When We Let Go

Written by  Don Shetterly

One of the most difficult lessons I have learned in life is this one.  When we let go, that's when we discover what matters.  It seems like we should cling and hold on to what we know, but as I have found, that's when we need to let go.  For in doing so, this is when we discover what we cannot see.  It allows us to make a choice of a new and different awareness.

I Struggle To Let Go

 By Don Shetterly

One of the things I believe happens to people who have been traumatized is wanting to remain in control, long after the events are past.   It makes sense in my mind because if control is taken away from you in abuse or other traumatic incidents, then it is the thing that your mind and body attempt to reconcile.

Often we get lost in this during recovery because things just don't fit together.  We strive for a series of events that fit and many times, these events have not surfaced.  It becomes like putting a puzzle together, and the pieces don't fit until you get enough in place to see the puzzle more clearly.

What our rational brain now sees compared to what was happening during the event does not mesh together.  It is like two separate things attempting to operate at the same time, and it just doesn't work.

I struggle to let go of things.  I struggle to let go of control in life.  When this happens, I increase the anxiety and stress in my life.  Yet, even though the best thing for me to do may be letting go, I cling to it as if it is my existence.  I cling to it because it feels familiar.

Unfortunately the more we try to control everything in life, the more difficult we make it.  Sometimes controlling everything is the worst thing we can do, but when you attempt to tell that to a traumatized brain, it laughs in your face as if you know nothing.

These days, there are many ways that most of us don't let go.  You can see it online in social media where someone just has to get that last word or that insult in.  You see in political discussions that no matter what side you are on, someone is not going to let up until they convince you that their ideas are right.

When couples argue, you can see this first hand.  Neither party often wants to give up and let go, for they are right and the other is wrong.  It is so prevalent throughout relationships, and in friends and people we meet every day.

Often times it shows up as "I'm Right, You're Wrong, " but that just brings more harm, strife, stress, and anxiety to the world.  You may prove your point, but you lose all that matters to yourself, your relationships. and your humanity in this world.

It is not easy to let go.  While it may be easy to say or create happy thoughts about letting go, most humans struggle with this.  Even if you're the most enlightened of individuals, this is not easy to do.  We tend to continually hold on to things that we don't need to hold on to in our lives.

Sometimes on social media, I find myself struggling to just walk away from the insults and arguments.  I've had people mock me for being on Oprah, when if they would understand that the show was about male survivors, most likely they would not have been mocking me.

In those times I want to put them in their place, but then I would become just like them.  My mom always told me to not lower myself to their standards, but keep my head held high.  In essence, she was telling me to "just let it go."

I know it isn't easy to let things go.  I struggle with it too, but don't give up that process.  We create a lot of our stress and a lot of anxiety in our lives and the more we can learn to let go, the better off we will be.  It is a continual process of learning and awareness, not just something you write as a happy thought.

Learn from the process, and let the process of learning to let go be your guide to greater awareness and possibility for your future.  That's what I'm striving to do!

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

I Don't Stop Where I'm At

When my life stopped because I was paralyzed, I thought my entire world had ended.  I couldn't take care of myself.  I could not feed myself, not that I wanted food anyway.  Talking was almost impossible unless you count getting a word out every few minutes as normal.

I wanted to give up.  In fact, my body tried hard to give up.  I had seizures from the Conversion Disorder.  I struggled to keep myself awake.  The rest of the time I was either a zombie or asleep.  It was a terrifying ordeal considering the day before it started, I was up and running around just like everyone else.

In those days, there were no support groups to ask how to come out of this because the internet was barely a thing at the time.  It was in the early days of CompuServe and Prodigy and AOL.  It would be many years later before I would meet someone else with Conversion Disorder.

Of course, by this point in my life, I have healed so much and have been able to do much more than anyone ever thought I could.  In the early days, they didn't expect that I would make it, much less function normally and go back to work.  I proved them wrong.

I don't quit trying...

How did I prove them wrong?  I adopted the philosophy that I have always lived by in my life.  I don't stop where I'm at and I don't quit trying. 

I will turn my world upside down if I have to and I'll challenge anything that someone thinks is what I should believe.  I'm not one to just accept the situation I am in.  After all, when I was paralyzed, I didn't know if I would ever walk again at the time.

It took me saying I'm going to find my way through this while leaving no stone unturned.  I knew I had to keep looking for how to heal myself, because the doctors at the time didn't have a clue.  There was a way, but I had to let go of what I thought worked in my life to find out what did.

I had to let go...

I had to let go of everything that was my life up to that point.  I had to let go of what my family thought I should do and what friends thought I should do.  I had to walk over the edge of the cliff and take the leap so I could find the path before me.

By not stopping where I was and pushing into the unknown, I found my way through it, step by step.  I didn't hold on to labels.  I didn't hold on to the diagnosis.  I started to search for all that physically helped me and resonated with me.  I started to search for all that felt right, even if I could not see a difference in the early days.

I had to turn every stone over...

It was through letting go of all I was holding on to that I discovered the things that got me to walk again, talk again, and begin functioning in life once again.  None of it was easy.  None of it was immediate.  None of it was anything anyone could tell me to do.  I had to find the path forward and I had to turn over every stone until I saw where I could take a step.

