I know as soon as I write this someone is going to say, but "you don't have this experience" or "you don't understand" or "insert random statement here".
Yes, I probably don't know your situation and no, I've not had many of the other situations to deal with. No, I probably don't fully understand. All I can do is speak from my own experience.
Now, I'm not any magic genie mystical person that has all the answers. Heck, I'm on the search for answers myself most of the time. I have seen many things happen both to myself and others that regular health care would deem impossible. I've heard the many lines that you have to live with a condition I had, but I proved them wrong.
Before you think I have some mystical powers, I don't! I do have a willingness to shed paradigms of what I've been taught and not subscribe to the fear of whatever health situation it is. Okay, sometimes the fear overtakes me too, but I'm able to back out of it. I also just don't believe that we cannot impact our health in ways no one understand.
I've seen it with others. I remember one friend of mine whose husband had this rare condition and the doctors gave him six months live. He quit his job. They got all of their finances together. After several months, lo and behold the doctors were amazed because the rare condition that normally resulted in death was GONE! There was no trace of it in this person's body.
I've heard stories from a doctor friend of mine that someone who was blind ended up being able to see for the first time out of both eyes after some treatments. The doctors were all confused and struggling to treat this person. It shocked this doctor friend of mine and it is almost too difficult to believe.
Check the story out of Dr. Joe Dispenza after an accident where the doctors thought he was nuts for not going through with a necessary spinal surgery. He not only proved the surgery was unnecessary, but he found a way to heal himself. It is a moving story of one I don't fully understand yet.
As for myself, I went through a Conversion Disorder and in those days, they didn't know as much as they do now. Yet, we still don't know as much on this condition as we need to know. All the doctors and therapist concluded that most likely I would never function again (walk, talk, or work) like I did before it hit. I proved them wrong! Today, you would not be able to tell I was paralyzed and struggling to talk or move and next to death.
Yes, some might say these are miracles, but there are many more stories than these. They exist. They can be repeated. Just check out Evolutionary Healing Institute in Miami, Florida with Dr. Paul Canali. His concepts and processes aren't pie-in-the-sky. They are very real and they are repeatable. They are backed up by science.
The thing is, we don't feel like we impact our health as much as we really do. We give lip service to health issues and keeping healthy, but the thing is - we really don't live a healthy life as much as we think we do. Stress, past experiences and trauma impact the body, but most think that through thoughts alone, that's all that is needed to take care of it. They forget the body half of the equation.
We impact our health in so many unconscious ways every day but we don't stop to see that. We may see some of it on the surface, but the deeper stuff is usually covered by layers of fear and day after day experiences that only serve to cement it in place.
We tend to be a wounded people and instead of using that wounded side of us to explore and push the limits of our own growth, we get taken under by it. Every year we ignore it, we add a little more to the pile of rubbish we place over the top of it. Soon, we have ourselves convinced that if we just think good thoughts and avoid the terrible stuff in life, we'll make it. Unfortunately, the longer you do that, the more it catches up with you.
Each one of us has our own path to walk with our own difficulties, trials, and stresses. I can't tell you how to walk that path anymore than anyone else can. It is up to each one of us though to challenge what we think we know and do with what truly can change our life from the inside out.
It isn't just about putting on a happy face. It is allowing the happy face from deep within our physical body to shine to all the other inhabitants of the planet.
Don't take my word for what I'm saying. Prove it to be true or false for yourself. Challenge yourself to see how you can impact not only your mind, but your body. What do you have to lose?
Imagine you're in a ship on middle of the high seas. The winds are blowing and the waves are high. Yet, for as far as you can see, that's what you see. That is your experience. It doesn't feel like there are any calm waters anywhere close to you. It doesn't feel like there is an end in sight.
Your entire world revolves around the storm on the high seas. You're in the middle of it. You're in the thick of it, but yet it feels normal. It feels like what life is supposed to be. It feels like there is nothing else.
You could also view the storm as the emotions and difficulties and trials and struggles. They are in great supply as if they are never ending. You may be struggling to see the sun rise and set because of the storm clouds gathered around you.
This can often feel like what life is all about in our day. Our mind thinks one thing, but our body disconnects and numbs. Our body thinks one thing but our mind stays a million miles away. Nothing seems normal or connected. Nothing seems like there is peace and calm deep within. There is this never ending sense of this is life.
There might be something different...
As we heal, we begin to get a thought or a glimpse that there might be something different. While that may be extremely difficult at first, it may be nothing more than a hope that we long for in our life. It may be the peaceful calm waters after the storm.
At times, the storm clouds rage on and we beg for mercy. We pray that we will be spared and the storms will end. We hope to find something beyond where we are at - a moment of solace - a moment of peace or just a moment of rest.
A greater glimpse...
Continuing through our healing, we begin to get a greater glimpse that where our life is heading is possible. It isn't just a hope but something of a reality. It is little moments of seeing the sun break through the clouds. It is an moments of easing from the rough waves.
As we continue in healing, more and more comes into view. More calm waters show up in periods of rest and recharge and renewal. We begin to see there's so much more. We can almost touch it, feel it and sense it. It may seem a little beyond our grasp, but we know it is there beckoning to have the courage to keep going.
It is in that moment that we understand where the potential lies.
As difficult as the emotional stuff may be, nothing is more difficult than being stuck
Yes, while we know that the storm clouds are not fun, we do know they lead to calmer waters. We had to pass through the storm to find them. We had to realize that the storms would lessen and even the horrifying trip through it, there was nothing more difficult than being stuck there and not sailing on.
So keep sailing. Sail through the storm. Know that the difficult emotional stuff is temporary and it too will pass if we don't stop sailing along in our life. It is up to us to keep our sails pointed forward and then let the winds of life help us find our way.
I've been struggling a lot lately. For the past year, I've had people walk away from me, spit on me, treat me like dirt and just plain ignore me. These were people that I had fond affections for and thought of highly.
