Thursday, November 17, 2011

Healing The Itchy Hand Rash, Day 10

Healing The Itchy
Hand Rash, Day 10
For background on this post, please begin at the blog post on November 6, 2011 (Healing The Itchy Hand Rash, Intro).

From My Personal Journal on October 20, 2011

Another Night Of Torture

Last night was torture again as I tried to fall asleep.  Instead of muscle tension as in the night before, it was major heartburn and nausea.  I doubt it was anything I ate although that makes no sense.  Once I got to sleep, I slept pretty well the rest of the night.

I can see a marked improvement in the rash today.  The swelling of my hand has lessened, the itch and burning is not as bad.  The redness and blotches or pimples are still there to some degree.  However, seeing an improvement for the first time in over a week is reassuring.  It is difficult to experience this and it takes great amounts of strength and courage to make it through a day.

I struggle though with feeling alone and seeing a clear path ahead.  However, I am beginning to understand that these difficulties are part of my path.  They don't necessarily define me but they are here for a reason.  That reason I do not understand right now.  Instead of fighting them so much, I would probably make more progress quicker if I accepted them as part of my journey.

For the difficult moments, I try to remain focused on sending out love.  I am confident that just like I wrote a few days ago, this is what is healing my hand.  There are no tests or experiments to prove this other than what I know to be true in my heart.  I will hold on to these things and cherish these knowings in my heart.

As my hand is transforming in healing, I can begin to see how sending out love is changing my life.  When I focus on the love in my heart and sharing it, I feel more at peace and not so afraid of the experiences that I am living through.  Please don't misunderstand me that the situation I am going through is less frightening, for it scares me beyond any words I can write on this page.  The thing is, I don't feel as alone or hopeless as I do when I focus on the love.

We can all give lip service to the words of "love" and act as if we have "love" in our hearts but it is not something only for pontification.  It is an experience, a feeling, an emotion and a different way that we as humans ascend towards in our lifetime.  Love is always pure, not critical or judgemental or based upon human and religious concepts.  Love transcends all of this.

This is what this experience is teaching me, to connect with the vast amount of love that I have in my heart and not be afraid of it.  All my life, I've been hurt when I tried to love something and especially early on in life.  The horrors I faced through darkness masquerading as love tainted my views and my life.  The lies and manipulations disguised as love only compounded the difficulties I would endure.

So today once again, I send out love to my hand, my healing and my heart that it will remain open, not closed and afraid to emerge.  May I have the courage to face the challenges in life and may I have the strength to grasp on to the courage to face them.

Please come back for Day 11 on November 18, 2011

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