Lets Move Forward

This is the day of the year that everyone pauses to reflect upon their life.  Well, at least many people do this on New Year's Day.  Unfortunately, the majority of New Years Resolutions don't last and are forgotten within a few weeks of making them.  So, let's look at this differently this year.

Yes, it is good to reflect upon your life and see it for what it is.  What areas are you doing well at?  Give yourself a pat on the back.  What areas are you doing poorly at?  How can you start doing something today that will impact your weak areas?

It isn't just about physical activity, although that seems to be one of the main ones.  It could be about how you deal with stress or maybe the lack of dealing with stress in life.  No, dealing with stress is not about drinking alcohol.  It's learning how to go in and let go of those moments that build up in a day.  To ignore them, it not dealing with it.  Sorry, if that bursts your thought bubble.  Sometimes a thought bubble needs to be burst though.

Have you confronted them...

Sometimes there are things that we've been through in our life.  For some, it seems like they get an extra dosage of moments that they would love to forget.  If you have those moments, how are you dealing with those?  Have you looked at them and confronted them?  Are you healing them and moving forward in life?

It is easy to say we've healed everything in our life, but often we are just disconnecting and numbing to all that we find difficult to deal with from our past.  Hey, we've all got issues to work on and that's part of being human.  To deny and ignore them doesn't get you too far though.  Take it from someone that had to learn the hard way through Conversion Disorder.

How can we move forward...

Maybe instead of making grandiose New Year's Resolutions today, let's take a look and see how we can move forward.  What is the most pressing issue?  What one thing can you do starting today to make a change and improve your life?  How will you do this?  Who will help keep you accountable and encourage you?  How likely and how willing are you to do this?

Most people need at minimum, three months to make a behavior change in their life.  It may take up to six months to lock the behavior change in so it becomes a part of your life.  Sometimes you need a health coach or trusted friend to help you through this that will keep you motivated.

If we repeat the same things...

For years, we have often done some unhealthy behaviors that have created our life as we know it.  The only thing is, if we keep repeating these things, we're going to get the same result.  You can't expect a different outcome by doing the same thing over.

So, here's my offer to you.  If you know you need to work on things in your life, let me help you move forward.  No, I'm not offering this for any compensation at this moment.  This offer is free and its on the table.  I just became a certified health coach and am trying to figure out how to implement what I've learned.  I'll accept the first 5 people that contact me totally free and without charge.  I'm looking for people are ready to change.

Let's move forward together.  Contact me by email and we'll work on some questions and plans and then I'll help be your encouragement.  I'll help be the cheer leader for what you want to accomplish.  Don't contact me, if you're not ready to change because that would just waste my time and yours.  I don't mean that to sound harsh as I'm trying to protect and honor my time effectiveness.

Together and united we can move forward.  Sometimes on our own, we're not always strong enough, but with the help of someone in our corner, we can do great things.  I hope to hear from you.  All emails are confidential of course.

Here's to a great New Year of moving forward in life!

#MovingForward

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

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Finding Freedom In Difficult Circumstances

Finding Freedom In
Difficult Circumstances

It saddens me every time I see someone going through very difficult moments of their life.  I've been through those same moments and I know how others feel.  I know the despair, the frustration, and the anger at life when things just seem to go nowhere.  I know how difficult it is to keep going even in the midst of courage, optimism, and determination.

The only thing I take comfort in is knowing that I have learned so much through these times.  At the moment I was in these difficult circumstances, it was almost impossible for me to see that.  Through each difficult moment, I have grown and evolved into a better person than I was before.  In all reality, that is what these moments are here for.  They are here to teach us and help push us through the lessons of life that we need to learn and understand.  Without these moments, would we really move forward?

I see too many people giving the appearance of wanting to help others struggling through these moments, but they do it through the space of their own pain and suffering, rather than helping the individual see a bigger picture.  Often people resonate with what others are experiencing and because they have not fully dealt with the pain residing in their own life from these moments, they push the other person to just move on.  They don't want the other person to be in that space because it reminds them of something that is still so painful to them.

Stepping Into

When I drew this chalk picture, I had no idea what I was about to create. Rarely do I sit down and draw anything because I just don't feel that is my area of expertise. So when I do sit down and draw, it usually takes me by surprise. This is a simple picture but it is jam packed with meaning and significance for my own life.

You see, many times throughout my own life, I've been afraid at what lies ahead. You could even say, I am at one of those moments right now. I am sure that I am not alone as others experience this as well. Often we do not talk about those fears and if we do, many around us quickly tell us to just live for today or go on about our lives and not worry. While there is some good intentions to that, this could short circuit this part of our life and hold us back in many ways. The fears are real, the people are real but the outcomes are what is important.

Often when we face that unknown darkness ahead, we sometimes spend so much time staring at it that we forget what lies behind us. All of the things that we have carried with ourselves up to this point gives us the strength, the courage and the determination to move forward. It is all part of us. It helps us find the footing when we step out into the unknown.