So I've struggled to find my way. I've struggled to find my footing. I've fought against myself and everything that seemed to exist. I didn't know any other way to do this because I was in a million different kinds of pain. It hurt deeply. The hurt was raw open wounds that had salt poured on them daily.
I had too many it seemed that held high expectations for where I was supposed to be in life or what I was supposed to be doing. Maybe they didn't and it was my fictional imagination, but it felt that way. I struggled to find my footing.
Then it seemed like others that came along were not good for me. They flashed the pretty eyes and warmed me up like melted butter, only to dump ice on me and throw me to the floor. I fell for it. I'm disgusted that I didn't see it. My heart always wants to help and when people take advantage, it seems like it chips a little piece of my heart off each time.
There is a zillion things...
There is a zillion things I could claim to know or claim that I'm doing and they might be accurate. However, I'm left to find the pieces and pick them up, then put them together again. It isn't easy. I feel so alone some days. I feel like I'm the only one in this ship on the ocean.
I've struggled to find my footing and some days it feels like slippery steps I'm trying to climb as if an ice storm has coated everything in my path. Maybe some things and people are good, but at this moment, I feel like they have walked away.
I'm trying to accept where I am at and that is difficult. Yes, I could apply one of the million memes passed along every day, but I know this is something I must figure out. It is holding me back. I just can't see the beginning or the end of it. I'm stuck in the middle.
Stones of fear lie before me...
Maybe it isn't a bad thing to be stuck in the middle, because at least you aren't just starting out and it gives you the opportunity of discovering what lies ahead. It isn't easy though to be struggling to find my footing. It is quite frightening at times. The path has too many stones of fear that lie before me.
There is a sense of loss as I continue to walk forward. I'm not sure what the loss is as I struggle to find my footing, but maybe it is giving up the ways that got me this far. They were special to me. They helped guide me, give me energy and support. Maybe now though, I am seeing they formed the path for me to walk ahead.
There are many things I don't know in this moment, but I'm walking forward. My pace may have slowed, but I'm hoping I begin to see the horizon of the land before me. The ocean is great, but without finding the shore, it feels like I'm only adrift.
Struggling to find my footing is part of life. It is where growth happens. It is where discovery takes place. While it may not always be a day at the beach, it is part of life. I know that and realize it. It just doesn't necessarily make it any easier.
Everyday I see and hear conversations that make me wonder about the human race. If I was an alien, I'm not so sure I would want to explore this planet at times. Am I being too harsh? I don't think so.
These days, especially in social media, we are so disconnected. Our mind works, but our heart lays dormant. Our mouth and fingers spout off all kinds of things, but the love from our heart is discarded as if it is no longer needed.
Not everything in a day has to be a controversy. Not everything in a day has to be name calling. Not everything in a day has to be about politics and power and control and ego and... to name a few.
We proclaim how much love we have for others, but the words we say depict some of the most awful parts of the human race that I weep with sadness. If you're up there grandstanding and proving to the world through your screaming words and actions all you think you know, most likely your heart is not the dominant part of your mind body connection.
We need balance...
We need balance in this world and in our lives. We need balance badly because things are swinging so far out of balance that I really fear for our civilization. It is up to each one of us how we either bring balance or chaos into our world.
No, its not about the other guy needing balance. No its not about you being right and everyone else is wrong. No, its not about calling those you don't agree every name that you can think of in a day. No, it isn't about claiming you know all and the others are unenlightened.
Balance starts within us...
Balance starts within us. We must find balance in our own world if we ever expect to find it in the world-at-large. Balance comes from being fully connected to your mind and body and letting your heart have control. Balance is not the brain and mouth and fingers running off on every subject that comes along in social media.
I see far too many that spout one thing and do another. I see far too many that claim they have it all together, but yet balance is a 1000 miles beyond the next mountain range.
When you have found balance through your heart and love is more than just something you say that you do, it is then that the world looks different. It is then that the petty disturbances of a day don't define your day. It is then that your mind and body are truly connected which opens up greater possibilities than we can ever imagine.
We need balance. Let us find balance deep within our mind and body.
Let me remind myself that I need balance in my day as well.
It is easier to live in fear at times it seems. Trusting that our life will be provided for is often more difficult than we think it is.
Knowing that we are where we need to be on our path at this one moment in time, takes courage and faith.
Life is not meant to be given over to worry every day. It is about searching our innermost self and becoming more aware and conscious.
It is about tapping into the source of unlimited abundance and knowing that as we find our way, everything will be there when we need it.
Trusting that we are connected to much more than we know is the key, so we open up to possibility. Asking and seeking, we will find that which is greater than our own life.
Life is about stepping into our worries and fears, looking for that connection to all that there is.
It is about grasping courage by the hand and seeing the world through the eyes of a child.
It is about opening our heart up in service to the world, rather than shrinking in worry and fear.
The more we open up to all life has to give, the more we will find it. The more we close our mind and heart, the more difficult our struggle.
It is in this moment that all the possibility exists in our life. Let us open our eyes so we will notice, feel, and see everything that is in our existence at this moment in time.
Seeing the world through eyes that can never close is how we awaken. It is how we become more conscious and alive in our life as humans.
When our eyes are closed, we are not seeing clearly as to everything that is happening in our life.
The bigger picture of illumination is when we see all that there is to see.
When we are open to life in a way that gives us a sense of purpose, it is then that we have found our self in this life. We become a beacon of hope and possibility to our self and those around us.
Sometimes it is difficult for us to see something greater than ourselves. At times, we are walking through the fire of life as we are being melted and molded into something new. It is at these moments when we are morphing into something greater than we were before, giving us a new outlook on our life and existence.
Becoming conscious is a pattern of growth and awareness in our life. It is one moment of awareness followed by another moment. It is when we choose to open our eyes to all that there is in our life, not just that which we want to see.
