Friday, December 23, 2011

Joy On Christmas Morning Part 2

Joy On Christmas Morning
Part 2
This is part 2 of a three part series, please read starting with PART 1

Yes, Christmas was full of joy when I was a child, but that is only half of the story. Christmas morning was one day that I looked to with anticipation, but also dread. You see, most of my family were not grateful for presents they would receive. I always gave something from my heart that matched something that I thought would be special to them and usually it was done on very few dollars that I had to my name. Sometimes I would create something deep from my heart and give to them. The only thing is that all too often I heard the disappointment they had as "this was all they got" type of attitude filled the room. If it didn't meet their expectations, you would know about it and my heart got broken many times.

One example of this was when I was in college and struggling to make it through school and pay bills. I had no help from home and had to pay for college completely on my own. I saved my pennies all year long to buy Christmas presents and managed to have $5 a piece to spend on them. I carefully took the money and tried to buy as much as I could of things that I thought they would use and like. On Christmas day, I heard comments like "this is all I got and we spent more on him then he did on us". It broke my heart and it hurt because I had taken everything I had to buy them these things and I had put so much thought into it. After all, I could have bought a months' worth of food with that money but I chose to give. Of course, that was not the only time I had heard these words, or would it be the last.

Christmas was the one day all year long that we were not forced or required to do some type of work around the house. We were free to watch TV and play with our toys which was not something we normally got to do. It was a day when the monsters kept it in their pants like there was some unwritten rule prohibiting the monsters from showing up on that day. It was a day that generally there was not as much fighting, yelling and screaming. If there was a disagreement, it was generally done in a more subtle and quieter way.

It was the one day of the year that we could be a kid and a child, basking in the joy of Christmas morning. I'll never forget those memories even in the midst of the pain, hurt, turmoil and monsters that were my faithful companions. Now, I still long for all of this. My heart still desires Christmas like when I was a child, yet the painful memories have flooded my heart and removed the joy I always felt. I struggle now to embrace Christmas through the tears because the horror of those early monster days often overtake any of the good memories I had from being a child.

- - Continued tomorrow Dec 24, 2011 (Part 3)

Related Blog Posts:
1) Joy On Christmas Morning - Part 1 (Dec 22, 2011)
2) Joy On Christmas Morning - Part 3 (Dec 24, 2011)

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