Fix The Past By Living In The Moment Like Horses Do

Thanks to my good friend, Marilyn
for allowing me to use her picture

All to often in our life, we get stuck in all the experiences we have been through in our life. For some people, there is much more to get stuck in than others, but if we stay in the past, we will rob ourselves of the future.  Just like Buck Brannaman said in the movie, Buck, "Horses live in the moment, now there may be some things from their past that give you some trouble in the moment, but you have to fix it going forward, not backward."

Of course, this does not mean that we should not look at our past and unearth the stones that are on our path.  It does not mean, you don't have to heal those old wounds and find the root of what happened.  It does not mean that you have to do any of these things as well by staying stuck in the past.

When you live in the moment, you use the experiences of your past to move yourself forward.  You learn to embrace these things as a way of becoming more authentic.  You learn to use these horrible experiences as a way to discover who you are and become more conscious about your life's role in the universe.

Depressed Mothers Wake Babies Up More

Project Siesta Study On Infant
Sleep at Penn State University

A recent study at Pennsylvania State University project Siesta looked at the sleeping patterns of depressed mothers and infants.  The study performed by Dr. Douglas Teti along with many other researchers, collected data on 45 infants and their mothers ranging from one month of age to 24 months.  The study was performed for seven days that included a sleep diary kept by the mother and web cams to monitor entry into the baby's room and areas the mother might take the infant at night.

There were several findings in this research, but what they found was that depressed mothers tend to go in and wake their babies up at night, even if they are sleeping.  It appears that the mother may need comforting and the close connection of the baby, to help calm her anxiety and depression.  Mothers who were depressed, tended to worry about their infants at night.  When the mothers sought out their babies at night, the baby was in no need of parental help.

The researchers feel that if an infant is not experiencing any stress, that by disrupting the sleep of the baby, it could have a negative consequence on the parent-child relationship.  Sleep problems in infants can result in attention deficits, conduct problems, day time sleepiness and academic underachievement.  These problems in the first year of an infant's life, can affect them for many years to come. 

Forgetful Memory That Remembers

Sometimes I want to forget and sometimes I feel I must remember. The events lie there hiding behind the foliage ready for an ambush.

I've gotten so good at pretending what exists in life and what does not that it seems like there is no line of separation. It is much easier to rewrite the script of what took place,, then allowing my memory to acknowledge what truly happened. In many ways, I beg my mind to forget these things.

It seems like the way my mind tells the story, the two moments do not match up. No matter how hard I try to rewrite the script, the nagging in my head keeps the events from adding up to form a complete factual story. Instead, I am left with holes, missing pieces and questions.

If I wanted to write the script for the best movie of all time, I'm sure I could create a work of fiction about these events of my life. The only thing that would not be accurate is there would be more truth to these fictional memories than anyone would want to believe.

Even though my mind does an award winning job of remembering events that I have altered in the storybook of my life, my memory excels at forgetting so much. It is like I am fractured into two parts. One part is experiencing the events and the other part recreates what took place. The two parts often fail to connect.

What I have written seems like basic common knowledge to me. Yet, I struggle to flee and outrun these horrors. They plague me every day. Yes, I have put much distance between me and them, but if I look over my shoulder, they are still there. I hope one day that these memories become so distant that all I can see is the beautiful landscapes around me.

(c) 11/12/10 by Don Shetterly - use by permission only

Your Choice to Awareness

We are what we are in life and we are what we have not dealt with in our lives. While that may sound complicated, it is really a simple statement.

All of your sum experiences up until this moment in life is what has made you in to the person you currently are. All the good, bad, ugly, beautiful and even the forgotten moments come together and have created you as a person, a soul and an entity.

In addition to this, the unconscious or conscious choices we have made to not deal with all aspects of our life is a part of who we are as a human being living in a breathing, physical, body. Yes, there are many things that we choose to not become aware of just as there are many unconscious things we have chosen to not become aware of.

So often though, I've run into people of all ages and walks in life that paste the happy, I'm past these things smile on to their face. They proclaim that the best way forward is to just not think about the past and move on. They hint that you just have to focus your attention on the present and what lies ahead, while you forget all that took place which may have been unpleasant. Often you will hear these people say - just put your past behind you or you just need to move on. I've moved on, why can't you? You might even hear things like - quit living in the past or you just need to pick yourself up and move on or get over it or just move on. There are a number of things that get said and most of these statements reflect more upon where that individual stating them is in their own life, rather than what you need to do.