Becoming conscious begins deep within our body as the process connects us to our mind. It is the felt sense within our physical body where our mind discovers the spark of awareness.
As we become aware, so to do we find not only the life that was meant to be, but a life that shows us more than we realized was possible.
We seek and we search for answers in our life. We look for them around every bend in the river and above every hill we climb.
We ask everyone we meet if they have the answers we so desperately need.
Not a day goes by that we wonder what it is that we need and desire in our life.
We become so busy in the search for answers, that we fail to see what is before our eyes.
We look for the fancy twinkling, when our soul is brightly illuminated and shining for all to see.
Our search has us looking in every valley and under every rock, yet we fail to see that which is within us.
The search for answers is not out in some mystical place or in some mystical person. It begins deep within us guarded by our own awareness and consciousness.
The journey to find the answers we need is part of our search. We will not find the answers we seek until we embark upon the journey into awareness and consciousness.
It is when we become intimately acquainted with who we are deep inside, that we will begin to know our own soul.
It is when we give up looking for the answers in every person, place, and thing, that we will discover what is right within our own life.
Life's essence begins within the consciousness of our soul. The more we allow awareness into life, the more we tough the depths of our own soul.
When Don first contacted me about being a regular columnist for Mind-Body-Thought, I was honored to say the least. We’ve gotten to know each other, initially through twitter, and since then the friendship and mutual respect has blossomed.
As a male survivor of childhood sexual abuse and narcissistic abuse, life takes on a daily set of challenges that can feel overwhelming more often than we may care to admit. It’s that lack of control that can sometimes cause us to spiral out of the small bit of sanctuary that we have created for ourselves to cope with each day.
One of the things that I struggle with on a regular basis, is the feeling of not being able to control my own feelings. As a guy, often times we feel the need to have control of not only ourselves and our feelings, but also our surroundings.
Now, I’m not suggesting that all men feel this way, not wanting to stereotype anyone, but from personal life experience and from those I’ve encountered, this is not a rare occurrence.
It offers a sense of comfort and organization about life. Even if we don’t categorically consider ourselves organized, that feeling of having our mind and thoughts under control, brings a sense of peace in a chaotic world. It’s a feeling of security.
There are limits of course, because not only is the world as a whole, and our little niche on this planet constantly changing and evolving, but our emotions and thoughts can take on a mind of their own at moment’s notice.
the curve ball...
Just when we think things are going pretty good, life throws us a curve ball. It could be a change in our job status, a relationship change, our oldest child moving out of the house, just to name a few. I’m sure you can name a number of similar circumstances that have affected you.
It’s hard enough to roll with the punches, to evolve as life evolves, when you aren’t an abuse survivor. While I’m not suggesting that survivors are any more or less important than any one else, the traumatic past does create an innate sense of helplessness and worry about our current state of being, and what the future holds.
Zero control...
As a survivor, we had zero control over our surroundings, our caregivers, and the circumstances surrounding the abuse itself. That feeling of helplessness carries over into adulthood and can affect our judgment as well as our ability to adapt and cope with life.
When you are groomed to feel helpless and worthless, and to feel like there is no future for you, it’s very easy to slip back into that mindset even long after the abuse has past. Even for the survivor that has spent years and in years in recovery, the past sneaks back up from time to time.
It’s important to first realize that the feeling is normal and natural for someone who has survived so much trauma. It’s also important to not shame ourselves for these feelings, and to give ourselves time to examine them and work through them with “Wise Mind”.
Wise Mind Is...
Wise Mind is the combination of Emotional Mind and Rational Mind. Emotional mind is the reactive, emotionally charged thoughts that often causes us to make rash decisions before thinking them through. Rational Mind is the intellectual, logical approach to the problem. Wise Mind is the marriage between the two; being able to use the emotions we feel in a healthy, positive way, and logically think through the situation to come to the best conclusion.
Where this is a lot more to it than that simple explanation, being able to validate our feelings and thoughts, while working through each one goes a long way towards regaining a feeling of control of one’s self. Again, always being careful to take time to not self shame, and “sit with” our feelings for as long as we need too. Rushing through anything is never a recipe for success.
Even if we can’t control the way that our mind works, we can learn to control the way that we react to our thoughts and the way that we treat ourselves when faced with a tough decision in life.
As I begin this new column here on Don’s blog, I will be exploring life as a survivor of abuse in a validating, encouraging, and inspiring way so that you will always know that you are not alone no matter what you face in life.
I am on this journey with you and we can continue to heal together.
-Matt
Matt is a regular columnist on Mind Body Thoughts. He writes Survive, Thrive and Conquer monthly column. This article is written by Matt.
I have the distinct honor of introducing one of my friends who is excellent at writing and blogging and being supportive of everyone he meets. From his own site, Surviving My Past, Matt is one of those people that I instantly connected with when our paths crossed.
He's pours his heart and soul not only into his own healing, but anyone else who is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I love how open he is about his own process and through that openness, he draws you into a world of surviving, thriving and conquering. His process of learning and hope helps you learn while giving you hope.
Matt and I have shared each other's blog space a few times and I'm always thrilled to have him write for my blog. I've been equally as happy to write for his. I believe when we have done that, it has elevated both of our sites up to new heights.
Matt is just so darn real. He's has the survivor cat that more than likely if you watch any of his stuff online, you'll see make an appearance. Mia loves to steal the show. He likes to rock the survivor journey (literally and figuratively).
So, I'm sure you will enjoy the insights that Matt shares and his desire to see us all not only survive childhood sexual abuse but thrive and conquer our lives! You can go to his website and check out some of the awesome stuff he's got up there. Blog posts, Videos and lots of information and connections.
Don't be surprised if Matt makes you chuckle a little bit during the day. He's got a great sense of humor!
For more information on Matt and the articles he writes, go to the page on this blog, Survive - Thrive- Conquer. Look for his articles around the fourth Monday of each month.
