Oprah 200 Male Survivors 5 years later

Its hard to believe it has been that long.  Five years since we were chosen to be part of one of Oprah's last episodes.  It was the two part episode on male survivors.  I still remember it like it was yesterday.  I still remember it as if I was overtaken by a flood of emotions.

Sitting in that room with 200 other male survivors was an experience unlike any other I have had in life.  I so remember the early days of my recovery when I didn't think anyone else existed and I was all alone.  I remember meeting the first male survivor back in the late 1990's and it helped change my life and helped me recover.

No longer do I worry about the effects of what happened to me.  I know them all too well.  What I am focused on these days are how I continue to move forward and drop ever last single bit of what happened to me.  It isn't easy.  Yes, I can put on a happy face and act like the remnants are no longer there, but then I wouldn't be very honest.

End Of The Oprah Era

It is hard to believe that 25 years have passed with the Oprah Show. I still remember back to that day last fall where I was at the 200 Male Survivor show in the audience. It is a highlight of life and a memory that I will never forget.

In fact, in Oprah's finale on May 25, 2011, she once again highlighted the 200 Men show as one of her most significant moments. It was not hard to locate myself just a few feet behind her. It brought back some wonderful memories of tears. So, here's my farewell message to Oprah or at least until we see her again.

I watched the final show today and you almost made me do the ugly cry. I was one of those 200 men and that event has really turned life upside down for me. I’m not complaining because I know I’m growing through some very difficult moments in life and last October when we taped the show, it was the start of an emotional upheaval for me. I’ll take it... I know it is helping me find my purpose and calling. I always thought life had been a challenge for me up until this point with all I had been through from the abuse to the paralysis and many other things, but since this show it seems like life has thrown things at me one right after another with great speed.

Yet, I’m comforted by many of the words you spoke today. They have given me more resolve to keep going in the midst of difficult and trying times. In the end, I know I will get where I need to be. Right now, I cannot fully see it because my world is filled with moments of confusion and frustration. But I know I’ll get there – after all when I was paralyzed, I knew I would walk again. I had to believe that because it is the only thing that got me up out of that hospital bed!

I stand in awe of the teaching and inspiration you have given to so many throughout the 25 years but I am hopeful of how that will translate exponentially to so many others and impact the world in ways that no one can even begin to imagine. May the legacy not be of what people learned from you but how they went out and gave that to the world (and I’m talking to myself as well).

Thank you Oprah for just being you and sharing your life with your platform.


Further Reading:
1) Oprah - Male Survivors Of Child Sexual Abuse (10/28/10)
2) Oprah, Tyler Perry, 200 Male Survivors Stand Together (11/5/10)
3) Oprah, 200 Men - Part 2 (11/11/10)
4) Conversion (Somatoform) Disorder (11/9/11)
5) Daytona Beach News Journal Interview (11/5/10)



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http://www.donshetterly.com

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Oprah 200 Men Emmy Award

It is with a great, humbled spirit that I am sharing this video. The Oprah Show, 200 Adult Men Who Were Molested Come Forward, received an Emmy Award for this show. I was one of those 200 men and you may be aware of this if you have followed my blog.

When the producer of the show, Candi Carter, shared how emotional it was for them, it was just as emotional for us. I felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster from the time I was interviewed about the show until it aired and then some time after that. It was gut wrenching at times, frightening at other times and liberating in the same moments. To open up your life and share these things to the world is nothing short of courageous. Each of the 200 men plus the Oprah show staff displayed courage with the 200 men show!

I'm thankful for Oprah and her team along with Tyler Perry for what they did, for not only the 200 of us that were in the show but to all the other survivors out in the world that needed a voice, or just needed to know they weren't alone. When you've been sexually abused as a child, it is difficult to recognize that there are others and that you aren't alone. It takes great guts and determination to heal and move forward from the horrible atrocities that survivors have gone through.


Check this video out of Candi Carter, Senior Producer, talking about the show as they accept the Emmy. Click here for the link to the video



For more information about my experiences on the Oprah 200 Men Show,
1) Oprah, Tyler Perry and200 Male Survivors Stand Together
2) Oprah, 200 Men, Part 1 and 2
3) Read About My Experiences On The Oprah Show
4) Male Survivor, Ray Dotch, on the Gayle King Show



For resources and additional help, please check out the following website
- - Sexual Abuse Resource Center on Oprah.com



Blog Post & Images (c) 5/6/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

Oprah, Male Survivors Airing March 10

I have found out that the episode of 200 Men (Male Survivors) standing together is airing again on March 10, 2011. This originally aired on November 5, 2010. In case you missed it or want to see this again, make sure you watch the Oprah show on this day. Check the schedule out on Oprah.com in case there are any last minute changes.

It is a good thing that this is showing again because for those that missed it, they will be able to see a very powerful show. I was one of the 200 men that stood together that day saying, no more, no way, no how to child abuse. I won't go into all the details here but if you check out the links below, you can see more about my experiences with this and what it meant to me.

One in six boys (1 in 6) are abused as children before they reach the age of 16. Think about that for a moment. Identify 6 boys that you know and then realize that 1 of them may very likely have suffered through child sexual abuse. It happens far more than we realize and far more than we want to admit in this country.

