We Help Through Our Own Vulnerability

In my many years of healing, I have found that we often hold back far too much.  We are afraid what others might think or scared of how we will impact them.  We walk on eggshells around them.  We hold back.

Yet, it is through our own vulnerability that we meet others where they are and we help them.  By sharing our pains and struggles, they find that they are not alone.  Together we accomplish much more healing than if we would have hidden inside our own cave, keeping vulnerability out of sight.

I do realize that it isn't easy being vulnerable and sharing, but I know from firsthand experience that it is crucial to helping others.  No one wants a scientific emotionless person there to be a sounding board.

You want someone that has walked through the fire.  You want someone to grab your hand and say, I'm here for you and I'll walk through the fire with you.  Together, we will make it.

They say it not as mere words, but as someone that has been there and fought every inch of the way to find their footing and existence in life.  They say it as an extension of their heart that they give without judgment, in pure love and compassion to say - I'm here for you.

I had many that were there for me, some in deeper ways than others.  Since others have been there for me, I try to be there for people who are needing help, support, or just someone that understands.

In this day and age, we've got too many people hurling insults at one another, but not enough that will say "I understand your pain.  I understand your struggle.  I've been there." We need more people to be there for one another, not stand opposed as is seen on every street corner of this world.

I share my struggle in this blog.  I share my struggle with those who know me personally.  I am often criticized for not "moving beyond" or "not being positive".  Yet, I know that many have shared with me how something has touched their lives.  They were impacted positively because they knew that someone understood and cared.

Sharing my struggle is my truth.  Quoting other people is their truth.  Coming up with my own set of beliefs to explain every mystery is not necessarily a valuable thing.  It can help, but more often than not, the beliefs hinder and blind us.

I don't plan on changing how I do things because I know that we help others through our own vulnerability.  When others are able to connect with us in those deep ways, their lives are transformed.  Often times, my own life is transformed as well.

Let's not hold back being human.  Let's not numb and disconnect into a positive and happy thought only reality.  Let's be real and authentic and through our vulnerability, let's show that to those who need a helping hand, a moment of support and understanding, or an extra ounce of love to know that they matter.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Can You Be Authentic And Positive?

I see a lot of people preach happy thoughts.  Now I'm going to qualify that and say there is nothing wrong with happy thoughts.  However, here's the big "but" of this concept.  Can you be authentic and positive?

No, I'm not saying do you think you are authentic when you show your happy face and positive life to the world.  I'm asking if you are truly authentic.  Before you answer, "well of course I am," let me make a request.  Read through this entire post.

You see, I've got personal experience with this.  Growing up, my life was one miserable crap day after another.  I was beaten, molested, mind controlled and brainwashed on a daily basis from the time I was a baby until I went to college.  It was nothing easy that I went through.  It was pretty darn intense and I still to this day wonder how I survived.

The good thing is that I did survive and heal so much in my life up to this point, including Conversion Disorder.

But, here's the kicker...

Everyone that knew me thought I was one of the happiest-go-lucky kids there was.  I was always smiling.  I was always positive.  I never shared any of what was happening in my life because if I did, that could mean the ultimate ending punishment. 

No one thought I had a care in the world.  They thought things came easy to me.  Many were jealous.  Yet, they didn't see within the doors to my life.  They didn't know I was being horrendously abused every day.  I kept that in.  The smile is all they saw.

Sure, many don't like to hear the gory details of what I have went through.  In fact, most have never heard the whole story because I doubt many people could get through the first page of what I went through.  It is just too much and too intense for most.  You lose people quickly when they read or hear it.

Yes, I see through them...

The first thing I usually get though when I share stuff, is they look to some meme or happy thought or feel good practice.  Their uncomfortable - I get that.  Yet, most of the time it doesn't do much for me other than just know it was too much for them.  I see through the words that are spoken and written.  Yes, I see through them.

When I came out of the hospital from being paralyzed and going through the Conversion Disorder (and almost losing my life), my friends were shocked when they found out.  I still remember them saying, "you - you're the one out of our close group that had it all together it seemed".  Yep, I was pretty good and fooling everyone in life including myself.

I was living a lie...

I was positive, but at the expense of my own life.  I was on my last breaths in the hospital.  They were trying to bring me back to life.  The positive almost took me under.  Yet, I was not being authentic.  I was living a lie.

Most people I have ever seen live in numbness.  The numbness takes away their authenticity.  No, I'm not saying what most people do is necessarily wrong, they just haven't found the way out.  The positive "SOMETIMES" can cover up the pain inside.  Sometimes it is a way of standing strong in spite of all that has happened to them.  I get it.  I've been there.

It is when you decide to make a different choice and learn how to be authentic that your life changes.  Awareness has fertile grounds to grow and the more aware you become, the more conscious you are.  It is a choice.  We make it every day whether we realize it or not.

Being positive can help...

Yes, you can be positive and yes, it can be a very good thing.  In fact, being positive can really help you through some of those rough and difficult moments.  Just don't stay in the numbness where the positive acts as a wall between you and your authentic self.  We as humans and trauma abuse survivors are pretty good at covering up things by any and all means necessary. It's called trying to deal with the stuff that happened when it is anything but normal.

If you tell me that you are positive and authentic, I'll probably roll my eyes a little.  The reason is - it is a daily process and if you think you've reached the ultimate point, open your eyes and look a little further.  You'll see there is much more than this one moment you've achieved.

I'm pushing and challenging...

Yes, I'm pushing and challenging with these words, but it is the number one social media pain killer that I see.  Everything has to be so positive that people give up their authenticity.  People suffering need to know you understand what it means to walk through the fire with them, not that you will just try to turn the fire hose on the ashes.

So, are you positive and authentic or is your positiveness masking and numbing pain you wish to not see.  It is okay either way because it is the choice you're making in the moment.  Just don't let that choice stop your further development, awareness and healing.  There's more out there.  Keep grasping and reaching for it!  See if there are other choices that you can make.  Explore them!

Yes, it is possible to be positive and authentic, but...  I think we often live the illusion that we are.  We need more authentic people in this world.  We need those that have truly woken up, not just reciting the rhetoric in social media.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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