What We Say Is Not Always True

We all like to put the best foot forward.  We like people to see the side of us that looks good, acts right, and makes us appear as if we have it all together.  Unfortunately, we're often just trying to paint lipstick on a pig and thinking it a clown.

What we say isn't always true or as true as we lead ourselves to believe.  Now, I'm not claiming that we intentionally lie to others.  Maybe you could make the claim that we do and it would be correct.  I'm really saying that we show one side to the world and another that we show to only those we truly trust and feel safe around.

Sometimes you need to modulate how much you show to the world.  Not everyone needs to hear everything that has happened in your life.  It can easily be too much and overwhelm others.  There are times that the details are just not appropriate for everyone to hear.  There are boundaries you need to establish as well.  So, please don't mistake what I'm saying that we have to be an  open book 100% of the time.  Definitely not!

How true is the story we tell...

We just need to be mindful though of the story we tell and how true or not true it is.  Whether it is to our self or those that we love and trust, how much are we holding back?  How real and authentic is it?  How much are we projecting on to the things that really aren't the culprits?

It is easy to blame everything and anyone for our situation in life.  Believe me, there are some that definitely deserve the blame.  However, in the current moment we have, what we do and how we act is totally up to us.  How we view our life and our possibilities is now in our possession.  Yes, there are influencing factors in our life that weigh heavily on this, but in this current moment, it is up to us how we proceed.

Pushing away others...

Trying to hide the real self and say what we think others only want to hear is not necessarily the most helpful.  Especially if you're in a therapeutic relationship or even with an intimate partner, trying to alter truth and reality is not helpful.  The more authentic and open you can be in those cases, the more connection, love, and support that will be there.

Some days I want to go hide in my cave and when I do that, I assume and pontificate that all others hate me.  I proclaim that no one wants me and no one cares.  In those moments, when I'm hiding my true self and saying something different to those around me, I'm deepening the divide between us.  I'm pushing away the connection to others I so desperately need.

It took me a long time to begin to own up to what had taken place in my life.  Yes, it was horrible.  Yes, I went through childhood sexual abuse, torture and intense trauma.  The thing is, I kept it hidden from everyone, including myself and it nearly cost me my life.  I took my last few breaths before I woke up.

If  you are hiding such deep pain from view, don't beat yourself up for it because that is part of your survival.  Instead, begin to see if there is someone you can trust enough and who is safe enough, that maybe you can reach out a little to them.  If they reach back with love and compassion, you've got someone that can help you climb out of the depths you are in.  If they reach back with judgment, keep looking for those that have love and compassion.  They are out there!

No matter what, work at being honest and authentic in your life.  Don't settle with what you try to tell yourself is true.  Instead, allow yourself to go in and find those ugly parts so you can let them go.  They are robbing you of energy and once you reclaim them, the energy that is freed up will help you go further than you ever realized was possible.

#Truth

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

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Connections With Others

When we open our life up to others, it is there that we can find connection with them.

When we connect with others, they will know that they are not alone.

Once they realize they are not alone, they will have more strength to walk through their journey, thereby evolving in the way they are meant to.

- - Don Shetterly

Are Human Connections No Longer Needed?

I'm amazed at social networking these days not because it is a positive force in this word but because of how everyone buys into it, hook, line and sinker (lake sold seperately).  There are four little letters that take people on these social networking sites (Facebook), into a make believe world.  The letters L, I, K and E are the ones I am focusing on which of course spell LIKE.

Just think of someone clicking LIKE on Facebook.  What does that mean?  What does it truly do?  Do you have to repay them back with a LIKE or will they be upset and think you don't care?  What if you miss a post and don't LIKE it, will it hurt their feelings, will they feel neglected?

Joy From Sorrow

Losing someone you love or were fond of is never easy. It is much harder if you never got the chance to say goodbye. Whether it is through an unexpected event in life or just not finding out until later, one can never be prepared.

All too often it touches on the nerves that are connected to other losses. The pains we felt of saying goodbye to someone or something we loved are unearthed. It is like a connection or a bridge to previous encounters of letting someone pass away from life.

Death is never easy no matter how you look at it or frame it. Loving someone or something gives us so much joy in our life. Saying goodbye in death, feels like that joy which has become a part of us was ripped out from our bodies. It often feels like the end of the world after someone has died and that nothing will ever take the pain away.

I've lost far too many people and pets in my life. For a long time, I never allowed myself to grieve for them. Grieving was not easy for me because it involved allowing myself to feel many emotions. Early on in life, I was just shown that I was to move on and not allow myself to feel the emotions. However, I have learned that grieving and allowing these emotions is a necessary part of life. it is what helps us find the joy we shared with what we lost.

At times the process of grief seemed long and as if it would never end. There were times that I did not feel as if I could make it. At times, tears flowed as easily as I took a breath. However, with time, life began to balance out and the pain I experienced in loss, once again became joy for my life.

When the joy emerged from the sorrow, I was able to remember so much of what I shared with the person or the pet. It was almost like I had to travel through the tears to see the beauty.

Each person or pet that we love gives us so much. Through our connection with them, we give much back as well. The beautiful moments of what we shared will stay with us for a lifetime. We will realize one day through the tears, all that we received from those we were closely connected to. Through loving gratitude, we will celebrate so much and the pain will diminish.

We will observe that our life is much stronger, better and more full for having these special connections. There may even be things that will take us time to recognize. Deep down, these connections will share a very important part of our life.

Even though we are not able to talk to these people and pets who have passed on, in the same sense we once could, I believe we can talk to them at any time. I believe they are around us and they hear us. They, of course, remain in our hearts and our minds as we think about them through the eyes of love.


Above image taken from memorial website "When Tomorrow Starts Without Me"


*Read other articles on Mind Body Thoughts Blog

Learning Lessons

I am amazed at how events in our daily schedule can bring out connections to things we experienced so long ago. Current and past events may be completely different in the details, but they do impact each other. It is our unique opportunity to be given the chance of learning from them. We do have the option of ignoring what lesson is being given to us or we have the opportunity to see what we can learn from it.