Anger Bubbling Up

I'm beginning to understand just how much of an epidemic this is not only in the country I live in, but the entire world.  Anger is alive and growing.  We see evidence of it through violent actions committed everywhere.

No one seems to know how to get rid of the anger bubbling up within them.  Society doesn't allow it.  Parents don't teach how to let go of it.  Schools don't teach it.  Churches don't teach it.  We all hide our heads in the sand as if anger is a problem for someone else.

In fact, we hide behind anger.  We stuff it down.  We paste it over with happy thoughts and condescending statements toward others for even feeling anger.  We tell others how they should not have anger in them because it means they are "less than" or "not the way a human should be".

None of what is being done in this world helps to alleviate anger.  When it acts like a spring bubbling up within us, we just stuff it down.  We smile to the world, while hating our innermost self.  We smile to the world while we try to numb the pain.

I'm wondering when we are going to start waking up as a human civilization and understand that we are our own worst enemy.  We are inflicting so much pain on our lives through what we do.  We as a society are trampling upon others because we are not leading authentic lives.

Anger is a poison that permeates our body, our cells, and our tissues.  Anger when not allowed to come out festers as an infected wound upon our body, only this one is silently hidden from view.

How often do we hear that someone just popped and no one would have expected they had the anger in them to do what they did?  How often do we see people's rage show up, but we hide it from our reality and act as if it didn't happen?

We have to get real with ourselves and with others.  If we continue to let anger bubble up with no method for release, we're harming ourselves so badly.  It takes a physical toll on our body and mind.  We end up hurting the world in ways that we cannot even imagine.

If we continue to hide from our anger and minimize it or numb it, we're doing the human civilization a major injustice.  There is no honor in being inauthentic.  There is no honor in minimizing and numbing one's life, rather than being real and human.

Anger is a hateful energy.  It is one that alters how we see not only the world, but ourselves.  When we find it hiding within us, it is then that we no longer consciously connect to the deepest parts of our soul.  It is then that we have lost our connection with humanity and the world in which we live.

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We Need To Talk About Anger

Time and time again, I see things happening in our society that make me roll my eyes.  In fact, you could even say it makes my blood boil with anger.  Yet, that might be pushing the envelope of drama a little too much.  I have no desire to sensationalize such an important issue.  However, we need to talk about anger in our society!  We really do!

Anger is one of those things that we are taught from our early days as a child that it is not good.  If a little kid gets angry and attempt to show their anger, parents are quick to chastise and discipline the kid.  They quickly show the kid that anger is a BAD emotion.  If you don't believe me, put on your analytical hat and just watch the interactions of kids and their parents on this issue.  In fact, some form of discipline may be used to control the anger, thereby connecting the anger and physical punishment together forever in their life.

The church often teaches that anger is a bad emotion.  After all, God gets angry, but to most churches, while that is okay, it isn't good if us normal and regular people get angry.  If you even talk about being angry with God, you will quickly get shunned or counseled as to why this is inappropriate.  I remember one time someone coming down hard on me for being angry at God.  I looked at them and stated that if God wasn't big enough to handle me being angry, then he must not be as big of a God as you make him out to be!  Regardless, churches make anger out to be something equal to sin and something that must be avoided at all costs.  This leads people to bottle it up, rather than express it in a healthy way.

Is Anger Good Or Bad?

Is Anger Good Or Bad?

I often see many people fearful of anger and exclaiming how bad anger is for your life.  In some instances, I have even seen people portray anger as something that should not be present in your life.  There is an ever growing trend in our society that anger is not healthy.

Yet, in my view, anger is a healthy emotion.  It is normal.  It is part of who we are and the range of emotions we experience.  Anger is something that can push us forward in life or help bring about changes that need to happen.  It is part of our existence, no matter how much we want to believe otherwise.  For without anger, how can we truly know what peace is?  Having one emotion without the other is not living a balanced life.

I believe the difficulty comes in that we truly don't understand what anger is in our lives.  What we have seen of anger is some big mean monster screaming in a rampage and destroying everything within reach.  I may be exaggerating a little but I think in many respects, that is the view of anger in our world.  Yes, these people do exist and we all see them every day from the table pounding people in a business meeting to the fathers taking it out on their children or even the person who loses it and screams in a tirade against some injustice.  We all know them and we've all experienced them in our life.

Check Your Anger At The Door

The other day, I had a job where I was working with a customer and delivering new laptops to the various people in the organization. While most people were more than happy to get their new laptops, there is always the problem child. No matter what you give some people, they will resist through fear of getting something new. When they resist, it is not uncommon for them to push back and become difficult to work with.

