Sharing Our Story

Written By Don Shetterly

Sharing our story helps heal us and empower others.  While our knees may shake and our voice may tremble, the act of vulnerability we offer to others does so much for us.  In our moment of being vulnerable, others will feel empowered because they identify with us, knowing that they are not alone.

My Issues And Your Issues

Written By Don Shetterly

As I get older, I am beginning to see things differently in life.  I guess that's part of the maturing process because what once seemed to be important has shifted.  I see things differently.  I understand things differently than I once did.


Through these changes, I'm seeing that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, good and bad.  We've got moments where we triumph in our life, and we shine with all our strengths, abilities and talents.  However, we've got the other side.

There are the issues we struggle with and the weaknesses we harbor within ourselves.  Sometimes these flaws and shortcomings are on display for the whole world to see.  At other times, we hide them from anyone outside of where they exist.

I've learned that I can be vulnerable with people close to me and it is okay.  Being vulnerable is not easy for me, and I really thank Brene Brown for what she has taught on this subject.  Sometimes I just don't want anyone to think I'm what I think I am inside, even though my view may be distorted.

In many ways, I think we are all like that to some degree with some more so than other people.  There are some that completely distort how the world and those close them see their lives.

I was good at hiding things...

In fact, at one time before I went through paralysis and Conversion Disorder, everyone around me thought I had the world together and I was happy all the time.  I was good at hiding things back then.

I remember my mom going to work and she could be as sick as one could be, but no one would see it.  I learned so much from her how to hide my true self from the world.  Yet, at the same time, it meant I kept myself from interacting with the world and possibility and joy.

One thing I have noticed is that we tend to see ourselves in a more perfect light when we try to impress everyone around us.  We don't want everyone to see our flaws.  We hide it and distort it and paint the picture of what we want them to see.  Sometimes there are moments where this may be needed.

Yet, deep inside we sometimes feel fragile and damaged and not having much skill, talent, or good to our lives.  Even when others see how much we offer, we sometimes cannot see this in ourselves, and so we hold the "frail" image of ourselves as the measurement of all that exists in life.

We insulate ourselves...

If we go too far with hiding ourselves from the world and not allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, we tend to go around lashing out at others.  We join the bandwagon with the rest of the folks tearing others down, hurling hateful insults against one another and highlighting their issues.  It is the way we hide from ourselves because if we put the spotlight on others, we insulate our true self.

Social media gives us a high speed interstate to point out the issues of others and focus on the distorted view we see within ourselves.  It is one of the negatives of social media that sometimes really frustrates me.  Of course, it is our choice how we interact with it personally, but I hope that we can move in the direction where we use it for positive change, not hate and insults and unconsciousness.

All of us have our issues.  We were born with them, and we picked some of them up along the way through our families, schools, communities, and circle of people we know.  It is okay to have issues, but hopefully, we learn from them while recognizing that instead of pointing out the issues of everyone else, we can do much more by working on our own.

I keep challenging myself to be more and learn more about my life.  I don't want those days pre-Conversion Disorder when I showed that everything was fine to the world and I was in a hundred kinds of pain.

Being real and authentic and working to improve our lives each day - that's the ticket to becoming more and learning from our issues.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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We Help Through Our Own Vulnerability

In my many years of healing, I have found that we often hold back far too much.  We are afraid what others might think or scared of how we will impact them.  We walk on eggshells around them.  We hold back.

Yet, it is through our own vulnerability that we meet others where they are and we help them.  By sharing our pains and struggles, they find that they are not alone.  Together we accomplish much more healing than if we would have hidden inside our own cave, keeping vulnerability out of sight.

I do realize that it isn't easy being vulnerable and sharing, but I know from firsthand experience that it is crucial to helping others.  No one wants a scientific emotionless person there to be a sounding board.

You want someone that has walked through the fire.  You want someone to grab your hand and say, I'm here for you and I'll walk through the fire with you.  Together, we will make it.

They say it not as mere words, but as someone that has been there and fought every inch of the way to find their footing and existence in life.  They say it as an extension of their heart that they give without judgment, in pure love and compassion to say - I'm here for you.

I had many that were there for me, some in deeper ways than others.  Since others have been there for me, I try to be there for people who are needing help, support, or just someone that understands.

In this day and age, we've got too many people hurling insults at one another, but not enough that will say "I understand your pain.  I understand your struggle.  I've been there." We need more people to be there for one another, not stand opposed as is seen on every street corner of this world.

I share my struggle in this blog.  I share my struggle with those who know me personally.  I am often criticized for not "moving beyond" or "not being positive".  Yet, I know that many have shared with me how something has touched their lives.  They were impacted positively because they knew that someone understood and cared.

