My Issues And Your Issues

Written By Don Shetterly

As I get older, I am beginning to see things differently in life.  I guess that's part of the maturing process because what once seemed to be important has shifted.  I see things differently.  I understand things differently than I once did.


Through these changes, I'm seeing that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, good and bad.  We've got moments where we triumph in our life, and we shine with all our strengths, abilities and talents.  However, we've got the other side.

There are the issues we struggle with and the weaknesses we harbor within ourselves.  Sometimes these flaws and shortcomings are on display for the whole world to see.  At other times, we hide them from anyone outside of where they exist.

I've learned that I can be vulnerable with people close to me and it is okay.  Being vulnerable is not easy for me, and I really thank Brene Brown for what she has taught on this subject.  Sometimes I just don't want anyone to think I'm what I think I am inside, even though my view may be distorted.

In many ways, I think we are all like that to some degree with some more so than other people.  There are some that completely distort how the world and those close them see their lives.

I was good at hiding things...

In fact, at one time before I went through paralysis and Conversion Disorder, everyone around me thought I had the world together and I was happy all the time.  I was good at hiding things back then.

I remember my mom going to work and she could be as sick as one could be, but no one would see it.  I learned so much from her how to hide my true self from the world.  Yet, at the same time, it meant I kept myself from interacting with the world and possibility and joy.

One thing I have noticed is that we tend to see ourselves in a more perfect light when we try to impress everyone around us.  We don't want everyone to see our flaws.  We hide it and distort it and paint the picture of what we want them to see.  Sometimes there are moments where this may be needed.

Yet, deep inside we sometimes feel fragile and damaged and not having much skill, talent, or good to our lives.  Even when others see how much we offer, we sometimes cannot see this in ourselves, and so we hold the "frail" image of ourselves as the measurement of all that exists in life.

We insulate ourselves...

If we go too far with hiding ourselves from the world and not allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, we tend to go around lashing out at others.  We join the bandwagon with the rest of the folks tearing others down, hurling hateful insults against one another and highlighting their issues.  It is the way we hide from ourselves because if we put the spotlight on others, we insulate our true self.

Social media gives us a high speed interstate to point out the issues of others and focus on the distorted view we see within ourselves.  It is one of the negatives of social media that sometimes really frustrates me.  Of course, it is our choice how we interact with it personally, but I hope that we can move in the direction where we use it for positive change, not hate and insults and unconsciousness.

All of us have our issues.  We were born with them, and we picked some of them up along the way through our families, schools, communities, and circle of people we know.  It is okay to have issues, but hopefully, we learn from them while recognizing that instead of pointing out the issues of everyone else, we can do much more by working on our own.

I keep challenging myself to be more and learn more about my life.  I don't want those days pre-Conversion Disorder when I showed that everything was fine to the world and I was in a hundred kinds of pain.

Being real and authentic and working to improve our lives each day - that's the ticket to becoming more and learning from our issues.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Life Is More Than A Simple Meme

Some days, things aren't as simple as we state them and some days they are.  All too often though, I see these simple one-thought memes as the answer to all life's problems.

Yeah, I get it - they probably aren't meant that way, but in many ways that is how they come across.

Don't get me wrong!  Little feel good memes can be helpful.  They can be a spot of encouragement or a little support.  They can sometimes get us through from one moment to the next.

However, sometimes they are just too simple for complex problems.  Sometimes people don't need another meme shoved in their face because they need an ear that will listen.  They need to know someone cares.

I post memes from time to time, but I also try to post content that is helpful.  I look for a balance and I try to recognize that a happy little thought can sometimes be depressing because someone just needs to know that someone cares.  A meme can sometimes be too impersonal.

In my view, I don't think memes are necessary bad, but I think we need to be careful that we don't boil life down into one simple thought.  We may not realize we are doing this, but to those that are in the mud pit of life, we can harm more than help.

As a friend tweeted to me today, let's exercise that muscle of empathy and compassion.  We're living in a very hurtful world right now and compassion is so needed.  Make sure to include it with your meme and you'll help a lot more people in the process.

And as a little side note, does the word meme look to you like the way I see it?  Me Me!

