Can You Be Authentic And Positive?

I see a lot of people preach happy thoughts.  Now I'm going to qualify that and say there is nothing wrong with happy thoughts.  However, here's the big "but" of this concept.  Can you be authentic and positive?

No, I'm not saying do you think you are authentic when you show your happy face and positive life to the world.  I'm asking if you are truly authentic.  Before you answer, "well of course I am," let me make a request.  Read through this entire post.

You see, I've got personal experience with this.  Growing up, my life was one miserable crap day after another.  I was beaten, molested, mind controlled and brainwashed on a daily basis from the time I was a baby until I went to college.  It was nothing easy that I went through.  It was pretty darn intense and I still to this day wonder how I survived.

The good thing is that I did survive and heal so much in my life up to this point, including Conversion Disorder.

But, here's the kicker...

Everyone that knew me thought I was one of the happiest-go-lucky kids there was.  I was always smiling.  I was always positive.  I never shared any of what was happening in my life because if I did, that could mean the ultimate ending punishment. 

No one thought I had a care in the world.  They thought things came easy to me.  Many were jealous.  Yet, they didn't see within the doors to my life.  They didn't know I was being horrendously abused every day.  I kept that in.  The smile is all they saw.

Sure, many don't like to hear the gory details of what I have went through.  In fact, most have never heard the whole story because I doubt many people could get through the first page of what I went through.  It is just too much and too intense for most.  You lose people quickly when they read or hear it.

Yes, I see through them...

The first thing I usually get though when I share stuff, is they look to some meme or happy thought or feel good practice.  Their uncomfortable - I get that.  Yet, most of the time it doesn't do much for me other than just know it was too much for them.  I see through the words that are spoken and written.  Yes, I see through them.

When I came out of the hospital from being paralyzed and going through the Conversion Disorder (and almost losing my life), my friends were shocked when they found out.  I still remember them saying, "you - you're the one out of our close group that had it all together it seemed".  Yep, I was pretty good and fooling everyone in life including myself.

I was living a lie...

I was positive, but at the expense of my own life.  I was on my last breaths in the hospital.  They were trying to bring me back to life.  The positive almost took me under.  Yet, I was not being authentic.  I was living a lie.

Most people I have ever seen live in numbness.  The numbness takes away their authenticity.  No, I'm not saying what most people do is necessarily wrong, they just haven't found the way out.  The positive "SOMETIMES" can cover up the pain inside.  Sometimes it is a way of standing strong in spite of all that has happened to them.  I get it.  I've been there.

It is when you decide to make a different choice and learn how to be authentic that your life changes.  Awareness has fertile grounds to grow and the more aware you become, the more conscious you are.  It is a choice.  We make it every day whether we realize it or not.

Being positive can help...

Yes, you can be positive and yes, it can be a very good thing.  In fact, being positive can really help you through some of those rough and difficult moments.  Just don't stay in the numbness where the positive acts as a wall between you and your authentic self.  We as humans and trauma abuse survivors are pretty good at covering up things by any and all means necessary. It's called trying to deal with the stuff that happened when it is anything but normal.

If you tell me that you are positive and authentic, I'll probably roll my eyes a little.  The reason is - it is a daily process and if you think you've reached the ultimate point, open your eyes and look a little further.  You'll see there is much more than this one moment you've achieved.

I'm pushing and challenging...

Yes, I'm pushing and challenging with these words, but it is the number one social media pain killer that I see.  Everything has to be so positive that people give up their authenticity.  People suffering need to know you understand what it means to walk through the fire with them, not that you will just try to turn the fire hose on the ashes.

So, are you positive and authentic or is your positiveness masking and numbing pain you wish to not see.  It is okay either way because it is the choice you're making in the moment.  Just don't let that choice stop your further development, awareness and healing.  There's more out there.  Keep grasping and reaching for it!  See if there are other choices that you can make.  Explore them!

Yes, it is possible to be positive and authentic, but...  I think we often live the illusion that we are.  We need more authentic people in this world.  We need those that have truly woken up, not just reciting the rhetoric in social media.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Liar Liar Pants On Fire

Growing up, I had to deal with the absence of truth and facts in my house.  My brother thought that lying was the way to go. It didn't matter how trivial of a situation it was, he would just lie for the sake of lying.  It seemed that way at least.  It felt like the phrase - liar, liar, pants on fire!

As a kid, we lived with a demanding tyrant and if he thought there was trouble, he immediately stepped in and demanded to know what was going on.  Sometimes it was nothing, but to this control freak, everything was something to him.

Of course, my older brother would lie instead of just telling the truth.  These weren't big issues either.  The simple truth would have sufficed and everyone most likely would have went on about their day.  Not my older brother though.  He thought the lie was the norm.  It was truly a liar, liar, pants on fire type of situation.

He lied about everything and anything.  You pick a moment of the day or any subject and instead of being truthful and honest, he would just lie.  I watched him get beat and have soap bars shoved in his mouth, but it didn't stop him.

I got sick and tired of...

My dad would finally resort to threatening to destroy our toys.  Of course, that's where I drew the line because we didn't have many toys and they were my escape away from the hell we lived in.  So, finally I got sick and tired of my brother lying when there was no need.

