I'm Right and You're Wrong

In my view, I think we all do this.  To some degree, we all think I'm right and you're wrong.  I doubt there is a person on this planet that doesn't practice this every day or at least every week.  If there is, I would like to meet them.  I believe some are better at accepting others than some people, but let's not let anyone off the hook at this moment.

You see, its easy for us to think that this is something everyone else does.  The philosophy of I'm Right and You're Wrong is so prevalent in our society that no one even is aware they do this anymore.  Look no further than politics or religion or even most relationships.

I'm not going to sit here and tell you I don't do this, because I do.  It is something I really have to watch myself on because I can quickly look at others and think they are wrong.  I sometimes get a little too high and mighty for myself.  For me, I can chalk it up to the way I was raised.  If you didn't go to our church or think like my father, you were wrong.  It has taken me years of deprogramming to let go of that narrow minded thinking I was raised in.

What I've found in my own life is that if I view others as being wrong and I'm right, then I will enjoy a miserable experience each and every day.  There is no joy in that.  There is no love in that.  There is no feeling of being at one with another, because with that thinking you separate yourself from all others.

Say it with compassion and love...

Sure, maybe there is something you know that others have not realized yet, but if you use it to look down at them or beat them with a bully stick, than do you really have something good? What if instead of using your "enlightened thought" to slap the other person, you use it to help them understand what it is that you know.  Say it with compassion and say it with love!  You'll get much further.

There are some things that just don't matter in the grand scheme of life.   Sometimes, things are insignificant in the grand scheme of life and they just don't matter.  They might matter to you, but if you compare them to the thousand years of civilization in a great big universe, do they really measure up?  It is often better to pick and choose what is important, rather than trying to apply that to every moment of every day.

Even though we grow up with certain habits and procedures, it does not mean we have the only way to do stuff in life.  Often while we hold these teachings to be the right way, they are nothing more than what we were taught.  It is up to us as adults to begin learning what really matters, what really works in our life, and what we are going to care about in any given day.

I choose not care about some things...

On a TV show, I saw one character ask another their thoughts about some random subject.  His response was "I don't have an opinion."   Of course, the befuddled the person asking because they said, "you've got to have an opinion - its too important."  His response was, "I've only got so much ram and I can only care about so many things.  Some things I choose not to care about."  It was a good example.

Unfortunately we spend too much time in front of the screen watching our favorite news programs and allowing them to incite us to cement our beliefs for that moment.  We don't allow ourselves to think independently as we gulp down minute by minute news stories.  We see things in one way only and we watch the things that back up our views.  Often, we are not as enlightened and smart as we think we are.

 

You can either beat someone into submission to believe that you are right and they are wrong, or you can help lead them to discovery.  If you lead them to discovery, there is a good chance that both of you will learn something on the journey.

When we say I'm right and you're wrong, it is about attempting to control others so they see things our way.  The more others see things our way, the more safe and secure we feel.  It is not an enlightened moment of human interaction, but one of narrow mindedness and fear and control.

Challenge yourself - just don't take my word for it.  Challenge yourself to not see others as wrong.  We're just screaming at one another these days and the more we think we are right and everyone else is wrong, the more we're condemning this world to a lot of unnecessary pain and suffering and evil.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Stop to Rest and Recharge and Relax

I love the simple things in life from the butterflies that flutter around our backyard, to one of my cats meowing as they bring a toy to me.  Moments where politics and the screaming or protesting of the day make no difference.  Moments where everything seems to stand still and all is at peace.

At one time in my life, I was a stranger to the simple moments of peace and tranquility.  I knew they existed and while I thought I met them on occasion, it took a major health crisis to wake me up.  It took something so big that brought me down to my last breaths for me to realize, there was more to life then staying busy and distracted 100% of the time.

All too often, I have seen people come in for a once a year massage thinking that in that moment, they would take care of a year's worth of stress.  Sometimes it was a once in a lifetime massage, but the goal was the same - to take care of an overwhelming amount of stress.  It was a luxury, not a necessity - much like it was for me before the major health crisis hit.

We push our bodies and our minds...

We all do this to our bodies.  We push them and we push them until there is no tomorrow.  We act as if our energy is limitless and our bodies never need any more rest than what we allow them to get at night while we sleep.  We act as if our mind will keep going at optimal performance while not realizing that our brain and nervous system needs a rest.  The more we rest it, the better our mind and body will perform.

We exhaust our bodies.  We exhaust our minds.  We exhaust our nervous systems.  Yet, we are surprised when we get sick with illness or major disease.  We are surprised when major episodes of pain and tension arise.  We are surprised when our memory constantly fails us in the pursuit of our daily activities.

It seems so simple...

Yes, it seems so simple to take time out and rest and recharge and refresh our bodies and our minds.  It seems like it should be a normal part of our every day life.  In fact, many preach that we should practice it, but often these are the same ones that need this more than ever.  We tend to pontificate on the things that we so badly need in our own lives. 

Am I perfect at this?  No!  After all, it took a major health crisis to bring me down and face the essence of my life.  I can say that I am better at it than I was earlier in my life, but I still struggle to do this as well.

We can keep putting it off thinking that we are invincible and we will go on forever.  However, after we have exhausted our bodies, our minds and our nervous system, we may be past the point of no return.  It may be too late to start thinking about taking care of ourselves and learning how to stop and rest and relax.  We may end up at that point, dealing with how to live with a major health crisis.

The choice is yours and yours alone to make.  No one can make this choice for you.  There is absolutely nothing in this world that is more important than your health.  I thought my job and my friends and my family were more important, but those things almost cost me my life.

I learned the hard way.  May you learn from my own journey and start to find little ways each day and week that you can stop and rest.  Find the little ways where you take a moment to find the simple things in life, that allow your body and mind to refresh and recharge.  Don't put it off another day for tomorrow could be too late.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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We Support You But Let's Not Talk About It

Some days I really wonder about life and then on other days, humans prove with their actions what they think and feel in their hearts.  I know, it is an indictment of the human race, but I hope that with the words I write, someone will be a little wiser and a little more enlightened.  Maybe I'm hoping for too much, but even with the way some humans act, I still have faith in humanity.

