if we are only thankful when things go well, aren't we missing out?  Even in the worst of situations and the most trying of times, there is always something to be thankful for.

You may have to look hard...

Yes, you may have to look hard and carefully for those thankful moments.  They may be nothing more than a little spec you see.  If you don't see them or attempt to see them, they may float by and you may likely miss all that is there.

Being thankful in the difficult times is the tough part.  It is the part that asks us to stretch ourselves beyond the moment we are in and look towards a future where there is hope and possibility.  It is a moment where we attempt to see much more than we realize is there.

Don't just be thankful in the good moments and bountiful times!  Find a way to be thankful in the days that attempt to pull you under and take you down.  Your thankfulness will be an energy that may help propel you forward.

Look for the thankful moments.  Look for all that you have going for you, because in current moments, we don't always see everything that lies before us.  It is through a thankful heart, that we become more than we are at and journey into more than we can see.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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What If Scenarios Of Letting Go

What If You Let Go?

What if for one moment you did something different in your day than you normally would?  How would that change your day?

What if for one moment, you chose to think about something differently than you had ever done before?

What if for this moment, you allowed yourself a different thought, different action or just the opportunity to look at life outside of your norm?

What if for this moment, you took a step into the unknown of life, using all the power of the fear you had to propel yourself forward?

What if you let go in life of all that you held dear to truly find who you were and your place on this journey?

What if you told yourself that you had enough of what you were going through and you just released all of it to the universe?

What if you gave up the energy that you may be holding around an event even though it could be one of the hardest things for you to do?

What if you just let go of that which you are holding and see how it could change life?

What if you identified that which no longer serves you in your life and then took steps to release it into the wind?

A Disciple Named Peter

Continuing from the blog post on August 2, 2011 (Life Is Too Hard For Me), I am going to enclose the words of a song I once sang in church many years ago. While I very seldom sang solos in church, this is one that I did because the words meant a lot to me.

Please note that I am in no way pushing a particular religious view of who I think God is or any manner of church belief in this post. In fact, if anything, I am far from that premise. The words in this song tell an important story of dealing through difficult times (in my opinion).

Yes, I know it talks about Lord, save me, but I think that cry is uttered by people going through difficult times, just not in this context. We all cry out hoping for answers, longing for peace of mind and finding our way through things. I believe this is what this song is talking about more than it is talking about a faith in God. If I am incorrect, I will still defer to how the words impact my life without it being a religious context.

Song Title: A Disciple Named Peter
Author: Gale Eneberg
Source: Singspiration Folk Hymnal (c) 1978

Verse 1:
A disciple named Peter once walked on the water
- from a ship on a dark stormy night,
- He walked toward the master on top of the water
- But he started to sink, and he cried out in fright.
- "O Lord, save me!" and he cried out in fright,
- For he started to sink on that dark stormy night.

Verse 2:
Then the hand of the master saved him from the water
- Who had feared both the wind and the wave
- And the Lord said to Peter, on top of the water,
- "O why did you doubt, you of so little faith?"
- You will sink if you give into doubt
- But you'll stay up on top when your faith wins out.

Verse 3:
To walk on the water, to walk and not falter
- There is one certain thing you must do
- Keep your eyes on the master and not on the water,
- Don't look at the storm or you'll start to fall through.
- Walk in faith and you will not go down;
- But if you should falter, he won't let you drown.

Verse 4:
Now, like the disciple we find in the Bible,
- You can do the impossible thing;
- But if you should doubt, you'll never find out
- All the wonderful miracles faith can bring.
- You can do the impossible thing
- And see all the miracles faith will bring!


Further Reading:
1) Life Is Too Hard For Me (Blog Post Aug 2, 2011)
2) Don Shetterly (website)




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If any part of this post is used or shared, a link back to this site is required.
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End Of The Oprah Era

It is hard to believe that 25 years have passed with the Oprah Show. I still remember back to that day last fall where I was at the 200 Male Survivor show in the audience. It is a highlight of life and a memory that I will never forget.

In fact, in Oprah's finale on May 25, 2011, she once again highlighted the 200 Men show as one of her most significant moments. It was not hard to locate myself just a few feet behind her. It brought back some wonderful memories of tears. So, here's my farewell message to Oprah or at least until we see her again.

I watched the final show today and you almost made me do the ugly cry. I was one of those 200 men and that event has really turned life upside down for me. I’m not complaining because I know I’m growing through some very difficult moments in life and last October when we taped the show, it was the start of an emotional upheaval for me. I’ll take it... I know it is helping me find my purpose and calling. I always thought life had been a challenge for me up until this point with all I had been through from the abuse to the paralysis and many other things, but since this show it seems like life has thrown things at me one right after another with great speed.

