Saturday, August 6, 2016

When and How To Let Go and Forgive

One of the most common things I see online is memes where people make life seem so easy to live.   One such subject is they tell you that holding on to things in life is the worst thing you can do and that you need to let go.

While it is good to let go, it is often much more difficult than everyone makes it out to be.  It isn't always something as simple as writing a meme or sharing a meme online.  In fact, its a rather difficult process for most people and if it isn't, maybe a reviews is in order.

Letting go isn't a single moment in time, but it can be.  There is no timeline of when it should happen.  There is no one out there that can tell you when or how to let go.  It is all up to each one of us personally and individually.

I've seen people talk about forgiveness and make it out to be the most important focus in life.  Unfortunately for many folks, the concept of forgiveness has been so obliterated by certain segments of our society, that forgiveness is anything but a positive experience.  It doesn't stop people strongly pushing others and shaming them almost, into thinking that if you don't forgive, there's something wrong with you.

Forgiveness is a process...

Forgiveness is a process just like letting go.  It doesn't happen overnight.  It takes healing and a continual journey through your own life.  It isn't like you wake up one morning and the heavens have parted.  It is more in the way that you continue to let go of what is there and the more you do this, the more it no longer impacts your life.

Often, people tell others they need to forgive or let go because of how it makes them feel.  They may not have healed all these similar parts in their own life and so by you being in the place you are at, it makes them feel uncomfortable.  Often when we have not fully healed our own lives, we project that on to others and we identify with their pain as if it were our own.

Let forgiveness come naturally...

Don't get me wrong, because I know learning to forgive and letting go is an important part of advanced healing in one's life.  It doesn't mean you do that when you start out.  It means you focus on healing your life and let the forgiveness and letting go come naturally in its own time.

Too often we think that if we say the words or think the thoughts that we have forgiven someone and it will make everything better.  We may fool ourselves into believing this, but it may just be an opportunity to hide and bury all the baggage of life in a deeper closet.  We need to be careful that when we say we have forgiven or we have let go, that we truly mean that from our internal consciousness and awareness, not our ego brain or the need to placate others.

A long time ago, some people in a church had me come up front at the end of a service.  They laid hands on me and in prayer, they had me forgive my abusers.  Guess what?  That did far more damage to me, than any good that could have possibly come out of it.  I was not at the point of being ready to forgive.  Far too much of what had happened to me was still in that elusive state where I was not even ready to acknowledge its existence.

You see, we throw around memes all day long, but sometimes they can truly hurt those who have already been hurt.  We end up shaming people because they don't fall in line with how we see forgiveness or letting go or even if we are close to that point in our healing journey.  There is a time for anger and remembering and reliving.  No one can tell anyone at what point that needs to end.  It is all up to the individual person to find that path for them self.

Do everyone a favor in determining when and how to let go or forgive and let them find their way.  Allow it to unfold in whatever way it needs to and in the timeline it needs to appear.  Don't force it and don't create something that is not there.  Be okay with this moment because although it may be a very difficult time, it is part of your healing.  It is part of letting go and moving on in life.

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly
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