Saturday, August 13, 2016

Days When It Is Hard To Stay Centered

There are days and boy, is today one of those.  I can normally stay centered most of the time, but from the moment I got startled out of bed by a telemarketer until now, its been anything but calm.

The first thing that greeted me was financial software nightmares.  Then a major online app that I use to help manage my online stuff was being anything but helpful.

It seemed like one thing after another.  I'm already tired and fed up with the nonstop political ranting, raving, and overall meanness by everyone in social media and the news.  There isn't anything in that entire discussion that seems human to me and I'm trying my hardest to avoid it.  Yet, it seems like everyone wants to force me to read and hear the stuff.  When politics starts being human again, than I'll start listening.  Until then, its a bunch of noise-filled stress.

Getting myself to stop isn't easy...

Getting myself to stop and just take a time-out moment isn't easy.  I feel like the little brat of a child causing problems that needs to be put in the corner for a time-out.  I'm the adult here and it seems like it should be easy to convince myself that I need to stop and chill for a second.  Yet, my mind convinces me that I've got a zillion things to get done and in no way can I stop.

In fact, that's what I told myself all the years until I was paralyzed from the Conversion Disorder.  I thought I could do it all.  I never stopped.  I never rested.  I just kept pushing and pushing.  I kept hiding things and hiding them until they could no longer be seen.  It didn't end well either.  You would think I would have learned by now but some days I'm pretty hard headed.

Just writing this at this moment, helps me stop and think about it.  It brings it up - front and center - so that I can not hide from it or push it away.  It says - look you hard headed clunk head - you're not helping yourself if you just keep stressing and pushing and hiding everything.  "I know," I say in return, but sometimes I just don't listen to the better part of myself.

It is easy to go on autopilot in life...

Its easy to go on autopilot in life.  In fact, sometimes that helps us hide from the swirling pile of doo doo in our life we don't want to look at.  It helps us numb from it and avoid it.  I get it.  I understand because I feel like I could teach a masterclass in how all of this works.

The difficult part is getting myself to stop and say - enough!  I don't need to do the harm to my body and mind I'm doing.  I can write the words, but putting it in practice is something I'd rather just not talk about.... yet, I need to talk about it.

So, for now - I'm prioritizing what I need to get done.  What's the most important things and then the rest of it will have to wait.  I'm going to take a few minutes and just chill and rest.  I'm going to go focus on my breath and come back into my body.  Spending all my time up in my head isn't going to get me as far as if I can connect my mind with my body.

I know what I need to do in order to connect my mind and body together.  I write about it.  Its just not always easy to stay centered.  I'm sure I am  not alone and others struggle with the exact same thing.  After-all, I can't be the only one that is this hard headed, can I?   That's a rhetorical question of course.

So, please feel free to leave a comment below and tell me what you do when the stuff is piling up and your mind and body so need a chill moment.  How do you get yourself to stop in that moment and come back home inside, rather than shoving and stuffing down all of this deep inside?

It felt better to just write about this and share it.  Maybe that's what I need to do because it makes me more aware of it and by becoming aware of something, we can do a better job of dealing with it.  It doesn't mean we will solve the issue in under ten seconds, but I do know that the more aware we are, the more human we are.

That's my story for now and I'm sticking to it!

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly
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