In the picture, the house depicts a sense of security, starting point, origin, and grounding for our lives. It is the safety point from which we emerge. It is the fortress from which we draw strength. It is the beginning point for moving forward. The terrain reminds us of how much we have overcome and how many difficult steps we have already taken. It is the reminder of all that we have accomplished when we begin to doubt ourselves. The tree is for bountiful sustenance and a further anchor to hold on to. It is the strength we see in many ways as we begin to step forward. The birds are there to remind us of the joys we do have in our life and the gratitude for all that we are. Behind the person looking into the unknown is the wind that comes along in our life. It is the people, places, knowledge, self discovery that propels us further. While it seems the wind is only to the person's back, it is helping propel the person and give them strength and energy to keep stepping forward.

Many times we have no clue what each step we take, will bring to our path. We just know where we have traveled from and so as we take a new step, we are reminded of all that there is in our life, to move in the direction we need to go. We have no need to push it or pull it or change it. We just need to take the step forward for taking the individual baby steps forward is what makes the unknown familiar to us.

Using a GPS To Find Your Path In Life

Have you ever thought of how using a GPS is a great example of finding your path in life? I had not considered this thought until I was reading Chapter 3 of Manifesting Change by Mike Dooley. After all, the GPS gives us an insight to the way our journey in life unfolds or how we think our journey will unfold.

If you have a GPS, you know that in order for it to be of help, you have to put in your destination. In the GPS I have, you can also just display a map as you are driving which is nice because you can see from a bird's eye viewpoint all that is around you as you drive down the road. Without entering the destination, the GPS cannot help you find the location to where you desire to go.

So you put in the destination using the steps of the GPS by entering the city/town or zipcode. Then you enter the street and house or building number and if you have entered information that the GPS understands, it comes up with the correct address. Next, you have to tap the button, "GO" because until you do that, it is just an address showing on the screen. Once you do this, you will most likely hear proceed to designated route.

It is at this point that you have to put your car in motion to the proceed to the designated route and begin following the path the GPS is laying out before you. Most of the time, it just visually shows you the immediate upcoming turns guiding you to turn here or there or within so many feet. If you follow what it says, the GPS will guide you to your destination. At times though, the path it has laid out for you to get there will seem uncertain or strange or illogical but if you continue to follow the directions, most of the time you will end up at your destination.

Now, consider how this parallels life. Many of us know where we want to go or what we desire in life and so we enter it in the GPS of our life. We do this through the thoughts, actions, words and ways we spend our energy. It is like what you put in, you get out. Then once we've filled our world with what we are currently aware or conscious of (the address or destination) that goes into our life's GPS), than we proceed to our destination.

However, we often set our GPS up (with things that will help us get there or with things that may take us on a scenic route) and then we say - that's it - that's all I have to do. What a wonderful life (or a wonderful GPS) and that all I have done will just get me where I need to do. I'll just keep doing the thoughts, words, actions and spending my energy like I have. I'll keep repeating mantras, positive thoughts and hanging out with the junkies from the Secret. Of course, there is nothing wrong with any of that. It is all good stuff but here's the catch.

When I was reading this in Mike Dooley's book, it hit me like a 2x4 upside my head. The thing that most of us fail to do is to put the car in gear and let the GPS take us to our destination. We get so hung up on entering our destination and trying to figure out where we are going that we forget to engage the car (ourselves) in a forward motion. How can we expect the GPS (universe) to get us where we are going if we just stand still in life.

Wait though - there's another point in his book that just hit me a little harder. Often if we are headed to a destination that we have never been to before, we have no idea what roads the GPS (universe) will bring up in the display to get us there. It will most likely not be a familiar path we need to travel. Again, if we follow the GPS (universe) along with the roads that show up before us, we will get there. That is, if we trust that the GPS (universe) knows what is the best route for us and that it understands how to get us to our destination.

The point he makes in his book is that we may not often know what is coming up in our travel to the destination but we have to follow the road along. If we stop and analyze every mile and if this road is the right one or if it is turning the wrong direction or if it is too steep or long, we may be throwing ourselves off our path with unnecessary worry. If we stop and worry about whether there will be gas stations along the way or places to eat and rest or if we will be all alone or stuck in traffic, we may be focusing on things that most likely will appear just when we need them.

Let the GPS (universe) of life help guide you along your path because there is something much greater than ourselves that sees the best path ahead for us in our life. This is something that is located within each of us and if we search within the deepest parts of our consciousness and awareness we will find it. It is our connection to the path ahead. Don't worry about the roads may come before us but allow them to unfold as the miles progress. Keep following the GPS and keep trusting that it knows where it is taking you. Most of all, put your life in forward motion because if your life is at a stand still waiting to get to your destination, until you engage the forward motion, you won't get there.