While I am quite aware that this will happen, one individual pushed my buttons the other day in a very big way. Imagine having a roomful of 50 or more people coming in to get their laptops and a limited number of techs on hand to make sure all questions were answered. There was a short amount of time that these people were going to be there. One of the first individuals that I got to work with was a man that either was having a bad day or is normally a very angry person.

Asking an innocent question if he needed help, unleashed a furry of words and actions that left me dumbfounded and surprised. No matter what I tried to do or how I tried to help him, he just lit into me as if I was the lightening rod for all his anger. He did this as he assured me that he normally doesn't get this upset and frustrated. As my eyes rolled at that statement, he continued to berate and scream at me. At one point he picked the laptop up and I thought I was going to have to duck because that thing was going to be sailing at me.

Normally, I am pretty good about diffusing situations like this. If I would have had more time to spend just with him, I would have let him unload on me but time was limited and I could not do that. Regardless of what I did or how I tried to show him I cared, he just continued with his tirade. Finally, I went and got someone higher up in the organization and asked them to deal with him because I needed to move on to other people. Unfortunately, they were not able to deal with him either as he just continued his tirade on everyone that was in the room.

After we got a break, I made my exit outside and just breathed and found my center point again because that was a very intense moment. It was extremely stressful and affected the rest of my day. The day actually went longer than expected so by the time I got home I was very exhausted. This was after 13.5 hours from the previous day.

It made me sad for the gentleman though, that he felt he needed to do this to someone else. Maybe he wasn't even in touch with himself in what he was doing and maybe there were other things going on in his life. It wasn't fair to me or others in the room. We were there trying to help and assist, not to be emotionally beat up.

What makes a person lose it in this way? What gives another person the right to emotionally beat up on others? I witnessed events like this all my life and there have been times that I've lost it through holiday seasons or other triggering events. It saddens me when I think of those times. I've been working very hard to release things in my life and rid the source of the anger so that I don't continue any of these things on.

My heart went out to this gentleman. He was actually a sales person in this company and I could not help but wonder how he comes across to people. There is so much anger in our world and like this gentleman, it often spills over into all areas of our world. All you have to do is turn the radio or TV on and see this person or that person screaming out in an angry tone to force others to believe what they think is right. In fact, if you get into the political realm of our country, you see the anger portrayed as "passion" and if you watch other countries, you see the anger spill over into violence and uprising.

I'm not disputing the validity of these events but I am trying to get everyone to see that so much of our communication in this world is from a point of anger. It is not healthy for ourselves or for others and yet it is practiced as the norm in humanity every day. Passion and discussion of ideas is one thing but when anger is introduced into the scenario, we begin to erode the respect away that we have for others and for ourselves.

Anger is a valid emotion but there is a time and place for it. In the scenario above, too many computer techs experience the anger that is not checked at the door. After several years of dealing with it, the computer techs get to the point of saying, whatever and losing some of that passion they have for the job. As many techs may joke, they are a psychologist, punching bag and superman all rolled up into one package. I remember one president expecting me to get an AT&T satellite working so he could have a video conference call. I remember the time this same President of the company called me an idiot in front of a roomful of company employees because the power point projector would not work. There is a time and place but we all need to be mindful of that time and place as well as the person on the receiving end. If we value the other person so little, we value ourselves to the same degree.

Each of us needs to find our own outlet for anger and frustration that we experience in life. It is never okay to take it out on any other human or animal or even ourselves. The healthy thing is to get to the source of it and find ways to release it and let it go.

So the next time you find yourself ready to lash out at someone through your own misdirected anger, realize that they are not the ones that deserve. Yes, if they are the source of it, assertively find a way to confront them, but check your anger at the door. You can assertively confront someone without losing your temper and going ballistic.

We are all on this planet to build a civilization that uplifts and encourages each other. Let us not tear it down by living our life out of anger but one of seeing the good in each other and ourselves. There is a time for anger but not at the expense of someone else.



Blog Post & Images (c) 2/16/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

Release Anger Through Affirmations

There are events that happen in our day which cause upset and frustration. Sometimes it is not only people but events that can cause anger. While we sometimes can put the happy face on when this takes place, these moments do bother us. If we do not find ways to release anger from these moments, it will have a serious impact on our body, mind and spirit.

For a long time in my life while growing up, I witnessed people holding a grudge when someone did something to them that they were angered by. These people could hold a grudge for a long and did not let go of it easily. It was almost as if holding the grudge or the anger of the moment was as vital as taking the next breath of air.

If you look at events in the news that relate to power and control such as politics, you can quickly see how people hold anger for one another. In fact, it has become so common place that the lines have blurred so badly. In most instances of politics, we cannot even begin to see that this is taking place. Wars have been started because anger could not be released. Organizations, movements and laws passed have taken place out of anger.