#Authentic

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Being Happy Isn't All It Is Cracked Up To Be

There it is again.  I see it.  We all see it.  Now what in the heck is this person talking about.

Well, girls and boys - its about being happy.  Actually that isn't it is cracked up to be.  We might think it is, but we need to think again.

This happy business needs to have a reality check.  Hey, its okay if being happy is a good thing.  There is nothing wrong with that.  It is just that by only being happy, we're missing out on what true happiness really is.

Let's start off by telling a story to illustrate my point.

You see, in a village far, far, away, there was this little boy that was fighting monsters and evil people every day.  They would come at him constantly and sometimes more than one monster would attack at a time.  He tried to smile through it.  He tried to hide the pain.  He tried to show everyone how strong he was.  They didn't get to see any of what happened to him, they only saw him happy and smiling and acting like the world was okay.

You see, this little boy seemed so happy to everyone.  He smiled all the time.  No one saw anything but a happy little boy.  The only thing is that it was all an illusion.  It was meant to keep people away.  It was meant to hide the enormous pain he felt.  It was meant to evade others so they didn't know the true shame that he experienced.

The worst part is though, being happy all the time to everyone almost killed the little boy.  If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm the little boy.  In 1991, going through a Conversion Disorder, I almost lost my life for good.  Yet, no one saw the pain I buried deep inside so far removed from the happy smiles I gave to everyone.

It is easy to promote the "be happy all the time" agenda through memes and nice little quotes on social media, but in all reality, it isn't all its cracked up to be.  In fact, you can do more harm than good by convincing people that are hurting to just go crawl in their hole and hide.  Sure, that may not be your intent, but it does become the reality.

We really need to learn to be real.  If you're happy - that's great!  If you think you can be happy 100% of the time, then you're missing what happiness is because without sadness - happiness becomes an illusion. There is no happy without sadness.

No, I'm not saying - walk around depressed and in sorrow or pain.  No, I'm not saying you can't try to be happy even when you don't feel that way.  If that's what you're reading, then you're missing the point or I'm failing to explain my thought.

Being happy recognizes the pain and sadness.  It knows the moments when happiness is lost in the woods.  It gives balance between all emotions because without feeling all emotions, you're only one sided.  We need the good with the bad.  We need to feel and experience the range of all there is, not just one emotion.  Otherwise, it is not healthy lifestyle!

There are many people suffering in pain and when they are forced to believe that their pain and hurts and experiences don't matter, it only drives that crap deeper inside.  When you drive it deep down inside,  you're just setting yourself up for a catastrophic healthy failure.

Don't force someone in pain to live in darkness and despair.  Show them your smile, but show them your authentic side where you have the bruises and scars.  All happy all the time is a recipe for disaster and harm.  Be real - be human - be conscious and aware.  Don't disconnect and live in a fantasy world because reality is just too much to deal with.  It will lead you down a very dark path.

We need authentic people in this world.  We need those that can share from a compassionate heart, not one that acknowledges a one-sided view of emotions.  People are hurting and in fact you might be hurting too if all you think is that being happy is the only thing to be.

Take it from someone who almost breathed their last breath trying to be happy all the time!  It doesn't work!

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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World Happiness Index

I came across a link to a story from one of my twitter followers today and well, it made me happy!  Of course, the country I live in which is the United States didn't rank as high as it could have.  For some reason, we have a lot of angry people in the US and it is more than politics in my view.

Thanks to Wendy (@WendyESlater) for sharing this.

Wow interesting... I want to live in a "happy place" https://t.co/KgxAi1Gx58 - World Happiness Index

— Don Shetterly (@mindbodythought) April 2, 2016

I find it interesting that the places which have more cold weather than we do are ranked higher in the happiness index out of all the places in the world.  I know, weather probably isn't a big determination, but if you put me in the middle of a very cold place, I'm not going to be happy.  I like warm weather much better.

The top places were Denmark, Switzerland, Iceland, Norway and Finland.  They were followed by Canada, Netherlands, New Zealand, Australia and Sweden.  The United States ranked 13 behind Israel and Austria.