Yet, I’m comforted by many of the words you spoke today. They have given me more resolve to keep going in the midst of difficult and trying times. In the end, I know I will get where I need to be. Right now, I cannot fully see it because my world is filled with moments of confusion and frustration. But I know I’ll get there – after all when I was paralyzed, I knew I would walk again. I had to believe that because it is the only thing that got me up out of that hospital bed!

I stand in awe of the teaching and inspiration you have given to so many throughout the 25 years but I am hopeful of how that will translate exponentially to so many others and impact the world in ways that no one can even begin to imagine. May the legacy not be of what people learned from you but how they went out and gave that to the world (and I’m talking to myself as well).

Thank you Oprah for just being you and sharing your life with your platform.


Further Reading:
1) Oprah - Male Survivors Of Child Sexual Abuse (10/28/10)
2) Oprah, Tyler Perry, 200 Male Survivors Stand Together (11/5/10)
3) Oprah, 200 Men - Part 2 (11/11/10)
4) Conversion (Somatoform) Disorder (11/9/11)
5) Daytona Beach News Journal Interview (11/5/10)



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Blog Post & Images (c) 5/24/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

If any part of this post is used or shared, a link back to this site is required.
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/
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Reason For Challenges

The reason for challenges is to help us grow and evolve.

Sometimes the statement above is a very difficult thing to hear especially when you're in the midst of challenges. After you've been beaten and bruised to the bone, it is almost difficult to think of something good coming out of the challenges. Yet, we all know that this is true.

If you're not following me, then think back to the times you've gone through some of the most difficult times of your life. Picture all that it was about and focus on how at the time you thought there was no end in sight. You didn't think you were going to make it.

Now contrast that to this day (hopefully there is a difference to where you are now). Take note of how things appear now as you look back at the situation compared to how they were when you were going through it. You made it through that time, didn't you?

Our human nature and courage is very strong and no matter what, we find a way through things. Yes, there are stories of people giving up but humans have a way of finding the path forward for the most part.

So, if you're in one of those moments where things look dark, just compare and contrast. Know that this too shall pass if you just keep trying to put one foot in front of the other. Don't give up on your courage or your hope that things will improve.



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Blog Post & Images (c) 5/10/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

If any part of this post is used or shared, a link back to this site is required.
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/
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Inflicted By Pain And Hurt In Life

This is more of a personal blog post and of course by the time anyone reads it, considerable time will have passed. However, I just feel the need to write because when I write, I think and when I think, more becomes clear. I'm in one of those times where I just need to write. It reminds me of John Boy Walton on the Walton's TV show when he said "daddy, if I don't write the words down on paper, they get all jumbled up inside of my head." Of course, he kept most of what he wrote to himself unlike myself.

Lately, I've gone through some intense hurt and pain inflicted by others. Yes, I probably didn't set good boundaries in place so I allowed some people to hurt me deeply. They don't see it that way I'm sure and I'm actually tired of trying to reveal what it is that they did to ears that seem to go deaf. Regardless, I know what it feels like to live inside of my body right now and it hurts. So why am I sharing this on my blog when I try to keep things upbeat, well like I said above, sometimes it helps me to think more clearly. I'm also hoping that this helps someone out there that may be experiencing the same thing or has experienced a similar hurt and pain.

It is never easy in life to navigate these waters nor is it easy at times to stand alone on the island, steadfast in your morals, convictions and what you know to be true. There are things that I know without a shadow of a doubt as to the truth behind them. I cannot explain how I know these things, but I do.

I see things in a different way than most human inhabitants but I'm often met with confusion as I try to explain these things. Of course, it doesn't stop others from trying to convince me that their set of healing beliefs is the thing I need to learn when I can clearly see, that what others want to teach me is a belief system, rather than something that is truth based. Yes, I do understand that to each person with these healing modalities, they feel it is a truth based system but of course, that is only with their eyes partially open.

So back to the difficult time I am struggling through. With the pain that was inflicted upon me, I have run for the hills trying to find safe cover in the nearest cave of the hills. I knew my answer did not lie in that cave but I needed safety and time that I could just recover, center myself and rid myself of the energy of the beliefs that was thrust upon me. It isn't an easy time that I speak of as I feel the loneliness of the path I was called to walk. I realize that the time has not fully come yet, but is close and this is all preparation work for what lies ahead in my life. It does not make any of it easier.

Some days, I wonder if I have the strength to carry through into the journey I am on. Will I be strong enough to do what it is that I need to do? Will I be strong enough to counter balance the effects of all the belief based systems that people cling to? Will I have the courage to walk the path through the obstacles, the fire, and the treacherous, frightening moments?

All I know is that when I was paralyzed in 1991, no one could tell me the first thing that I needed to do in order to heal myself. Everyone sat there in silence offering snippets of wisdom but I honestly think no one really knew the best course of treatment. I can remember lying there in the hospital bed wondering if this was all I could expect to be a part of for the rest of my life, paralyzed, barely able to speak, move, feel, sense and think. I was nothing more than an existence at that point. Yet, life would not let me slip away for good. I knew at that moment that there was a reason why my life would not end and I knew it would not be easy.