The tired and worn out thought, we support you but let's not talk about it, makes me weep for humanity.  I've seen this a million times.  Whether its throughout the healing journey of child sexual abuse or an organization ripping apart at the seems, it is heard loud and clear.  Whether it is in a job where you stand up for what is right or you stand up to the bully in the workplace or even if you get married and it goes against the beliefs of others, there is no mistaking it.

Are humans that fickle?  Are humans so wrapped up in themselves that they offer support but yet they don't?  These are tough questions, but each and every person should ask them and ponder them because it happens across the board in one way or another.  It happens across every city and town of every country on this planet.  I've watched it play out so many times and in so many circumstances that my eyes are weary with pain.

Can we not be real with one another...

Can we not be real with one another?  Can we not show compassion and love to one another without using our ego and judgment to cloud the waters?  Are we not better as humans to understand love, compassion, consciousness and awareness.

Unfortunately, I would like to think humans have a greater capacity to love, rather than judge.  I would love to see where humans have a better awareness of what is right and just in this world, rather than turning a blind eye and being an accomplice in what is happening before them.  I still have hope for humanity.  I still try to have faith in humanity.

Actions speak volumes...

This business about supporting someone but then acting as if it doesn't exist or you don't want to talk about it, shows what is truly in your heart.  These actions and words speak volumes about what you really mean.  You can't just go to church on Sunday or embrace the new age thought patterns and let your actions say one things, while your mouth says another.

Maybe you think you don't do this and if you don't, my hat is off to you.  However, look long and hard because you might be missing the ways that you do.  It is not out of the question to not see that which you do.

Supporting one another is a basic part of being human.  If we fail in this, we have failed those around us and we have failed ourselves.  We cannot claim to support, but then hide it under the carpet.  We cannot claim to support and then talk about the stuff in a degrading way.  We cannot claim to support but hold back showing this, even in the slightest of ways.

My hope is that instead of hiding our heads in the sand, we will learn to become better humans.  Humans that are aware and conscious and walk the walk.  To be anything less, is to short change the human race and the world.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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Minimizing Trauma In My Life

I was reading something recently by Surviving My Past.  It was about minimizing, especially when it comes to trauma and child sexual abuse.  We all do it and often times we are not aware we do it.

Reading what Matt posted on Surviving My Past.com, reminded me of my own healing history and journey.  For a long time I really minimized what I had been through.

Some of my own statements were:

• Everyone else has been abused, so it's just normal stuff.
• It really wasn't that bad.
• I'm making too big of a deal about it.
• Just move on and get over it already.
• It was a long time ago.
• I haven't thought about it in years and why should I start now?
• Everyone has stuff to deal with in their life.
• Every family has skeletons in their closets.
• I'm healed.  I'm over it!
• Just don't think about it.

I'm sure you've had your own statements and done your own minimizing.  After all, if you haven't, then you might want to check your pulse.  As humans, we all minimize.  It is part of how we deal with events and experiences that are so horrible in our lives.  If the brain isn't able to deal with it, we often minimize it as a way to avoid it and distance ourselves from it.

While minimizing can be helpful at the time the trauma or experience is taking place, it becomes a distraction to us later if we don't go in and heal our lives.  Sometimes, the minimizing gets us through, but in order to release that from our life, we have to stop minimizing.

My minimizing went a little further.  Of course, that's where Conversion Disorder for me comes in because it is like I could minimize with the best!  In many ways, I could have cut off my arm and the way Conversion Disorder lets you think is that I would have said, "ah, its just a scratch. Let me put a bandaid on it".

Learned how to minimize to survive...

This is one of the reasons why those of us who have been through Conversion Disorder have such a difficult time coming out of it and healing.  We learned early on how to minimize what was going on with time, it just gets easier to minimize to the point where you cannot even see what it is that is impacting you.  I know that some will greatly disagree with what I say, but I'm speaking from experience here.

I remember when Dr. Canali started using the term, "tortured" around me and I dismissed it for a long time.  Again, I was rationing in my mind, my abuse was just like everyone else.  It wasn't that bad!  As time went on and I dealt with some very  physical issues that most medical doctors would have been at a complete loss in treating, I learned that the story was more than I thought it was.

Amnesia in trauma...

We often have amnesia about trauma we have been through.  We do it by minimizing.

In fact, a more recent story that emerged along from the rash I just dealt with is nothing but pure torture on many levels.  I cannot bring myself to share it.  It was hard enough to let anyone read it.  I'll probably take it to my next session with Dr. Canali, but the shame with it and the humiliation and very real physical pain is just so intense.  Even writing these words is almost too much.  But, it was torture.

I know I still minimize things.  It is sometimes the only way a brain can continue functioning because otherwise, the memories are like taking a garden hose to a fuse box - something is not going to end well.    I remember not that long ago when I was confronted about my anger outbursts.  I had minimized the anger so much that I did not realize just how bad this was getting.  It took an "intervention" so to speak in order to get me to wake up and see it.

From my experience, every person that I have been around with Conversion Disorder minimizes what happened to them.  I know there are many that would claim this is not true, but in the early days of my Conversion Disorder experience, I would have been agreeing with them.  In fact, I acted like nothing happened, yet my body could not function and my mind was anything but in a normal state.  The trauma runs so deep.

Minimizing is part of every disorder and health condition, whether it is a physical situation or mental health.  When experiences are too great, its the only way we can escape in that moment, but we pay a price physically and mentally as a result.  It is in healing that we begin to come to terms with those moments and start to win back our life and find our own power we hold inside.

It has taken me years and many deep body healing sessions to understand just how much I minimized things in life.  I'm finding my way back from a deep inner core level and embracing the body part of healing, not only just the mind part.

Tired Of The Things People Do?

Are you tired of the things people do?  Are you tired of how they behave in ways that you find reprehensible?  Do you think others just don't live in life the way you think they should?