Sometimes anger is very justified, so please do not think I am saying it has no place. It is a very valid emotion that we often hold on to while society shuns it in fear. Often it is difficult for others we are around to deal with our anger because of their own life experiences. Please note that I am not talking so much about rage, but about anger.

Anger is a difficult emotion for many because all too often, we have seen it abused and misdirected. Many have never learned healthy ways to release anger and so it builds up until we either stuff it deep inside, or we come out swinging. There are many ways that we hide our anger which involve self medication. Self medication can come in the form of alcohol, drugs, non stop workaholics, depression, anxiety, muscles tension, muscle pain, hives and itching, physical symptoms, avoidance and many other ways.

Of course, the trick in life is to find ways to release anger. I know for me, it took many years to realize that it was okay to let anger out. I had been taught like so many others that you did not show anger and that it was wrong to do this. It took me a long time to realize that there were safe ways to release anger that did not involve abusing myself or others like I had been shown all my life. I am not the world's best example of dealing with anger in my own life but I am learning more each day how to release anger.

In Doreen Virtue's CD, Chakra Meditation, there is one track called "Evening Meditation" that has an affirmation I am finding very helpful in releasing anger. It is a wonderful meditation CD that I truly love and when life gets so difficult, I use this CD. The affirmation she states in this track is as follows: "I am willing to release that part of me which angers me when I think of you."

When I hear these words, it helps put the moment of anger or frustration in perspective. It helps me see that I do have a choice and the ability or power to release the anger I am feeling. If you repeat this affirmation, you will most likely feel a similar effect of release upon your mind and your body. I would urge you to try hearing Doreen speak these words or even just repeating them to yourself and see what impact it has upon your life.

Realizing we have the ability to release anger of these moments is so powerful. Holding the anger and frustration in, only diminishes our life and robs of us our power. The moments of anger and frustration will most likely show up in life. However, if we find ways to release anger, we will find a greater piece of mind. For many people, this is a process and the more we exercise it, the stronger we will become.

For more information about Doreen Virtue's CD, Chakra Meditation, please visit iTunes or Amazon.

Trauma Recovery: Stages Of Anger

For me, I had to go through the stage of anger and that anger was intense. It got directed at many people and some were completely innocent, not even connected to my abuse. I did some very dangerous things at one point in my healing and could have really hurt many other innocent people. Fortunately, those times are long past but I am sad for this stage of my healing.

I believe we all have different ways that we go through healing and not one method is right for all. The anger is an important segment of it and as rough as it may get, it needs to come out.

For years, I just kept it all in because I had been raised that "anger" was wrong and inappropriate at least coming from me. Other family members could get angry but I could not. It took me a long time to allow myself to get in touch with that anger. Yes, I would bottle it up inside and cause my own self physical problems (such as a nervous stomach and ulcer, migraine headaches, vomiting, anxiety) but the only way it came out was when it exploded out of me. I had to learn that there are much safer and more appropriate ways to let it out. Actually feeling anger and connecting to it is part of being human. Holding it in is not very healthy.

As far as God goes - I was raised in a home where so much of my abuse happened at the hands of those that said God told them to do this to me. Points can be made that this isn't a true Christian, etc but the fact remains, that what I endured was so mixed up in religion that my brain has a difficult time separating the two out. I have come light years through this but God has heard his fair share of me screaming at him and calling him every name in the book. Again, it was part of my healing that I had to go through. I see God differently now though but I do understand those that blame God. I can really understand that and feel that pain.

All of the emotions and feelings that we go through in recovery are vital to our own growth. Hopefully we don't stay in those moments forever but without allowing ourselves to experience all of these painful healing moments, it is hard to fully release all of it. That takes different paths and shapes for each one of us.

And all I know for a fact is, I'm not as angry of a person as I once was. I don't hold all the anger in like I once did. I've learned many ways to let it all go and release the anger from my body as it comes up.

See Also:

1) Trauma: Release Anger In The Pool

2) Ways To Release Anger




(Above Picture from my book, A Journey Through Words. Poem entitled "Show Me Your Face" - (c) 05/06/99)



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Trauma: Release Anger In The Pool

For those people that have been dealt a heavy hand of trauma in their lives, anger is one of the recurring nightmares that they must face. Even with much therapy, there is always that residual anger that keeps coming up. While you can make significant progress in learning to deal with anger and finding ways to release anger, it still shows up.