Many of us may have been given a horrible hand in our past to deal with and there is no way at this moment in our lives that we can go back and change that. What happened to us is part of us whether we want to own it or not. On the other hand, if we do not deal with all that happened, then we are playing with a ticking time bomb. Yes, all of these things will continue to eat away at us through anger, relationship issues and problems, excessive indulgences like drinking, smoking, drugs, work, etc and through difficulties in many areas of our lives. If we continue to let these things fester and find a home in our lives, they will become a ticking time bomb that will go off at some point. How it goes off will vary by the person, but it is almost guaranteed that it will.

So is this a life sentence? No! It does not have to be unless we allow it to. I know, I hear you saying - well its not fun or easy or pretty to deal with. I hear some saying as they are reading this that I've got better things to do with my time than to deal with all of this stuff that I'd just rather forget. I hear some saying that you just don't know how hard I had it in my life.

Unfortunately, I do know how difficult it can be in life and I've been through so much in my own life. Yes, we can choose to not deal with it because it is too tough, or difficult or too ugly but then we are truly robbing ourselves of what it really means to be human. We are affecting everyone around us that we interact with and we are affecting the entire population and the universe as well. We don't just rob ourselves of all that can be. We rob the entire universe of being all that we can be.

It is a choice we make whether it is a conscious or unconscious one. To make no choice at all means we are sticking with the status quo in our life and choosing to not become all that we are meant to be. It is as simple and complicated as that is stated. We have the power to make the choices for our lives that we desire and we also have the power to free ourselves from the fear, the pain and horrors of our past whether we feel like we do or not.

It is up to each one of us to make the choice of what we will do with the hours we have today. It is up to each one of us whether we will remain unconscious in our awareness or if we will consciously choose to become aware of all that we are. No one else can do this for us and no one else can make the choice. Yes, it does take others to help you walk through some of these troubled journeys but the only way you begin walking is by making the choice to take the steps.

*For more articles, check out the Mind Body Thoughts Blog

Reactive Responses

Without consciously bringing these mental models [concepts from our past] to our attention, we can become “stuck in reactive responses based upon our past experience...Our automatic adaptations to these earlier experiences then become “who we are” and our life story becomes written for us, not by us...We are no longer making thoughtful choices...but rather are reacting on the basis of experiences from our past.”

Implicit Memory Slide From Unified Therapy Seminar, Oct 2009 with Dr. Paul Canali

Quote from -Daniel J. Seigel, MD & Mary Hartzell, M.ED, Parenting from the Inside Out (NY,NY: Penguin Group, 2004) pp.22-28

Long After Traumatic Events

Long after the traumatic event is over, our bodies and minds live through the event on a continual basis, just as if it was happening again. In the presence of fear, the survival mode is alive and well, not letting go of those past events. For in survival mode, our bodies are trying to flee from the danger. The energy of that danger our bodies perceived is locked within, unless it finds a way to exit. And so it continues to look for a way to exit, day after day in various ways. Ways such as pain, stiffness, anger, rage, abuse, drinking, sexual behaviors, sleep problems, weight issues, mental illness, anxiety attacks and the list could go on and on.

If we do not allow the event to fully complete and release the energy that is locked within, it will find a way out in one form or another. Sometimes it lies in wait until some unrelated moment pushes the button and at that moment, what seems like an imaginary force takes place within us.

While this may sound dismal and horrific to endure, there is a way out. With the presence of a compassionate, grounded individual, we can move past the fear of those events into fulfillment and purpose for our lives. Sometimes the process may unfold slowly and sometimes more quickly. Sometimes the process seems as if we are giving birth but just like in the process of birth, something beautiful is created. And it is in that moment of release, where we give rise to a new self, a new body and a new empowerment within ourselves.

It is moving past the fears from the survival mode into the mode of growth, awareness and empowerment that we truly find out what it means to be human.

Learning Lessons

I am amazed at how events in our daily schedule can bring out connections to things we experienced so long ago. Current and past events may be completely different in the details, but they do impact each other. It is our unique opportunity to be given the chance of learning from them. We do have the option of ignoring what lesson is being given to us or we have the opportunity to see what we can learn from it.