Maybe you think they should change and they don't.  Maybe you think they should live a life in the way you see it, but they continue to do things that displease you and upset you.  Maybe they believe in things you don't and you think they are wrong, or they take actions that you find totally upsetting. 

Here's the secret to getting people to change.  If you want people to change, then don't criticize them.  Don't tell them how wrong they are.  Don't scream that they know nothing and you know what is best for them.  Don't hold your ideals and beliefs as the true source of information calling everyone else stupid.  Don't say you love all people and then show nothing but hatred and contempt through your words and actions.

Focus on changing yourself first...

If you want people to change, focus on changing yourself first.  They might be mirroring what they see in you.  They may look up to you and if you act a certain way, that may become the teacher for their own life.  Focus on changing yourself first and then watch what happens to those around you.

If you want people to change, allow them to be who they are.  Allow them to be in the moment of their life where they are discovering themselves and learning and growing.  If you inject criticism into their process, you might very likely be stopping them from changing.

Stop trying to force your way of thinking...

If you want people to change, stop trying to force them into your way of thinking.  There is a good chance that you might not be 100% right either and will need to adjust your thinking in the future.  There is a possibility that someone you want to change may already have arrived at that spot a little early.

If you want people to change, give them the ability to feel loved without judgment in your presence.  Let them know that you love them no matter what and no matter how many times they feel they screwed up or stumbled.  Let them know that your love for them is without judgement.  It will get the best results.

Changing other people begins by changing ourselves.  You will get much further in changing others, when you have changed how you think, feel, and see.  Criticizing others will bring absolutely little real change.  It only sows disharmony.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Is What We Share Making A Positive Difference

All too often we just post and share and like things online that really have no benefit to society or the world.  We don't stop and question what we do, we just do it.  We don't question our actions or motives, we just do it.  It is called being numb and disconnected in life.

The question we should be asking in our day is what we share, like, forward and put out into the universe - is it making a positive difference?  Does it help advance society and our civilization?  Does it help support and lift one another up or does it tear us down?

The question we should be asking is how do our actions support that which is good for this society and civilization?  Do our actions support that which is good and healing and supportive for the world, or do they just sow discord, pain, and contempt for one another?  Do our actions show what is in our heart and is what we say is in our heart, what truly shows up?

It's easy to be a rabble rouser...

It is too easy to just be a rabble rouser and scream with the masses.  It is too easy to just claim the woe is me story and demand attention.  It is too easy to not see the bigger picture and connect your mind and body together as one.

We can spew the memes and happy thoughts all day long, but if we can't show the love we proclaim, we are nothing more than a clanging cymbal.  We can stand on the street corners and pray to the heavens, but if all that comes out of our mouths is hatred, we have missed why we are praying in the first place.

We can continue unconsciously...

We can continue in our life unconsciously as if we just consume whatever is fed to us through the media and online venues or we can actually become conscious and begin to see life.  We can embrace all that is before us or find ways to stand opposed with weapons firing.

It is not up to everyone else to be a conscious individual and human.  It is not up to some government leader or politician to do what we cannot do for ourselves.  It is up to each one of us to live our life with the highest intention and good so that we lift one another up, not tear each other down.

In this country and throughout the world, there is far too much spewed in a day that does absolutely nothing good for all mankind.  We may think it does and in fact, the actions we portray may prove this, but in our hearts we have found darkness.

It is not all those out there that are the problem.  It is each one of us.  It is each one of us that harbors the pain and past experiences in our own life who have been tricked into believing the lies each one tells themselves daily.

It is each person individually that impacts the world.  Each day we are either building up and supporting one another or we are adding to the problems of this world. It is our choice what we do and what actions we take if we truly make this world a better place or we add to its problems.

The choice and actions start within us.  If you're looking to those outside of yourself to do this, you have missed the point of being human.  For when you listen to everyone but yourself, it is then that you are no longer a human living in a human body but one that is disconnected and numbed from what life truly is.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Neuroscience In The News On Aug 22

These are articles that I found of interest relating to news about Neuroscience.  In this issue, I have highlighted a more personal moment of neuroscience and how it relates to my own healing journey from Conversion Disorder to the present moment.

Please check out the article links below and feel free to comment with other information related to these subjects.  I enjoy learning as much as I can about the brain and passing this information on to everyone else that shares these passions.

This is for the week beginning August 22, 2016.

Please come back each week and hopefully I will have some more highlights.  Feel free to share with me ones that you have found and I may highlight those as well.

Feel free to check out the highlighted articles from August 15, 2016

My Thoughts On Neuroscience

I continue to be amazed at what we are learning in Neuroscience each day.  Some of the research studies coming out are taking us light years into the future.  While some of the things we think we know, are not yet established, there is so much we don't know.

Personally, I've been through enough trauma in a lifetime and it has affected my brain, body, and everything I do, feel, think, and say.  There is no escaping it completely that I have found, although I have found some body centered therapy to drastically help in my own healing and recovery.

If you have read other blog posts or even my first book, you will see that I went through Conversion Disorder in 1991.  It was before a person could search on the internet and understand what it was.  While it seems like a distant memory now, I know that my brain was not in contact with my body and even if it tried, my body did not listen.

In the body centered therapy that I have gone through, I've learned how to feel and connect in my body, knowing that as I do this, I am recovering more of who I truly am.  It is the essence of who I am.  While we often discount therapy that is not in the mainstream medical world, I know without a doubt what this body centered therapy has done to change my life.  I have seen it change many others.

Neuroscience is helping to put together what happens in the body and the mind.  There is no denying that the two need to be connected for optimal health, life, and happiness.  The more we understand about our minds, nervous systems, and all the parts inbetween, the more we can reclaim that which was lost during traumatic experiences of our past.  May we all find a way to work together towards this common goal.

If you would like to speak to me further about my own experiences, please contact me.  I am always happy to shed the light of what I have learned and share how I came through my horrible past into the person that I am now.

You can also check out more on my book which is on Amazon.  The title is, Hope And Possibility Through Trauma by Don Shetterly

Lazy Online Communication Of Likes and Shares

That's it!  I get tired of seeing this every day.  The mindless chatter online and the statements or likes that say absolutely nothing, add absolutely nothing and do nothing for a day.  Online social media has made us anything but social.

