We will claim we don't. We will claim we are enlightened.
We will claim all kinds of opinions and beliefs as if they are the truth.
Being human is about knowing ourselves more and more each day. It is not about hiding from what is deep within. It is about traveling into those depths of that which we don't know and learning how to transform it into something we wish to know.
So often these days, we see people hide behind beliefs and opinions.
We see people hide behind reality that isn't real.
We see people claim to know, but yet they don't know.
If you really want to give yourself something awesome in life, give yourself the discovery of getting to know the innermost YOU! For the more you know about yourself, the more you can truly function in life with all that is thrown your way.
Some days I don't feel much and other days I feel too much. Some days I care and other days I could care less. I feel robbed and cheated and used and abused. I feel lonely, forsaken, and left alone in this world.
I fight the loneliness, but yet I want to hide in my cave. I fight the hurt and pain, but yet I can't feel. I want to love and care, but I've been so hurt that those things feel like sharpened swords flying towards me at high speed.
Depression saddens me, but it is my friend. Depression is horrible, but at this moment it feels like my solace. Depression shades everything around me and distorts all that I see. Depression saddens me. Depression hurts me.
I see the happy thoughts and I hear the battle cries from all those around me. The thoughts and cries seem wonderful, if only I didn't live in this darkened world. I'm reminded of the simple steps to think differently and change my life, but I'm forever chained by depression.
I get up each day, fighting and hoping that things will be different. I get up each day hoping that depression will have vanished in the night. I get up each day just hoping and wishing and begging that this will have been one horrible nightmare last night.
Depression sucks. Depression is horrible. Depression is like chains that bind you to the point of living a life unlike the one you desire.
I so badly want to flee depression. I so energetically try to flee depression. Yet, as I look behind me, I see depression pushing me forward.
Why can't I just stop and punch it in the face? Why can't I just stop and obliterate it so that it never follows me again.
Why, I ask?
Why?
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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly
Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form.
You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.
We're there! We've been a downhill trajectory for a long time and now we're just digging deeper into fear. So many and I mean so many are so afraid of fear that reality isn't even a close relative now.
At one time (maybe it was just an illusion), we all were not a bunch of fear freaks scampering to every potential thing that happened in a day or didn't happen. Now, we are all waiting it seems to run from anything that might make a whisper.
It is really sad to be honest. We are at an all time high for panic and depression. We are at an all time high of trusting no one and fearing everyone. We're afraid of people who look different than us. We are afraid of sounds that turn out to be nothing meaningful.
I thought it would balance out at some point, but I think I'm wrong. We are so afraid of fear that I wonder just how long it will be before we reach the ultimate, point of no return tipping point. I'm not sure we are that far away from this.
In the meantime, fear is causing not only mental disturbance issues, but all kinds of health issues. Fear is forcing us to do things we wouldn't normally do and consuming us to the point where normal things in life look frightening.
Everyone thinks that by following the constant minute by minute replays of news, they are somehow giving themselves sustenance and facts, but in many ways, they are just adding to the fear. News isn't news and it is only designed to hook you and reel you in, but that doesn't stop anyone.
Everyone thinks that by taking more and more health procedures that we are somehow handling the crisis. Unfortunately this just takes everyone further and further from being connected to their body. It takes them further into the dark whole where the health issues compound themselves and grow with unbridled expansion.
Instead of learning to respect and love one another, we treat everyone as the enemy. We and our politicians degrade anyone that is different than us and anyone that might help us gain more power, money or control. It doesn't matter which side of the issue we are on, because we all do it through what we mind numbingly share and like on social media every day.
It is sad how we have lost site of where we are and who we are at in a day. I can see the nervous system spinning out of control in most people I meet, but we still walk into the fog, thinking that we are walking into the sun.
Where will it all stop and reverse? I am not sure. I can't see how we can continue on as humans in this manner. The universe strives for balance and the further we swing one way or the other, the more it will take to bring us back into balance. May we all do that before it is past the point of no return.
If only we could do little things every day, rather then hiding our heads in the sand. If only we could figure out what it truly means to be grounded, not just something that we tell the world that we are. If only we could get back to discovering what it means to be aware of our innermost self instead of looking to blame, ridicule, mock, and disrespect others.
I know, it seems like a dream right now. It continues to be my dream and my hope.
Listen to the YouTube Video below of Joy Harjo and the Fear Poem. It is powerful!
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Blog Post And Images (c) 12/26/15 by Don Shetterly
Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form.
You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.
For background on this post, please begin at the blog post on November 6, 2011 (Healing The Itchy Hand Rash, Intro).
From My Personal Journal on October 21, 2011
Today Is Challenging
Can I make this any more clear? Today is a challenge! Let me repeat that in case it isn't crystal clear - today is a challenge. A simple statement and to the point.