Sharing my struggle is my truth.  Quoting other people is their truth.  Coming up with my own set of beliefs to explain every mystery is not necessarily a valuable thing.  It can help, but more often than not, the beliefs hinder and blind us.

I don't plan on changing how I do things because I know that we help others through our own vulnerability.  When others are able to connect with us in those deep ways, their lives are transformed.  Often times, my own life is transformed as well.

Let's not hold back being human.  Let's not numb and disconnect into a positive and happy thought only reality.  Let's be real and authentic and through our vulnerability, let's show that to those who need a helping hand, a moment of support and understanding, or an extra ounce of love to know that they matter.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Helpful Tips For Writing

I was asked the other day if I had any helpful tips for writing for a new author.  As I shared this privately, I thought it might be something that helps others.  So, I am sharing helpful hints for writing.  It is how I view my writing in both my blog and my books.

This is not an exhaustive list of tips by any means.  It was what sort of came off of the top of my head as I was trying to answer the question.  Of course, there is so much more that goes into writing than these few tips.  I'm sure for every author it is a little different.

I personally write about things from my experience and what I have been through.  My life has had to deal with horrific abuse, trauma and torture, and so I write from those aspects.  Through my own healing, I've learned so much that is often not discussed in our day.  I use this knowledge to write my books and blog posts. 

I try to be authentic and I also work at allowing my own vulnerability to show through because I think that is what people connect with in the words I write.  It is something they can identify with and accept.

So, I would say - write about what speaks to you and what your heart knows or longs to share.  Write from the heart in anything you do because you will connect with others.

I read a lot of books, both fiction and nonfiction and try to learn as much as I can.  I study what others do and learn from that.  My writings and books are my way of helping myself to continue my own healing process in this life.  In many ways, I think books of all types are that for the author.  They allow the author to explore areas that they might not otherwise get to do.

Most days, I just write.  I allow myself to write.  I give myself the time and space to do it.  When I do the initial writing, I do not worry about punctuation and spelling and grammar.  I just want to get my thoughts down.

Then I go back through it and start working the concepts to be more clear and I begin working on the editing.  When I think I've got it, I give it another run through.  Fortunately I have a friend that helps me with the final editing and grammar part, trying to pick up things I missed.

In the end, what I write is something I want that will connect with others and communicate the points I'm trying to make.  I want it to challenge and move people in a direction where they discover a little more about themselves than they knew existed.  I want it to be full of compassion and respect, because without those things, it is merely words on a page.


So what tips do you have for new writers? 

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Through Vulnerability We Help One Another

The light touch that connects with others.  The light-hearted way you smile at someone.  Your gentle words from your compassionate heart that help break down the pains others are facing.

These are the things that make life.  With our vulnerability we help one another through tough times as well as through the moments of further growth and achievement.

It doesn't have to be the most eloquent speech or the perfect painting.  It doesn't have to be the most perfect blog post.  It doesn't have to be a moment where you know what to do next.  All it needs to be is something you give of yourself even in your own vulnerable moments.

Courage to be vulnerable...

Yes, it may take courage to be vulnerable, but the heart of another knows and connects without words spoken.  It may take a step of faith as you offer a hand of light touch or a heart without judgment, but just know that by you taking the step, you may be changing someone's life.

A person without judgment is a very smart person.  We need more people who will open their lives up and listen to another without judgment.  Judgment is very disrespectful to another human being.  It is like stabbing another person through the heart.

Give in the slightest of ways...

Don't think you have nothing to give because when you give of yourself, in the slightest of ways, this is when you've given something so great the universe rejoices.  Don't think you're never enough because the person needing your help may see you as a giant.

Sometimes we don't always need a person to help pull us up out of the mud pit we are in.  Instead, sometimes they just need us to stay with them until they find the way out.

We are humans connected by vibration and energy and love.  We are humans that need one another to strive to greater heights.  It is in the way we allow ourselves to be vulnerable with one another that we find the meaning and purpose of life.  We discover through this just what makes life so full of joy and love and happiness.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Vulnerability Journey With Brene Brown

Well, as much as I love the idea of walking alone down a lonely street of dreams, the vulnerability journey is not the kind of journey we can make alone. We need support. We need folks who will let us try on new ways of being without judging us. We need a hand to pull us up off the ground when we get kicked down in the arena (and if we live a courageous life, that will happen).

Book:  Daring Greatly
Author:  Brene Brown
Page 53

Vulnerability Is Complicated

“I hate uncertainty. I hate not knowing. I can’t stand opening myself to getting hurt or being disappointed. It’s excruciating. Vulnerability is complicated. And it’s excruciating. Do you know what I mean?”