In fact, I think we should just stop writing words online.  Instead, the only thing we should be able to do is "LIKE", "SHARE", and "FORWARD" or insert a smiley face.  No one reads the words most of the time.  I can't believe some of the stuff I've seen.

Life is surely more than giving someone a smiley face or emoji.  Life is surely more than a like on Facebook or Twitter.  Life is surely more than mindlessly sharing things all day on social media while not even knowing what the shared things say.

We could be so much more...

Modern technology could make us so much better, but we have gone the route of lazy in our online communications.  We've gone the way of injecting almost no meaning into what we share and like and write.  All too often, we are not even humans most days online, but we give a smiley or a like in proof that we are.

Can we not do better?  Can we  not rise to the occasion before us?  Doesn't life deserve more?  Doesn't life demand more?  We are failing life - each and every one of us.  We are not human these days.  We are only acting as if we are human.

Consciousness has taken a back door...

Consciousness has taken a back door, but we share our simplistic memes and thoughts as if we are conscious.  Awareness has exited the building.  Compassion is something that we claim we do, but our actions say the opposite.

I'm frustrated with what I see in a day.  I desire for humans to be more than they are and be all that they can be.  Settling for second best is not the desire I have for this world.
 

Let us find ways to use technology to bring out the best in each other, not resort to mindless chatter and name calling.  Let us find ways to use technology to help advance our human civilization, not destroy it with lazy communication that means almost nothing.

That's my rant.  I know, the words will probably fall on ears that cannot hear.  Maybe everyone will prove me wrong and ignorant on this subject.  I may just be preaching to the choir!

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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My Abuser Of Child Sexual Abuse

When I first started out on my healing journey from child sexual abuse, I looked at things differently than I do now.  One of these things was that I referred to the abusers as "my abuser".  I constantly referred to them as my abuser when I would talk to others sharing my story of child sexual abuse.

However, as I started going through my healing journey, I soon learned that there were better ways to talk about the person that abused me.  After all, to say that it was "my abuser" meant I was taking ownership of them.  It was my possession.

While I did not intend to make that connection, the words I used said the complete opposite.  The words made it sound to my mind as if somehow I was attached or wanted to be attached to the child abusers that did harm to me.  I know that was not the intended meaning, but it is how the words played out.

I started letting go...

As time went, I started letting go of saying, "my abuser".  I did not want to be connected to them and I did not want to hold them near and dear to me, as if they were someone with endearing qualities.  It may be a very subtle play on words, but I think it is important.  It was to me at least.

I began referring to them as the monsters who abused me or the child sexual abusers.  I would use words such as perverts because that is what they were.  As I'm writing this, I can't recall all the words that I started to use.  My main intent though was to quit possessing them as humans because they were anything but that to me.

Words have great impact...

Be careful when talking about what happened to you, because your words can impact you more than you realize.  After all, no one that has been abused as a child really wants to have anything endearing about the monsters that did these things.  Even if it is a slight connection, find a way to put things in proper perspective and reality.

To me, this was an evolutionary process of healing where as I healed, I did things that helped empower me, not take away my power.  No longer do I see the abusers as having any human qualities.  I no longer am connected to them and I've kept my distance.

To me, life is about moving forward and moving on, not holding on and possessing that which hurt me deeply.  Finding in my own life, the words that I use made a difference in how I perceived my own healing.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Down Time in Life

Written by Don Shetterly

I recently saw a post on twitter about this subject and could not help but write about it myself.  Downtime in life is something we all avoid.  We think it is as nasty as swimming in a mud pit or something.

Yet, downtime is so important.  It is quite necessary to the healthy function of the mind and the body.  It is necessary for the nervous system to not get overloaded and refresh itself.

Downtime helps us enjoy the finer moments of life and the world in which we live.  It keeps us from going off the deep end and diving into a pool with no water.

The Twitter tweet I'm referring to is this one.

“When children are overwhelmed they lose the precious down time they need to explore, reflect and release tension. ” https://t.co/nwlROQVHUv

— jason hilkey (@hilkeyj) August 1, 2016

One thing we don't realize is that especially in this day and age we keep ourselves going almost 100% of the time.  We, therefore, expect our children to keep up with this pace and so we teach them through our example that downtime is not important.  If we cannot do it for ourselves, how can we expect our children to learn proper healthy behaviors from our example?

One activity or meeting after another...

I've seen it a million times when doing massage where people are so busy, they have no time to stop.  It is one activity and meeting to another.  One activity or club or sport to another with their children.  It is almost like we are doing everything we can to avoid downtime in our life.

This is not normal and healthy behavior for humans.  Our bodies are not designed to run constantly.  Our minds are not designed to go from one continuous task to another.  Our nervous system is not healthy when we don't give it time to come back into balance.

Just before I was paralyzed from a Conversion Disorder, I was working 18 hours a day in my job, almost 7 days a week.  I was trying to be the best and be everything for my boss, the company, and those that I worked with every day.  I didn't know what it meant to take care of myself.  I didn't know what downtime was.  I was just like everyone else that I kept going and pushing but never stopping.

Conversion Disorder stopped my life...

Conversion Disorder brought me to a complete stop in life.  There was nothing else I could do but stop and start to figure out how to function in life once again.  It was a slow process, but it started by listening to the birds and feeling the sunshine and enjoying the little things in life.  It started by learning how to relax and stop and let go.

The process wasn't an overnight success.  It took me years, but I knew that if I went back to the Conversion Disorder experience, the second time would not be as fortunate for me.  It was a strong motivator to change my life.

Downtime and relaxation are critical to our well-being.  It is critical to the health of our mind, our body, and our nervous system.  If you read the news or watch the current political climate, you can see strong evidence, that our mind, body, and nervous systems are anything but healthy.

When we neglect down time...

When we neglect downtime, it is then that stress builds up in our lives and connects with past experiences where illness can begin to show up.  We've seen the alarming statistics about how much we continue to spend on healthcare, but yet we aren't any more healthy than we were 20 years ago.

