Think Before You Speak

The words fly out.  The letters fly from the fingers so quickly on the keyboard.  Every day we comment on so many Facebook posts or perhaps even news articles, but do you really think before you speak?  Its far too easy these days just to let the words rip, with little thought to what happens after we hit the send button.

I try hard to not speak or write before I think and yet I know I'm not perfect either.  I've learned the hard way that sometimes the innocent words that you don't think about, often do long term damage to others.  It can alter relationships of people we generally interact online only.

Do you ever stop to think though just what a person may be dealing with in their day?  They could have just learned that someone they cared deeply for, passed away.  They might have some unexpected bill hit them, leaving them wondering how they would endure.  Maybe the boss just treated them like dirt and had no compassion for them, leaving them wondering why they are spending another moment in their job.

Our words can help others and they can hurt others.  Our words, whether spoken or written can be our greatest asset or our biggest liability.  How many times have you seen someone say or tweet or post something only to have to defend those words later in life.  How many times have you seen words come back to haunt someone years later, leaving them destitute.

Our Language Limits Our Control

"Language has the interesting property of being able to increase and decrease our perceptions of control. We aren't very aware of how language limits our control." - Ellen Langer, On Becoming An Artist (Page 205).

All too often, our mouths are engaged at a high rate of speed as we fail to stop and listen to what is either being said to us or what we are saying to others. My mother used to have a good saying that we have two ears and one mouth. We should use them appropriately. Yet, as humans, we feel it is our necessity and our right to expound to everyone what we think the situation should be of whatever we are addressing. We fail to stop and consider all facets of the equation.

The internet has brought us further into the deep recesses of communication that is not helping to advance the cause of humanity. For it is too easy for people to just read something the screen and begin typing a response without even taking a moment to think about it. If you don't follow me, just take any news article posted on the internet and see the comments that immediately follow. It doesn't take but a minute to begin seeing the behavior I am talking about. And how many times do we do this in our own lives? We may feel proud that we do not do the same as others do in this regards but I'll be willing to bet that at some point during your day, you do the same through emails or other ways. Regardless if you agree or disagree, try to monitor a day in your life and see just how much this rings true. If you have to, monitor it for a week.

The one thing I find so disturbing in our world and culture is that everyone feels their opinion and view is valid no matter what. They will defend that to the end. It is great to have beliefs and view points and to state these but so many times, we just need to stop and listen. Imagine for a moment, that the news stations with all the talking pundits would go silent? How would that change our day, our lives and our world, or would it? Have you ever stopped to consider just how much these talking pundits (regardless of political beliefs) are influencing each person's life through a medium that has us mindlessly engaged rather than mindfully engaged? Think about that for a minute and see if you can connect with it.

Our language is powerful. We have so many inflections for the same word in our language. How we use those words can either better us as individuals and as a culture, or it can continue to degrade us into the depths we are traveling towards. It is our choice of course in what direction we choose to travel. Yet, our choice impacts the greater good of humanity it ways that seem so insignificant.

May our words bring about the highest good for everyone we meet, including ourselves.

The Right Words, The Right Time

Because of my background and experiences, I am very sensitive to "words" that people speak, the manner in which these words are spoken and the subtle nuances of the voice and speech. It was a survival technique for me because through what was being said to me many years ago, I could detect what was about to happen with that person. Early detection may have meant less pain in many ways.

People that have worked for me or that know me, usually hear a statement from me, to not try and lie to me. I'll generally pick the lie up. Most of that is done through the voice but also facial expressions and most of the time, it is extremely quick for me to do this. There have been many times when I've been watching something on the TV, like a news show or one of those TV courtroom things, and I blurt out - they are lying! (even have done this with politicians). Of course, sometimes it is not so quick with me and it takes a few hours or days for my mind to process that someone is lying to me. Regardless, I usually figure it out.

So words are not just words to me. They either match up to what the person is saying or they are filler and appear to be for entertainment purposes only. It does not even have to be a direct lie either as it may be that the person just does not believe fully in what they are saying.

