Dental Anxiety and Teeth Brushing

Written By Don Shetterly

I've got a feeling I'm not the only one out there struggling with this issue.  In fact, I know others that have admitted this to me.  If you've followed me for some time, you've probably seen that I struggle with dental anxiety.

Now, I'm not just talking about being a little afraid of going to the dentist.  I'm referring to full on anxiety attacks in just making an appointment.  For me to pick up the phone, that's when the anxiety at full speed.  Getting into the dentist office is nothing short of running 20 marathons in a single minute.

One of the things I truly struggle with is anytime anyone puts anything in my mouth like the dentist.  I freak out.  I freeze.  My body literally goes into such a fear response that it becomes very rigid.  I'm so frustrated with this and I put off much needed work until it got so bad I had not choice but to go in and struggle with my fears.

A dentist I've found close to me is very good about working with me.  I do use some medication to help me get in the door and I have a trusted friend with me at all times.  In fact, my friend is the one that makes the appointments and handles anything over the phone on this, because I just can't bring myself to do this part.

One of the things I've noticed in myself about dental anxiety is how difficult it is to brush my teeth.  I grew up doing this every day, but when the memories of abuse triggered me so much, it was an all out battle to get myself to brush my teeth.

Now, I have noticed that just to insert the toothbrush into my mouth is triggering beyond any words I could write here.  Of course, this compounds the problem.  I'm pushing myself to brush my teeth now, but it feels like I'm being abused and molested every time I do.

I just want people to be aware of this, especially dentists.  Some of us struggle so hard and while we try to trust the professionals, it is not easy.  As I said, it feels like I'm being abused and molested every time I go for a dentist appointment.  My dentist is great and works with me, but no matter what, I feel that trigger.  My body feels it.  My body reacts to it.

Even writing about this is difficult and I can feel the anxiety and heat rise within me.  It is not a simple trigger to me.  I'd so love to get beyond it and be able to go to the dentist office like normal people do.  I hate this part about life because it is exhausting and overwhelming.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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When Pain Gets Your Attention

Written By Don Shetterly

Sometimes,  I don't always listen or heed what I write sometimes.  I'm no different than anyone else after all.  I'm merely human too.  Yes, I'm admitting it.  Yes, we humans don't always practice fully what we preach, but it doesn't stop any of us from preaching it!

For some time now I've been having extreme pain in my teeth.  In fact, I had gotten to the point where I didn't really notice most of it.  That is until it got so bad.  We can go for a time ignoring and numbing pain in our life, but when it gets too bad, that is when the pain gets your attention.

It Is A Paralyzing Fear...

I have written about my dental anxiety and fear many times on this blog.  Regardless, each time I go into a dentist office or attempt to make an appointment, it is the same intense fear that I encounter.  It is a paralyzing fear.  It is the point where I convince myself that I can put this off.  When the pain finally gets my attention, I realize I cannot ignore it any longer.

For some time, I've used some homeopathy remedies to help, and while they helped, they didn't solve the issue.  I needed to go get things taken care of, but I used the remedies to further disconnect myself from it and let the fear win.  I still remember the nasty dude on social media that instead of being helpful, he came at me with a vengeance because of how I was dealing with the teeth issues.  I still marvel at how people who think they have the answers will bash someone in the head if they don't agree.  That's another story for another time.

Pain Over Powered The Anxiety...

Anyway, when the pain got so intense, it over powered the fear and anxiety I had.  There was no going back.  There was no second guessing it.  The pain was far more intense and challenging than the anxiety, and that's a big statement!

Fortunately, I've found a dentist that cares and is kind and gentle.  I explained that my difficulty is because of the torture and child sexual abuse I went through as a kid.  Making an appointment to see the dentist invokes intense anxiety in me.  Walking in the door is monumental.  Getting an x-ray feels like I'm being tortured and abused leaving me in a state of panic where I can hardly breathe.

I know a ton of stuff about relaxation and staying connected.  I know and practice many things including breathing, but there is nothing that prepares me for dental experiences.  I hate taking medications of any type, but in this case, I will take the happy little pill that takes the edge off of the anxiety and fear.  It is the only way I can get in the door for dental procedures.

With the intense pain that was getting my attention, I saw just how physically exhausting it is.  It almost consumes and takes over my body at times.  It alters how I view myself and the world around me.  Sometimes though, it feels like this is normal to my body and even with all the work I've been through, at times I forget it isn't.

The dentist told me before I left her office that I deserve to be pain-free.  You know, I had not thought about that until that moment.  I've learned to live with the pain of being tortured and abused and sometimes it is easy to forget, that I don't have to live with it.  I can choose differently.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Child Abuse Survivors and Dental Fear

I didn't realize how much of an issue this was for many folks out there until I wrote about it.  Yes, if you have read my earlier posts on my issues with the dentist, then you will know how much dental fear I have as a child abuse survivor.

It is not easy for those that have been through trauma and torture to deal with dental fear.  No matter what I do, its still not easy.  I avoid the dentist like a poison that is gushing out of the sink.  I don't want to be anywhere close to it.

Most dentists don't care from what I've found if you have dental fear and anxiety.  Many will say they do, but they think after the first visit, all that will gone.  It is frustrating beyond belief.  I have had only two dentists that I really trust and unfortunately I live too many miles from them to go back now.

