Setting Effective Boundaries In Spirit Communication

(Written by A Happy Medium, Amanda)

Communication with Spirit is not something to take lightly. Unfortunately, the lure of Hollywood Spirit work through horror movies, which fans are devouring at break neck speed, has increased the popularity of certain “spiritual” tools. The main one I’m thinking of is the Ouija board. The thing that most bothers me about the Ouija board, besides it being marketed as a game, is that parents are purchasing this for their children.

Here is my issue with Ouija boards. Most people pull them out on Halloween or at parties. No prayers are said, no intention is set and the gateway is open for anything to come in. Maybe you grab the board to communicate with spirits you know, but if you don’t set that intention, you may get more than you bargained for. Kids are high vibrational beings. Given that they are so high vibrational, they are likely to draw in pretty much anything, and you may end up having to have someone clear your house of something that’s been inadvertently brought in.

Boundaries are important in life and in Spirit work. They define who and what you will accept. Consider your sacred spiritual space as your home. You wouldn’t let just anyone have access to your home, right? That’s why you have locks on the doors and only the people you allow have access. The same should apply to your spiritual practice.

As I’ve said before, spirit communication takes a lot of self-development. There’s constant learning and growth. As you are working on that and opening yourself up for communication it’s a good idea to get boundaries set on your home as to what you will and will not allow. My mentor suggested that I get the  Qabalah Solid Copper Jupiter House talisman. If you follow the link, you’ll get more information. This talisman is referred to as a great protector and bringer of abundance. It keeps your house protected and keeps anyone with negative or ill will away. If you purchase one, make sure that you replace the batteries in your smoke alarms. Mine hangs over my front door and I found within about a couple of weeks of hanging it, we had to replace our smoke detectors. I think this is because the energy in the house changed.  This happened to my mentor as well as a couple of other people she knows that have picked up the talisman.

In hanging this talisman, you are setting a boundary that only good intentioned people and energies approach and enter your home.  Look at that! Boundary set.

When creating my sacred space for readings, I burn white sage and walk around the perimeter of the room where I am doing my readings, including specific focus around the doors and windows.  I ask that only high vibrational energies for the highest good of my client (insert name here). Here’s another boundary I’m setting. I’m only looking for energies related to the particular client I’m reading at this time, not a free for all of any spirit that happens by to come in and chatter.

I invoke the Archangels that I feel are important to my readings (I prefer Azrael and Gabriel) and ask them to help me be an effective channel between this world and the next. I pray that my client get exactly what he or she needs from the reading, and that they leave feeling empowered, inspired and uplifted, perhaps with a different perspective than they came in with. Then I open up.

Opening up to Spirit

Lots of people ask me if I get information all the time, like when I am at the grocery store or walking down the street. I explain that I usually only get information when I’m open to receiving. Typically before I start a reading I will create my sacred space, call in the Archangels and then call in all the guides, Guardians, Ascended Masters, Master Teacher and deceased loved ones who wish to communicate for the highest good of my client (insert name here). I state my name and that I invite them to come in and speak to me and through me with any information required at this time. Then I state that I am opening the channel.

It’s kind of hard to explain, but my channel looks like a tube that comes out of the top of my head (crown chakra) and goes up into the universe. When it’s closed, it has a piece of wood through it, so nothing can come in or go out. Picture a piece of wood on the end of a hollow tube. Why wood? I don’t know. It’s just what I visualize.  Maybe the connection to earth and nature, keeping me on the physical plane. Anyway, I slide that piece of wood off the tube in my mind and I always slide it to the right. Then the channel is open and spirit is welcome to come in.

I do the reading, and then I close the channel.

Closing the Channel

Once the reading has ended and the client leaves, I thank all spirits that came through for their participation in the reading. I release the client and the spirits with love. I sage the room again around the perimeter, with a prayer of gratitude for the spirit participation as well as the gift of mediumship. Once the room is saged and the prayers said, I close the channel to spirit since I am finished receiving.  I picture that piece of wood sliding left, back over the top of the “tube” and state out loud that the channel is now closed. Bada bing! I clean up and my session with spirit is over. That’s why I don’t get information in the grocery store.

Although…. Sometimes I can get information when I’m not “tuned in”, but I mentally ask for it. I think as I have developed my communication, I am able to turn it on and off quickly without going through my whole ritual. For example, if I am looking for information about someone I see, or if someone asks me a question, I might quickly ask, but I try not to make a habit of it. I wouldn’t just go walking into your house, so I wouldn’t just intuitively barge into your life. Privacy is important.

Being Clear on What Comes In

A lot of people tell me they are afraid to channel because they are worried something scary or negative will come in. If you set specific intentions on only allowing high vibrational energies or the specific person you are looking for, that should help with what comes in. You could also state that any negative or low vibrational energies are not welcome and must leave now.

In closing, be careful before embarking on communication with spirit. Get the self work done and the boundaries set first.  Be choosy on what you allow.  Boundaries are a great thing to have in life and in your spirit work. You are the only one who can determine what you will and will not allow. Stick to your guns and choose wisely.


Until the next time!

 - Amanda (A Happy Medium)

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly and Amanda

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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Boundaries And Child Sexual Abuse

This is one area I've struggled with probably as hard as any other person that has gone through child sexual abuse.  It is in respect to boundaries.  I know I'm not alone because I see boundaries destroyed every day.

