Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Healing The Itchy Hand Rash, Day 3

Healing The Itchy
Hand Rash, Day 3
For background on this post, please begin at the blog post on November 6, 2011 (Healing The Itchy Hand Rash, Intro).

From My Personal Journal on October 12, 2011

Anger Consumes My Life

So why is the anger consuming my life?  Why can't I let it go?  I wonder.  I struggle to understand - to comprehend.  People say all you have to do is just let go - release it and accept it.  Yet, that is like asking a drowning man to not get tired and swallow water.

I feel like my anger goes so deep that I cannot begin to see or touch it.  It is as if it is anger from previous lifetimes.  That is my educated guess but not a true fact.

Sometimes I feel the anger acts as a catalyst to keep me going, searching in life and for helping me endure or learn all that I need to.  It feels like a strong connection to life's sustenance for me - or my beloved and hated twin.

The love inside me is great and expansive but it has been hurt so badly that it is too afraid to emerge.  I would so like to touch and experience the deep love within me, but in order to do this, I have to embrace the sorrows of a lifetime.  

I do not know where to start, but I know that I must begin.  I'm not sure how to let go, but I know that if I don't, the anger and fears of my life will be my master.

I'm afraid to touch, let alone embrace the deep sorrows of my life.  They are difficult to embrace, impossible to understand and beyond my mind's capability to let go.  Yet, they are the fuel - the energy that continues to procreate.

This is the moment in life that I need to find the next step on my path - my journey.  The deep cleansing from yesterday brought me back from the brink.  Yet, I'm not sure how to proceed - I feel I have forgotten how to take a step.  

By now, the rash had picked up and began to really bother me with itching and a burning sensation.  The images in my mind were popping in like unwanted house guests.  I was frightened knowing that I had at one time experienced this very same thing.  If you go to my blog post on January 2, 2010 (Into The Itching Through The Pain).

If you have been through a rash situation like I have, it becomes horrible to look at your body.  It is frightening beyond belief.  In addition, as it begins to bring emotional body memories up in you, the fears escalate to levels you can barely tolerate.

Fortunately at this time, I knew to begin doing the Oatmeal treatment on myself which helped prevent me from clawing my hand as it itched and burned.  Finding a moment of peace and tranquility at this point was not easy and even my anxiety levels had increased so much.  I found it very difficult to sit still for long periods of time and would wander the house in a nervous fashion.

Please come back for Day 4 on November 10, 2011

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