For me personally, I have an idea of where I am going and where I need to go. It is something deep within me that keeps finding ways to prompt me and let me know when I'm headed in the right direction or when I need to take a U-Turn on my journey and recalculate my route. However, the part that is difficult for me is trusting this process. All too often, I want to know every step ahead and have it planned out. I'm sure this is part of the left over remnants from the days where life was out of control and I had no say in what was taking place. While that was something that was was part of my survival, it is no longer that useful to me in my daily journey. In fact, it takes me off my journey forward and keeps me from heading to my destination.

Yes, I've watched the movie, "The Secret" and "What The Bleep" and many other things. They are all great movies but in the end, our journey forward is not located in a movie or other new age concept or any one that says they have the answers for us. Some of these things can help us discover these moments of clarity within ourselves but to find your way, you must look within yourself for the answers. By cleaning out the cobwebs and clutter of your life, life will become more real, sincere and full of answers. Standing in the shadows of your life may be the necessary part to help you begin moving forward but at some point, you have to emerge from the shadows to walk on your journey.

I'm not going to write that any of this is easy to do. In my life, it has been anything but easy. It has been downright difficult. Often I have had to travel by faith that the GPS knew something I did not understand in that moment. There were times that I followed my gut instincts and intuition because it seemed right when in fact, I could not explain why I was doing this. I now understand more that all experiences we have had in life get us to the point where we are now at. At one time not long ago, I had no way to understand this.

If we put our destination into the GPS of our life and put ourselves in a forward motion, we will get where we are going. Yes, we may not even fully understand where that destination is but we can always adjust our route and make a U-Turn if we need to. We can always travel a scenic route while the GPS will recalculate to bring us back to our intended path. The best thing we can do is just keep moving forward and opening ourselves up to the roads that come our way. Knowing that everything we will need is going to show up when we need it is the key to allowing ourselves to move along our path. It may not be easy but if you look back at your life, you will see much of this in action and if it worked for you all these years, it will continue to work for you in the days ahead.

Further Reading: Manifesting Change by Mike Dooley


(c) 12/5/10 by Don Shetterly - use by permission only.

Sandusky and Male Child Abuse Survivors

If you have watched the news, you've probably seen the story about the Penn State Football coach and the child abuse victims.  Of course, in the Sandusky trial, you see people suggesting he is too righteous of a person to ever do anything like this.  His wife testifies that she never observed anything going on and his friends act as if he is greater then any saint.

Would I expect much less where someone is on trial for child abuse?  Nope - no way, no how and not in my wildest imagination.  I know of NO and I mean absolutely NO child molesters that readily admit they molest children.  I know of NO friends, family and supporters that would come out and suggest they know anyone is a child molester.  It just doesn't happen in our society and in human civilization.   If you know of any, please share the news story with me.

However, when I saw that the prosecution was ready to call Sandusky's own adopted son, I felt this pit in my stomach.  You see, for male survivors of child abuse, it isn't easy to come forward.  It is not easy for guys (especially younger kids) to even comprehend what is going on, much less how to articulate it.  When young boys are raped and molested, they generally don't have the language or understanding to communicate what is going on.  Part of them may understand it is wrong (if they are even able to do that), but most likely the fear of repercussions will keep them silent.  If they do understand what is going on, there is usually no way on this green earth that they will come forward unless they have a supportive environment to do so.

Why Didn't I Publicly Expose The Child Molesters

Written By Don Shetterly

Many years ago, I knew an attorney that wanted to take the people who abused me to court.  He thought they should be held accountable and he worked hard to convince me to file a lawsuit.  The statute of limitations was not something I was aware of at the time, but it wouldn't have mattered.

Why didn't I publicly expose the child molesters?

First off, I didn't want to relieve everything I had been through.  I was working hard at coming to terms with it and all of its impacts on my life.  I was tired of dealing with it, thinking about it and talking to others about it.  It was controlling so much of my life through depression and anxiety and intense fear, that I wanted nothing to do with it.

Secondly, I knew that if I tried to come forward, I would be ridiculed and threatened.  I knew that they would turn my words on me as if I was lying.  I knew that they would turn everyone I knew against me and then some.  These were wicked and evil people that stopped at nothing to silence me.  Heck, they already had done most of this so it wouldn't have been new to me.  I just wanted it over.

Third, I was still coming to terms with what happened to me.  It wasn't like I could say everything out loud.  I was not at that point.  Much of it, I had not even realized was not normal that they did to me.  You can read my book if you want to know more on that subject.  When you grow up with this stuff, you don't know any different.  Filing a lawsuit to publicly expose the child molesters was difficult to fathom.  What was right and wrong?  What was normal or abnormal.  None of those things were clear to me.

Fourth, I had pieces of stories and memories but not the full account.  My brain was still trying to protect me.  After all, I almost lost my life in the conversion disorder, and so my brain was in super protection mode.  There were many holes in what I could remember.  As Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk says, our minds remember too much and too little.

