With Empathy and Without Judgment

Written By Don Shetterly

I see this happen all the time.  I saw it way back, on one of the earliest little forums for people helping others.  We tried to learn how to own up to our own insecurities and be empathetic with others.  We tried not to respond with judgment, even that which was inadvertent.

Yet, I still see the same thing practiced today that I saw back then.  Everyone wants to preach at another person and tell them what they should do.  Rather than telling themselves, they make sure everyone hears what they are doing wrong.

Often times, I think we are really telling ourselves what we should do, while we make our response out to be for someone else.  It is a subtle distinction but very powerful and very preachy.

I'm sure I probably fail in this at times on this blog.  I try hard, but sometimes, it just happens.

However, I do find that if I share some of my own struggles and become vulnerable with others, it means so much more to them than if I started telling them what to do.  Saying that you should do this or you should do that does not connect as much as if I share my own struggle and how I got through it.

We resonate deeply with others when we know someone has walked through the fire.  When it is hard to determine that, we're not as inclined to hear.  When we feel the slightest ego or judgment, it is then that we say, "I'll figure this out on my own," and we tune others out.

There are far too many in this world, and especially online, who are quick to judge and tell you what they think you should be doing.  It is an epidemic, and with social media, it happens in an instant.  Everyone has an opinion, but these days, it is turned into belief and fact, without consideration that not everyone sees things the way they do.  It is okay if we all see things differently because together it makes us stronger.

Healing and helping are about putting your arm of compassion around someone and saying, "I'm here for you."  It is about checking your own issues, cloaked in judgment, at the door because they help no one.  If you respond through your own wounded self and ego, it is not a healthy connection.

(click to read the blog post)

Yes, I know we are all human, and we're all learning.  We are probably never going to get this right 100% of the time, but I believe we need to put a much greater effort toward it.  If we want to be human, we need to focus on where our responses to others originate.

So, let's try something.  Just for today.  When you talk or write back to people, whether it is in person or online, how are you genuinely coming across?  Are you connecting with an arm of compassion and love, or is your ego making sure that your opinions and beliefs are being forced upon others?

Check Out

• MindBodyThoughts.com

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Life Is More Than A Simple Meme

Some days, things aren't as simple as we state them and some days they are.  All too often though, I see these simple one-thought memes as the answer to all life's problems.

Yeah, I get it - they probably aren't meant that way, but in many ways that is how they come across.

Don't get me wrong!  Little feel good memes can be helpful.  They can be a spot of encouragement or a little support.  They can sometimes get us through from one moment to the next.

However, sometimes they are just too simple for complex problems.  Sometimes people don't need another meme shoved in their face because they need an ear that will listen.  They need to know someone cares.

I post memes from time to time, but I also try to post content that is helpful.  I look for a balance and I try to recognize that a happy little thought can sometimes be depressing because someone just needs to know that someone cares.  A meme can sometimes be too impersonal.

In my view, I don't think memes are necessary bad, but I think we need to be careful that we don't boil life down into one simple thought.  We may not realize we are doing this, but to those that are in the mud pit of life, we can harm more than help.

As a friend tweeted to me today, let's exercise that muscle of empathy and compassion.  We're living in a very hurtful world right now and compassion is so needed.  Make sure to include it with your meme and you'll help a lot more people in the process.

And as a little side note, does the word meme look to you like the way I see it?  Me Me!

#Authentic

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Neuroscience In The News On June 20

These are articles that I found of interest relating to news about Neuroscience.  In this issue, I have highlighted articles about having good vibes for a learning culture, empathy is a cognitive process, and how neuroscience helps understand emotional control in teens.

Please check out the article links below and feel free to comment with other information related to these subjects.  I enjoy learning as much as I can about the brain and passing this information on to everyone else that shares these passions.

This is for the week beginning June 20, 2016.

Please come back each week and hopefully I will have some more highlights.  Feel free to share with me ones that you have found and I may highlight those as well.

Feel free to check out the highlighted articles from June 13, 2016

Good Vibes Learning Culture

Essentially, our energy influences other people and ultimately the environments we work in. That energy can either create an atmosphere that’s conducive to learning and productivity, or it can create one that is negative and stress-inducing – causing our brains to release hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. Vermeulen said these chemicals block electrical transmission, sap our energy and make it hard to think and to learn.

Our brains produce electricity – what’s more, we generate and conduct electricity.
People can feel the energy you’re emanating just as your subconscious mind registers the energy of people around you.

Article Link:

• The Connection Between Neuroscience, Good Vibes And Learning Culture
• Source:  www.clomedia.com
• Bravetta Hassell, Associate Editor at Chief Learning Office

(click image to read article)

Empathy Is A Cognitive Process

The ability to understand and empathize with others’ pain is grounded in cognitive neural processes rather than sensory ones, according to the results of a new study led by University of Colorado Boulder researchers.

The findings show that the act of perceiving others’ pain (i.e., empathy for others’ pain) does not appear to involve the same neural circuitry as experiencing pain in one’s own body, suggesting that they are different interactions within the brain.

“The research suggests that empathy is a deliberative process that requires taking another person’s perspective rather than being an instinctive, automatic process,” said Tor Wager, the senior author of the study, director of the Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience Laboratory and Professor of Psychology and Neuroscience at CU-Boulder.

Article Link:

• Empathy For Other’s Pain Rooted in Cognition Rather Than Sensation
• Source:  www.sciencedaily.com
• Tor Wagner, Professor of Psychology at University Of Colorado Boulder

(click image to read article)

Emotional Control In Teens

In the midst of all the apparent tumult, intense emotion, and occasional reckless behavior characterizing the teenage years, the brain is, in fact, evolving and developing the neural circuits needed to keep emotions in check. Research in the June 8, 2016 issue of The Journal of Neuroscience describes how the ability to control emotions moves from one brain area to another as teens mature into adults, offering an opportunity to understand how disorders related to emotional control emerge.

"Our study opens the way for a better understanding of the neurobiology behind adolescent behavior in emotionally arousing situations," said study author Anna Tyborowska of Radboud University Nijmegen in the Netherlands.

Previous research links the spike in sensation-seeking and impulsive behavior during adolescence to the delayed maturation of the prefrontal cortex, a region of the brain involved in reasoning, planning, and decision-making. Study authors Inge Volman, Ivan Toni, and Karin Roelofs previously demonstrated the importance of the anterior prefrontal cortex in emotional control in adults. However, it has not been clear whether and how the delayed development of the prefrontal cortex affects emotional control during adolescence.

Article Link:

• Study charts development of emotional control in teens
• Source:  www.sciencedaily.com
• Anna Tyborowska of Radboud University Nijmegen in the Netherlands

(click image to read article)

Brene Brown on Empathy

Oh I so love this.  So true.   The most healing moments of support I have had is when I knew the person was there for me and not there to just help me bypass what I was learning in life.

I could write so much on this, but I can't stand the "empty phrases".  I always feel like I've been kicked in the gut when I hear them.  She articulated this so well.  I so love Brene Brown.  One of my favorites.

YouTube Video:  Brene Brown On Empathy