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| Healing The Itchy Rash, Day 7 |
From My Personal Journal on October 16, 2011
Physically Challenged
A challenge physically to function right now in life. It is strenuous to just exist and demanding to do much more. Between the difficulty sleeping, late night headaches, body temperature going from warm to cold, I feel like a test subject.
Is some change today in how my hand looks. Not that my hand looks good, but at least it is changing. Oh how I try to remember what this experience was a couple of years ago in order to give myself strength and courage to continue. I'd rather not sing another "whoa is me" song.
I'm amazed at what I wrote down yesterday about healing my hand because I have the power. Please dear universe, keep reminding me, I am growing weary. I'm not sure if I believe what it is that my hand wrote to send out love. However, I will give it a try. What do I have to lose at this point? (see blog post from day 6)
I fear I do not have the strength to make it through this but I pray I have the courage. I talk to no one about my rash, as I am afraid they would not understand. The way it is now, I barely understand. I'm sure my hand could be treated with medications, but then the underlying cause would be masked in hidden conclusions.
I do know that it is better to search for awareness than hide my head in the sand, although it is not easy. May I find the strength that I need as I allow myself to surrender into awareness.
As I was focusing on "sending out love", my affected hand got very warm, with sharp tingling going through it and feeling like it was being massaged. Am I hallucinating or did something just happen? My headache has lessened now as well.
If you go back and read the blog post from Day 6, you will be more clear on the purpose to "send out love" in my thoughts. I'm still skeptical today of this working but like I said in the journal entry, why not give it a try. What is there to lose? I could take all the strength and courage I can get to face this. It is mentally draining and physically exhausting.
The headaches, the hot and warm temperature changes in my body are all signs that I recognize from my previous experience with a rash. You feel like a ping pong ball being bounced back and forth. There are moments when you can escape some of this but then there are moments that come back with a vengeance and do their best to pull you under.
All I know, is that I want this rash to end! I'd like to function normally for a day. In the middle of this, I had a contract job to go to and preparing for it mentally consumed so much of my energy. I could not afford to turn down the job and so tomorrow morning, I will take every ounce of strength I have and make it through this job. I always figure that I can collapse after it is over.
Please come back for Day 8 on November 15, 2011
Blog Post & Images (c) 10/25/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
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