The fifth reason why I didn't publicly expose the child molesters is that I wanted nothing to do with them.  I was trying to stay hidden from them for the threats that had been made against my life.  I had no desire to talk to them, see them or have any connection with them.  I wanted absolute disconnect with the child molesters.  It was not easy living this way, but for me to survive, I had to completely let them go.

It isn't easy!

It is easy for others that have not been through the circumstances you have been through to say this is what you should do or what you should not do.  It is easy for others to criticize and be the judge, jury, and executioner, but until you've walked through my experiences in life, you don't know what I've had to live with every day.

To come forward and share what happened to you means you have to deal with the shame of what you went through.  Even if you did nothing wrong, the child molester inflicts shame upon you.  It is a shame that eats you alive and sinks you into despair.  Coming forward to publicly expose the child molesters means you have to deal with all of this horror once again.  It is not easy.  It is not welcomed.

When I see the victims of child abuse or other abusive situations come forward and hear people rip them to shreds, I want to take a baseball bat to the loudmouths of our day.  It makes me angry.  Yes, I realize that some fake people that do this and they are no better than the child molesters.

It takes great courage to speak out.  It takes great courage to confront these monsters in your life because they consume you.  They push you into depression, anxiety, and suicide.  They rob your life completely.  There is nothing left for you when you decide to speak out publicly.

Another thing that happened to me and happens with many is the fear that is instilled in you.  I was told many things that would happen to me if I dared tell.  I saw my pets killed and shot at and beat.  I witnessed many things within the family that would make you know there was no idle threat.

Why didn't I publicly expose the child molesters you ask?  Well, look at what happens today when people start to speak up.  They are not believed.  They are ridiculed and berated and mutilated in public opinion.  It isn't easy to deal with that in private.  I can't imagine what it is like to deal with it in public especially when it wasn't by your choice to do this.

We should be standing in support of those who have been molested and abused, not as enemies of them.  We should be standing up for the rights of all children, not just the ones that fit our narrow-minded thinking.  Turning a blind eye to the issue of child abuse in a family or in your church or city or anything else should not be tolerated.  It should not be the norm.

If we don't take care of our children, who will?  If we spit on those that publicly expose child molesters and abusive people, what kind of society and human race are we?  We gasp at the headline child abuse stories, but we turn our heads to what happens in our own backyards.

We make sacrifices out of the victims while we protect the child molesters at all costs.  We are so messed up on this issue in our society on this issue.  There are far too many cases for us to point the fingers at others because so much of this goes on in our backyards and family dwellings.

Why didn't I publicly expose the child molesters you ask?  Isn't it obvious?  Just look at what happens in the news headlines and then ask that question again. Those that abused me as a child will never pay for their crimes.  They have prayed to Jesus for forgiveness and most likely are still doing what they always did.

One of the ones that abused me is at least in a VA hospital and most likely not a threat to children.  The other one, God only knows!  Hopefully, he is not still abusing kids in the church he goes to, but I have no way to find out.

Am I bitter and angry for what they did to me?  Yes!  The laws of Iowa don't protect me because of the statute of limitations.  So, I'm left to pick up the pieces of my life while the child molesters roam free accusing me of being brainwashed and spreading lies.

How just is that?  Unfortunately, it is the norm!

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Blog Post And Images (c) 1/01/18 by Don Shetterly

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Life Is Too Hard For Me

Sometimes when life is too hard for me, I know that I need to stay focused on where I am going, not where I am in the moment. Moments of life can look bleak at these times, but it is then that we need to hold tight to our support line and keep pushing forward.

When life is too hard for me, it is so easy to want to give up and just not face another day during these difficult moments. There are things around us in the present time that seem to knock us from every angle possible in life. Just when we feel like we are getting up and taking a step forward, it often feels like something comes along and squashes us right back into our hole under the rock.

I am reminded of these things, as my current moments of life have plenty of up and down knocks lately. If I could sell these knocks, I’d be rich! I was reminded recently that I have been through many difficult moments of life and I made it through those things.

In those past difficult moments in my life, it seemed pretty rough like it does today. However, I am now able to look back and see lessons learned, progress made, or the steps that I took. The situations don’t look as difficult to me now, and in fact some of the overwhelming moments are almost forgotten.

It is amazing to me that with time and perseverance, the situations of the past look so much smaller and insignificant then they did while I was in the midst of these trying times. Even though in those past moments, all hope seemed lost and it appeared there was no way through it, somehow my human mind found the open door. It is amazing just how the human mind and body can evolve when push comes to shove.

So, when life is too hard for me, it is in those moments that I must remember the past, so that I can move on and push forward. Even though you may feel the same way, that "my life is too hard for me," I guarantee you that if you keep going, keep putting one step in front of the other, you will make it. Yes, moments of life can be difficult, but we need to go back and look at where we have come from and use that to guide us forward.