As long as I see the stuff I see in a day, I'm going to keep writing about this topic. These days no matter how much you try to avoid it, the stuff gets shoved in your face one way or another.
There is just so much hate that fills our online world these days that it makes me shudder every time I see it. I wonder how humans can be this way with one another.
Aren't we in this world together, trying to make it in our lives and advance in the best way we know how? It just seems like everything I see and hear these days, that most humans hate one another. It seems like if you don't believe the way they do in all aspects of life, that you are somehow less than another.
Of course, it is easy to point the fingers and claim everyone else does this. Yet, if that were the case, it would not be plastered over every bit of social media and the news like it is. The question than leads to, are you part of the hate?
If you pass on....
You can't go and pass on the hate-filled social media posts and not be part of it. You can't call those who you disagree with all kinds of names, even in passing, and not be part of the hate. You can't pass the graphics and memes along all day that degrade others and not be part of the hate. If you're just trying to point out the errors of another person's ways, unless you're doing it with the same compassion you would want for yourself, you're part of the hate.
What you believe is what you believe. Most of what we believe is not necessarily fact, but in the world of those who believe it - it is. Is that all that matters though in hating other people. Are our beliefs the only thing that sustains us and unites us? Surely there is more than what we think we believe that matters.
There is no balance in this world these days and that is sad. Everyone is divided with one another and the hate shows up in full force. I see it from those who profess love every day as if they have the answers. I see it in those that are desperate to bring back some balance. I see it in those that are friends who feel I must think like they do or I'm not human.
Need to get past this muck...
We need to get past this muck we are in because it is destroying the world we know. We need each other. We need love in this world, not hate. We need to learn to work together, not just stand opposed without much thought.
I wonder if part of the issue is that we are so unconscious in our day that we belly up to the news bar and consume everything fed to us. Then, in unconscious behavior, we turn to our friends and social media to spew and regurgitate all that we've heard. We don't stop for a moment though and think if this is truly the best thing we can do with our time or the best way we can show love and respect to others.
Let's strive to not be part of the hate. Let's discuss ideas but do so in a civilized way with respect for one another. You don't have to wallow down in the mud hole with others if they choose to go to the moments of hate. You can rise above and wait for them to crawl out of the mud hole, then offer them a hose to rinse themselves off.
I plead and I beg with everyone that reads this - let's stop being part of the hate online! We've got that much power in us to change what we do. What others do is beyond our control, but what we do is something we can impact. What we do will impact the world either in a positive or a negative way!
If you wouldn't say these things face-to-face to the love of your life or your best friend or your young child, then maybe it would be best to rethink whether you should say them online.
When growing up, we were mind controlled every way. From the fundamentalist church we went to and the family I grew up in, the unwritten rule and code of the day was YOU MUST THINK LIKE ME!
Now the inhabitants of the family and the church would never admit to this. They would say I was crazy. They would say I was brainwashed. In fact, it isn't that they just would say these things, but they have already made sure our friends know that I"m crazy and brainwashed. I've been ostracized by everyone that knew me.
You see, I didn't accept all of this belief any longer. I challenged it. I questioned it. I didn't just subscribe to the mind control philosophy of YOU MUST THINK LIKE ME.
They didn't like that. They tried further countermeasures but those didn't work. They escalated the countermeasures through every means possible and yet those didn't work. When they could not control and manipulate my mind anymore, they continued to pester me every day with hurtful assaults and comments.
I had to walk away...
In my case, I finally had to walk away from the family. I had to leave it behind. There was no way I was going to accept the mind control that they were forcing upon me. I didn't want to subscribe to their views and beliefs that YOU MUST THINK LIKE ME!
Yet, today in this country and world, I see the continuation of the mind control methods being employed. People look at one another and state, YOU MUST THINK LIKE ME or I won't be your friend or I won't have anything to do with you or I will ridicule you.
Off with your head...
It is epidemic that we have gotten to a place where we hate one another so much because of some position the other person holds. It doesn't matter what position it is, there is no coming together and no balance. It is all about thinking like what you believe, or off with your head!
Social media displays this far more than most things. In fact, I think it is more efficient showing the hatred for one another than even the churches or mind controlling families like my own. You see it every day and if you don't, you're not opening your eyes.
Why is it that our way is the only right way. Why is it that YOU MUST THINK LIKE I DO or you are wrong? Why is it that we cannot even begin to entertain something different than what we believe?
No way to learn from others...
There is no way to grow as a person if you only see things in one dimension. There is no way to learn from others if you see all that hold different view points as the enemy or the losers or the ones that are horrible people and scum of the earth. There is no way to rise to higher moments in our world if all we do is stand opposed to one another.
If what we believe and think is so solid, it will stand. We will be able to accept differing viewpoints without harming our foundation. Yet, if our foundation is something that is not strong or we do not have confidence in, then we will not feel as if we can stand with others who think differently.
Thinking differently and allowing ourselves to entertain those thoughts is essential to being human. It is required for us to grow. It is necessary for our survival.
When you look at life as "YOU MUST THINK LIKE ME", than you're limiting humanity and holding all of us in a prison of our own making. May we shake this attitude that is so pervasive across all communities and peoples and see how we can come together for our common good.
If all of our ideas were right and all other ideas are wrong, will we ever make it into a new millennium or will we be the downfall of our own civilization. We will destroy our own by thinking we know all and everyone else is wrong?
We work far too much, stay busy more than we should and take very little downtime for ourselves. We push ourselves every day at the demands of our boss, our family, and the other responsibilities we hold. As a society we're too strung out on the drug of being so busy that we just never stop.
Sometimes the best thing we can do for our mind and body is take a retreat. Remember summer camp where you got away for a week. Or if it wasn't summer camp, how about those family vacations. Maybe it was other ways when you were growing up, but years prior, taking a vacation or a retreat was more common place.