Where life is going at this moment, I have not got a clue. All I know is that I'm trying to focus on this current moment I have and not succumb to the fears that are bashing me from every angle. I'm learning to get in touch with the past so as to allow it to teach me about all that I am and all that I have the potential to be in my life. I'm trying to be patient and understanding of those that are clinging to beliefs instead of discovering the evolution and awareness within themselves.

Many years ago, I knew this would not be an easy path and it has not been for one moment. These difficulties are the things that keep me centered and grounded and down to earth, not some off the wall new age concept person. You might think I am being too harsh on new age people but I just desire and hope that they will begin to open up to what truly matters in this world. There are so many that are chasing the false illusions of reality and missing the gift within themselves.

Tomorrow is a day away and as I continue to step out in faith, I am reminded of the sounds of the ocean waves that lull me into the present moment. The ocean does not worry about which wave it will send to the shore, nor which one will come back. It just allows itself to be there, connecting and being part of a greater and larger part of a body of water. It has no agenda, nor a perceived time of when waves are to come to the shore. It just functions in the moment absorbing all that there is and giving all it has to give. Even when pains and hurts are inflicted upon it, the waves still function and they never give up.


Blog Post & Images (c) 4/15/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

Simply Just Open The Door

The picture on this blog post was one taken by mistake but it just seems to have a story to tell. And so as I thought about it, the story begins to unfold. Of course, one could just look at it as a ladder leaning against a closet door but would be rather boring in many ways. Feel free to make up your own story on this but here's my take on the ladder against the door.

How many times do we go through life searching for that which we need. We may realize that what we need is in a closet or some area which is not readily seen by us. We may or may not know for sure that the item that we seek is inside the closet but sometimes our gut feeling says it is in there. We cannot see it, but somehow we just know that it is in there.

So then, we begin to figure out ways to get into the closet to find that which we are looking for. Most people would say, well why don't you just open the closet and look inside for the item. To most people standing back and not searching for the item, this would seem very obvious. However, to the person searching, it may be anything but obvious.

The searching person than decides that they are going to get into the closet and instead of opening the door, they do all types of hocus pocus tricks to get it to open. In this case, the searching person has gotten a ladder to see if they can crawl up and above the door to get inside. They go to all kinds of effort to bring the ladder to the closet, set it up so it is sturdy and then begin the climb up the ladder. The only thing is, they soon realize that with the ladder in the way, they will not be able to open the closet door.

Eventually the searching person realizes that the way into the closet is through opening the door. Of course, when they realize this, it is like a light bulb going off in their mind. In reality, the solution was right there before them and everyone but the searching person could not see it.

In many ways, we as humans do this. We search and seek something which we need for our lives and yet, we find the most difficult ways and methods to obtain it. We design elaborate systems to view what is beyond the doors only to give our self the false illusion that we are making progress. When all we really need to do is just simply open the door.


Blog Post & Images (c) 3/5/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

Christmas Illusions

Christmas is many things to many people. If you ask a hundred different people what Christmas is all about, you will most likely get a hundred different responses. It is celebrated in many ways among many different people and yet, all across this world, it is a day of great importance.

When I was a child, the Christmas season was one of the happiest times of the year to me. My mom would bake Christmas cookies and candy, and together we would decorate the beautiful cookies with icing and sprinkles. I remember the taste of the fudge, so full of sugar and chocolate that it made your taste buds dance with glee. I remember the divinity and the peanut brittle along with many other types of Christmas treats.

Leading up to the days before Christmas, I was a child full of smiles, waiting for Santa Claus to bring me those special few gifts. It didn’t really matter to me what I got, just as long as there was some special gift for me to unwrap. I was happier receiving a gift than being concerned with what I was given. It did not matter to me what the gift was. It was the joy of the surprise and the endurance of the wait that I longed for each Christmas.

Through the many church programs, singing and playing the Christmas songs for the Christmas story, I found myself wanting to perform these moments forever and ever. I enjoyed playing the piano as well as singing the songs at the retirement homes, where the faces of the elderly beamed with joy. Tears would come to my eyes as these beautiful songs filled the room, and I felt the peace and love of the season flowing through me.

As time passed by, my life endured many things that were difficult beyond measure. I hid within the joy of Christmas from the pain that surrounded and engulfed me. It became my hope and fantasy but it also was my illusion. For me to realize that anything but happiness, joy, and good cheer existed, took me from the illusion that I was living in life. It grew into a conflict between trying to deal with reality and trying to enjoy a world of fantasy. The pain that I felt was mixed in with the joys of the season, and my heart longed with sadness, my eyes filled deep with tears.