Further Reading:
1) Hope And Possibility Through Trauma (Book by Don Shetterly)
2) Trudging And Soaring In Life (Blog Post June 29, 2011)



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Looking Forward In Difficult Moments

Sometimes it helps.  Sometimes it helps to have a goal or something to look forward to when you are going through difficult moments.  As I write this, there are many of those insurmountable moments I'm facing.  Most likely by the time someone reads this blog posts, things will have changed.

Just knowing that you have options can sometimes help you get through difficult moments.  Realizing that there is a way out is like a breath of fresh air.  It helps you see that you're not locked into what is, but the potential of what can be still exists.

Seeing that there is a game plan to look forward to helps lift your thoughts and energy from despair and depression, to one of forward movement.  Even if it feels like you're hardly moving at all, there is hope that tomorrow or the tomorrow after it, will be better and brighter.

Signs From The Universe

As you read this, it is probably long past the point of what happened, but I still have to share it.  I made a major decision a couple of weeks ago and if you've been following this blog, you probably have already seen it.  If not, then by the time you read this, I will be gone from the job that I worked in and was killing me physically and mentally and spiritually.

Today as I had a major shift the other day during the Free Unlimited Abundance Webinar, I am noticing many different signs from the universe.  They are showing up in different ways, forms, shapes and sizes.  In fact, it is almost amusing watching what is transpiring since the shift the other night.

From people coming up to me and wanting to talk to me, to sitting in a deserted place and all of the sudden being swarmed by various individuals to just seeing people react different to me.  In addition, there have been emails that came at the right time and other little things I've noticed.  Some of the messages have been straight forward and very obvious, others just fit in with what is going on.

We Block Our Abundance

For the first time in my life, I think I'm getting it!  After years and years of fighting to understand abundance, I think I'm beginning to get a glimpse of what it truly is all about in life.  Now, I'm not sitting here and saying I know all there is and my life is all perfect at this moment, but I've come a long ways.

I'm really beginning to learn that we block our abundance in so many ways.  It really is "us" who gets in the way of all that we are part of in this big universe.  Yes, I know that this may sound way too simple and almost like someone who doesn't understand would state as fact.  I'm here to tell you though, that this is exactly what I have been learning.

It isn't the government, or places of business or families, friends, churches or the evil in this world that stops us from connecting with the true source of our life.  It isn't all the people who have done us wrong in life or the obstacles we think are in our way.  It is not the sun, moon, stars, or some fallen energetic force that stands in our way.  Let me state this again that we block our abundance.

Finding Happiness In 2012 With A Smile

Finding Happiness
Give A Smiley Project

By the time you see this post, several days will have already went by in 2012.  We will be past the New Year celebrations and after the stress of the holiday season, many will be settling back into the routine of life.  Hopefully you haven't already forgotten about your New Year's resolutions or whatever it is that you focused on as the calendar ticked forward.

As we inch forward in our lives, I hope that each day is a new year of celebrating in our life of what possibilities lie ahead.  It should not just be about one moment in time that we hoop, holler and jump up and down.  It should be something we carry through each and every day.

I wrote an article that was published right before 2012 started.  The title was "Finding Happiness In 2012 With A Smile".  You see, I'm a believer that as we find happiness in our own life, that it will radiate forward and we'll end up sharing it with others.  Most likely we will share it before we even think about it.

One such way of sharing that happiness from our life in the year of 2012 is by offering a smile to others we meet.  There is a movement that is off to a wonderful start called the Give A Smiley Project.  The hope of this movement is that by one smile at a time, we can change the world.

What Surprised Him Most About Humanity

Dalai Lama When Asked
What Surprised Him Most

A blog post on April 16, 2011 has been getting a great deal of attention for reasons which I do not understand.  It had sat dormant for months and then in the past couple of weeks, there is great interest.  The title of the blog post was "Dalai Lama What Surprised Him Most About Humanity".  While I do not know if he actually spoke these words, it was something that I either read or saw in a circulated email that was sent to me.  To be honest, I'm not sure how I came across this quote.

What the quote said was something that I thought showed a lot of wisdom and insight.  Of course, if the Dalai Lama is not the rightful owner of these words, then I would gladly give credit to the true source as long as it could be proven.  Still, with all this aside, the quote says so much if you really read it.

The problem that I have seen though is in the comments left on that post.  To me, the Dalai Lama stands for peace, understanding, respect and working together as one.  Yet, the comments that have been posted on this show anything but what he stands for, in my opinion.  It is hard to imagine how the people making the statements that they make, truly are following the ideals of the Dalai Lama.  Maybe they are searching and still wandering in the desert but it saddens me to read some of what has been said.