I remember some situations where I have been with other healers in bodywork sessions and they "say words" but the words don't have the correct timing or merit to be used in that moment. So instead of the words helping further the healing session, they detract from it. There have been so many numerous times this has happened. Yet, the right word in one of these moments has led to an enormous break through in my life.

Another situation is when you go through difficult times such as the loss of a loved ones and people use words to try and offer up compassion and concern for you. However, the words do not fit the situation and so instead of comfort, they result in a sense of frustration and pain. Just be yourself and if you are unsure of what to say, just let them know you are there for them. During a time of loss, the feeling of being alone is a difficult one.

One thing people like to do is to "force" you to feel better through the use of words because if you're feeling better, than it does not put them in an awkward spot. My own father loved the phrase, "you've got to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, dust your britches off and move on". While there is nothing inherently wrong with that phrase, the wrong timing of it can have a negative effect rather than a positive effect. For some people, statements such as this often lead to connections of negative pain from unhealed moments in their lives which lead to negative results. So while you may think those inspirational words are the best thing since sliced bread, stop and consider what you are saying. Allow that person to feel just as they are, giving them space to work through that which they are dealing with. You'll be much more effective than pushing your ways upon them will be.

The lack of words can be just as harmful as well for when a person needs to know someone is there and all they hear is silence, than they may feel very lonely. This does not mean you have to talk their ear off, but in a compassionate way, let them know that you truly are there for them and are listening to them.

It has been stated many times that one of the best things we can do for someone is offer our ears and just listen to them. As my mom always used to say, we were given two ears and one mouth - let us use these parts appropriately". In other words, we should listen more than we speak. For in listening, you are truly saying to the other person, "I value you and what you have to say". Listening to others and being there for them without any judgment or preconceived ideas allows many big mountains to be moved into the sea.

The next time you're around someone, stop for a moment and just see how it is that you interact with them. If you are the one doing the talking constantly, maybe you need to evaluate what that is all about. If you are always trying to solve or give words to someone when they are going through difficult times, maybe you would be far more effective in letting them talk their way to discovery. It will be much more powerful for them.

Also, understand the words that you use, can have positive or negative power. Just because the words mean something to you, it does not mean they mean the same to someone else. Try not to use words as if they are cheap, but use them in a way that they hold so much power and if used in the right time, who knows what is possible!

Saying Something Nice

Do you ever stop and think that sometimes we very seldom here nice things or compliments from those around us. Often in our day, we are slammed with criticisms, critiques and negative gossip that does nothing to raise our vibrations, our spirit or our outlook on life. And yet, one of the most simple things we could do for one another on a daily basis is just saying something nice to them.

I'm not talking about empty meaningless words for that is no better than the alternative. This has such a big impact on each one of us. The words we use to others and the words we receive from others has so much power.

So why not remember what it felt like when someone said something nice, supportive, caring or in a manner of thanks and do a similar thing to someone you meet. You might just completely change their day and their life. It could mean more than the world to them.

Hidden Messages

One of my favorite books is "The Hidden Messages In Water" written by Masaru Emoto. If you have seen the movie, "What The Bleep", you'll recognize his name as some of his images and work was highlighted in the movie.

Dr. Emoto was able to photograph frozen water crystals and how they changed when thoughts or words were directed towards the water. He found that water which had been exposed to words such as love produced a brilliant and complex beautiful pattern. On the other hand, if the water was polluted or exposed to words such as hate, the patterns were asymmetrical and there was no brilliance to the crystals.

In the book, he shows detailed pictures of some of his work and you can see first hand exactly what it is that he is getting to. I actually tried the rice experiment that he is famous for talking about and I too was amazed at the results. It doesn't take much for the water to absorb the qualities of its surroundings or the words that are directed to it.

If you stop and consider for a moment that our bodies are made up 70% water, than we have the possibility of being influenced much like the water experiments that Dr. Emoto did. Just think of how words such as hate, love, beautiful, idiot or others would affect the water and if they affect water, would they not do the same to the cells found in our own bodies? With this in mind, let us consider the words we not only use on ourselves but the words we direct towards others. May our words do positive things and may we all be better as a result.

Here's a video that explains a little more (but the book is a short read and well worth checking out if you have not read it).