There are many things I am worried about in life. From my finances, to friendships and my professional life, there are nonstop flights to worry land every day.
I feel as if I do not have the strength to continue. My body feels tired and weary to continue the fight. Self confidence is at an all time low in my mind. Yesterday was one of the lowest moments I can remember.
In addition, I feel so all alone. The little things in life get magnified a thousand times. It seems there is little hope to find my way through what I am experiencing. The darkness of the difficult moments haunt my life.
My body feels worn down and bruised to the bone. It feels like I have nowhere to turn or anyone to turn to that may help me. I feel as if I have to walk alone through this part of my journey. There is no road map. There are no directions. The manual for my life cannot be found.
Once again though, I keep getting reminded that I need to release my resistance to what I am experiencing. Oh, how that sounds like something I need in my life. It sounds almost like music to my ears. With doubt and trepidation, I fully want to embrace this with a hug. Yet, all I see is a porcupine with long needles sticking out.
For me to release worry, I wonder how someone actually makes this happen. What are the secrets? What does one actually do to release worry? If only I had the answers. If only I knew what I needed to do.
I cling to all that I do not want in my life out of an overabundance of fear. Fear is all I seem to know. Fear is my currency and my wealth in life. Fear is my abundance.
Even as badly as I want to release worry in my life, I feel as if I would be cutting off the flow of sustenance to my life. It is frightening and difficult to think that a world without worry could exist. It seems like a fantasy! It does not seem real!
So the question I ask of myself today, is how do I release worry? What steps do I take? Where is the book describing this process?
All I know to do in this moment is to continue my search to understand how to release fear (opps, I mean worry. Did I just write fear?). Maybe the key is in my mistake of words. Maybe it isn't worry that I need to release but the fears I need to let go in my life.
Would that not be a shocker if fear was the root cause of my worry? Have I not heard this lesson before in my life? Have I not cursed these difficult steps in previous days? Of course, I know the answers to these questions I ask.
Maybe I just need to stop and acknowledge my fears. Maybe I need to realize my fears are very alive right now and are trying to take over my life. In fact, they are doing a very good job of it at this moment.
Then, if I can see and describe my fears, maybe I will fully recognize them when they appear. If I can recognize them, then I can begin to close the door on them, not giving them access to my life. If I stop giving them access to my life, then maybe I will begin to release the fears. As I release the fears, I will be removing the energy of worry that is paralyzing my life.
It all seems easy to accomplish. However, I know how difficult it is to identify and let go of the fears. Until I allow myself to have the courage to do this, my fears and my worry will control my life.
I know this is what I need to do, and I feel my feet shaking and my body trembling. May I find the courage to face my fears. May I find the strength within myself to stand on my shaking feet. May I have the wisdom to find my way through these difficult moments.
(Above Picture taken - (c) 10/09/10)
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