Courage To Keep Going

Courage To Keep Going
Mile High Bridge, NC

Sometimes the courage to keep going is not a loud boisterous thunder from the tallest mountain.  Often courage is the tiny little voice in the corner that says, I will try again.

When we face a night of despair, sometimes being silent is all we need to listen to that quiet voice within us.  Sometimes just focusing on trying one more time is the kinetic energy to find our way through the night of despair.

It is in these moments that everything looks bleak, where we will find out way forward.  If you are backed up against a wall, the only direction you can go is forward.

In these moments, keep an eye open for courage because most likely it will be standing right behind you.  Courage will be waiting for your embrace to push you forward on your path.

How Did I Heal?

Sometimes we have no clue what to do to get out of the situation we are in, but sometimes that is where we need to be.  I know, I know, this may not sound like normal advice, but it has been true for me so many times in my past.  The more I fought the situation, the more I struggled to get out of it.

I didn't get anywhere in my healing by staying where I was and while it is easy to write these words now, it was anything but easy in that moment.  When I faced that moment of never walking again or functioning again from the paralysis brought on by a Conversion Disorder, I thought all was lost.

When I started dealing with the sexual abuse and nightmares, I thought all was lost.  In the early days of my own healing, there wasn't an internet full of support groups.  There were no readily available groups to be a part of or shows to watch.  I was pretty much on my own.

None of my healing was easy to come through.  No step was clear before I took it.  There was no way I understood my path forward or even that a path forward existed.  It felt like a fog of despair full of loneliness, depression and anxiety.  Actually in those days, I didn't even realize how depressed I was or how much anxiety I had.

The only thing that truly got me from point "A" to point "B" was that I kept trying to take a step.  I didn't know where to put my foot in taking the step, but I just lifted it up and set it down.  Often I could not even see where it would land, but as I set it down on the ground, everything became a little more clear.

Parts showed promise and parts wasted my time...

I worked at learning all I could and trying to identify everything around me that I could.  I saw something that looked like it might help and so I checked it out to see what it could do for me.  Some things worked and some didn't.  Parts of some of those things showed promise while others just wasted my time.

Most of the time I could not even see what was working and what was not.  I just went with how I felt and if there was even a momentary benefit to it.  If there was, I would see if I could repeat that and what it did for my mind and my body.   Sometimes I could isolate a part that was helping and then I would discard the parts that didn't help.

Sometimes we get hung up on needing to know the answers before we move forward that we ignore what is right before us.  It is too easy to shun that which is helpful because we are looking for that which fits into our view of what works or does not work.  As humans we tend to want to know everything before learning what we need to learn.  It is like a dog chasing his tail.

I always keep in my mind that if what I was doing up to the point of the paralysis of Conversion Disorder did not work, why should I continue to use that as a frame of reference for healing my life.  Often I needed to throw out all I knew so I could discover what it was that I didn't know.  Once I threw out what I thought I knew, it was then that I found the piece of my healing I so badly needed.

Healing isn't about repeating the steps of the past hoping for a different outcome.  It is more about throwing the past out with the weekly trash and stepping through with courage into the unknown.  It is in surrendering into the unknown that we will truly find the healing before us.  It is a process that we will most likely repeat and learn over and over again.

No, it isn't an easy process.  It takes a lot of work and often that work sucks big time!  There's no other way to state it.  To sit where you are and expect someone else to heal you will only keep you where you are.  There are many that can walk beside you and help steady you on your path, but it is up to you to step out with courage and surrender into the unknown of healing.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Helpless and Weary From Despair - Part 3

This is part 3 of a four part series.  Please read part 1 and part 2 before this one.

I've made great strides in life, but when you're ambushed with one tsunami trigger after another, its hard to keep your head above water, let alone care if you do.

Time and time again, I tried to make sense of my day, my life and the moment I was living in.  It felt like a cruel hell had been shoved at me with no way to escape.  It was like a moment of all moments for a lifetime of hell and torment.  Church people say that when we die, we either go to heaven or hell.  For me, I've already lived through hell in my life.  I've lived through hell many times over.

Memories still locked in my cells...

I can't imagine things much worse than  being hit, beat, emotionally abused, physically abused, sexually raped and molested almost every day of my life.  I've been through more than I can consciously recall, but the remnants of those memories never fully leave.  They are still locked in parts of my many trillion cells.  I'm still working to rid them all.

As the days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, I had to find a way out.  I was locked in this prison I had built around myself and somehow I had to find a way through it.  I had to find a way beyond it.  It was overwhelming to know where to start.  It seemed like I would never have the courage to get past it.  It felt like there was no way out.  It felt to me like there was no hope.

I wasn't about to go on medication because I hate medication and I personally don't think it would have helped me.  I didn't tell anyone that I wanted to kill myself almost every day as I knew that would scare people and frighten them.  I just held it all inside.  It was safer that way.

I knew I had to find a way forward...

