Sunday, November 13, 2011

Healing The Itchy Hand Rash, Day 6

Healing The Itchy
Rash, Day 6
For background on this post, please begin at the blog post on November 6, 2011 (Healing The Itchy Hand Rash, Intro).

From My Personal Journal on October 15, 2011

Scared And Frightened

Today is a difficult.  I look at my hand as disfigured and discolored as it appears striking horror in my eyes.  Liquid seeps from the raised blotches on my hand as if my hand has encountered water.  My hand is swollen to what looks like twice my normal size. 

I fear it will always be this way.  It hurts to move it, flex it or use it.  Sleeping becomes a difficult exercise as there is no good way to position my hand.  Every movement brings with it intense pain and itching.

I'm scared and frightened wondering what the outcome of this will be.  It wasn't that long ago that I experienced these horrible moments.  What lies ahead waiting to ambush me as a nightmare?

My body is tired - my pain goes deep.  I long for a day when I can feel victorious over my life.  I long to understand what the reason is for these difficult struggles I face.  I hope to have the strength and courage to go on  - to endure and to make it thorugh these challenges.

I've got no answers, only more questions filled with confusion.  How am I expected to make it in life?  Did I sign up for all of this?  If I did, I wish my writing pen had gone dry!

After I wrote this in my journal, I was putting my journal away and felt the urge to write something.  So I grabbed an orange colored pen which I rarely use and I saw my hands put the following words down on paper.  To be honest, it did not feel like me writing these things even though I could see my hand writing them.

You will heal your hand.  You have the power within you and it will happen before you go to Miami.  Focus on love for the people of this area.  Send them love and not only will your hand be restored but you will find your path.  Think about love for all these people and send love out to all of them especially the ones you have not met.  Send out love to your hand and your own life for healing and understanding.

When I wrote those words down (again, I don't feel like I wrote them although I saw my hand making the keystrokes), I thought this sounded a little silly to say the least.  After all, how can focusing on love or sending love to them help heal my hand?  It really didn't make sense and I was not sure if I really trusted what I wrote down.  I mean, come on - healing a rash as serious as the one I had by focusing on love and having this happen by the time we went to Miami (which was about two weeks away).

Yet, I began to think - what if this really means something that I cannot see in this moment.  What if it has a chance of working?  What if, by me thinking that it will work, my hand just might be healed.  As I wanted to badly to discount this as nonsense, I began to consider it.  Why not give it a try, I thought?  What do I have to lose?  If nothing else, I've just focused or meditated on love to other people.  Surely that is not a bad thing to do regardless of what outcome I might or might not expect.

I told no one about this because while I wasn't sure I believed in it at first, I wanted no one to think that I had completely lost my mind.  In my mind, I would share it only if it worked but if not, I would keep it quiet.

And so I started to say the words out loud "I Send Out Love" and then I would focus on various things like the people in this area, or other situations going on and even my hand.  I would focus on the words as I would apply them to my fears, confusion and despair.  It wasn't the words or the word, love, that made the difference.  What made the difference was my focus and attention on love.

From that moment on, whenever I felt very anxious, frightened, sad or did not know how to keep going, I would just say the words "I Send Out Love" and somehow, it began to give me comfort.  It gave me a peace and tranquility that I had not had up to this moment.  The fears were still there and the images still haunted me but for the first time in many days, I felt I had more strength and courage to face what I was dealing with.

Please come back for Day 7 on November 14, 2011

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