Some of the factors including how people ranked their level of happiness were the GDP, life expectancy, generosity, social support, freedom, and corruption.  One would hope our country would excel at many of these things, but we do not.

I think that sometimes in the United States we chase money far too much.  I'm not knocking anyone who makes a lot of money, but sometimes I think that money becomes our sole focus in life.  We easily lose touch with what truly matters and unless there is some crisis we donate to, we aren't the most generous people at times.  You can disagree with me if you want.  That is fine with me!  I just am writing what I observe through my own eyes.  I've seen far too many people hungry and lying on the streets in the cold.

It feels like our political races and politics in general have gotten so divisive that we hardly see each other as human.  We just tend to see each other as opponents and we degrade each other.  This is hardly the making of happiness.  The politics of hate has been building for many years because "hate" gets people to the polls.  Unfortunately those in the US succumb to the hate that is alive and well in these political campaigns.

I really don't think that we spend enough time relaxing and enjoying life.   We are too tied to our smart phones, ipads and computers to take time away.  I'm just as guilty of this as the next person.  Try disconnecting for a day and see how that goes.  We just keep our minds far too actively engaged on tasks that really don't make a difference in our day.

Is there any wonder why we don't rank higher on the happiness index?  I think that each one of us can change this by changing our own life and what we do in a day or how we focus.  It isn't up to some leader or religion or circumstance to make us happy.  It is something that we choose and it comes from within us.

Our actions do speak louder than the words we portray.  Our actions speak louder than what we claim we are for or what we stand against.  It is how we treat others that we show who we are.  The more we are who we are, the more happiness we have in our lives.  It isn't about the other people.  It is about how we treat others that matters most.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Fully Become Conscious

Let us not just embrace the happy filled times, but let us fully experience those difficult moments in life where we become weary and bruised to the bone.  It is at this point where we fully become conscious with more than we can even imagine.

Don't Get Rid Of Negative People And Things

I see way too much imbalance these days in social media and new age groups.  Everyone thinks that you should get rid of negative people and things in your life.  Every time I see or read that, I cringe.  My hair stands on end and I shutter at the thoughts these people are passing on to others.

We can't always have rainbows every day because a rainbow means the storm clouds have just passed.  In order to see the rainbows, we need to feel the storms and the rain.  It takes the rough parts to see the beautiful parts.  Unfortunately what too many are claiming as "truth" is that they can have the rainbows without the storms.

If you get rid of the negative stuff, you're really just numbing yourself out in life.  It is that plain and simple.  Without the negative and rough and bad stuff, you're only living half a life.  Part of life is pain and the other part is learning from the pain.  Okay, I realize I just simplified things too much, but that's the jest of the issue I'm raising.

Have One Without The Other

I often hear people talk about opposite emotions and opposite reactions in life.  Often, people exclaim how wrong anger is or how they want to take away pain, or how they only have love.  While these are noble and honorable parts of life, I really don't agree that you can have one without the other.

After all, if there is not pain in life, could one experience pleasure?  If there was no anger in life, would we know what peace was?  If there was no hate, would we be able to identify love?  Could we be happy without knowing sadness or depression?

Maybe I'm being too simplistic, but in many ways if you you only have one side of the emotion, would you really recognize it?  I'm not so sure we would.  I believe it takes these other sides of life to bring about our awareness into what is possible.

Love Is Your Way Of Life

The world is very beautiful and very wonderful. Life can be very easy when love is your way of life. You can be loving all the time. This is your choice. You may not have a reason to love, but you can love because to love makes you so happy. Love in action only produces happiness. Love will give you inner peace. It will change your perception of everything. (Pg 127-128, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz)

Give Up To Be Happy

Posted on Finerminds website, one of their team members named Dana wrote an article about 15 things you should give up to be happy.  Okay folks, I'm  not going to sit here and tell you what you should give up to be happy or how you should be happy.  That is for each one of you to figure out on your own because when you do, then you have found life.  However, this article had some good information in it that will hopefully get everyone to think about happiness a little more.