It seems like my hand does better and then it goes downhill. Woke up feeling pretty good with it but now it itches like crazy as I write this. Overall it is healing, but moments like this really bring out the agitation in me.
My energy level evades me as if it is playing hide and seek. It is very difficult to focus on any thing positive today. My body wants to crawl in a cave and hide. I fight with all my strength to prevent this. Maybe I should give in and accept it as fate.
There I was - lying on the table - shrouded in complete fear. I could barely feel my left arm and what I could feel was pain that was so intense, I wanted to run and hide and flee. I wanted to crawl under the table, hide in the corner, not do anything that would connect me to the pain I was feeling.
The fears were intense. The questions were strong. Could I do this? Do I really want to do this? This is too hard! All these things were attacking me as if I had come up against an army 100 million times my army of one!
Yet, I had been here before. I had been through these moments in my healing. I knew the process. I was familiar with the feelings, the thoughts, the fears and emotions. Still, my mind seemed like a blank slate. It seemed like all that I knew was not within my grasp. It seemed that reality and pain and being disconnected from my body had all played Russian Roulette, and so the outcome seemed to be impossible to predict.
The more I wanted to flee the pain and hide, the more I felt so alone and lost. My arm at first would barely move, and felt as if the muscles were going to tear apart inside. My body felt as if it was being smashed head first into a wall like a cop frisking a suspect. As the moments wore on, the stiffness invaded my entire body. My body failed to move. It was as if the cells could not turn the ignition on to start their engines. The fears were great. The fears increased. It felt like time had stopped.
Nothing felt safe in that moment. Having someone close to me did not seem to matter. I felt so alone and lost out in space. I felt so engulfed into this deep dark black space that had once again introduced itself to me. While I wanted to flee and run, the stiffness in my body, the pain that ran from my shoulder, led to feeling like I was being stabbed in the neck. It paralyzed me in fear. It seemed like I was getting the crap pounded out of me. It seemed like I had no choice. It seemed like I was destined to live with this.
Yet, I knew I was entering that dark tunnel with the immense darkness of space and time. It was a horrifying and lonely deep black space within me. It was one that I was afraid that if I traveled into, would I be able to find my way back out?
The emotions of sadness intensified, and the tears of feeling all alone and hopeless, void of possibility, swirled around me like a hurricane coming on shore. Emotions of every shape, flavor and color attacked me by a hundred fold as if there was no other moment. The moment of their advance on me, it seemed was now. Thoughts continued to arise, can I do this? Do I want to do this? Can I not go back to where I came from? Can this just be a bad nightmare that will end very soon?
Of course, I knew the answers to these and I knew the struggle. I knew the fight. There was peace beyond this that I had been shown before, but that peace seemed like an impossible dream. Being reminded that I had tools and that this was part of the process was reassuring but the fears laughed in their faces.
And one final last push of going deep into the pain, brought me front and center with the deep dark place I had traveled into. It brought me to a point where I knew I had the strength, the tools and the support to get through this moment. For to stop and turn around now, would only feed the fears and increase the black space. To go head first and take the fears and black space on, I would find something greater than I knew. That one final last push of going deep into the fear and into that which I so badly wanted to escape, gave me the peace I so longed for.
So one last final push into the deepness that engulfed me, while holding on to the fact that there was a way through this - the pain intensified, the fears increased, the sadness overwhelmed me. I stayed connected with my body and kept my eyes on the goal and all at once, my breathing came back to me, the stiffness in my muscles left me, and the pain escaped. My body transformed through all these things into moments of deep peace and insight, showing me all that I could do and had the power to do.
It wasn't magic. It wasn't about the emotions that came up. It was about me connecting to that deep place within myself. It was about connecting with the deep dark black space called implicit memory. The implicit memory has no story, but it holds all the emotions of a lifetime. Its weapon is fear and its strength is feeding from the pain it inflicts upon the body. The only defense is to take it on and say, enough is enough - you're no longer going to rule my life. I have your number! I am in control. I have the power to do this and to continue taking back my life.
I'm once again reminded of just how much power and strength we have within us. We are much more than we often believe, and give ourself credit for. Yet, when the fear looks like a giant before us, we run for cover. In the end, we will soon realize that the giant is filled with nothing more than hot air, and if you poke a needle into it, the giant of fear will deflate.
This is the essence of healing. It is the moment of reclaiming the body. It is about becoming more aware of one's self and finding the insight that we need. Within the body is held vast amounts of information and even though we may feel disconnected to it or afraid of it, looking within is the way to give ourselves life, freedom and hope.
May I remember this each day, for the next time I come up against Implicit Memory disguised as the deep dark black space in my body.