As I stated at the beginning of this, Christmas means many things to many people. I wish I could write that it was all joy and magic and make believe that is portrayed through the season. I wish I could write that it is a time of family being together that I was born into, but I cannot write those words. For if I tried to make it appear that everything was full of cheer for me during this time, I would be living an illusion. As difficult as it is, I face a reality that is anything but full of cheer.

During the holiday season, I see so many people spending countless dollars of worry to make sure they buy the best present they can buy for another person. Whether it is family or friends, the stress of picking that right present is a struggle to many. I know completely just how difficult it can be to spend what little you could save throughout the year to buy Christmas gifts for family members, only to be shunned and ridiculed for the gift you bought and gave them. Christmas has to be about so much more than giving gifts or being with family.

Of course, we should not forget that the corporate retail market believes Christmas is a success when every man, woman, and child is out buying armfuls of gifts to shower their love upon their fellow humans. For according to the retailers, if you aren’t buying Christmas gifts and putting yourself in debt, you truly aren’t human. So many in our country celebrate this time by spending thousands of dollars to show they love one another.

Yet, my mind wanders into the night asking, “Is this what Christmas is truly about?” Is it a time of stressing over holiday parties, holiday gifts, and which family member is going to visit which home at what time? Is it a time of living in a fantasy world full of illusion, and sipping the champagne and egg nog until our senses grow numb? It is a time where we become intolerant of how others believe?

The answers to these questions I see in our world are inadequate. I only write about that which I see and currently understand. Each person is of course, free to believe and practice in the way that is appropriate for their life. My hope though is that each one of us will really stop and consider what this season truly means.

Christmas is a time of celebrating peace, love, and goodwill to men. It is a time of giving to others, not with hopes that you will have bought the perfect gift but that you will have given it out of pure love. It is a time of helping our fellow man, and realizing that the help should not only be on one day of the year, but each day we are fortunate to be alive and living in this world.

Christmas is much more than we make it out to be and much less than we think it truly is. The lights, trees, gifts, carols, and parties are all part of it. There is nothing wrong with these things. However, if we forget what Christmas is all about, we become a noisy gong and a clanging symbol decorated with pretty lights and glitter.

Let us remember that during this holiday time, not everyone is able to participate and many suffer in silence as a result of Christmases past. They often sit on the sidelines in suffering, hoping that the day will soon pass, when all they want to do is to forget the painful moments that this day brings. Let us reach out in love to these people, but let us remember to respect their pain and honor their true feelings.

Christmas is not about doing something because we expect anything in return. Christmas is about giving of our true heart through peace, understanding and goodwill to all that we know and meet. If we can understand this one thing about Christmas, then we will have truly celebrated the real spirit of the season.

I leave you with the lyrics to the song, “Let There Be Peace On Earth”

Let peace begin with me
Let this be the moment now.
With every step I take
Let this be my solemn vow.
To take each moment
And live each moment
With peace eternally.
Let there be peace on earth,
And let it begin with me.



Blog Post & Images (c) 12/5/10 Don Shetterly - use by permission only

Unseen Steps

In life, I am beginning to define who I am and what I am about. It is not the easiest of times but I feel as if my discovery is exactly where i need to be in this moment. It doesn't pay the bills and often I get discouraged but deep down, I know this is part of my journey to all that is ahead.

If I do not walk these steps, I will not be prepared for what lies around the curve. I must follow my intuition and my gut feeling, no matter how difficult the next steps become on my journey. In the end, I will look back and be amazed at just how all my steps were in sequence even when they were difficult to see.

Yes, it would be easier to just not have to deal with any of this in life and hide my eyes from all that I experience but that is not growth. This is avoidance. I have hid myself from these things for too many years of my life and no longer am I content to do that. I can see how many light years I have traveled and in the difficult times, this gives solace to my soul.


Blog Post & Images (c) 12/8/10 Don Shetterly - use by permission only

Is Christmas Over Yet?

On November 29, 2010 the 5th most searched term on Yahoo.com was "depression". Does anyone find this odd or strange? Why is it that we have entered the "HOLIDAY SEASON", or as some demand we say, Christmas, and yet depression is on the top of everyone's mind? Let's pause and think about this for a moment.

Everyone has this utopia picture of Thanksgiving being a time when family gets together and enjoy the love that they share for each other. Yet, this more often than not, is so far from the truth. In fact, one of the more recent articles I saw published the other day said that domestic violence cases rise during the holidays.

Why is it that we all subscribe to this concept in our society? Is it out of duty and upbringing that we put ourselves through this torment? Is it because we feel we cannot rock the boat if we do not go along with what our family expects of us? Could it be that in order to show our love that we profess to our God that we put ourselves through something which we clearly do not want to do?

If we are to survive as a society, we need to begin opening our eyes up to how we treat one another and to what we all try to sweep under the rug. Depression, domestic violence and suicide does not make for happy holidays. We all know that of course but yet so many of us do very little to change that in our own lives. We tend to view it as a problem in the lives of others while were oblivious to what is going on in our own life.