If we exhaust and push our bodies day in and day out, we're only asking for trouble. I know - I did that for a long time and one day I was up and working, the next day I was down. Sure, I took the few hours once a week and tried to rest, but for the amount of hours I was running, it wasn't enough. We all tend to do that these days. I'm not alone.
Give your mind time to refresh...
If you take a retreat, you give your mind time to refresh and you give your body time to rest and recharge. Even though we may feel like we're a limitless energy source, there is only so much our body will do before it needs the rest. Our mind is the same way. You can't just push yourself nonstop and expect the mind and body to keep up.
Taking a retreat helps get perspective on things in life. It helps the body catch up and just have a moment to see what is going on. Often when we are so busy, we don't even begin to hear the messages our body is sending us until it is too late and we are sitting in the doctor's office. A retreat helps you feel what is going on in the body and when you are connected to your body, you're the one in control.
The mind becomes too busy to defrag...
The mind can deal with stress, but where it functions the greatest is through moments of rest and retreat. In fact, during deep sleep hours, this is when the mind defrags itself and attempts to clean out the closet areas of the mind. If we go nonstop without a retreat, the mind becomes too busy to defrag itself and balance out.
Try finding some place out in nature or some event that takes you away from your computer and all the daily responsibilities. Spend a few days there or an extended weekend. Do it often and your mind and body will thank you.
I love going to the mountains when I can because I can just get away from it all. At one point, I got to go to a Nasa Tweetup and it was like an adult field trip. It was so refreshing. Sometimes just going to the beach or a park or taking a short trip can help you step away from the busy part of life and find rest for the soul.
A retreat is good for the mind and body. It brings about balance and allows you to recharge, refresh, and renew. It should be the prescription for every human. Take one retreat frequently and avoid the busy moments of life as much as possible.
Note:
The picture above is from our stay at the Cabins At Healing Springs. A wonderful secluded and peaceful place to take a retreat. Individual cabins and the owners are wonderful people. The surroundings are beautiful and there is so much to do in the area around this. If you're looking for a great place to go, make sure you check them out.
These days it seems like the lines between fact and fiction have blurred. Truth is almost in the eye of the beholder it seems. From fake news on TV and social media to people claiming they have the truth, but it turns out is nothing more than opinion and belief. Truth seems to be everywhere, but nowhere!
We proclaim truth every day on social media. You see it in almost every post. We proclaim truth on news media shows from the different newsmakers and pundits claiming they have the truth. We see people fighting about their truth and paying little attention to anyone else.
Truth seems to be something that is known to the person holding that truth. However, there is truth based upon scientific fact that has been proven with time. There is truth as in what people perceive their beliefs to be. Yet, we still don't all hold the same truth.
We hold the only truth...
We all have our truth that we hold dear and precious to our heart. We will defend our truth to the end of the world most times. We think we hold the only truth out there and others have not discovered what we know. Okay, maybe not everyone - but there is a vast majority doing this these days.
Why not instead of looking at all things as the only truth, see if there is something you're missing. Can you truly back up what you're saying, or is it just regurgitated truth? Can you truly prove what you think is truth, or are there holes in it?
Does not come with blinders...
Truth can be your present truth as long as it does not come with blinders that keep you from seeing more. Truth can be powerful, but it also can be limiting if you're not willing to see beyond what it is that you know. We all claim we see beyond what we know, but the evidence in our country and on social media says otherwise.
What if for one moment, you looked at your truth as the point where you are currently at. It is the launching point to discovering more, possibly even a greater and stronger truth than you know at this moment. Let it be the guiding force to see further ahead, rather than the limiting cave you live in.
What is truth? That's a question I pose to everyone reading this. What is your truth? What is your definition of truth? I'm sure I don't have all the answers. Let's start a discussion and do it respectfully.
If I am not careful, I find my mindset going into an area I would rather not travel. It is easy for me to see a situation and think all is doom and gloom.
In my mind, it feels like the end of the world or like I will not get through the situation I face.
Worry comes easy for me during this doom and gloom thinking. In fact, I can hold my ground with the best if it was a competition of worry.
I was taught how to do this all my life and I had some excellent teachers. Unfortunately to unlearn these behaviors of worry, it is much more difficult.
I am doing better these days with worry during doom and gloom thinking. I am able to stop myself quicker so that I can see a different route to take in situations.
Instead of trying to do everything on my own, I am learning to ask for help from the universe and angels.
The more I heal my life, the more I see that there are options beyond worrying about a situation.
Sure, it is easy for me to get swallowed up by the events of my day, but I am learning that I have a choice. I don't have to go down the route of doom and gloom thinking. I can choose differently. It is all up to what I allow into my life.
My name is Amanda and I’m a psychic medium from Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. Since this is my first post here, I thought I’d start with what spurred me on this journey. Given that it’s a New Year, it’s a good time to reflect on 2016 and all of the growth I have experienced.
I’ve always had a connection with the spirit world. When I was a child, I often saw people who had passed on, and could clearly hear their voices. I remember hearing my name being called often and I would run up to my mother in the kitchen who would tell me she hadn’t called me. She told me I shouldn’t answer and that this was something to fear. As I grew, my abilities were conditioned out of me through no fault of my mother’s, she was just trying to protect me from being scared, as most parents do. Mediumship isn’t an easy thing to explain to a kid.
As I grew up, I had a lot of interesting experiences, and as I came into my later teenage years, after the death of my grandmother in 2001, I began meditating. At the time we lived in a house which was situated right next door to a cemetery. As you can imagine, that house was active. There were candlesticks thrown at me and mischievous spirits took great pleasure in playing with the electrical appliances and particularly enjoyed turning my radio up and down. I never feared it. I guess I always considered it normal.