We can all do so much to help improve the health of our own mind, body and nervous system.  It is a choice we make to either take care of ourselves or not.

If we don't make this an important part of our life, who will?  If you wait for someone to tell you to do this, you will probably never hear it.  If you wait until your health has gone past the point of no return, you will wish you had paid more attention and given yourself the downtime you need.

If we truly want to pass something beneficial on to our children, we will learn how to enjoy downtime and teach our children through example.  In the process, we will be giving ourselves one of the greatest gifts we can by taking care of the one and only body we get in this lifetime.

Do you get enough downtime in your day (not in a week or month or year, but in a day)?  If not, what will you start to do today to change that?

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Saying It Does Not Make It True

My eyes are doing the eye roll.  You know, when you read something and it makes your head spin around a few times too many.  I try hard to practice what I preach and I probably fail sometimes just like others.

Reading on the social media feed, I saw someone share things about listening to others and respecting them.  I saw how they posted stuff that said actions speak louder than words.  By that point, I was thinking - wow, someone else that sees this part of life.  And then, it happened....

Yep, I began to read more of what they posted online in their social media account.  Do I really need to say what I saw?  Yep, it was more of the stuff that you would see just about anywhere on social media.  It was the stuff they were rallying against.  They were doing exactly what they were so against.

Everyone tells others what to do...

It seems like in these days, everyone tells others what they should do and how they should think, but it is meant for those that don't see things in life the way they do.  It is meant more as a whipping belt than as something that is truly good for not only everyone else, but for them!

I don't care what side of the political isle you are on or if you are religious or not, we as humans love to beat one another up every day.  The rhetoric that is being spewed on the internet is so toxic, that poisonous words are looking for safer waters.

It is hard to read anything online these days and it is just not politics.  Someone can post a pretty picture online or a nice video, and some will love it and others will degrade it.  The comments will get so divisive and hurtful, that it makes my head spin.

Do we not have an ounce of love...

I wonder if humans just hate everyone and anyone these days.  Do we not have one ounce of love in our life, or are we just out for our thoughts, beliefs and life as we see it?  It sure doesn't feel like anyone out there that claims they have love, knows how to practice it or put it in action.

In my own family, I see my holier-than-thou brother and his friends that say they preach love, but their actions are anything but this.  What you see them say and share on their social media feeds shows anything but love.  Yet, they use the "love they preach" as a bully stick to beat you into submission of what they perceive to be truth.

Love is absent in social media...

I'm so saddened by what I see playing out in social media and the news these days.  There is nothing wholesome about it.  There is nothing human about it.  It is pure poison and toxicity.  Love is absent.

It isn't the enemies that we cannot see which are the most evil in our world.  It is how we treat one another and how much hatred we harbor for one another that allows evil to thrive and grow.

It is in how we have lost the love in our own heart, that we allow the ego to rule our thoughts, words, and actions as if they are somehow virtuous.  Even though we proclaim our actions are right and justified, we fail to see that love is being abolished every minute we take a breath.

If we want the world to change and if we want others to change, this change needs to start within us.  We need to connect with love, rather than hate if we want others to love us.  We need to connect with understanding, if we want others to understand us.

All the screaming and toxic words being hurled in social media or in the world will never convince anyone that their motives and actions are born out of love.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Boundaries And Child Sexual Abuse

This is one area I've struggled with probably as hard as any other person that has gone through child sexual abuse.  It is in respect to boundaries.  I know I'm not alone because I see boundaries destroyed every day.

When you are violated by child sexual abuse, there is no such thing anymore as a boundary.  The most intimate part of a child has been taken away.  The child is left in that moment with any control over their life, their body or what they feel and think.  Boundaries have been destroyed.

Many child sexual abuse survivors turn to either absolutely no boundaries or ones that would keep everyone out.  We can see both extremes if we pause to notice this.

I had to find better boundaries...

For me, I often attempted to build a wall and keep everyone out.  They got to see the superficial side of me, but they didn't get in any further unless they had gone through a 1000 page examination and been watched for some time.  Slowly I had to learn how to find better boundaries and attempt to let the good in, but keep the bad out.

Some days I do well on this and other days I struggle with it.  I've had people that I let in and were good for some time, then they tried to destroy me from inside the boundary.  In those moments, it hurts greatly and I pull back on everyone.

In my family, there were no boundaries...

Growing up in my family, there were no boundaries.  From having to use the bathroom with doors open (only to be reminded to close it if guests were over) to having to get dressed in front of a father that seemed to enjoy watching me, there were no boundaries.

In my family, you had no privacy or safety or alone moments.  The only way I could find any of that was to hide out in the barn and tell my cats all my personal secrets.  A journal would have only become public knowledge, but my cats would never tell anyone.

Sexual intimacy all my life was not a personal thing.  It was a family-for public viewing pleasure thing.  There were no boundaries in that, because the moment they asked you to rub their back (ask meant the same thing as expect), it was the beginning of one of those common scenarios that forced you to do things you didn't want to do.

Even taking a bath had no privacy.  I can remember all too frequently being forced to take showers with my dad or brothers.  This was to "conserve" and "save" water.  However, when you're reaching sexual puberty, the last thing you want to do is take a shower with some other member of the family.  Of course, it became much more than a shower.  There was no way to say no, either.  After all, we were only allowed one shower a week (before Church on Sunday) and so, there was no way you wanted to miss it.

Child abuse obliterates boundaries...

I could go on and on with example after example, but by now, I think the point is clear that boundaries are obliterated during child sexual abuse.  They make it difficult from that point forward trying to figure out what is the norm and what is not.

At a VOICES (Victims Of Incest Can Emerge Survivors) conference, I remember Mike Lew talking about boundaries.  He had us imagine where our boundaries were and how far out that went.  Then he took us through an exercise where we tried to extend those boundaries of safety and security.  It was not an easy exercise for me.

Ever since I started my healing journey, I've worked hard to break the silence and try to share what I went through and how I found my way back out of hell.  None of that is ever easy for me to do and at times I still hold back.  I'm still in fear of the abusers coming after me and following through on their threats.