Maybe what I write here today sounds pretty harsh and preachy but it really bothers me that the fifth most searched word on Yahoo.com was depression. My hope is that those who are struggling to make it through the holiday period and are fighting to stay alive will realize that the happy pictures of the holidays are not the norm. In fact, it is probably more normal to have a messed up family situation, especially during the holidays.

I know for years, I struggled to even make it through the holidays. This year is no exception because even with those around me that I love and cherish, the holidays are still a difficult time for me. Friends that I know are saying some of the things I am like "how much longer until December 26th!" For those of us who have gone through the horrors of Thanksgiving and Christmas, it is not an easy time. Yes, we suffer through it and we put the happy face on but deep down inside, it is pure torment. I'm just hoping that this is the year that the holidays are not quite as rough. I hope for this to be true.

If you are struggling with depression, thoughts of suicide or anger that leads to domestic violence, please go get help. Let me repeat this important statement. Please, go get help! It is not a sign of weakness to seek help. It is a sign of strength! I've been there and I've walked in those shoes. There are far too many horror stories I could tell in this regards. Alcohol is not the answer. Drugs are not the answer. Suicide is not the answer.

I just want everyone to know that you do not have to suffer in silence and even though you may feel all alone, there are people that care. I realize how difficult that is to hear and understand because I struggle with it as well. Just know that you are not alone. Others have walked in these same shoes.

Resolve to find something different you can do this year during the holiday season to change the course of events for your life. It may be planning a trip somewhere during the difficult times or on Christmas Day. It may be spending some quality time out in nature just enjoying the connection that you share with the world around you.

What if there was something that you could just give yourself that would help you know this year did not need to be like all the years past. What can you do to change the course of events for your life this holiday season? How can you help yourself? Go ahead and plan it out and enjoy the process of connecting with yourself. You might just find the joy that you can create in your life during these difficult moments.

(c) Don Shetterly 11/30/10 - Use by permission only.

Look For Change

Sometimes the slightest change we make in our life can open the doors to a new experience. We all wonder at times in our life how we get from point A to point B. It may seem overwhelming and we may say it is too much.

Through confusion and fear, we hunker down in the despair of the moment. Our day looks dark and we are convinced there is no end in sight. Surely this is not what life is about we tell ourselves. Yet, we fail to see just that one small change or one more step may completely show us a different view.

Have you ever been walking along a trail in the woods? As you take step after step, you may see the terrain change. The view may go from a covered one to something that gives your eyes a totally different lookout point. And all it takes is that one step into the next step, changing where you are on your path.

What about how the view changes as the sun rises in the day. It often changes by the minute. Shadows that were once at a point which cast a certain shape are gone in the next. The thing that changed was going from one minute to the next minute. Each minute went by without notice but together they bought about change from the morning sunrise.

Even when things seem so confusing in life that it doesn't appear there is a way forward, look for a slight change. What is possible and real that you could change in this moment? It doesn't have to be big or great, just one simple change. Maybe it could be as simple as thinking a new thought, repeating a small phrase or allowing your body to feel something new. It could be that for the first time you allow your body to connect with an emotion that you often avoid. It could be deciding that you are going to follow your heart and intuition even if the path ahead was unclear.

As I have said many times before, we all have much more power than we realize. Yes, sometimes life beats us down and convinces us otherwise. We can and we do choose how we think about things for our day. While there are times that we need to find our way through the forest, we don't have to remain there. We will find our way to the other side of the woods.

It all boils down to allowing ourselves the moment to be in life where we need to be. When we do this, we connect with our minds and our bodies to all that is possible for our lives. Being in the moment will lead us to that simple change we long for in life. We need not stress about finding it, as all we need for our lives is located within us.

May we learn to allow that which we seek to come into our life. May we notice it when it shows up. Let us find the courage and strength to be patient for its arrival. At that moment, we will realize that one simple change gave the spark we needed to find what we were looking for in life.

(Above Picture taken by Don Shetterly: Morning Sunrise in the Yard - (c) 08/21/10)



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In Difficult Times We Blossom

This past winter was a tough one where I live and many of the plants took a big hit. We had been down in the low to mid twenties (Fahrenheit) for many days which is unusual for us. While most places get much colder than that during the winter months, our vegetation is not designed to survive these colder temperatures. By the time spring had come, so many of our plants were brown, leafless and appeared to be dead.

At first glance, one would have thought they were all dead and need to be replaced. After all, there was very little left to each plant. There was no sign of life. It looked grim for them. My thoughts began to turn towards digging up what was left and replacing the plants.

Then the strangest thing happened. As the temperatures warmed up and the spring rains fell, I began to notice some life in each plant. This did not happen all at once either but little by little, it began to show up. With special care and extra water, many of the plants continue to grow again with some doing better than others.