After the death of my grandmother, she came to me one night. I had a squeaky bedroom door at the time. I heard the door squeak open and she was standing in my doorway in a white robe. She told me that she had to go. I remember telling her that she should go and see my parents in the other room because I was sleeping. A while later, she came back. She told me she had to go now. I got out of bed and I held her. I wept and asked how I was going to go on without her. She said she couldn’t tell me where she was going, only that she had to go. My boyfriend at the time had taken off because he didn’t have a job and didn’t know how to handle me while I was so devastated. She told me he would get a job and that problem would be solved faster than we thought. I held her and I cried. I begged her not to go. Eventually, I did let her go.
The next day, my boyfriend called after school (he was older than me) and told me that day a place he’d interviewed a day or two prior had an unexpected shipment and needed him to start right away. I was convinced at that moment that my grandmother really was there. I was thinking for most of the day that it was just a really vivid dream. That experience was one that spurred me into pursuing mediumship.
I didn’t know what to do with it or how to develop it, so it lay dormant for a while. Fast forward to 2012. I got pregnant with my son and I wondered how I could raise an authentic kid if I wasn’t being authentic myself. I sought out a medium, and had a reading. She was so amazing. I went back six months later for a second reading and she asked me if I wanted her to mentor me. I said yes and I haven’t looked back. I’ve been mentoring with her now for four years, and have just come out of the “Psychic Closet” in March of this year. In just 9 months, I’m able to confidently tell people I’m a medium (which was terrifying before), I give readings out of my home and provide people with comfort, closure and clarity. I’ve read a ton of books and committed myself to constant growth and development of my gift.
I’m so excited to be a part of this blog, and I’m looking forward to sharing all kinds of metaphysical subjects with you. Thanks for being a part of my journey. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
- Amanda
Amanda is a regular columnist on Mind Body Thoughts. She writes A Happy Medium monthly column. This article is written by Amanda.
To learn more about her and see all her other articles, go to Amanda's Page, A Happy Medium.
Today I get the wonderful opportunity to introduce a longtime friend, Amanda as a Happy Medium. She is one of my new regular columnists on the Mind Body Thoughts Connections.
I believe Amanda and I first met online back in the thriving days of Xanga. We each wrote our own little blog and connected. We soon learned we shared things in common. Amanda became a good friend of mine from a different country and at the opposite end of the continent from me.
I love how Amanda writes from her heart with love and compassion for all. She shares her journey and her struggles along with her triumphs in life. She is very authentic and real and that's why I invited her to be a part of this new endeavor as a regular columnist on Mind Body Thoughts. I think she will bring a unique perspective on the world of healing and growth.
For more information on Amanda and the articles she writes, go to the page on this blog, A Happy Medium. Look for her articles around the third Monday of each month.
I know that I tend to get a lot of anxiety when things change in my life. The fear, the worry, and the uncertainty really can take its toll on me. It doesn't matter how many times I've been through things, taught lessons in life and shown that I can make it - I still keep going to the default of holding myself back.
Yes, the fears often overwhelm me. I know that it is a result of the torture and abuse I went through as a kid until I left for college. It changes a brain. It makes normal things in life somewhat difficult. It can be challenging.
Now, I'm not saying that I accept all of what I've been through and I'm a lost cause. I'm not saying that I don't think things can improve and change. I know they have. I've come a long ways. However, there's that part that still holds me back in life.
How about you? Do you have something holding you back in life? Do you struggle to find the way forward through the fears and anxiety and uncertainty?
I'm able to put fears in perspective...
I know that just by writing about these things, I am able to put the fears in perspective. It is almost like when I expose them, I knock the wind out of fear's momentum. No, it isn't easy. I feel vulnerable at times sharing stuff online. I do it to help push myself through what holds me back in life.
There have been many challenges lately and sometimes I wonder if I can continue to stand and fight against the odds. I'm not a quitter though. I don't give up easily. If I did, I would not have made it this far.
So, for me, just recognizing what is holding me back in life can often help me put the framework around it so I can see it clearly. Once I can see it, I can then make new choices in how I deal with it and what I do with it.
We all have things holding us back in life and some we see, others we don't see. Many times we've conditioned ourselves to just accepting it as a way of life. However, the more we see clearly in life, the more life gives to us and we participate in with possibility.
There it is again. I see it. We all see it. Now what in the heck is this person talking about.
Well, girls and boys - its about being happy. Actually that isn't it is cracked up to be. We might think it is, but we need to think again.
This happy business needs to have a reality check. Hey, its okay if being happy is a good thing. There is nothing wrong with that. It is just that by only being happy, we're missing out on what true happiness really is.
Let's start off by telling a story to illustrate my point.
You see, in a village far, far, away, there was this little boy that was fighting monsters and evil people every day. They would come at him constantly and sometimes more than one monster would attack at a time. He tried to smile through it. He tried to hide the pain. He tried to show everyone how strong he was. They didn't get to see any of what happened to him, they only saw him happy and smiling and acting like the world was okay. You see, this little boy seemed so happy to everyone. He smiled all the time. No one saw anything but a happy little boy. The only thing is that it was all an illusion. It was meant to keep people away. It was meant to hide the enormous pain he felt. It was meant to evade others so they didn't know the true shame that he experienced. The worst part is though, being happy all the time to everyone almost killed the little boy. If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm the little boy. In 1991, going through a Conversion Disorder, I almost lost my life for good. Yet, no one saw the pain I buried deep inside so far removed from the happy smiles I gave to everyone.
It is easy to promote the "be happy all the time" agenda through memes and nice little quotes on social media, but in all reality, it isn't all its cracked up to be. In fact, you can do more harm than good by convincing people that are hurting to just go crawl in their hole and hide. Sure, that may not be your intent, but it does become the reality.
We really need to learn to be real. If you're happy - that's great! If you think you can be happy 100% of the time, then you're missing what happiness is because without sadness - happiness becomes an illusion. There is no happy without sadness.
No, I'm not saying - walk around depressed and in sorrow or pain. No, I'm not saying you can't try to be happy even when you don't feel that way. If that's what you're reading, then you're missing the point or I'm failing to explain my thought.