While everyone is often so afraid of that convicted sex offender living down the street or that perp hiding behind the bushes, most perpetrators of this crime are known to the children. Whether it is family members such as a father, mother, brother, cousin, uncle or even a minster, priest, teacher, boy scout leader, the victims more generally than not, know who the perpetrator is.

Please don't think for a moment that this affects some but does not touch every area of our society. We all are touched by this in one way or another. For when a child is abused (whether they are female or male), their life is altered and they are forced to deal with a living hell as they heal from it. We cannot stand by in our society and let this happen. We cannot turn a blind eye to any indication of this taking place around us.

We must protect our children at all cost. For if we do not stand with our children, we stand opposed to them and condone this behavior.

For more information about my experiences and some of the show highlights and resources, please visit the following links. Let your friends know that this show is airing again. Below this post are easy buttons for you to share this post by facebook, twitter, email and other ways. Please make use of these things and do your part to let the world know.


For More Information and Resources:
1) Oprah, Tyler Perry and 200 Male Survivors Stand Together
2) My Interview in the Daytona Beach News Journal
3) Interview in the Orlando Sentinel - Hal Boedeker Blog
4) Read About My Experiences On The Oprah Show
5) Oprah.com - 200 Men - Resources
6) Male Survivor Organization
7) Don Shetterly Official Website, Author Music Artist, Massage Therapist




Blog Post & Images (c) 3/4/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

Male Survivor, Ray Dotch on Gayle King

Ray Dotch, was the producer from the Oprah show that called and initially interviewed me for the Male Survivor show that Oprah did. I was so impressed with Ray because he was so sensitive, caring and compassionate. It wasn't easy talking to a total stranger and sharing some of the most intimate details of my abuse.

Ray seemed to understand as I was describing some of these events. Little did I fully know at the time just how much he understood. When we got to the taping of the show, Oprah explained how he had come out to her the night before about his own abuse. Seeing him sitting in the audience and sharing some of his story was a moment I will never forget.


In fact, the entire experience of being part of the 200 men who spoke out against child abuse was something that still has a profound effect upon me today. Seeing men who are male survivors come forward and begin to heal brings joy to my heart that this experience was worth every moment of the emotional roller coaster that I went through.

I'm proud that Ray and many others, including myself, had the courage to come out in such a public way and let the world know that child abuse was not okay and that those who have been through this are not alone. I'm proud of Oprah for doing this show and giving it the much needed attention it deserves. There are other TV shows out there that make a mockery out of male survivors to get ratings but Oprah and Ray Dotch along with their entire staff did an excellent job of respecting those of us who have experienced child abuse.

Listen to the clip from the Gayle King show

Ray Dotch Takes A Stand Against Male Sexual Abuse




For Further Reading:
Oprah Tyler Perry and 200 Male Survivors Stand Together




Blog Post & Images (c) 1/24/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only

Oprah - 200 Men, Part 2

On Friday, Nov 12, 2010, the second of a two part series on Male Survivors will be airing on the Oprah Show. Part 1 of this series aired on Nov 5, 2010. Below are the following posts about my experiences on Oprah.

From Oprah.com - Oprah, Tyler Perry and 200 courageous men continue the conversation about male sexual abuse. They're breaking down the wall of shame and opening the doors for healing.

If you know of someone that might benefit from this, make sure you pass this along. It is ground breaking and so important for as many to see as possible. The issue of child sexual abuse of boys is often swept under the rug and we need to stand up as a society and say, "NO MORE!" The more that we all know about this as a society, the more we can prevent this horrific evil from taking place around us.


There are many men who need to know that they aren't responsible for what happened to them and that they have support in coming forward to confront their own abuse. All too often, boys are taught that you cannot cry and that if they are abused, they must have done something wrong or been weak. We need to stand together with all abuse victims.

It is estimated that 1 in 6 boys have been abused by the age of 16. Think about that. Then, stop and think of those you know and you'll soon realize that someone you know has been abused.

If you have been abused and you're hiding this deep dark secret, please know that there are resources for you to go and get help. You cannot deal with this on your own as it is too big of an issue without help, support and guidance. It is okay to ask for help and it is okay to be scared to ask for help. Many of us are out there and we know just how difficult that is. Reach out to us and take that first step of telling someone. Do not let yourself continue to live in life under the secrecy and shame of what someone did to you. To many times, society or our abusers make it out that we had sex with them and so it is our fault. Abuse is not about sex. Abuse is about control and manipulation. They end up placing the shame of what happened upon the victim and it is not their shame.

I am here if anyone wants to talk. You can email me privately if you want. You can also go to malesurvivor.org or any of the other online resources. On November 12 (Friday), I will be posting a list of resources for survivors so make sure you come back and check those out. Remember, you do not have to suffer alone!

Further Reading

1. Oprah, Tyler Perry and 200 Male Survivors Speak Out
   
   
2. Oprah, 200 Men Who Were Molested Come Forward, Part 1

(c) 11/9/10 by Don Shetterly - use by permission only