Monday, December 23, 2013

Barely Made It To The Dentist

I had the tooth extracted the other day and boy was that not fun.  They had a heck of a time getting it to come out.  I went to another dentist (female) than the previous one a couple of years ago.  At least she is more compassionate.  At one point during the procedure, I was struggling to stay in the moment.  I knew I was getting close to passing out and was trying to focus on my breathing.

Finally I took my hands and made a time out signal and she stopped.  All the time, I was asking my angels to help me.  As soon as she stopped, I was hyperventilating but I was able to slow my own breathing down.  After a few minutes, she began again and within a couple of minutes the tooth came out and it was all over. 

Boy these things trigger me so much on so many levels from early days to the time in the hospital with the paralysis. 

Then I came home and the pain has been tough to deal with.  It wiped me out more than I expected.  I had people calling me and I was short and unhelpful because I wasn't feeling good and it hurt to talk.

The day before yesterday, I went into the deep dark place where I don't want to go and I knew I was there.  The triggers of emotions were overwhelming in this.  I started to contact a friend, but quit (all part of that spiral process for me).  So I once again asked my angels to help pull me back up.

I'm not sure what changed exactly, but I started to pull out of it and I someone reminded me that there will be some pain and it had not even been 72 hours yet.  Once I started stepping out of the fear that this pain was going to never stop, I began to come back to this world.

Since the procedure, the pain has woke me up in the middle of the night where I would put an ice pack on it.  I think I was clinching my teeth so hard that it was causing the pain.  The ice helped it let go.  I did this of course without any pain medications, although I had a prescription that I could have filled.

Last night was the first night that I haven't had to put ice on it.  It was a shot of encouragement that I needed to help remind myself that the pain will stop - there is an end to it.  I don't have to get caught up in the pain although it is easy for me to do that.

I'm not 100% but yesterday I at least went out of the house and to the store.  I am fortunate that I've not traveled anywhere this week and could rest and recover at home.  I still deal with the emotions that arise about dental visits and letting go of the shame that it brings up.  It isn't easy. 

Little by little I'm making it through the dental visits, but it isn't easy for me.

If you care to know more about why the dentist is a such a struggle, read my book or take at look at other blog posts here about the dentist office.  There is a lot that still impacts me to this day.

Blog Post And Images (c) 12/22/13 by Don Shetterly

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