Being happy recognizes the pain and sadness. It knows the moments when happiness is lost in the woods. It gives balance between all emotions because without feeling all emotions, you're only one sided. We need the good with the bad. We need to feel and experience the range of all there is, not just one emotion. Otherwise, it is not healthy lifestyle!
There are many people suffering in pain and when they are forced to believe that their pain and hurts and experiences don't matter, it only drives that crap deeper inside. When you drive it deep down inside, you're just setting yourself up for a catastrophic healthy failure.
Don't force someone in pain to live in darkness and despair. Show them your smile, but show them your authentic side where you have the bruises and scars. All happy all the time is a recipe for disaster and harm. Be real - be human - be conscious and aware. Don't disconnect and live in a fantasy world because reality is just too much to deal with. It will lead you down a very dark path.
We need authentic peoplein this world. We need those that can share from a compassionate heart, not one that acknowledges a one-sided view of emotions. People are hurting and in fact you might be hurting too if all you think is that being happy is the only thing to be.
Take it from someone who almost breathed their last breath trying to be happy all the time! It doesn't work!
I once worked for someone that had some unusual business practices. They did claim he was my boss, but well, a boss is generally a leader with integrity and this guy was anything but that. Regardless of what I thought about him as a boss, he had one statement that just grated on my nerves.
His statement was that if they believe it, then it's true. In other words, whatever it was you were trying to tell the client, if you get them to believe it, then it was true. It didn't matter how outlandish the statement was or even if it was backed up by fact.
While this boss thought that those under him and the clients accepted his statements, I believe many saw through his charades. His integrity seemed to be held high by those he answered to, but many didn't see it the same way.
If you don't have your integrity, what do you have? It is one of the currencies of being human. If people can't trust you, then what you say truly doesn't matter. You may think it does. Many may think that it does, but in the end, your word holds little weight.
Without going into specifics, we can see evidence of this in just about every place in the world and in just about every way known to us. Garbage and statements are spewed all day long as if it is true. Some buy it. Some scream against it. Some just have no desire to be a part of it or embrace it or listen to it.
Purported to be true...
On social media, nothing has to be confirmed as being true. Tweets make people believe it and therefore, it is purported to be truth. It doesn't matter if anything has been fact-checked. Even if something has been invalidated as untrue, it doesn't matter. The social media posts just keep getting shared over and over.
These days, it is hard to tell what is true and what isn't. With all the fake news reports, I pretty much question everything. I never pass on a link that I can't in some way verify. Maybe one gets through every now and then, but for the most part, you won't see me be part of the propaganda machine.
Discern that which is true...
If we listen with our mind to our body, we can often discern that which is true and that which is not. However, most of the human population has a mind that is disconnected from their bodies. They don't feel much, let alone have a comprehension of what the body says to them about truth.
I personally believe it is a horrible way for someone to live by a code where they just spew stuff everyday and yet it cannot be backed up by fact. There are far too many that gobble it up as if it is the last morsel of food they will ever eat. The entire practice degrades all of humanity.
If you want to have your life matter or be taken by your word, then find your integrity. Make your statements count. Make your sharing count in social media. Make it so critical that if someone hears something from you, they can almost take it to the bank because it will be real and substantial.
The world needs people with integrity to step up and take this world in a direction that offers to help one another, lifts one another up and bring us all together. There is too much fake reality in this world and it is not helping us. It is hindering us from advancing on to greater heights. There are serious problems in the world, and try not to be a part of them, because the world needs people who are human, not fake.
This study is one that needs to be told to every corner of the world. It was done by the CDC and Kaiser Permanente.
The study is often called the ACE study which stands for Adverse Childhood Experiences. It was one of the largest studies into the impact of childhood abuse on health later on in life.
Some facts about how the study was done according to the CDC.gov website.
Two waves of data collection between 1995 and 1997 with over 17,000 people.
Study comprised of 54% women, 46% male.
Ethnicity and race was 74.8 white, followed by 11.2% Hispanic and Latino with other groups making up the difference.
Age ranges were more heavily sampled on 60 and over at 46.4%
Major Findings According To The ACE study
Almost two-thirds of the participants had at least one Adverse Childhood Experience. More than 1 in 5 reported three or more Adverse Childhood Experiences.
The greater the number of experiences you have as a child that are adverse, the greater your risk for having chronic health conditions as you get older. This study shows that in no uncertain terms.
The following website, AcesTooHigh.com does a good job of explaining this in more detail.
As the number of Adverse Childhood Experiences increases, so does the risk for the following:
Alcoholism and alcohol abuse
Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease
Depression
Fetal death
Health-related quality of life
Illicit drug use
Ischemic heart disease
Liver disease
Poor work performance
Financial stress
Risk for intimate partner violence
Multiple sexual partners
Sexually transmitted diseases
Smoking
Suicide attempts
Unintended pregnancies
Early initiation of smoking
Early initiation of sexual activity
Adolescent pregnancy
Risk for sexual violence
Poor academic achievement
Adverse Childhood Experiences Definitions
Abuse
Emotional abuse
Physical Abuse
Sexual Abuse
Household Challenges
Mother treated violently
Household substance abuse
Mental illness in household
Parental separation or divorce
Criminal household member
Neglect
Emotional neglect
physical neglect
How To Calculate Your Ace Score
Answer the following questions to calculate your score.
