Living With A Bully

I was recently reading some tweets by @Hope4Siblings on sibling abuse, and never stopped to give it a thought.  I'm guessing it is widespread or so it seems in my world.  Most of the things that I went through, I have often minimized as if they were just normal and I guess I've done the same here.

While I'm not one to embrace too many labels, I know I went through sibling abuse. My older brother made my life hell for me.  Every chance he got, he'd pound the crap out of me.  He loved to tackle me on the ground.  He was so overweight and he used that weight to hold my arms back and then jump up and down on my upper arms and shoulders with his knees.  It hurt like hell and to this day I struggle with deep pain sometimes in my shoulders.


   I was living with a bully...

Then in the second grade, there were these fourth graders in the Hampton, Iowa elementary school I went to that further made this difficult.  There were four (4) of them but I can't remember their faces or their names.  I'm not sure I knew their names.  They would each take one arm and leg and then start swinging me back and forth and let me go sailing in the air.  When I'd land on the ground, it hurt like all you can imagine it hurt.  No teachers, of course, would see it or listen to me when I told them what was going on.  I hated that school.  I hated the teachers.



   I was living with a bully... 

When we lived in one place as a kid, I was maybe in kindergarten or first grade.  We would ride the bus to school because we lived out in the country.  It is important to note that we were pretty poor and lived in a very cold rural house in Iowa.  Winter times meant being cold.  I barely had mittens or a hat to wear.  I was lucky if my boots had no holes in them.  The kids would try to grab and steal my mittens and hat every time I got on the bus.  They didn't care if I froze.  The bus driver would yell at me when I tried to get them back.  I hated the kids and the bus driver.



   I was living with a bully...


I grew up in a house where my father did unspeakable things to me.  You can learn more about that in my books, but it was not a pretty time.  I was more of a sensitive little boy.  I didn't enjoy hunting and killing things.  My little hands would get cold.  I wasn't as big of a "man" as I was supposed to be and that brought on a lot of hurt and pain for me.



   I was living with a bully... 

I worked in a job where a coworker was nothing but a bully.  He thought making fun of my sexuality and everything else about me was the norm.  People in authority in the company didn't seem to care.  They just turned a blind eye toward it.  In fact, I was told once that "I just needed to learn to work with others as adults."  It was as if what this person did was okay, but I was the one with a problem.  Emotionally, it took its toll on me and I finally quit.



   I was living with a bully...



Whether it is sibling abuse or being sexually abused by someone in your family, it is not easy and it is not fun.  When there are no people to turn to that can help, you feel all alone.  When the bully in the house threatens you and you know they are dead serious, you have no one to tell.

I see far too many bullies in this day and age and all of them trigger me.  I have no use for a bully.  If you can't respect others, then as some might say, "You are dead to me".  Sorry if that sounds harsh, but after a lifetime of bullies, I struggle to feel love toward them.  It is still part of my healing journey.

Living with a bully is difficult.  We need to get serious in this world about stopping the bully that exists in far too many places.  I still deal with the aftermath of what I experienced as I'm sure most people do as well.

If you're a bully - get help!  If you are being bullied - keep seeking help.  You should not have to endure this behavior.  The bully is the one with the problem, not you!   And if no one listens - scream a little louder until they do!  Find someone to help you.  You don't deserve to be bullied by anyone.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Do Antidepressants Work

I'm not a big believer in medication or pills of any kind.  I never have been and that started way back when I was a little kid.  Even in my career with animals, I always tried to find other ways to treat sick animals and keep them well without using medication and vaccines.  We live in an over-medicated society both with humans and animals.

While I am not a big supporter of medications, I do believe there are times that we need things to help us through difficult times of our life.  As I say that, I'm perplexed because what one person thinks is a bad time versus how another person sees these difficult moments is so different that I think it is hard to be objective.

Do Antidepressants work?  

Are Antidepressants bad ?  

These are tough questions and what I write is not necessarily based upon objective scientific research data that I can summarize.  It is based upon my own life's experiences.  I'm not speaking from a pie-in-the-sky concept, but one that has helped me in my own life. 

Do Antidepressants Work?

It depends upon who you talk to if antidepressants work.  Pharmaceutical companies and many medical doctors will claim they work with data to back up their claims.  Others in the new age or alternative industry will claim that they do very little.  Some people will claim they are nothing more than the placebo effect.

Keep in mind that the pharmaceutical companies are trying to market and make a profit off of the antidepressants.  This is not necessarily a bad thing, but it has gotten carried away in our day and age.  I personally feel too many medical professionals are compromised because there is far too much money and perks thrown at them by the pharmaceutical companies.  Most likely there is a great deal of peer pressure as well and many individuals also demand that their doctors give them these medications.

Some people will state that you can do the same with your mind that the antidepressant can do in your mind.  While I don't discount that, it is far more difficult for people who are severely depressed to do this on their own will and accord.  When you are in that deep state of depression, nothing matters in life and changing how your mind sees things is not something you can easily do.

Are Antidepressants Bad For You

There are many side effects from taking antidepressants and they are not fun.  Ask anyone taking medications about side effects and most likely they will tell you how awful they are.  I fully believe that any drug or pill or medication you take that alters one system in the body, damages or degrades or alters another system in the body.

If we were meant to take these pills like this, I think we would have been born with them in our hands.  On the other hand, we do have doctors that exist to help us through life's problems.  I just don't believe you can categorically state that antidepressants are bad for you overall.  It depends upon the person.