I'll never forget the one dentist who treated me and then a follow up visit, acted as if there was something wrong with me because I still had dental fear and anxiety.  Another one proceeded to make me feel pretty bad for not taking care of my teeth.  Another wanted me to go to a teeth cleaning and I thought I had found a hygienist that I connected with and trusted.  Unfortunately, the person had to be out for the day and instead of the dentist office letting me know, they assumed that I would go to the next hygienist they had on staff.

When you've been beaten, held down into a bed where you couldn't breathe and had sexual things shoved into your mouth and raped, you don't trust anyone.  I could get more graphic if I thought that would wake some dentists up.  My body was tortured and the last thing I want to do is allow anyone to have control over me and inflict pain upon me.  My anxiety begins the minute I have to start thinking about seeing a dentist and doesn't stop until there are no more visits.

I am glad there is a site called DentalFear.com and that someone is addressing this issue, because it is a big issue for many people.  They have some great information on their site which I've actually used (long before I found their site) and it does help.  It doesn't completely take care of the dental fear and anxiety for me, but it helps.

For me, I always have someone I trust in the room with me.  I take my headphones with a playlist on my ipod and play it.  I close my eyes and ask that they put something over my eyes to shield me from the light because the light really bothers me.  I'm very sensitive to light.

It helps if the dentist is understanding and empathetic who listens and takes their time.  Just trying to see how fast you can go is not good for me, because I need a rest and a break.  I need to be coached to remember to breathe and breathe deeper and slowly, because I often forget that.  Fear and anxiety are not friends of proper breathing.

I know my dental health isn't good and it embarrasses me, but until I find the right dentist and then have the necessary income, there's not much I can do about that.  Maybe there is a dentist out there that would work with me, but after several, I've given up hope that I will find one.

I'll gladly help any dentist understand what it is for me to go through a visit to a dentist office.  I believe there are probably some things that could be done to help those of us who struggle to do this.  We may all have to think outside the box, but there is a significant population who are suffering and have no one to turn to for proper teeth care.  The dental fear and anxiety is just too great.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Barely Made It To The Dentist

I had the tooth extracted the other day and boy was that not fun.  They had a heck of a time getting it to come out.  I went to another dentist (female) than the previous one a couple of years ago.  At least she is more compassionate.  At one point during the procedure, I was struggling to stay in the moment.  I knew I was getting close to passing out and was trying to focus on my breathing.

Finally I took my hands and made a time out signal and she stopped.  All the time, I was asking my angels to help me.  As soon as she stopped, I was hyperventilating but I was able to slow my own breathing down.  After a few minutes, she began again and within a couple of minutes the tooth came out and it was all over. 

Boy these things trigger me so much on so many levels from early days to the time in the hospital with the paralysis. 

Then I came home and the pain has been tough to deal with.  It wiped me out more than I expected.  I had people calling me and I was short and unhelpful because I wasn't feeling good and it hurt to talk.

The day before yesterday, I went into the deep dark place where I don't want to go and I knew I was there.  The triggers of emotions were overwhelming in this.  I started to contact a friend, but quit (all part of that spiral process for me).  So I once again asked my angels to help pull me back up.

Hiding From The Dentist

Okay, get ready, get set - where did he go?  If anyone has seen Don, please send him to the car.  His dentist appointment awaits.  Paging Don - Paging Don!  He's nowhere to be found.  Can you blame him though?  Its the dentist after all!

I don't care how many times I go through this and how many things I do, I'm as frightened of the dentist as someone would be if they were jumping out of a 747 jumbo jet with no parachute at 30,000 feet.  Get the feeling?  Now you've got an inclination of just how difficult this is for me.

I'm trying.  I am trying.  I hopefully have found a better dentist that actually cares and is compassionate unlike the last one that gave lip service to the concept.  I have tried to put some boundaries in place and only had them look at my first visit without doing any work.

While I hate medication of any type, this is the one time I will take something to help me with the anxiety.  I'd like to think I'm strong enough without, but see me hiding behind the door.  Does that prove my point?

Vulnerability At The Dentist Office

Last week, I had a big dose of vulnerability that wasn't easy to handle.  Whenever events like this happen, I'm always reminded of Brene Brown's talks on vulnerability.  It never seems like it is easy to be in this place and the emotions run high from moments like this.

In one of the last episodes of the Glee Project, their subject was vulnerability.  You could see some of the pain in each person as they experienced moments of vulnerability.  It wasn't easy for them and I'm sure took a lot out of them emotionally.

My latest experience was at the dentist office.  If you have read my blog post for some time you will see that I've endured some pretty rough moments at the dentist office and to read past blog posts on the dentist, click here.  Last week I had to go into the dentist because my denture that I wear, broke in two pieces.  It was not an option as the only way I could wear it, was to get it fixed and without it, everyone would be able to notice it was missing.

It is always a challenge to make an appointment and walk in the door.  The past trauma I have been through that is connected to this denture is almost unbearable.  The emotions of shame and sadness come to the forefront and are stronger than a bulldozer pushing a mountain.  On top of this, financial constraints made this a nightmare because I knew just how expensive of a situation I was facing.