All too often in our lives, as victims of trauma or child abuse, we were not allowed to show anger for what was happening to us. Even in traumatic moments, the energy is locked within us. The focus at those moments is on survival, not dealing with the feelings and emotions of anger. In the end, unless we deal with the anger that has locked itself deep within us, it will stay hidden below the surface. It is crucial that we find ways to discharge the energy of the anger stored within our bodies. If we do not do this, we will be met with many physical challenges and be as a ticking time bomb waiting to go off.

For a long time, I could not allow myself to get angry. My image of anger that I grew up with was an explosive father who just lashed out at the nearest person. During much of my life, I was so afraid of anger that I just held it in. Yes, if you are wondering, it did cause many physical problems from a nervous stomach, to shoulder, neck and back pain and in my case, paralysis. It took me a long time and a very safe place, with a very safe person who allowed me to go in and feel that anger. For some time, it was very difficult and scary and I needed much reassurance.

As time has passed, I have begun to release so much of the deep held anger within my body. It is the anger that is far below the surface and is not always easy to get in touch with. However, it affects me each and every day of my life in all that I do and all those that know me. M

I have gotten to a point where I can readily feel when the anger and stress levels are building up in me. If at that moment, I can begin to recognize these things and work through some of the surfacing anger, it will not nearly have the effect on me that it once did in my life. Of course, the fears that come up with this anger is that it will go to far and that I will lose control. I really have to honor those feelings and respect them so I allow myself to move through this in a safe manner.

Here is an exercise that I have used to help release anger by going to a swimming pool. This is an additional exercise that builds off of a previous blog post that I wrote (see Ways To Release Anger posted on 1/24/10).

Here's what to do:
Find a pool where you can have a little privacy and if you have one in your backyard, that is ideal.

As you begin to prepare yourself to do this exercise, begin focusing on the anger that you are feeling. Try to picture it completely in your mind and even talk about it or write about it if you can, even if this is just to yourself. Whatever works and makes you feel safe, allow yourself to really connect with that anger.

Now, go into the pool and find a level of water that is comfortable for you and where you can get solid footing. As you get your balance and footing in the water, begin to think about that which you are angry. At this point, you can either do the exercise mentioned above (Ways To Release Anger) or you can mix that in with this exercise. Whatever way feels right and works for you is the key.

So as you have your footing solid on the floor of the pool, begin to take your arm and make your hand into a fist, then start punching the water out. Use as much force as you can and really go deep and hard in to the water. Feel all of what is going on from the strength it takes to do this and the anger that you feel in your arm. Feel the pressure of the water pushing back as you punch the water. Continue to do this with one arm and then try it with the other arm. Feel free to alternate back and forth. Be creative in allowing yourself to connect with the anger. Remember, the water is not going to be hurt by you punching it. It is a safe way to release the anger.

Continue doing this until your body begins to feel exhausted and tired. You may be surprised at just how quickly this happens especially if you are really connecting to the anger and allowing that anger to exit through your arms. Before you get completely exhausted, find a comfortable, safe and inviting place to lie or sit down. Allow your body to feel everything that it is feeling from the exhaustion to the anger to the energy and excitement of what you just did. Allow your body to move or tremble or shake in any way that it may need to. Give yourself permission to cry or to scream out if that is what seems like the thing to do. You may even want to go and scream into the water if you're not in a place where you can do this safely. Just let everything come out and feel every bit of it. Notice all that is going on within your body.

Give yourself enough time to just rest and let your breathing and heart rate come down. Make sure you have plenty of time to just rest and relax because after you pushed your nervous system up into the anger phase, you need to give yourself the opposite side of it. It is the reward for going in and doing the hard work that you just did.

If you have a pulse meter, try to check it before you do this exercise and check it after. When I did it, my pulse went from a very high rate of around the 80-90's down to around 60 beats per minute. The more the drop, the more you really got in touch with your anger and released it. A pulse meter is a very good tool in helping you discern what really took place. And if by chance, you didn't get that great of a drop, don't worry - just try the exercise again. The more you connect with this, the more you will be able to impact your body in a very healthy way. Remember, you're not just releasing anger but you are having a positive impact on your physical, mental and emotional well being.


(Above Picture taken at our pool - (c) 09/07/10)




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How To Release Emotions

Life Learning Lessons: How To Release Emotions

For the past several months, I’ve been dealing with a rash that for the most part has gone away. However, there is still one section of my upper left arm that is hanging on. It changes of course from moment to moment, day to day. Some days, it is almost nonexistent and some days, it bothers me with an intensity that would make a grown person cry.