Book:  Daring Greatly by Brene Brown (pg 5)

Vulnerability Is Weakness Myth

The perception that vulnerability is weakness is the most widely accepted myth about vulnerability and the most dangerous. When we spend our lives pushing away and protecting ourselves from feeling vulnerable or from being perceived as too emotional, we feel contempt when others are less capable or willing to mask feelings, suck it up, and soldier on. We’ve come to the point where, rather than respecting and appreciating the courage and daring behind vulnerability, we let our fear and discomfort become judgment and criticism. - Daring Greatly by Brene Brown (pg 33)

Book Review: Daring Greatly - Brene Brown

I'm only partially into this book and I can barely put it down!  I saw the original TED talk on YouTube and that blew my mind away.  The book is basically adding to that!  Thanks Brene Brown for blowing my mind!  (and I say that in a good way).  Daring  Greatly was featured on OWN Super Soul Sunday a few weeks back and rightfully so!

Most likely there are people out there that are yawning and thinking that talking about vulnerability and shame are like the most boring subjects one could discuss.  Or perhaps like an example I just saw, they dismiss it because it hits too close to home.  It could be that others just don't see this as being worthy enough of their time to read.  I'd offer up in a very strong and forceful way that if you fall into these categories, you really need to read this book.

It is so down to earth and a very simple read.  It is written just as Brene Brown would give a lecture and tell a story.  There is not one part of it that is boring or just academic or one of those college texts you have to read when you're in school.  Most books like this, I can only read a little bit before my eyes are drifting off, but this one - it holds my attention.  In fact, Daring Greatly, holds my attention to the point I don't want to quit reading it.

Major Moment Of Embarrassment And Shame

The other day I went to a healer in South Florida by the name of Kathi Angeli.  I have been to her several times before and each time, it really helps me move forward in life, while letting go of long held energy blockages and finding forgiveness for experiences of my past that I encountered.  This session was no different and at first, I thought it was not going anywhere.  Lo and behold to my surprise, things got intense real quick and I was shocked at the event that came up.

Way back many years ago around the time I was 14 years old, there was an incident that happened with me and my younger brother.  I don't think I had hid this experience from my consciousness, but I never fully realized just what impact it had on my life.  In reality, I just chalked it up to another one of those experiences from my traumatic past that I had to heal and work through.  In fact, I thought I had worked through it, but then healing trauma is a process, not necessarily an end point like so many often believe.

In this experience, my mother (God rest her soul) who hardly ever whipped us, got upset with something my younger brother and I were doing.  I cannot even remember what it was to this day that sparked the whipping. I really doubt it was much of any significance.  In our house, the slightest breath could get you whipped.  I recognize she was having issues with my father and more than likely took that out on us, rather than dealing with it in her own life.

Vulnerability At The Dentist Office

Last week, I had a big dose of vulnerability that wasn't easy to handle.  Whenever events like this happen, I'm always reminded of Brene Brown's talks on vulnerability.  It never seems like it is easy to be in this place and the emotions run high from moments like this.

In one of the last episodes of the Glee Project, their subject was vulnerability.  You could see some of the pain in each person as they experienced moments of vulnerability.  It wasn't easy for them and I'm sure took a lot out of them emotionally.

My latest experience was at the dentist office.  If you have read my blog post for some time you will see that I've endured some pretty rough moments at the dentist office and to read past blog posts on the dentist, click here.  Last week I had to go into the dentist because my denture that I wear, broke in two pieces.  It was not an option as the only way I could wear it, was to get it fixed and without it, everyone would be able to notice it was missing.

It is always a challenge to make an appointment and walk in the door.  The past trauma I have been through that is connected to this denture is almost unbearable.  The emotions of shame and sadness come to the forefront and are stronger than a bulldozer pushing a mountain.  On top of this, financial constraints made this a nightmare because I knew just how expensive of a situation I was facing.

Brene Brown On Vulnerability And Numbing Emotions

Brene Brown On Vulnerability
TED Conference

I really enjoyed this video of a speech given by Brene Brown.  The topic was on vulnerability and numbing our emotions.  It was given at a recent TED Conference.  Click this link to view the video.

Vulnerability is difficult for a lot of people because to be seen as vulnerable in our society, that means we are somehow weak.  To be weak means a shark will probably swallow you up and treat you as a little fish.  We have to appear strong in our society so someone doesn't take us on, run us over, or obliterate our life.  We see vulnerability as a bad things when it comes to the media and especially in politics.

The sad part is that when we take vulnerability away, we are essentially numbing our emotions.  The more we numb our emotions, the more we lose site of what it means to be human.  Emotions are a good thing for being human, but unfortunately in our world, we treat this as a disease or something wrong with a person.