I knew that I had to start finding a way forward.  I could not continue to stay in the place I was in.  I knew I had to find this on my own.  It was not something I could expect others to do or rely on them to do for me.  For when I reached out, there seemed to be no one reaching back to me.  I had to do it, as hard as it was and as much as I didn't believe was possible.

Each day, I started to try and focus on one small little thing I could do.  It didn't matter how small or insignificant it was, I knew I had to start focusing on something.  Even if it was mundane, I didn't care.  Sometimes I knew from the past that the mundane tasks were a way to grab on to the rails in life so I could focus on going forward.  I remember doing that after the paralysis.  It wasn't about the big steps.  It was about the small little tidbits of the big steps that got me healing.

I tried to focus on the little things and if it was only one small thing for the day, I considered that to be a good day.  I wasn't interested in how much I could do, but that I could just do something.  With any doubts and fears that tried to stop me, I just tried to navigate past them without them noticing.  I had no strength to overcome them.  It was almost too much to navigate around them.

I kept trying to build upon the previous day if I could and if I could not, then attempting to do one small thing was the accomplishment for the day.  Doing something was far more empowering to me, then the quantity or quality or relevance of what it was.

I allowed myself time to rest...

I started to take time to just allow myself to rest and not push myself to do anything I didn't want to do.  I stopped going to online places where I felt ignored and unwanted.  I stopped worrying as much as I could that if no one called me back, it just didn't matter.  It was too much for me to think anyone wanted me at that point.  It was more than I could take.

I spent time with my cats, playing and holding them.  I spent time just absorbing their love that they had for me.  I welcomed their touch and how they licked my hair.  I welcomed their meows and other conversations they would have with me.  I welcomed their unconditional love.  Animals are my connection to life, a life that is not one of use and abuse.  Animals are a higher life form in my view.

I began having some email conversations with a couple of people who encouraged me to keep going.  One individual that didn't care if we talked about the torment of the day, but just talked about things that were anything but this.  It helped to just have a little connection that I could control and regulate and hold back from if I needed to in my day.

A little more each day...

I began to do a little more each day and week that went by.  I spent time in my hammock listening to the birds sing in the trees during the early morning hours.  I watched the squirrels run and play and scamper back and forth on the fence.  I watched the butterflies flutter around from one place to another.

I watched the trees sway from one position to the next as if they were basking in the new sunlight of the morning.  They seemed to just take in everything from the light to the wind and breeze.  Their leaves began turning from a deadened grey and brown tree to a vibrant green veil of color and beauty.

I began to use the resperate breathing machine not for lowering blood pressure, but helping to get me to breathe.  The more I used it, the more I realized just how much it was taking tension from my body.  I realized that as I used it, my body was relaxing more and more.  Some of the fear and anger were being replaced by a peacefulness.  It might have not always lasted long in the day, but just to feel that was empowering and helped me get from one moment to the next.

This continues to Part 4 - posted on 6/26/16 of a four part series.

(click here for Part 4)

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Fix The Past By Living In The Moment Like Horses Do

Thanks to my good friend, Marilyn
for allowing me to use her picture

All to often in our life, we get stuck in all the experiences we have been through in our life. For some people, there is much more to get stuck in than others, but if we stay in the past, we will rob ourselves of the future.  Just like Buck Brannaman said in the movie, Buck, "Horses live in the moment, now there may be some things from their past that give you some trouble in the moment, but you have to fix it going forward, not backward."

Of course, this does not mean that we should not look at our past and unearth the stones that are on our path.  It does not mean, you don't have to heal those old wounds and find the root of what happened.  It does not mean that you have to do any of these things as well by staying stuck in the past.

When you live in the moment, you use the experiences of your past to move yourself forward.  You learn to embrace these things as a way of becoming more authentic.  You learn to use these horrible experiences as a way to discover who you are and become more conscious about your life's role in the universe.

Making It Through Painful Moments

I was asked what it was like when I walked away from my family in order to survive.  How did I make it through the painful moment.  Much of this applies to how survivors of childhood sexual abuse and other trauma deal with making it through painful moments.

Walking away from my family was the only way I could make it because the family was so toxic, that in order for me to heal and make it, I had to let go. It was not easy.  They didn't just go away quietly either.

It was extremely difficult to walk away.  I struggled hard with that. I had anxiety attacks just to go get my mail out of the mailbox.  It was a time in my life that I had to let go of things that held me down.  These painful moments were difficult beyond comprehension.

Far too many people have told me that you create your own family.  While that is true, there is a biological connection that can never be replaced (well, it seems that way in my mind).  When you fought your entire life growing up to just be a part of the family and have those that are supposedly there for you, abuse you - then family is just one messed up and tangled mess.  It isn't as easy to create a family unit as many people try to tell you that it is.

Sometimes I get to the moment that I want to reunite with them, but then I hear stories from others and it is a caution to me to tread carefully into those treacherous waters.  I choose to not swim in the swamp, especially after hearing these stories.  Holidays usually bring that up front and center to me, even though I try to flee from it as fast as I can.

