Thursday, February 11, 2010

How To Release Emotions

Life Learning Lessons: How To Release Emotions

For the past several months, I’ve been dealing with a rash that for the most part has gone away. However, there is still one section of my upper left arm that is hanging on. It changes of course from moment to moment, day to day. Some days, it is almost nonexistent and some days, it bothers me with an intensity that would make a grown person cry.

So the other day I was in a situation where I was working on a client site in close proximity with someone. This person was a touchy, feely person without strong boundaries. While their behavior was not with malicious intent, the touching and slapping they were doing around me was irritating to say the least. My body is very hypersensitive and the area they were touching was the area on my arm that still has a rash. It sort of felt like every time they touched this area, they were pressing the button on the atomic bomb and it was like, my arm kept saying – how lucky do you feel as they touched this part of my arm. The fear that comes up is that I’ll go off, lose control and go back into whatever is behind this rash on this particular spot on my arm. Right now, I cannot consciously describe what that is but I know without a doubt, it is there.

After a couple of times asking the person to not touch me especially not in this area, they continued. Of course I know they weren’t doing it intentionally as it was a subconscious thing within them. Something in them triggers this type of behavior in an autopilot mode where I’m sure they don’t even realize what they are doing. There is a very good chance; the action is mimicking something from long ago in their life that has now become a pattern. I understand that and can recognize it but it still makes it a very tough ordeal to experience.

However, here is where the series of events go into overdrive. After the second time of him hitting me in the arm, I picked up a chair in a joking manner and said, now go ahead and touch me there. I was trying to drive the point home enough so that he would stop. Fortunately he did but by that time, the itching had picked up dramatically and my arm was extremely painful. It was the kind of phantom pain that went deep to my bone and muscle and had nothing to do with the physical touch of being slapped. This was much deeper than that.

So I drove home and probably a good two hours after this happened or more, I all of the sudden found myself in a furry of rage at nothing or at no one. Yet, I was so full of rage. I was cursing, screaming at every little thing that seemed to go wrong on my computer or whatever was around me. At first, I didn’t even realize I was that full of rage until I stopped and took a look at myself. I kind of felt like a dog chasing his tail, who that actually caught his tail and then stopped and looked at what had happened. Yet, even in this moment, I could feel the deep rage bubbling up inside of me but with no explanation or connection to why it was there. From that point, the anger just increased exponentially to the point where it was unbearable. I wanted it to end. This led to me thinking thoughts of how can I end my life from this which of course then led to feeling like I wanted to cry but wasn’t able to cry. This all happened in a matter of moments and switched back and forth as easily as one could step forward or backwards.

It left me feeling like I was such a screw up and like I was just so darn messed up that I would never get through all of this that I am healing from. It felt like there was no tomorrow and no reason to go on. I struggled to keep myself from just wanting to give up. Again, this is in a matter of minutes or less and it switches from one emotion to the next so quickly.

I struggled through the next day of this wondering why all of this had happened and felt very sad for myself that anyone should have to endure this. After talking to Dr. Canali today about it and sharing with him what happened, so much more made sense.

You see, at one time in my life, I had no outlet for many emotions. It was not something that was allowed, condoned or even possible in my family. I was always a hypersensitive kid and that didn’t mix well with my family. We did not show anger in front of my father at all nor was I allowed to show tears without being told to grow up, whipped for it or being called a cry baby and humiliated. My mom was the one that seemed to be allowed to cry but then that was ok in my family because as I was taught, she was a woman or it was her time of the month so it was expected. That was the teaching I received from my Neanderthal father. Plus, the only anger I ever saw being dealt with in my family was my dad going off into a rage. There was no example I had to follow of watching someone release anger in a mature and safe manner.

Now fast forward to later in life when I have absolutely no clue as to how to deal with emotions in a healthy way and treat them as if they are a normal part of life. They were something to be feared, to be loathed and avoided at all costs. Yet, the stuffing of emotions deep within me got me many medical conditions from ulcers and illnesses, to migraines and daily headaches. So now, at my adult age, I am trying to parent myself and teach myself how to release emotions in a normal, healthy and balanced way.

Hearing from Dr. Canali that all of this that was going on, was my body and mind’s attempt to learn how to release emotions and deal with the emotions in a positive way, was like manna from heaven. Here, I had been beating myself up for it and getting lost in the fear of losing control rather than embracing the newness of my awareness for all that I was becoming conscious of. I thought it was a dreadful thing when in reality; this process is a good thing. If I can keep myself from diving deep into the fear of the moment and allow it to unfold and allow myself to learn from it, I know I will be able to transform some more of these deep hurts and lessons missed in my life. The more I get swallowed up by the fear of what is happening in moments like this, the more I am fueling the series of events to loop around in a circle with no exit.

It is a process to learn to heal these things and to fully reclaim one’s life. It is not a quick fix of I’m through this part so that’s it. We as humans are constantly evolving or hopefully we are and through that constant evolution, we are becoming more and more who we really are. To deny this or stop this process is denying the inner truth about our self. It isn’t easy going through this but as I have learned through the many other experiences that have come my way, there is the reward of a life filled with so much more than I could have imagined.

*For more articles, check out the Mind Body Thoughts Blog*

4 comments:

  1. Having read your post, I am left with some questions. First of all what do you recommend to the person who has been trapped by economic circumstances (that they have been working to resovle) living with people who will attack any display of any emotion other than joy (in some cases by means of physical attack)? And what do you tell someone who has felt everything, rage, depression, greif, betrail, fear, victimization, basicly everything, really actaully felt them, but has only made the situation twice as bad (or worse)for themselves (emotionally and otherwise)as by means of feeling these feeling, only to disover no healing resulted?

    Almost all the I have met people are taught that letting go, forgiving, anything of the sort is a crime against themselves.

    Being incapable of letting go runs ain my family (partly) due to a genetic issue. So how do I let go of my anger toward the man I love if I have to litteraily fight my dna and my own nervous system to do it?

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    1. Unfortunately in our world, so many view emotions in a mixed up and confused way. I'm a very sensitive person and I cry at the easiest of things which sometimes makes me a target for others. I've tried to hide it for years but I'm learning to find places that are safe, and let my emotions come out in the best way I can. I'm beginning to get to the point where i no longer care what other people think of my emotions. For the first time, i'm beginning to accept that part of me and for years, I ran from it.

      Learning to allow the emotions and heal from them was a step by step process for me. It took years and sometimes I never thought I would ever find my way through them. There were times that it was almost too much for me to deal with. I just kept searching and kept trying to take little steps. Not saying I'm perfect now or completely healed - but I've come a long ways. I found someone that has really helped me move through these things. In the process, I found that most things portrayed to be healing, aren't all they are purported to be. I'm sorry if that steps on toes of anyone reading this, but to many healers get caught up in the "belief system of healing" rather than the actual healing.

      The economic circumstances that trap people (and I've been one of those) is difficult to deal with. I wish more people out there would offer a helping hand to those that really need it, rather than putting a hand out wanting money for their services. The people who don't have the economic means are the ones that need the help. There are a few good people in this world that will help without holding money as their purpose, but finding those people can be a challenge.

      Keep searching, asking... and try not to take what you know today as what tomorrow holds. It all changes as we change, grow, evolve and go through the experiences that life has given to us.

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  2. Thank you this helped alot. With holidays coming up I will encounter several people who love to invade my space

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    1. I'm glad it helped. Yes, the holidays aren't easy and I struggle with them hard too. Its supposed to be a happy time and it seems like it causes much more stress for people than it should. I tend to go find my cave during this time of the year. :)

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