Healing and experiences in life can be pretty daunting and challenging.  Sometimes they work hard to take us under.  As hard as it is to do, we do make the choices in how we proceed.  Many times, the choices seem limited and nonexistent, but they are there.  The process of finding them is where the healing begins.

I thought the odds of me recovering from what I went through were zero.  Yet, in the depths of despair and taking my last breaths, I decided in my mind that I was going to fight and come through this.  It was a difficult time and the choice to fight and find my way through was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

Don't stop where you're at.  Don't think this is the way things will always be.  There is far more than we are aware of in this one single moment of time.  I do not accept any condition I face now as if it is the way things are.  I've learned that I have to give that up in order to find myself.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Coping With Stress

Ok, here's a question asking for a show of hands.

How many of us know how to effectively cope with stress?

I see a few hands go up, but for the most part many are avoiding eye contact with me.  I know... I know...  it isn't always easy coping with stress.

For most of us, we weren't taught how to cope with stress that well.  Our dearly beloved parents often didn't know how to cope with stress in their own lives and that's what they taught us.  It isn't that we should blame them for anything because they did the best with what they had (ok, maybe not all parents did the best, but I'm sure some did).

All too often, we deal with stress by acting as if it is not there.  We avoid it, numb it and disconnect from it.  We look at anyone who acknowledges it with raised eye brows as if they are doing something wrong in life.

We keep ourselves so busy...

Sometimes we keep ourselves so busy that we don't have to acknowledge its presence in our lives.  Sometimes we have a few extra numbing and mind altering substances just so we can continue on separating ourselves from what is going on.

Some of us do very well at shoving it deep down inside of us so we just don't have to look at it.  Humans are pretty good at that.  Yeah, there are days when we need to do that, but so often we forget to flip the switch back the other way and deal with the stress.

Often we avoid and disconnect and numb stress in such an unconscious way that we're oblivious to its effects upon our body ... and our mind.  It is there, but we're in such a busy mode and disconnected mode that we don't see it.

When I've gone into some deep healing moments on the table, one of the first things we do is observe what is there in that moment - what we feel in our body.  There are many times that I don't feel anything until I stop and start to ask the question and notice it.  Then, it intensifies and that is the launching pad for the deep healing work.

Numbing and disconnecting...

Regardless of how you deal with stress, coping with it by numbing and disconnecting is not the best way.  It may be necessary in the moment, but if this continues, it starts to have major impacts on the different systems in the body.  It opens the door for illness and dis-ease.

Learning to be aware of its presence and learning to cope with stress is key to finding a more happier and healthier life.  It may not happen all at once and some of us may require much more difficulty to learning how to do this, but you mind and body will thank you.

If you do nothing and just let it build, at some point it will try to get your attention.  The daily buildup of stress can be just as harmful as traumatic experiences.  Trust me - and I share this from my own personal life - you don't want to go down the road of letting it build and not finding a way to let it go.

Coping with stress is about letting go, but doing so on a daily basis.  We have to find ways to stop and "smell the roses" or life will takeover and we'll be left wishing we had.  There are simple ways and more profound ways to cope with stress, but it all starts by stopping and observing and feeling in  your body.

After that, your body and  your mind will guide the way if you allow them.  They will show you things that you may not have realized, but it all starts with observing and feeling the stress within your body.

I leave you with this question - what will you do today in learning to cope with stress and letting go?  How will you allow yourself to feel it in your body, so you can let it go from the cellular level?

#stress

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Surrender Into Healing

I'm learning so much lately working with some clients.  While I can't give away specifics, I can say that learning to surrender into that area which is not letting go, is exactly where I need to be.  I coach my clients through this, but I have to remember to surrender myself.

It is easy for us to go in and hold and hang on to all that we have carried around for so long in our life.  It is not easy to let go.  In fact, it usually feels like we have to continue fighting through what we are facing.  In reality, we need to let go of it.

I can remember some time ago, I was struggling with an issue and the person helping me asked me if "Could I let go".  At first, I was like, of course I can let go.  Then as I sat there thinking - no, I really cannot let go.  What happens if I let go,  What will my life be.  What will happen.  What will replace it.

Our fears about surrendering into our higher good generally look like big giants before us.  Like David and Goliath, the giant was much bigger than everyone thought.  With one little stone, he brought the giant down.  He brought fear down.

Working with other people, when I get into this moment of not being certain how things are going to transform, it is then that I have to surrender.  It is then that I have to allow things to be where they are and be okay with that.

Today, I am all that I can be and I will be content to be all that I can be in this moment.  That is the key and solution.  It sounds so simple, but it is so true.  When we hang on or fight against the currently, we're only exhausting ourselves.

I saw this so vivid today with a client and the minute I shifted my thinking, they shifted completely today.  It was beautiful and it touched my heart deeply with joy.

Let us be okay with all that we are in this moment.  Let us recognize, we are only so much at this moment.  It doesn't mean we can't grown and evolve.  It just means we recognize where we are while we are searching for a forward path.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blog Post And Images (c) 12/15/15 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------