When you are violated by child sexual abuse, there is no such thing anymore as a boundary.  The most intimate part of a child has been taken away.  The child is left in that moment with any control over their life, their body or what they feel and think.  Boundaries have been destroyed.

Many child sexual abuse survivors turn to either absolutely no boundaries or ones that would keep everyone out.  We can see both extremes if we pause to notice this.

I had to find better boundaries...

For me, I often attempted to build a wall and keep everyone out.  They got to see the superficial side of me, but they didn't get in any further unless they had gone through a 1000 page examination and been watched for some time.  Slowly I had to learn how to find better boundaries and attempt to let the good in, but keep the bad out.

Some days I do well on this and other days I struggle with it.  I've had people that I let in and were good for some time, then they tried to destroy me from inside the boundary.  In those moments, it hurts greatly and I pull back on everyone.

In my family, there were no boundaries...

Growing up in my family, there were no boundaries.  From having to use the bathroom with doors open (only to be reminded to close it if guests were over) to having to get dressed in front of a father that seemed to enjoy watching me, there were no boundaries.

In my family, you had no privacy or safety or alone moments.  The only way I could find any of that was to hide out in the barn and tell my cats all my personal secrets.  A journal would have only become public knowledge, but my cats would never tell anyone.

Sexual intimacy all my life was not a personal thing.  It was a family-for public viewing pleasure thing.  There were no boundaries in that, because the moment they asked you to rub their back (ask meant the same thing as expect), it was the beginning of one of those common scenarios that forced you to do things you didn't want to do.

Even taking a bath had no privacy.  I can remember all too frequently being forced to take showers with my dad or brothers.  This was to "conserve" and "save" water.  However, when you're reaching sexual puberty, the last thing you want to do is take a shower with some other member of the family.  Of course, it became much more than a shower.  There was no way to say no, either.  After all, we were only allowed one shower a week (before Church on Sunday) and so, there was no way you wanted to miss it.

Child abuse obliterates boundaries...

I could go on and on with example after example, but by now, I think the point is clear that boundaries are obliterated during child sexual abuse.  They make it difficult from that point forward trying to figure out what is the norm and what is not.

At a VOICES (Victims Of Incest Can Emerge Survivors) conference, I remember Mike Lew talking about boundaries.  He had us imagine where our boundaries were and how far out that went.  Then he took us through an exercise where we tried to extend those boundaries of safety and security.  It was not an easy exercise for me.

Ever since I started my healing journey, I've worked hard to break the silence and try to share what I went through and how I found my way back out of hell.  None of that is ever easy for me to do and at times I still hold back.  I'm still in fear of the abusers coming after me and following through on their threats.

Each day I work to regain more and more of my life, taking back my core essence and the parts that were stolen from me in the child sexual abuse.  Boundaries are still something I struggle with, but I'm learning more and more by sharing with others, just what a good boundary is and that the violations in my past were not normal. 

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Setting Boundaries In Massage

When you work for yourself, there is one issue that will most definitely rise to the surface.  The issue is setting boundaries.  When you work in an office from 8 am to 5 pm, it is easy for people to know that they should come and see you or call you at that time.  When you work from home or for yourself, those boundaries get blurred easily.

In these days, we are connected via social media, cell phones, and email.  It isn't easy to unplug and stop.  We are all just too available in this world.  It is part of the world we live in and setting boundaries becomes very difficult.

For my business that I run out of my home and my office, I had to get a second phone.  This way, I can shut it off and turn it on at my set office hours.  I realize people will still try to call me and think I should be on the phone all hours of the day and night, but that will drive you crazy.

Protect Your Boundaries

Many years ago, I struggled so much with this concept.  I didn't even think boundaries were something I remotely understood.  When they get violated repeatedly and violently early on in life, learning to protect your boundaries is essential for growth.

I can see more and more just how some of those lessons were preparing me for my current life and that is to come in the future.  Without some of what I have learned, I'd be crumbling for sure now.

Boundaries are essential to life.  It doesn't mean you keep everyone out or you let everyone in.  You learn to discern which people at which times of your life can cross through into the inner circle of your life.  Some people are fine most of the time, but there are times when you need to pull back.

Boundaries For A Helping Heart

One of the things that I have struggled within life is that my heart is often larger than the boundaries I have in place.  As a result, I've often been worked over, abused, used and put in situations where it was just dog gone uncomfortable.  I'm afflicted with the syndrome of lacking boundaries for a helping heart.

You see, I never learned good boundaries when I was growing up and it is something I've spent much time trying to teach myself.  Any boundaries I had when I was a child was crossed over and over again without the slightest thought of respect towards me by people who were close.  This has carried over into my adult life and made some situations pretty difficult.

People flash their pretty eyes at me and share what they want to do, and poof - the next thing I know, I'm hooked into tasks that I should have just said NO, in the first place.  Sometimes I get the phrases that "oh you are so smart and know how to do this" or "I just have no idea what to do".  Sometimes, being intelligent or understanding many things about different subjects feels like a curse.  Yet, I do not want to be selfish, but saying NO, or setting up a boundary with parameters is scary.  To be honest, when someone strokes my ego, it makes it harder to say no!