I started to speak up and tell the truth of what was happening, not giving my brother a chance to say a word.  While the tyrant control freak would often just calm down and go on, it was then that my brother would be angry at me.  I wasn't good at lying anyway but boy, if I crossed my older brother, there was hell to pay.

Lying was normal to him...

He would either pummel me or call me names or make all kinds of statements to my face.  He didn't like getting called out on his lies.  He didn't care if he lied.  Lying was just something normal to him and anyone that stood in his way and exposed the truth was the enemy.  They were the ones in his eyes that were wrong.

I see so much of this happening today that I feel like I'm reliving those past experiences from my childhood.  I have tried so hard to get away from the liar, liar, pants on fire experience.  They were horrible when I was a kid and what I see today is just as horrible.  It is triggering to no end.

In my life, I've always tried to be honest in everything I did.  I've had large corporations that claimed they never asked their employees to lie, but if you didn't, you risked having your job terminated.  I've been honest to the point of being the one that they blamed for something that another person did - namely, the nephew of the owner.  Some of these were big companies too that would of course deny what I'm saying.

I've paid a price for truth...

I try to be honest in everything.  If I tell you something, you can take it to the bank and expect it to be just as true in the future as it is now.  The words I write here, are my truth.  Yes, I've paid a price for daring to speak out, but it is my truth.

Far too often, I see too many that are not truthful with themselves and so they are not truthful with the world.  There are too many that don't mind if they distort the facts or stretch them to make their argument.  This seems like the norm these days.  The most boisterous ones are the ones I keep a watchful eye out on.

To me, the currency of truly being a conscious human is how truthful you can be.  If your word means little and if your actions don't match your words, then to me, you're overdrawing your account.

If instead you strive to be truthful and honest and real, people recognize that.  It is the currency of saying something and people do not need to second guess what you're saying.  It is being authentic and real.  It is what our civilization should be based upon, not on the lies that we hear all day long through social media or in person.

So, who are you?  Are you truthful at all costs, or just when it is convenient for you?  Can people bank upon what you say, or do they wonder about what you mean and what you say?  Do you tell those little white lies or are you a full on liar liar pants on fire type of person?

#Truth

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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The Right Words, The Right Time

Because of my background and experiences, I am very sensitive to "words" that people speak, the manner in which these words are spoken and the subtle nuances of the voice and speech. It was a survival technique for me because through what was being said to me many years ago, I could detect what was about to happen with that person. Early detection may have meant less pain in many ways.

People that have worked for me or that know me, usually hear a statement from me, to not try and lie to me. I'll generally pick the lie up. Most of that is done through the voice but also facial expressions and most of the time, it is extremely quick for me to do this. There have been many times when I've been watching something on the TV, like a news show or one of those TV courtroom things, and I blurt out - they are lying! (even have done this with politicians). Of course, sometimes it is not so quick with me and it takes a few hours or days for my mind to process that someone is lying to me. Regardless, I usually figure it out.

So words are not just words to me. They either match up to what the person is saying or they are filler and appear to be for entertainment purposes only. It does not even have to be a direct lie either as it may be that the person just does not believe fully in what they are saying.

I remember some situations where I have been with other healers in bodywork sessions and they "say words" but the words don't have the correct timing or merit to be used in that moment. So instead of the words helping further the healing session, they detract from it. There have been so many numerous times this has happened. Yet, the right word in one of these moments has led to an enormous break through in my life.

Another situation is when you go through difficult times such as the loss of a loved ones and people use words to try and offer up compassion and concern for you. However, the words do not fit the situation and so instead of comfort, they result in a sense of frustration and pain. Just be yourself and if you are unsure of what to say, just let them know you are there for them. During a time of loss, the feeling of being alone is a difficult one.

One thing people like to do is to "force" you to feel better through the use of words because if you're feeling better, than it does not put them in an awkward spot. My own father loved the phrase, "you've got to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, dust your britches off and move on". While there is nothing inherently wrong with that phrase, the wrong timing of it can have a negative effect rather than a positive effect. For some people, statements such as this often lead to connections of negative pain from unhealed moments in their lives which lead to negative results. So while you may think those inspirational words are the best thing since sliced bread, stop and consider what you are saying. Allow that person to feel just as they are, giving them space to work through that which they are dealing with. You'll be much more effective than pushing your ways upon them will be.

The lack of words can be just as harmful as well for when a person needs to know someone is there and all they hear is silence, than they may feel very lonely. This does not mean you have to talk their ear off, but in a compassionate way, let them know that you truly are there for them and are listening to them.

It has been stated many times that one of the best things we can do for someone is offer our ears and just listen to them. As my mom always used to say, we were given two ears and one mouth - let us use these parts appropriately". In other words, we should listen more than we speak. For in listening, you are truly saying to the other person, "I value you and what you have to say". Listening to others and being there for them without any judgment or preconceived ideas allows many big mountains to be moved into the sea.

The next time you're around someone, stop for a moment and just see how it is that you interact with them. If you are the one doing the talking constantly, maybe you need to evaluate what that is all about. If you are always trying to solve or give words to someone when they are going through difficult times, maybe you would be far more effective in letting them talk their way to discovery. It will be much more powerful for them.

Also, understand the words that you use, can have positive or negative power. Just because the words mean something to you, it does not mean they mean the same to someone else. Try not to use words as if they are cheap, but use them in a way that they hold so much power and if used in the right time, who knows what is possible!