Thursday, October 14, 2010

Trauma Recovery: Stages Of Anger

For me, I had to go through the stage of anger and that anger was intense. It got directed at many people and some were completely innocent, not even connected to my abuse. I did some very dangerous things at one point in my healing and could have really hurt many other innocent people. Fortunately, those times are long past but I am sad for this stage of my healing.

I believe we all have different ways that we go through healing and not one method is right for all. The anger is an important segment of it and as rough as it may get, it needs to come out.

For years, I just kept it all in because I had been raised that "anger" was wrong and inappropriate at least coming from me. Other family members could get angry but I could not. It took me a long time to allow myself to get in touch with that anger. Yes, I would bottle it up inside and cause my own self physical problems (such as a nervous stomach and ulcer, migraine headaches, vomiting, anxiety) but the only way it came out was when it exploded out of me. I had to learn that there are much safer and more appropriate ways to let it out. Actually feeling anger and connecting to it is part of being human. Holding it in is not very healthy.

As far as God goes - I was raised in a home where so much of my abuse happened at the hands of those that said God told them to do this to me. Points can be made that this isn't a true Christian, etc but the fact remains, that what I endured was so mixed up in religion that my brain has a difficult time separating the two out. I have come light years through this but God has heard his fair share of me screaming at him and calling him every name in the book. Again, it was part of my healing that I had to go through. I see God differently now though but I do understand those that blame God. I can really understand that and feel that pain.

All of the emotions and feelings that we go through in recovery are vital to our own growth. Hopefully we don't stay in those moments forever but without allowing ourselves to experience all of these painful healing moments, it is hard to fully release all of it. That takes different paths and shapes for each one of us.

And all I know for a fact is, I'm not as angry of a person as I once was. I don't hold all the anger in like I once did. I've learned many ways to let it all go and release the anger from my body as it comes up.

See Also:

1) Trauma: Release Anger In The Pool

2) Ways To Release Anger

(Above Picture from my book, A Journey Through Words. Poem entitled "Show Me Your Face" - (c) 05/06/99)

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