Isn't life the same way? We go through moments where our feet are walking in the fire. We think there is no tomorrow and no hope for improvement. Yet, the strangest thing happens - we blossom! Somehow through all the rough moments when it appeared we could not make it, we noticed some new life. We noticed new growth. It just showed up without any fanfare or announcement.

Just as the plants know how to send up new shoots of growth or fill their branches with leaves, so do our human bodies and minds. We are complex, biological organisms that have far more power to heal, grow and recover from some of the worst situations imaginable.

Consider those darkest and most difficult times in life that you may have traveled. I'm sure that while you were in the midst of those moments, it appeared there was no way through. Yet, during these times, many parts of your life were growing and preparing you to blossom.

It is a beautiful thing about humans that we have the capacity to take some very rough moments and turn them into beauty. We are much stronger, more resilient and full of courage than we often realize. Everything we need is within us, located in our mind, our body and our spirit. May we cherish, honor and love all that we are and all the growth we have experienced.

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The Hope Of Possibility

Have you ever looked at your day and your life and said "that's not possible", "there's no way, I can ever do that"? If you haven't, I would be surprised as I think this is a pretty common thing for most humans to face at some point or another in their life.

Yet, throughout the history of the world, we've seen ordinary people do extraordinary things and accomplish tasks that were nothing short of impossible at the time. There are so many examples of this.

So, if we view something as impossible, how do we go from impossible to possible?

We might conclude that one would need to believe that what we want to do is possible and that having the right mindset is the key to beginning the journey. However, I know there have been many times in my life that I could not see the possibility of something to get myself started. In those times, I relied on hope that there was a hope of possibility to get where I was going and that's about all I could muster the strength up to do. Even in these moments, this was almost too difficult to do.

So what if we took a moment to acknowledge something in our life that we view as impossible today and maybe hold for just a moment that there is a hope that it may be possible. Just holding that thought in our mind gives us a different energy and potential than viewing something as impossible. Whether, what lies before us can be accomplished, we will only find out as we travel the journey that lies before us.

We don't know have to know all the answers in that moment or be able to see things with vivid clarity. All we have to do is offer ourselves that the hope of possibility exists and allow our journey to unfold before us. That's it! That's all! Yes, we may have our doubts and we may have our pains, inflictions and boulders standing in our way but those don't concern us at this moment. The only thing we need to stay focused on is that the hope of possibility exists within us. The rest will find its way.

So my challenge to you today is to not just accept what I'm saying as gospel truth but to test it within yourself. See if this works or if it doesn't. Test it. Try it and challenge it. Find that part within your mind that says, this is not possible and then replace it with I have hope that it is possible. Let the rest unfold as it will on its own and in its own time. There is no need to control or manipulate the events but to just allow them to happen.

I celebrate the hope of possibility to each person that reads this.

Charting The Course Of Life

When you are met with resistance at every turn in your life and in many of life's daily events, than one must scratch their head, evaluate and see if a new course needs to be charted. - Don Shetterly

When Life Fell Apart

Eighteen years ago this week, my life ceased to exist as I knew it. You could say the lights went out in Georgia so to speak. Everything I had known up until this point had morphed into ways that I did not recognize. It was like I was viewing my life as a spectator from the outside.

It all started with so many changes in my life through various jobs, relationships, friends and events which seemed to be all part of my normal day, were nothing short of epic adventures. No Hollywood movie producer could have created a more robust picture than my life had portrayed on the big screen.

Just a few days before this, I knew that things were not going in the right direction for me but I had no way to find reverse. It was as if a steam train was racing full steam ahead to a cliff as the engineer knew the brakes did not work. I knew deep down and even stated it to a work colleague that "I was about ready to lose it in life". I did not have enough self confidence to understand that I could change the upcoming course of events and I was too weary and tired of fighting. All the strength and energy I knew, had been consumed in life. There was nothing more for me to give and nothing more for me to draw upon.

At first, it started out as a sore neck muscle which the Chiropractor was helping me to get relief from. However, it was not long after a treatment would be over that the stress and reality of life would weigh in heavy on me again and the pain and stiffness and soreness would come back with a vengeance. There was no escaping it. There was no running from it anymore. I tried to out run it but I could not run fast enough.

As the days and the weeks progressed, my body fell into surrender to something that seemed to completely overpower and overtake me. It robbed me of all my control. From soreness and stiffness into the paralysis beginning in my legs, then being accompanied by seizures, extreme exhaustion, fits of crying, confusion, feeling delirious, shaking, and just an overall desire of wanting this life to end through suicide. Trip after trip to the doctor's office with emergency ambulance rides to the hospital, I was met with confusion by the doctors and test after test revealed nothing concrete. Each trip, the doctor would send me back home to fend for myself while my family and friends tried to figure out how to take care of me. And while I was an alert, open eyed human being, there was very little I could do. My control over my life was gone. It was as if I was a passenger and a puppet master was pulling the strings.

