No, I'm not saying do you think you are authentic when you show your happy face and positive life to the world. I'm asking if you are truly authentic. Before you answer, "well of course I am," let me make a request. Read through this entire post.
You see, I've got personal experience with this. Growing up, my life was one miserable crap day after another. I was beaten, molested, mind controlled and brainwashed on a daily basis from the time I was a baby until I went to college. It was nothing easy that I went through. It was pretty darn intense and I still to this day wonder how I survived.
The good thing is that I did survive and heal so much in my life up to this point, including Conversion Disorder.
But, here's the kicker...
Everyone that knew me thought I was one of the happiest-go-lucky kids there was. I was always smiling. I was always positive. I never shared any of what was happening in my life because if I did, that could mean the ultimate ending punishment.
No one thought I had a care in the world. They thought things came easy to me. Many were jealous. Yet, they didn't see within the doors to my life. They didn't know I was being horrendously abused every day. I kept that in. The smile is all they saw.
Sure, many don't like to hear the gory details of what I have went through. In fact, most have never heard the whole story because I doubt many people could get through the first page of what I went through. It is just too much and too intense for most. You lose people quickly when they read or hear it.
Yes, I see through them...
The first thing I usually get though when I share stuff, is they look to some meme or happy thought or feel good practice. Their uncomfortable - I get that. Yet, most of the time it doesn't do much for me other than just know it was too much for them. I see through the words that are spoken and written. Yes, I see through them.
When I came out of the hospital from being paralyzed and going through the Conversion Disorder (and almost losing my life), my friends were shocked when they found out. I still remember them saying, "you - you're the one out of our close group that had it all together it seemed". Yep, I was pretty good and fooling everyone in life including myself.
I was living a lie...
I was positive, but at the expense of my own life. I was on my last breaths in the hospital. They were trying to bring me back to life. The positive almost took me under. Yet, I was not being authentic. I was living a lie.
Most people I have ever seen live in numbness. The numbness takes away their authenticity. No, I'm not saying what most people do is necessarily wrong, they just haven't found the way out. The positive "SOMETIMES" can cover up the pain inside. Sometimes it is a way of standing strong in spite of all that has happened to them. I get it. I've been there.
It is when you decide to make a different choice and learn how to be authentic that your life changes. Awareness has fertile grounds to grow and the more aware you become, the more conscious you are. It is a choice. We make it every day whether we realize it or not.
Being positive can help...
Yes, you can be positive and yes, it can be a very good thing. In fact, being positive can really help you through some of those rough and difficult moments. Just don't stay in the numbness where the positive acts as a wall between you and your authentic self. We as humans and trauma abuse survivors are pretty good at covering up things by any and all means necessary. It's called trying to deal with the stuff that happened when it is anything but normal.
If you tell me that you are positive and authentic, I'll probably roll my eyes a little. The reason is - it is a daily process and if you think you've reached the ultimate point, open your eyes and look a little further. You'll see there is much more than this one moment you've achieved.
I'm pushing and challenging...
Yes, I'm pushing and challenging with these words, but it is the number one social media pain killer that I see. Everything has to be so positive that people give up their authenticity. People suffering need to know you understand what it means to walk through the fire with them, not that you will just try to turn the fire hose on the ashes.
So, are you positive and authentic or is your positiveness masking and numbing pain you wish to not see. It is okay either way because it is the choice you're making in the moment. Just don't let that choice stop your further development, awareness and healing. There's more out there. Keep grasping and reaching for it! See if there are other choices that you can make. Explore them!
Yes, it is possible to be positive and authentic, but... I think we often live the illusion that we are. We need more authentic people in this world. We need those that have truly woken up, not just reciting the rhetoric in social media.
Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly
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