Written By Don Shetterly
Do we ever stop to think about what we say to others? Do we realize that sometimes our words are so hurtful even though we intend them to be healing? Obviously, these are rhetorical questions, but I am constantly amazed at how people can be so misguided when they think they are helping others.
If you've suffered from mental illness or depression and anxiety, you've probably heard the routine statements, "just get over it" and "just move on." These statements are so hurtful to others, and they do little to offer hope and healing for their lives.
I had one person tell me after I came out of the hospital from being paralyzed by a conversion disorder that I should have just prayed about it. I was stunned. However, I replied to them, "if you broke your arm, would you just have prayed about it?" Her answer was no.
Yet it doesn't stop people from engaging their vocal chords and disengaging their brain cells. I'm sorry if that sounds rough, but when people make these statements to others who are struggling, those statements are very harsh. They are hurtful. People are already going through enough without others piling on to the pain.
I do understand that sometimes we don't know what to say or how to say it. I do understand that sometimes it is uncharted ground that makes us fearful of saying the wrong thing.
The best thing you can do is to connect with your heart. I don't mean engage the brain first. I am advocating that you engage the heart first, then attempt to speak from the vocabulary in your brain.
If you can share experiences that help others connect with you, it can be helpful. Again, this must be done from your heart and not from your ego or brain. If it is heart centered, you are more in tune with what they need. It is never about what you need in this situation. It is about what support the other person needs. Be careful that it doesn't become about you and your experiences, but how those relate to their situation.
Many times, the issues we see in others connect to issues held deeply in our own lives. I often acknowledge their presence, but we should not inflict our own issues upon the other person needing support. Our issues are not their issues. Our issues should not be forced upon them. They need support at that moment, and if we offer it from our heart and our experiences, it will help them more than we know.
Let's stop being hurtful with our words in helping support someone. There's a good chance you will likely mess up at some point, but be honest and heartfelt. Be understanding if you are not getting your point across. Be understanding if they don't understand what it is that you can see.
In the moment of grief and despair, our eyes and our minds are not seeing clearly. Remember that, as you're offering words of support and healing to others. It will go a long way to truly offering to be there for someone and not inflicting emotional pain upon them through your words.
Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly
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