Each day I work to regain more and more of my life, taking back my core essence and the parts that were stolen from me in the child sexual abuse.  Boundaries are still something I struggle with, but I'm learning more and more by sharing with others, just what a good boundary is and that the violations in my past were not normal. 

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Does Twitter Endorse Porn?

This subject really gets under my skin.  It doesn't seem like anything is being done about it and if I try to contact Twitter, I get absolutely no response.  So, I have to conclude that in the absence of action, twitter endorses porn.  They allow it on their site and they do very little to stop it.  That to me, is an endorsement!

I don't intentionally go and follow people who display porn on their timelines.  In fact, when I check them out, I often don't see any porn whatsoever and lo and behold, later the porn pictures start popping up on my twitter feed.

Of course, I know you can report them and block them, but it doesn't do anything to solve the problem.  I have a feeling that twitter (if they actually do anything) comes along and deletes the picture.  The individual just does it again and again, sometimes deleting the images I think so when twitter goes to look, they see nothing.  I may be wrong, but in lieu of proper responses from twitter, how do I know they are actually doing anything about it.

Twitter fails to respond...

You can direct message them or tweet them and they absolutely fail to respond.  You can block these people all day long and it seems like they spring up again and again with the very same pictures you were seeing before.  No one seems to do anything to get rid of it, but hey twitter makes sure you know how to mute people that are annoying.  Never mind that this doesn't solve the issue.


I've had moments where I've been in a public place or on an airplane checking my twitter feed only to have one of these porn pictures displayed.  Its rather embarrassing especially when its the close up shot.  Imagine if a child saw that.  There's no way for me to stop it other than not being on Twitter!

Imagine if we went around all day showing these images in our streets.  What would be the reaction?  Yes, there would be an uproar.  In the case of twitter, its just business as usual.  They just don't care!  Twitter seems to endorse porn, or so it seems.

Twitter sacrifices a society norm...

It almost seems that twitter wants as many users as it can get, so it sacrifices what should be a norm in our society.  We don't need pornographic images forced into our twitter feeds all day and all night.  There's hopefully a much better usage for social media than that, but Twitter has to get serious and do the right thing.

We already have enough problems with human trafficking and child porn and child sexual abuse.  We already have enough problems with scammers.  Why is it then that Twitter does not do anymore than they do in this area of porn.  That is why I feel Twitter endorses porn!
 

Sure, you can set your settings to not see all of that, but it still shows up.  I cringe at the thought of a young child looking at twitter.  These are images they do not need to see.  It is wrong in every sense of the word.

Maybe if Twitter wanted to be a serious competitor to Facebook and other social media sites, it might consider cleaning up its own house first.  Maybe by having a "quality" system, they could be better than they are today.  Yet, it seems their main focus is on how many people you can follow in a specific undocumented time frame, rather than keeping the porn off of the news feed.

I believe we can do better with social media.  I think this platform has potential, but it is often saturated with too much that does very little good for anyone's day.  We can do better on social media!

Neuroscience In The News On Aug 15

These are articles that I found of interest relating to news about Neuroscience.  In this issue, I have highlighted an article about how past experiences shape who we are.

Please check out the article links below and feel free to comment with other information related to these subjects.  I enjoy learning as much as I can about the brain and passing this information on to everyone else that shares these passions.

This is for the week beginning August 15, 2016.

Please come back each week and hopefully I will have some more highlights.  Feel free to share with me ones that you have found and I may highlight those as well.

Feel free to check out the highlighted articles from August 8, 2016

Past Experience Shapes Us

Even though we don't want to believe it most of the time, what happened in the past does affect who we are today.  In the latest research article discussed on MindBodyThoughts.com, Behar Gholipour of the Huffington Post wrote, The Things You Don't Remember Shape Who You Are. There are so many things that we often don't remember and it always amazes me how they impact our every moment of every day.  We can run from them, hide from them, and try to ignore them, but they are still running as tapes in our minds, bodies, and tissues.

In our early years, it sets us up for what happens later in life.  We all have experiences that impact us one way or another and some of us have more difficult experiences which really brings this front and center.  To read more of the details of the study, please look at the following article, The Things You Don't Remember Shape You Who You Are as I have discussed on Mind Body Thoughts.com  [click to read more]

The Aftermath Of Flashback Memories

I have been struggling lately.  When those flashback memories surface, it is all I can do to hang on.  The aftermath of these can make life pretty rough and some days, it gets rougher than I can even imagine.

Flashback memories are not fun.  If you've been through traumatic experiences, war, torture or child sexual abuse, you know full well just how tough this can get.  They will about take you under and leave you huddle in a corner begging for mercy.

I've been through more than my share of trauma and child abuse and torture in life.  I'm not sure how I survived.  Most days I do pretty well as I've spent considerable work to try and heal my life from all that I endured.  Most days go by and I'm fine, but lately it has been anything but normal.

Last week, I finally sat down and tried to write about what was going on.  My intent was to publish it, but at this moment, I cannot bring myself to do it.  In fact, I had not read what I had written until yesterday and it was too much. It was too intense.  It about took me under.

I could feel the anger...

I could feel the anger and heat and anxiety rise within me.  I could feel the shame and despair.  I was angry, but hurt.  I wanted to cry, but felt too weak.  I finally shared it with someone I trust but even that was almost too much.

For now, it is shelved and filed.  I'm not sure I want anyone to read it at this moment.  I feel horrified and embarrassed at something that happened to me a long time ago.  For now, it will remain hidden.  I just can't bring myself to share it with anyone.

Struggled with pain in my back...

This morning and last night, I struggled with pain in my upper back, shoulder and neck.  I felt it and I know its connected to what I wrote.  It feels like a big keg of dynamite sitting in my shoulder, neck and arm full of emotional anger.  It feels like I could just break down and cry, but I can't.  It feels like I could punch my hand through someone, but I won't.  It's like dynamite, ready to explode.