(prior to your 18th birthday)
Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often… Swear at you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you? or Act in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt? ___No ___If Yes, enter 1
Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often… Push, grab, slap, or throw something at you? or Ever hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured? ___No ___If Yes, enter 1
Did an adult or person at least 5 years older than you ever… Touch or fondle you or have you touch their body in a sexual way? or Attempt or actually have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you? ___No ___If Yes, enter 1
Did you often or very often feel that … No one in your family loved you or thought you were important or special? or Your family didn’t look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each other? ___No ___If Yes, enter 1
Did you often or very often feel that … You didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, and had no one to protect you? or Your parents were too drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the doctor if you needed it? ___No ___If Yes, enter 1
Were your parents ever separated or divorced? ___No ___If Yes, enter 1
Was your mother or stepmother: Often or very often pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had something thrown at her? or Sometimes, often, or very often kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, or hit with something hard? or Ever repeatedly hit over at least a few minutes or threatened with a gun or knife? ___No ___If Yes, enter 1
Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic, or who used street drugs? ___No ___If Yes, enter 1
Was a household member depressed or mentally ill, or did a household member attempt suicide? ___No ___If Yes, enter 1
Did a household member go to prison? ___No ___If Yes, enter 1
Understanding The Score
Add up all your "YES" answers and that is your ACE score.
The higher the ACE score, the greater health risk you have. It becomes an index where your risk for the health factors listed previously become more a reality.
I'm a firm believer in that if you have a health condition, as long as it is not past the point of no return, I think a person can turn it around. Think of a train going off a cliff that once it gets to the end of the track, there is no stopping it. However, if we're not at that point, we still have a chance to slow the train down. I understand that I am often in the minority on this and many may think I just don't understand. I use my own life's experiences and conditions as proof of this conclusion.
So, I don't accept that any physical health condition cannot be stopped or reversed. This is my opinion and I cannot base it upon fact. So, please don't take this as medical advice because it is not intended to be that. Just don't limit yourself to the current medical wisdom out there. I believe there is far more within us that can turn things around.
In my own life, health problems that I thought I would have to live with are no longer a major concern for me. I don't take medication. Yes, I still have things that crop up on me physically and mentally, but I've learned the tools that pull me back out of hell. There have been some major physical things that I thought were not something I could change and yet, I've discovered that I can really impact them and sometimes pretty quickly.
Why Does All This Matter
When you have been through childhood abuse, if you don't deal with it - it will deal with you. You may think you're getting away with it and it doesn't affect you, but sooner or later it will catch up. It will bring you front and center with it. You may still choose to deny it at that point, but if you do, things will only get worse and I think you reach the point of no return.
From what I have experienced in my own life and through the healing work that I've learned, there is a way to reclaim your physical body and mind and heal from these adverse childhood experiences. Unfortunately, we often just give lip service to this concept while ignoring the true impacts and how we can have great influence over what happens as a result.
At one time, I thought that physical ailments on the body and mind were life sentences. I shouldn't be standing here today writing what I am because everyone at one point thought my future was hopeless. I've battled the depression, anxiety, suicide, migraine headaches, ulcers, allergies, skin issues, high pulse rate and many other physical ailments. At one time, I thought that was just the way things are.
I won't tell you today that my life is perfect and free from all of these physical issues, but I now have more tools in my toolbox to help me deal with things, without turning to medical procedures, surgeries and medications. At one time, I needed some of those things, but it was because I didn't have the tools I now have.
It takes work and courage...
It takes a lot of work and courage to get to this point. It is not easy and I will never mislead anyone into thinking it is just a matter of changing one's thoughts or living by some platitude or meme. In order to begin healing, you have to go into those deep dark horror moments of life and learn how to take the power back from them.
This is not just a mental exercise, although the mind and your thoughts play a major role. This is an exercise where with time, you learn how to feel and connect to your body through the felt sense as it connects with your mind. When you understand that in order to heal your mind, you must feel in your body that which is hard to feel and is often blinded by fear.
Feeling in the body....
Feeling in the body is the most advanced way I have found to heal the adverse childhood experiences I have been through. My ACE score is very high. I've been through a lot and unless I would not have started to use Unified Therapy and the concepts behind it, I would have never made it this far. My life was crashing when I first started to understand and explore how to heal my body and mind.
Therapy and counseling helped me tremendously, but in the end, I had neglected the body part of the mind body connection. It is in the body part of my healing where I started to physically empower my life once again and heal in ways that I did not think were possible. It was not some pie-in-the-sky concept, but one that has been proven many times over on many people. It does work! You can heal!
Fear has been my constant enemy...
Fear has been my constant enemy that I have loathed and despised. It has held me back by fooling me into thinking that I can't heal and that none of my progress is real. Fear has kept me hunkering down in the corner hiding in the shadows as if that was the sum total of my life. Fear has kept me withering in life as if I had no power or worth or value.
We all have to find our way through healing and the experiences we have been through. However, I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that if the body is not engaged in healing, the mind will only take you so far. Memes, platitudes, and simple healing statements may have their place, but often they get in the way of the real - down-to-earth work that we need to do.
When life takes you far enough down the trail of no return, it either gets your attention or if you continue to ignore it, you will suffer greatly. We do have the power to change our life from the inside out, but only if we allow ourselves to go through the fear and find it. Often that requires a person who truly understands the effect of trauma on the body and there are far too few that do.
For a long time, I have known about the ACE study because of Unified Therapy by Dr. Paul Canali. He uses this with his patients and helps them realize the cause-effect between trauma and their current health conditions. It is a great tool to begin helping you see the relationship of what trauma does to your current health and well-being.
Further Information
Here is a video done of an interview of some topics, but one of those is the ACE Study. It is with Jim Fazio and Dr. Paul Canali. Jim is a practitioner that has learned Unified Therapy and is having wonderful success with it on his own clients.
Final Thoughts
Where ever you are today in your life, go further - discover more and realize that there is much more potential in healing than may seem possible, feasible or even real.
I really admire Dr. Paul Canali because he has helped me understand that the body connection is where the true healing is at and without it, I would not have made it as far as I did. He doesn't just understand the concepts of healing trauma as a pioneer in this field. He knows how to implement them and see results from one patient to another.
Years ago, they told me I would most likely never function 100% again. I proved the medical world wrong. At one point they were bringing me back to life and it was up to me from that point on to go beyond what I thought I knew so that I could truly heal.
