Sharing Our Story

Written By Don Shetterly

Sharing our story helps heal us and empower others.  While our knees may shake and our voice may tremble, the act of vulnerability we offer to others does so much for us.  In our moment of being vulnerable, others will feel empowered because they identify with us, knowing that they are not alone.

What We Say Is Not Always True

We all like to put the best foot forward.  We like people to see the side of us that looks good, acts right, and makes us appear as if we have it all together.  Unfortunately, we're often just trying to paint lipstick on a pig and thinking it a clown.

What we say isn't always true or as true as we lead ourselves to believe.  Now, I'm not claiming that we intentionally lie to others.  Maybe you could make the claim that we do and it would be correct.  I'm really saying that we show one side to the world and another that we show to only those we truly trust and feel safe around.

Sometimes you need to modulate how much you show to the world.  Not everyone needs to hear everything that has happened in your life.  It can easily be too much and overwhelm others.  There are times that the details are just not appropriate for everyone to hear.  There are boundaries you need to establish as well.  So, please don't mistake what I'm saying that we have to be an  open book 100% of the time.  Definitely not!

How true is the story we tell...

We just need to be mindful though of the story we tell and how true or not true it is.  Whether it is to our self or those that we love and trust, how much are we holding back?  How real and authentic is it?  How much are we projecting on to the things that really aren't the culprits?

It is easy to blame everything and anyone for our situation in life.  Believe me, there are some that definitely deserve the blame.  However, in the current moment we have, what we do and how we act is totally up to us.  How we view our life and our possibilities is now in our possession.  Yes, there are influencing factors in our life that weigh heavily on this, but in this current moment, it is up to us how we proceed.

Pushing away others...

Trying to hide the real self and say what we think others only want to hear is not necessarily the most helpful.  Especially if you're in a therapeutic relationship or even with an intimate partner, trying to alter truth and reality is not helpful.  The more authentic and open you can be in those cases, the more connection, love, and support that will be there.

Some days I want to go hide in my cave and when I do that, I assume and pontificate that all others hate me.  I proclaim that no one wants me and no one cares.  In those moments, when I'm hiding my true self and saying something different to those around me, I'm deepening the divide between us.  I'm pushing away the connection to others I so desperately need.

It took me a long time to begin to own up to what had taken place in my life.  Yes, it was horrible.  Yes, I went through childhood sexual abuse, torture and intense trauma.  The thing is, I kept it hidden from everyone, including myself and it nearly cost me my life.  I took my last few breaths before I woke up.

If  you are hiding such deep pain from view, don't beat yourself up for it because that is part of your survival.  Instead, begin to see if there is someone you can trust enough and who is safe enough, that maybe you can reach out a little to them.  If they reach back with love and compassion, you've got someone that can help you climb out of the depths you are in.  If they reach back with judgment, keep looking for those that have love and compassion.  They are out there!

No matter what, work at being honest and authentic in your life.  Don't settle with what you try to tell yourself is true.  Instead, allow yourself to go in and find those ugly parts so you can let them go.  They are robbing you of energy and once you reclaim them, the energy that is freed up will help you go further than you ever realized was possible.

#Truth

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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My Trauma Is Worse

My trauma is worse than your trauma.  No, my trauma is worse.  You don't know how bad I had it.  I had it so much more!  Of course, I'm being fictional here.  Please don't take this that I am saying this emphatically as the truth.

Have you seen this scenario play out though?  I have seen it a million times and it really gets under my skin to be honest.  I do understand how horrible trauma can be and that it can really make it beyond difficult for a survivor to face.

In the early days, the trauma you have been through feels like some big monster choking the life out of you. It does feel like no one understands and you're all alone.

Your story is valid...

I've had people hear my story and then think that their story wasn't valid.  It always saddens me.  Each person who has been abused, beat, traumatized or whatever the case may be has their own story.  My story isn't any worse.  Yes, in some ways I've experienced a lot, but that doesn't mean I am any more special.  

Trauma is Trauma!  I'm sorry if that sound too simple but it is.  Yes, we all have our degrees of trauma and types of trauma, but holding that as a badge of honor will not get anyone very far.  Yes, I had to learn this the hard way too it seems.

Don't bite their hand off...

If someone offers you a hand of understanding, have the compassion to thank them for it or at least don't bite their hand off for offering it.  Understand that they have no way to know what you have been through until you share your story with them.  Don't expect them to understand something they don't fully know.  Getting mad at them will only distant yourself from others that may be there to support you.  It alienates people so that they walk away with a bad taste in their mouth and more likely than not, are more reluctant to support others in the future.

Anyone who has been through child abuse or other trauma has a long road of recovery ahead of them.  We're all in this together and there is no need to fight one another as if we somehow have it worse.

Sometimes good intentions fall short...

Yes, sometimes people make statements that are well-intentioned but they fall short.  You can always get angry and upset with them if you want or help them understand what it is that you know so they can be there for you in a greater way.  The more we educate others, the more we advance the understanding and treatment of mental health issues.

Let's join arms and hands and walk together into a greater love and light and understanding then we have known before.  It benefits all of us if we do this.

Here's another blog post that I wrote some time ago which applies to this one. Click on the image below to check it out.  (Therapeutic Listening For Suicide And Depression)

A Question For You?

So, I have a question for you to think about and hopefully add as a comment in reply.  Do you sometimes bite the hand of support off even from someone that is well-intentioned but falls short?

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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The Story Of Your LIfe

Maybe not everyone is like me.  I love to see how connections are made and how people travel to the years we call life.  The story of your life or my life or someone's life is very interesting to me.  I find it fascinating to see how things unfold as I get older.

All the people we run across and meet are so varied.  It is like they are from every corner of the world these days with all kinds of experiences. They come in all kinds of flavors and views and hold many beliefs and opinions.  They've encountered all kinds of joys and difficulties in their days.

I find it amazing just how I came to know some of the people that I do.  It might have been through a mutual friend or maybe a place I worked.  Some days now it is through moments I've had being on Oprah or Dr. Drew.