Yes, I'll go get some healing bodywork done on me to release it, but right at this moment, the physical pain is intense.  I feel such a sadness to what I experience.  I feel like a thousand years of emotional pain is built up inside.

If this one area of my body could completely heal from all the physical flashback memories, life would be so much different.  Yet, it took me many years for this flashback memory to surface.  It is not an overnight - forgive and let go process like too many make it out to be.

My body has been through a lot.  How I've survived all these years, I'll never know.  I've made it and as one person told me, I turned out pretty good.  Not all have that same good fortune.  Some never make it.  Some get pulled under.

Flashback memories are hell to live through and they keep the suffering going for a long time after the event happened.  Thankfully, I've found someone and a form of bodywork called "Unified Therapy" with Dr. Paul Canali that has helped me find greater peace with my past and my body.  It is still an ongoing process and one that has gotten better.  Unfortunately in times like this, it tries to take me down.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Days When It Is Hard To Stay Centered

There are days and boy, is today one of those.  I can normally stay centered most of the time, but from the moment I got startled out of bed by a telemarketer until now, its been anything but calm.

The first thing that greeted me was financial software nightmares.  Then a major online app that I use to help manage my online stuff was being anything but helpful.

It seemed like one thing after another.  I'm already tired and fed up with the nonstop political ranting, raving, and overall meanness by everyone in social media and the news.  There isn't anything in that entire discussion that seems human to me and I'm trying my hardest to avoid it.  Yet, it seems like everyone wants to force me to read and hear the stuff.  When politics starts being human again, than I'll start listening.  Until then, its a bunch of noise-filled stress.

Getting myself to stop isn't easy...

Getting myself to stop and just take a time-out moment isn't easy.  I feel like the little brat of a child causing problems that needs to be put in the corner for a time-out.  I'm the adult here and it seems like it should be easy to convince myself that I need to stop and chill for a second.  Yet, my mind convinces me that I've got a zillion things to get done and in no way can I stop.

In fact, that's what I told myself all the years until I was paralyzed from the Conversion Disorder.  I thought I could do it all.  I never stopped.  I never rested.  I just kept pushing and pushing.  I kept hiding things and hiding them until they could no longer be seen.  It didn't end well either.  You would think I would have learned by now but some days I'm pretty hard headed.

Just writing this at this moment, helps me stop and think about it.  It brings it up - front and center - so that I can not hide from it or push it away.  It says - look you hard headed clunk head - you're not helping yourself if you just keep stressing and pushing and hiding everything.  "I know," I say in return, but sometimes I just don't listen to the better part of myself.

It is easy to go on autopilot in life...

Its easy to go on autopilot in life.  In fact, sometimes that helps us hide from the swirling pile of doo doo in our life we don't want to look at.  It helps us numb from it and avoid it.  I get it.  I understand because I feel like I could teach a masterclass in how all of this works.

The difficult part is getting myself to stop and say - enough!  I don't need to do the harm to my body and mind I'm doing.  I can write the words, but putting it in practice is something I'd rather just not talk about.... yet, I need to talk about it.

So, for now - I'm prioritizing what I need to get done.  What's the most important things and then the rest of it will have to wait.  I'm going to take a few minutes and just chill and rest.  I'm going to go focus on my breath and come back into my body.  Spending all my time up in my head isn't going to get me as far as if I can connect my mind with my body.

I know what I need to do in order to connect my mind and body together.  I write about it.  Its just not always easy to stay centered.  I'm sure I am  not alone and others struggle with the exact same thing.  After-all, I can't be the only one that is this hard headed, can I?   That's a rhetorical question of course.

So, please feel free to leave a comment below and tell me what you do when the stuff is piling up and your mind and body so need a chill moment.  How do you get yourself to stop in that moment and come back home inside, rather than shoving and stuffing down all of this deep inside?

It felt better to just write about this and share it.  Maybe that's what I need to do because it makes me more aware of it and by becoming aware of something, we can do a better job of dealing with it.  It doesn't mean we will solve the issue in under ten seconds, but I do know that the more aware we are, the more human we are.

That's my story for now and I'm sticking to it!

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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After 16 Years

I never thought this day would come.  After 16 years, we're finally married.  For much of that 16 years, we never had the option to legally get married.  It was not until the Supreme Court decision for marriage equality on June 26, 2015 that made this possible.

I cannot begin to describe what it means to be able to finally be married,  Yes, we waited some time from the moment we could get married until we actually did it.  I proposed on December 25, 2014, but it all came home after the Pulse Orlando shooting.  We did not want to be in a situation where something would happen to one of us and legally we could not be there for the other.  In that light, it became imperative to do this sooner than later.

We had begun to plan a beautiful beach wedding with close friends and family, but life got in the way and so those plans had to get abandoned.

To keep things simple and because we wanted to get this done, we went down to the Orlando Courthouse and exchanged our vows.  In fact, we were only a couple of miles from the Pulse nightclub and it felt good to celebrate that which the shooter tried to destroy.

Having immediate family there made all the difference.  I was nervous.  In fact, I think we both were pretty nervous.  I don't quite remember the vows because my mind was in a daze.  I tried to hold back the tears, but the emotions were deep.  After all, after 16 years, we finally were getting to make our love for one another permanent.

It all seemed like a blur.  Before the wedding, we wondered if this ceremony would really have much of an impact.  Would it change things?  I mean being together for 16 years, we really do know each other.  In the marriage counseling online course we took, the discussion helped us to learn more about ourselves.

I can honestly say though, that after the wedding ceremony, it definitely changed things.  It felt more permanent.  It felt like we were finally standing up in front of family and friends and saying - hey - we love each other and we mean the world to each other.  It was a precious moment that I will never forget.

As we enjoyed the rest of the day, I found myself realizing that I no longer had to be jealous of those that could get married.  We were now one of them.  We were no longer second class citizens - we had the same rights.  I'm not a political person, but I sure was tired of being used as something cheap in the realm of politics and religion.

We no longer have to worry about the future or anything else, because we know that our relationship is now recognized and we are one with each other.  It feels strange that after 16 years, we've only just begun.  The years have gone by quickly.