More tests and hospitalization came next with the doctors still quite uncertain what was going on. No one had answers and all anyone around me had was plenty of questions. During one of the final muscle stimulation tests, my body determined it had enough of everything and when I woke up, there were doctors and nurses around me along with so much equipment as I saw the doctor above me getting ready to bring the paddles on to my body to bring me back. It was then that I knew I had come to the end of my road. It was the edge of the cliff.

So I remember laying in my hospital at the age of 25, thinking what has become of my life. I could no longer feel a needle being touched on my feet. My name was a very difficult thing for me to remember. Speaking a few words took forever and felt like it took more energy than climbing the world's tallest mountain. Movement was a gift if it was possible but then only something that would take forever to accomplish. Memory was gone to some far off place. And so, I was left alone with myself and my few limited thoughts. Is this the way I'm going to live out my remaining days if I have any more left? Am I going to lie in a bed as a vegetable, not being able to do much for myself or barely being able to speak a few words. Was this all I wanted for life? Was it all I could expect?

I remember making a decision to myself where I reached down deep that I did not want to be this way and I was not about to accept that which had caught up with me. This was not the way I wanted to function in life. It was not how I wanted life to be. In my mind, I made the decision that I had to fight with all the strength I could find and then some. This would not be easy but I was not going to accept the current condition I was in.

Through some miraculous insights by a neurologist, she spoke the words that began to show me a new path forward. Those words were in the form of a question "have you been through a lot in your life?". This questions was followed up by "would you like to talk to someone?". Those two questions were the beginning of my road home and led me to a psychologist who helped me chart the path ahead and it was at that moment, that I once again took my first step in physical therapy.

It was not an easy road ahead learning to walk again or just how to sit up and use my arms, my fingers, my voice and functioning in a normal way that most humans do every day. From getting myself around by a wheel chair in and out of doors and entrances to trying to walk up an incline and retain my balance, it was an epic fight that I fought. Just finding the strength to do this before exhaustion set in was like winning a gold medal to me.

Through time, therapy and healing, my body began to come back. Of course, new challenges would present themselves but knowing that if I kept myself going and remembering how I brought myself back, I knew I could do this. For learning how to take that first step again has given me so much courage and determination in life. It has provided the fuel and the energy to continue walking down the road of healing that I have had to do in my life.

None of this has been easy and there have been many days when I just wanted to give up. Some days, it has been hard to muster up the courage and the strength to take those difficult steps. It would have been far easier to just say I've had enough and stop. However, I knew that if I did this, it would mean my death. I had already been down the road of no return and I know that if I do not continue my journey that there may not be another second chance in life.

I find it amusing that churches teach about us going to hell when we die but I know from the cold hard reality that hell exists here in the present moment. It is not something you have to wait to experience when you are no longer alive. I've been to hell and back and now that my life is moving forward, I no longer fear all that for it is so familiar to me as if it is my hated and beloved twin.

Fortunately several years ago, I met some wonderful individuals who are now part of my life. Through their love and acceptance, they have helped me realize that while I've seen the dark side of life, there is a good side. There has been one individual that has helped me heal in ways that I was not even aware of. I had no idea how to continue my journey and I was growing weary but this one individual has helped me walk many miles down the path. This person showed me that all I did need was located right within myself and knowing this has given me so much freedom, so much strength and healing beyond my wildest imagination. I have been a witness in my life to having the right individuals come along at the right moments. Without them, this journey would have been more than I could have endured.

Life still presents its challenges to me each and every day. I'm faced with struggles of the past and how they impact my current day but I'm also given new opportunities to grow. Some days, the challenges seem more difficult than I care to embrace but I am constantly reminded of just how hard it was to take that physical step some 18 years ago and knowing I had the strength to do that, I know I have the strength to do it now.

The name the medical establishment gives to the condition I had is called a Conversion Disorder or according to Freud, "hysterical paralysis". You can google this condition and read more about it. To this day, I've never met anyone who has been through this in the way I have. It is rare to go through it in the manner that I did. Many people experience parts and pieces of this every day in their life only to a different degree. Many people who have experienced a Conversion Disorder from what I have read, don't always come back and recover. It is difficult. If you or someone you know has been through this, I'd love to have contact with them. I know there are others.

Just a note about the picture in this post - this picture was taken during the time I became paralyzed. This was in the early days before I had been hospitalized. Even though I'm trying to smile, I was struggling every moment just to make it.

The Right Words, The Right Time

Because of my background and experiences, I am very sensitive to "words" that people speak, the manner in which these words are spoken and the subtle nuances of the voice and speech. It was a survival technique for me because through what was being said to me many years ago, I could detect what was about to happen with that person. Early detection may have meant less pain in many ways.