So the other day I was in a situation where I was working on a client site in close proximity with someone. This person was a touchy, feely person without strong boundaries. While their behavior was not with malicious intent, the touching and slapping they were doing around me was irritating to say the least. My body is very hypersensitive and the area they were touching was the area on my arm that still has a rash. It sort of felt like every time they touched this area, they were pressing the button on the atomic bomb and it was like, my arm kept saying – how lucky do you feel as they touched this part of my arm. The fear that comes up is that I’ll go off, lose control and go back into whatever is behind this rash on this particular spot on my arm. Right now, I cannot consciously describe what that is but I know without a doubt, it is there.

After a couple of times asking the person to not touch me especially not in this area, they continued. Of course I know they weren’t doing it intentionally as it was a subconscious thing within them. Something in them triggers this type of behavior in an autopilot mode where I’m sure they don’t even realize what they are doing. There is a very good chance; the action is mimicking something from long ago in their life that has now become a pattern. I understand that and can recognize it but it still makes it a very tough ordeal to experience.

However, here is where the series of events go into overdrive. After the second time of him hitting me in the arm, I picked up a chair in a joking manner and said, now go ahead and touch me there. I was trying to drive the point home enough so that he would stop. Fortunately he did but by that time, the itching had picked up dramatically and my arm was extremely painful. It was the kind of phantom pain that went deep to my bone and muscle and had nothing to do with the physical touch of being slapped. This was much deeper than that.

So I drove home and probably a good two hours after this happened or more, I all of the sudden found myself in a furry of rage at nothing or at no one. Yet, I was so full of rage. I was cursing, screaming at every little thing that seemed to go wrong on my computer or whatever was around me. At first, I didn’t even realize I was that full of rage until I stopped and took a look at myself. I kind of felt like a dog chasing his tail, who that actually caught his tail and then stopped and looked at what had happened. Yet, even in this moment, I could feel the deep rage bubbling up inside of me but with no explanation or connection to why it was there. From that point, the anger just increased exponentially to the point where it was unbearable. I wanted it to end. This led to me thinking thoughts of how can I end my life from this which of course then led to feeling like I wanted to cry but wasn’t able to cry. This all happened in a matter of moments and switched back and forth as easily as one could step forward or backwards.

It left me feeling like I was such a screw up and like I was just so darn messed up that I would never get through all of this that I am healing from. It felt like there was no tomorrow and no reason to go on. I struggled to keep myself from just wanting to give up. Again, this is in a matter of minutes or less and it switches from one emotion to the next so quickly.

I struggled through the next day of this wondering why all of this had happened and felt very sad for myself that anyone should have to endure this. After talking to Dr. Canali today about it and sharing with him what happened, so much more made sense.

You see, at one time in my life, I had no outlet for many emotions. It was not something that was allowed, condoned or even possible in my family. I was always a hypersensitive kid and that didn’t mix well with my family. We did not show anger in front of my father at all nor was I allowed to show tears without being told to grow up, whipped for it or being called a cry baby and humiliated. My mom was the one that seemed to be allowed to cry but then that was ok in my family because as I was taught, she was a woman or it was her time of the month so it was expected. That was the teaching I received from my Neanderthal father. Plus, the only anger I ever saw being dealt with in my family was my dad going off into a rage. There was no example I had to follow of watching someone release anger in a mature and safe manner.

Now fast forward to later in life when I have absolutely no clue as to how to deal with emotions in a healthy way and treat them as if they are a normal part of life. They were something to be feared, to be loathed and avoided at all costs. Yet, the stuffing of emotions deep within me got me many medical conditions from ulcers and illnesses, to migraines and daily headaches. So now, at my adult age, I am trying to parent myself and teach myself how to release emotions in a normal, healthy and balanced way.

Hearing from Dr. Canali that all of this that was going on, was my body and mind’s attempt to learn how to release emotions and deal with the emotions in a positive way, was like manna from heaven. Here, I had been beating myself up for it and getting lost in the fear of losing control rather than embracing the newness of my awareness for all that I was becoming conscious of. I thought it was a dreadful thing when in reality; this process is a good thing. If I can keep myself from diving deep into the fear of the moment and allow it to unfold and allow myself to learn from it, I know I will be able to transform some more of these deep hurts and lessons missed in my life. The more I get swallowed up by the fear of what is happening in moments like this, the more I am fueling the series of events to loop around in a circle with no exit.

It is a process to learn to heal these things and to fully reclaim one’s life. It is not a quick fix of I’m through this part so that’s it. We as humans are constantly evolving or hopefully we are and through that constant evolution, we are becoming more and more who we really are. To deny this or stop this process is denying the inner truth about our self. It isn’t easy going through this but as I have learned through the many other experiences that have come my way, there is the reward of a life filled with so much more than I could have imagined.

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