Here's a few of my thoughts about some of the points Dana made in this article.  The full article can be found at the following link.  http://www.finerminds.com/happiness/15-things-give-up-happy/

I like the first point Dana makes about giving up the need to be right.  After all, you can be right all the time in your eyes and alienate yourself from the world, or you can back off of this and engage with others.  Sometimes when we are not always right, we give ourselves the opportunity to learn and see new things in a different light.

Why Are We Afraid Of Suffering?

Afraid Of Suffering

So many humans are afraid of suffering in our lives. To be honest, I was very afraid of suffering at one time and thought it was the worst thing that could happen to a person. Before you think I'm some pie-in-the-sky type of thinker, let me assure you that my life has been met with much adversity. All you have to do is read my book and you'll see quickly to what I am referring.

Often though, people just want us to think about thoughts of being happy or love and forget all the suffering we are going through. Many urge us to quit crying, move on from the pain and the struggles in life. While these people purport to desire that others find their true calling or purpose, I actually believe, pushing someone to "quit suffering" is doing more of a harm than a disservice.

Happiness And Abundance

So many times, I see people trying to play the field of one side or the other in life. Many feel that you have to be happy, abundant and worry free to really have life under control. In many circles, there is an expectation that if you are spiritual, than you really need to be worry free and wealthy.

If everyone tomorrow had a million dollars, it could be easy to assume we are all wealthy. After all, a million dollars is a lot of money to most people. However, if everyone had a million dollars, no one would feel wealthy because it would change the economic structure of our world in a drastic way.

In the case of happiness, if everyone had absolutely no worries and were completely happy, how would we know it? If we did not know what it was to be "sad" , how would we see the difference and know that we were happy?

Much goes for grief and death versus birth and life. It is hard to have one without the other. There is a time of creation and a time of destruction. There is a time of busyness and a time of rest. However, if you have one without the other, we would not be able to tell the difference.

I hate the thought that anyone should have to suffer, be poor or go through the heartaches and horrible moments that we do. I've been through plenty in my life and at one time, I lost everything that was anything in my life. However, without going through those times, I would not be where I am today or experiencing the things that I am.

In many ways, abundance and happiness are about embracing poverty and sadness. It is about acceptance in that to have one, there must be some experience of the other side. While we want to think happy thoughts and proclaim that abundance is what you should seek, I think we are missing out on some of the greatest moments of life.

The greatest moments do not come in where we are currently at in our life. Our greatest moments come from how we have endured and what we have learned on our journey. What we have gleaned from life is our abundance and the moments of enjoyment in life, is our happiness.



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Connected To My Heart

What if I take a moment this morning and just connect - connect with my heart.

What if I feel the love it has to share, the warmth deep inside and the joy it gives in this moment.

What if I just feel that, sense that and allow it to be one with all of my body, all of my mind and all of my day.

What if I just hold that through out the day breathing in all that is good and exhaling all that I do not need.

What a joy it is that I feel through the lightness of my heart beating, beating, beating as it gives so much to myself and those around me. And just notice in my body, every little thing I can as a result.

Oh Happy Day of Possibilities!

Feeling Happy

On one of the Facebook groups I am a member of, the discussion was on "happy". So here's my response to what "happy" means to me. If you wish to check out the facebook group regarding this, the link is Enlightenment

I've had plenty of moments in life that I've been severely depressed, suicidal and then times that there was so much joy in my life that I was extremely happy. However, as I have been learning in life, feeling happy, sad, joyful, or many other ways is a state of where I'm at for that moment. It is a state of feeling, of emotion of connecting to things within me, around me or through me.

At one time I measured my life by these things and did things to make sure I could feel happy, etc. There was even a time in my life when I did not even understand what it meant to be happy and when I first started to feel "happy", I was fearful. I had no idea what it was and was so afraid of it. Can you imagine that, being afraid of being happy?

My focus now in life though is to understand myself more each day that I get to live on this life. I want to understand what makes me happy or doesn't make me happy. I want to understand just exactly what it really means to live in my body, fully and accepting it with all of its parts and functions and pain and freedom. Of course, it goes without saying that all of this involves feeling every moment of my life to the fullest through every cell of my body.