One horrible mistake we make in our society with medications and antidepressants is that we look to them as the treat-all and end-all for our condition.  We gulp them down as if this tiny drug will magically make our life better and we in no way need to do anything else to help change our life.  We don't change our ways.  We don't alter what we do.  We just take the pill and go on about our life with the same patterns, choices, and awareness that brought us to this point.

While some new age and alternative therapies want to act as if all antidepressants are bad, they are forgetting one thing.  The individual that does not have the tools or the resources to help them through a rough part of life, needs something that will help temporarily.  The individual needs something to be able to get back on their feet and in lieu of the tools or resources, antidepressants can help.  Again, I say this with the assumption that the individual is seeking out other ways to work on their life and making choices that lifts them into a different awareness in life.

My Experience With Antidepressants

When I went through Conversion Disorder, my doctor wanted to put me on medication.  I fought him hard on this because my family told me that the doctors would brainwash me if I went on medication.  So, my doctor made a deal with me that we would try it my way (without antidepressants and medication) and if it didn't work, we would try it his way.  I made it all the way until I was discharged from the hospital and once the real world hit me, I had no choice but to go on medications.

I had unusual experiences with antidepressants where I didn't know what to expect, but I thought the sensations and feelings I was getting after being on the medications for a few weeks were somehow bad for me.  Little did I know that this is how life was supposed to be and without antidepressants, I would have never discovered that part of life.  They helped me so much but at the same time, I was doing extensive therapy work on myself.  I was not just relying on the drugs and medications to be a magic wand.  I did not stay on these for more than 2 or 3 years which I think is a good thing.

Fast-forward many years where more was beginning to surface in my life and each day I was seeking ways to actively commit suicide.  I started seeing a therapist and she suggested that I start taking antidepressants again.  At this point in my life, they helped me deal with what was going on so that I would stop trying to kill myself.  It was then that I could focus more on therapy and working through the issues I had to deal with in my life.  Without antidepressants, I'm not sure I would be alive.

As I have continued my healing in this life, I have found other ways to deal with depression, anxiety, and all the issues I have had to deal with throughout my life.  It is a different form of work, but one that takes you deep internally and makes the connection between what you feel in the body and how the mind connects to it.  It has been a challenging process, but one that now allows me the tools to deal with what comes up, even if I sink down into despair for a short period of time.

Our Choices With Antidepressants

We all have to make choices in how we treat ourselves and what paradigms we hold on to or let go of in our life.  We can embrace a medication lifestyle or we can embrace a life where we get to know ourselves intimately in an internal sort of way.  The answers we need are not in a pill, medication, procedure or the advice of some other person.  These things may help us get to the answers, but ultimately the answers are within us.  We just have to stop and find them!  Unfortunately today in our society, we fail to go inside for the answers.

Feel free to ask questions if you want and I will try to answer them from my own experience.  No matter what, if you are in a bad spot in life, please seek help.  Get informed so that you make the best choices for your life.

This blog post is not medical advice.  It is more about my experience and what worked for me.  You need to seek the advice of a medical professional before making any decisions based upon the information I have shared in this blog post.

You may also want to check out my book that details some of what I went through in life.  I am working on a second book that shares a different side of the torture and trauma I experienced.  Check out my book on Amazon, Hope And Possibility Through Trauma.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Finding Balance Once Again

Not long ago, I quit my job.  I walked away from something that was bringing in a nice income because the stress level had become to great and my exhaustion was almost not manageable. A job that I had grown to love and enjoyed had become toxic and so it was time to move on.

Finding balance once again after going through the nonstop stress and rigors of the past few years without a rest, is difficult to say the least.  Even after many days since I quit, my body and mind are still in that revved up mode feeling like I have to be getting this task done or taking a call or preparing for a meeting.  It just isn't easy to stop and walk away from it.

My body was so struck in the rut of letting this job consume me, that to find balance is as difficult as trying to get me to sky dive out of a plane.  Yet, I know that as the days go and as I seek rest and relaxation, I will find balance once again.  I know that as I catch up on my sleep, my mind will once again see possibility, rather than the dread of going another day.

Embracing Mediocrity

Too many people and too many businesses just don't see the whole picture.  Some think that if they try to much, what is the point.  Some think that if too much is expected, then it makes them look bad.  Why do people, businesses, governments, and organizations embrace mediocrity?

I've worked with far too many people and places in this.  Its almost like they just want to put in their time, collect some money, and go home.  They take very little or no pride in the quality of what they put out.  Its more about gimme the money and don't ask me to do correctly what it is that you're paying me to do.

I've seen far too many organizations and governments and other places do just enough to get by and not go beyond that.  Its easier to be part of the status quo then to hold expectations of being all that you can be.  Its far easier to just get by, then go above and beyond.

When Life Gets Away From You

Another from my daily journal where I try to make sense of things that seem beyond my control.  I write to understand.  I write to find my way through.  I write in my journal to make sense out of that which I can't seem to control.

When life gets away from you, what are you to do?  Where are you to go?  Do you run and hide?  Do you run and flee from everyone you know?

When life gets away from you, what is the next step?  Where do you turn?  Can you even begin to find the way back to that which you seek.

Lately, it feels like life has gotten away from me.  What I once had, no longer exists.  Too much heartache and pain has come knocking on my door.  There has been far too much stress in the job to even have a moments rest.