People that have worked for me or that know me, usually hear a statement from me, to not try and lie to me. I'll generally pick the lie up. Most of that is done through the voice but also facial expressions and most of the time, it is extremely quick for me to do this. There have been many times when I've been watching something on the TV, like a news show or one of those TV courtroom things, and I blurt out - they are lying! (even have done this with politicians). Of course, sometimes it is not so quick with me and it takes a few hours or days for my mind to process that someone is lying to me. Regardless, I usually figure it out.

So words are not just words to me. They either match up to what the person is saying or they are filler and appear to be for entertainment purposes only. It does not even have to be a direct lie either as it may be that the person just does not believe fully in what they are saying.

I remember some situations where I have been with other healers in bodywork sessions and they "say words" but the words don't have the correct timing or merit to be used in that moment. So instead of the words helping further the healing session, they detract from it. There have been so many numerous times this has happened. Yet, the right word in one of these moments has led to an enormous break through in my life.

Another situation is when you go through difficult times such as the loss of a loved ones and people use words to try and offer up compassion and concern for you. However, the words do not fit the situation and so instead of comfort, they result in a sense of frustration and pain. Just be yourself and if you are unsure of what to say, just let them know you are there for them. During a time of loss, the feeling of being alone is a difficult one.

One thing people like to do is to "force" you to feel better through the use of words because if you're feeling better, than it does not put them in an awkward spot. My own father loved the phrase, "you've got to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, dust your britches off and move on". While there is nothing inherently wrong with that phrase, the wrong timing of it can have a negative effect rather than a positive effect. For some people, statements such as this often lead to connections of negative pain from unhealed moments in their lives which lead to negative results. So while you may think those inspirational words are the best thing since sliced bread, stop and consider what you are saying. Allow that person to feel just as they are, giving them space to work through that which they are dealing with. You'll be much more effective than pushing your ways upon them will be.

The lack of words can be just as harmful as well for when a person needs to know someone is there and all they hear is silence, than they may feel very lonely. This does not mean you have to talk their ear off, but in a compassionate way, let them know that you truly are there for them and are listening to them.

It has been stated many times that one of the best things we can do for someone is offer our ears and just listen to them. As my mom always used to say, we were given two ears and one mouth - let us use these parts appropriately". In other words, we should listen more than we speak. For in listening, you are truly saying to the other person, "I value you and what you have to say". Listening to others and being there for them without any judgment or preconceived ideas allows many big mountains to be moved into the sea.

The next time you're around someone, stop for a moment and just see how it is that you interact with them. If you are the one doing the talking constantly, maybe you need to evaluate what that is all about. If you are always trying to solve or give words to someone when they are going through difficult times, maybe you would be far more effective in letting them talk their way to discovery. It will be much more powerful for them.

Also, understand the words that you use, can have positive or negative power. Just because the words mean something to you, it does not mean they mean the same to someone else. Try not to use words as if they are cheap, but use them in a way that they hold so much power and if used in the right time, who knows what is possible!

A Man Walks Down The Street

Someone once told me a story about a someone who was going through a very difficult time. However, from the outsiders perspective, they could see the changes the person needed to make but that person continued to do the same thing over and over again. So too, many of us are like this. Here's how the story goes.

A man walks down the street.
A man falls in a deep hole.
A man walks down the street.
Again, a man falls in a deep hole.
A man walks down the street.
Again, a man falls in a deep hole.
The man walks down the street.
This time he walks around the deep hole.

Getting Through Those Trying Times

Sometimes in our lives, we endure some very difficult times. Things that we had planned for, hoped for and expected don't go as we thought they would. During those times, it can seem like one of the most darkest hours in life but when we frame these moments with perspective, it is then that we see, the road continues ahead. While the road may not be illuminated very far ahead of us, just knowing that it continues can bring a renewed sense of determination to our step. It gives us strength, energy and resolve to continue taking each one of our steps no matter how difficult they may be.

Of course once we get through these difficult moments that we may encounter in our lives, we are able to look back and see a beautiful sunset behind us instead of the dark stormy clouds that were hovering over us. Our minds may have momentary difficulty understanding why a place in our journey looked so dark and now it is filled with beautiful sunlight but as we progress down our journey, so to will we understand with a greater depth what blocked the sunlight from our view.

As we find ourselves under the dark stormy clouds on our path, let us not forget what all we have brought along in our journey for there is much that we carry with us. From the strength of the good times, to the courage of facing our fears we hold tight to the friendships, the love, and the never ending hope that no matter what comes our way, we will go on. So take all of the good times and the bad times that you carry with you and allow them to help illuminate your path ahead. For they are part of you just as you are part of them.

Take a moment to pause and reflect on all that is in your current path. While it may seem difficult and unending, know too that there is something that is trying to bring a greater awareness and knowledge into your life. It is an opportunity to grow and to prepare you for future steps along your path. It really is not the end of the world but most likely a beginning of another world for you. It can be an exciting time filled with intrigue, mystery and amazement. Be the observer and do not miss a single moment of all that surrounds you for there may be great discovery in just viewing it through the eye of the beholder.