My eyes are star filled and glazed, but my love has grown deeper for the man I love.  I'm not going to hide it anymore.  If someone does not have the capacity to accept me and us for the way we are, then I realize it is not a problem I can worry about any longer.

On July 26, 2016 we pledged our love for one another and I'm the happiest guy in the world right now.  I love my husband with all my heart and we both respect each other with the highest respect you can give to another human.  We see each other for what we are, not what we think they should be.  We accept each other as they are and together we've grown so much over the past 16 years.

It wasn't that long ago in life before I met him that I wondered if true love was possible.  I wondered if it could last, when I met someone.  When we met, I wasn't looking for a relationship and when we met, I wasn't even ready to accept I was gay.  My heart knew immediately though from that moment we first said hello.

Even with the past and all the difficulties we have both faced in life, we are there for each other.  Out of the love we share, we are growing and making it in life.  We face the day with new hope and possibility and we enjoy the warm embrace of love that our two hearts share.

I wear my new wedding ring with pride.  I cherish it and the symbol that it portrays.   It means so much to me to wear this ring.  My heart sings with joy.  My heart rejoices in the joy and love that I have found in a person I love so very much.

LGBTq people have come a long ways and what was once barely talked about is more accepted in society.  Being gay is not a choice.  If it was, I think many of us would have not wished to go through some of the horror we have.  Being gay is who we are.  It is how we are made.  Instead of hating those who are gay, let us love one another without conditions and strings attached.  Let us love one another as humans should.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Glued To The News Of A Tragedy

Lately, we are overloaded as a people.  Our nervous systems are designed to handle a great deal and so is our brain.  Yet, when we see events of the past few weeks unfolding every day, we push the limits of all that we can endure.

If we are glued to the news of a tragedy, it can be just as harmful in my view as if we were right there involved in the tragedy.  I say this because I can see it in myself.  When we watch the images that are repeated over and over, its like we are re-traumatizing ourselves.  It imprints into our brain and wires us with emotion to make this a very strong neural pathway.

Even if we hover over every news article and tweet or Facebook posting, we are allowing ourselves to be glued to the news of a tragedy.  It is not healthy for us.  It keeps our body revved up as if the events are happening and continuing to happen.

It keeps fear alive inside of us...

It keeps fear alive inside of us because when we see these things unfold, it connects with that part within our mind and body that says, "it is not safe".  When we connect with the unsafe part, it recalls all those memories where we did not feel safe.  It re-traumatizes us as if not only this current event is happening, but that there is a strong basis for past events to have happened.

When we keep our body and our mind ramped up in fear, we are not taking care of ourselves.  We are not allowing our nervous system to calm down.  We are not feeling in our body, because the last thing that fear does is allow you to feel anything in your body.  The less we feel, the more we set ourselves up for illness and health conditions that will have an environment to grow.

Our nervous systems are overloaded...

Our nervous systems are already overloaded in this world.  We have pushed ourselves far beyond the normal limits of healthy behavior.  Events like we've seen unfold lately only push those limits into the upper ends of the danger zones for our mind and body.

It is up to each one of us to limit how much we take in during these tragedies of life.  Being glued to the news is not something that is helpful.  I'm not telling you to stick your head in the sand, but limit your intake of this harmful and toxic news that is replayed hour upon hour.

The media's goal is to keep you hooked into their programming so they make money.  They are not here for our evolution or awareness or consciousness.  If they limit what they show, you'll turn to those that don't.  If you truly want to take care of yourself, then don't glue yourself to the news of a tragedy.  It will only harm you, not help you.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Telling Everyone What To Do

Why is it that humans do this?  I mean, it seems like humans feel like they need to tell everyone what to do.  Is it because they are superior to other people or they just can't help themselves?

I see this happen far too often.  I grew up with it in my house where you had a million people telling you what to do before you knew you needed to hear this.  I still remember learning to drive and between my mom, dad and older brother, I generally had three people all screaming at one time where to park, where to turn, or what to do next.  Talk about a chorus of crazy talk!

Sometimes people just want to share with you what they are struggling with in their mind.  I know I do this.  It is part of how I think through things and if I can verbalize it, then my mind is more able to clearly focus on what is happening.  I generally talk as a way of seeing options and working through the questions that arise.

Unfortunately, far too many people take this as my inability to figure out what I need to do.  Not all that I know do this, but there are several that will readily do this.  It really begins to irritate me because most of the time, very few have all the facts and knowledge that I do on a particular matter.  They haven't walked a mile in my shoes.

It isn't just me though that I see this play out.  I see it in all kinds of people, especially on social media and the internet.  If you say you have a sniffle, people are pretty quick to tell you what you should take to get rid of that.  After all, everyone is a doctor on social media.  If you share a thought online, most of the time no one really reads the whole things, but they are commenting quickly and telling you what you should do, how you should do it and when you should do it.

If you look at the news and politics, there are many that will tell you quickly just what you should be doing with your life, how you should be living and that if you think anything but the way they think, you are wrong. They will tell you how you need get your life in order and that they have the answers for everything you must follow.

Take a look at churches, okay some churches but maybe not all churches.  Some of these people will be quick to tell you how much you have sinned or fallen away from Jesus.  Some will tell you that if you don't do what they say, your life will be nothing but problems and unanswered questions.  They are so quick to tell everyone what to do, it can make your head spin.

Instead of telling everyone what to do, we really need to learn how to listen.  When you listen, it means that you're not talking and telling them what to do.  It means you are listening.  It means the ears are more engaged then the mouth.  It means, you're honoring and respecting the other person by giving your attention to them.

The need to tell everyone what to do comes from the ego. It is often hidden from the individual because the ego is crafty and sneaky.  It does not want you to see what you are actually doing.  Only by becoming conscious and aware can you see what it is that you do.

We don't help the world and everyone around us by telling everyone what to do.  We don't help impact the world in positive ways by making sure that others know what we think, rather than just listening to them.  The art of listening is so underused, but the art of telling others what to do is so over-rated.  May we learn to listen more and refrain from telling everyone what to do.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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