Saturday, July 24, 2010

Healthy Relationships

My partner and I have some great moments and then we also have moments where I'm sure both of us question our relationship. To me, this is a balanced relationship because one without the other would be boring I suspect (at least to me) or maybe not balanced!

We've been together for almost 11 years now and the relationship has changed as we have changed. (through both the good and the bad).

One thing we both see is how we've grown individually and as a couple. We're not the same people we were when we met and that's a good thing. The important part though is we've grown together as we've grown individually. Both parts I think are important. Sometimes though the rate of growth has been different between us which does account for some of the push/pull parts of our relationship.

We had a rough period of time when we first got together until we learned that some things matter and some things don't. The little things that we were getting so upset over, really didn't matter in the end. Once we focused on what we shared and what we loved about the other person, many of those things just diminished in view. They just weren't as important for us.

We've learned to allow the other person to feel miserable and like crap and be sad, depressed, crying... etc... and be ok with it. It isn't always easy to see someone you love struggle, but we just try to support each other and allow the other person to continue on their journey. That can get very tough to do! But it has allowed us to both grow in some intense ways and I doubt we would have grown if the other person would have been trying to fix each other's problems.

Early on in our relationship, I could barely have much touch or hugs or even sex. So we developed a way that if something made either of us uncomfortable, all we had to do was say "stop". No questions asked and no reasons for it other than we just needed to stop. It gave us so much personal power and control that usually helped us move through those issues. The trust we developed as a result has been very helpful and nurturing.

Sometimes we find we get in a rut and life becomes predictable. We get in a routine and then things get boring. So every now and then, we just take a day and run off to the beach or some city or park or something that we find fun. It gives us a break away and just allows us to have fun. We try to have those silly moments as well to really just be kids and enjoy life. Life can get difficult enough without us adding to it.

We're together a lot because both of us work out of our home. Sometimes, we just need a break from each other and so we make sure we find things to do by ourselves that give us that. It may be sitting out by our pool, reading a book or going to the fitness center or whatever it is. Time spent apart is just as valuable as the time we spend together.

We also have many differences in our personalities and our likes but we've learned to be with the other person in some of those activities. We just share them with each other and while they are activities either of us would not do on our own, they are something different that we can share together and enrich not only our own lives but our relationship.

*For more articles, check out the Mind Body Thoughts Blog

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