My head swirled for days...

After the incident where a relative asked me If I wanted to come to their house when a family member was in the area, my head swirled for hours, days from the anxiety… heck I don’t know when it stopped.  I won’t say it was easy.  I won’t say it magically was all better the next day.  The only thing I know is that I was stronger at that moment than I was in the past.  In the past, I made it through this, so if I’m stronger – I knew I would make it through this moment.  It is what I had to hold on to at that point.  That’s healing.  Yet, it was doused with anxiety and pain.

Yes, we often feel like we have dropped back so many steps and we’re in a deficit, but in many ways – we’re still further ahead.  We make it though somehow.  We live to fight another day somehow.  Sometimes, that’s all that matters in the moment.  We’re making it.  We’re living to fight another day.

Where we are in that moment...

It's okay if we find ourselves on the floor, struggling and hurting and wondering if we’ll ever make it.  It’s okay because in that moment, because that’s where we are.  That is what it is in that moment.  It is from that where we find our footing again and our way forward.  Only this time, we are more full of power and energy and strength because we’ve made it this far already.  We've got another sword in our supply closet and more tools in our toolbox.

When I laid in the hospital bed wondering if I would ever walk again, it took me to the point of utter despair where I screamed out – am I okay with this?  Am I comfortable with being a vegetable – unable to walk, talk, take care of myself.  It was in that moment that I found my footing.  It was in that moment that I started to move forward, not even realizing I was doing this and not even knowing how to move forward.  Sometimes in that moment, that is more than enough.  The rest will come.  The rest will fall into place.

I wasn't supposed to walk again...

I wasn’t supposed to walk again.  I wasn’t supposed to work or function like most people.  I was not expected to make it out of the conversion disorder.  No one could tell me the way out.  No one could show me the way out.  I had to fight, and kick, and scream every step of the way walking into the blindness of the fog that was before me.  It was in those dark moments that my journey of healing was already happening.

Yes, there are the voices.  Yes, they get loud.  They try hard to hold me down.  They fight against me telling me that I can't make it through this. They tell me I'm not good enough.  They tell me I'm not worthy.  They tell me I will not make it.   I just tell them to rot in hell…    And if they keep coming back up, I just repeat the previous statement.

We’re making it… we really are.  We’re moving into deeper layers and further awareness even if it is hard to comprehend what that means in that moment.

I know you are making it – because I’ve walked similar roads and I still remember what the shoes feel like when walking in them.

Find whatever it is that helps shift you from all that you’re struggling against – and push the gas pedal to the floor.  Call on your angels or God or the universe or whoever it is you believe in – just ask for them (it) to be there.  Just know that you’re not alone.  Call on your support network and your friends.  Be close to your pets and animals.  These things will help hold you while you find the strength to keep going.

Know that making it through painful moments may not be easy, but you can do this.  We're all in this together and together we help one another along.  Grab the hand out in front of you because it is someone that knows where the path leads.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Oprah Surrenders And Lets It Go

Oprah's Master Class on OWN
Surrender And Let Go

From Oprah's Master class, I found a YouTube video on one of her beginning experiences in letting go and connecting to source energy.  Talking about how she became part of the cast of the Color Purple movie, is breath taking, especially when she tells it in her own personal way.

I am sure during these moments, it was extremely difficult to keep going and most likely they did not all happen quickly as in telling the story.  In fact, I think she does state that there was considerable time that passed.  She struggled along the way and it was not easy for Oprah to understand what had happened or where she was in her life at that moment.

It was when Oprah decided to let go and release all the anger, bitterness, and frustration to her source energy that things changed.  She saw as a result,

Difficult Moments Of Release In Life

Difficult Moments Of Release In
Life Consciousness

Sometimes when we release things in our life, it can get ugly.  While many may want to create a system of beliefs, practices and rituals around things you release, it all boils down to a normal biological part of our mind body connection.  It is more of a simple truth where the answers are within you, not somewhere else in the belief system of another person.

Humans don't like to suffer or go through experiences that aren't pleasant.  Humans would rather live life like a fairy tale where things are beautiful and happy while the big bad witch is kept in the dark evil forest.  After all, why not only see what looks pretty and great rather than connecting with something deep inside that appears ugly, unpleasant and sad.

If we look at the difficult moments in life that they are something to be despised, or something that indicates a malfunction in our life, than how much are we putting limits on our life?   Instead of these difficult moments in life being a malfunction, what if we viewed them as an opportunity of growth?  If we saw these things that we encounter as something that is a part of our life and a message to grow in awareness and understanding, would they still be a malfunction?

Turning Over Stones In Life

Written By Don Shetterly

Back in the early days when I found out I had Conversion Disorder, I was struggling and fighting for my life.  I was struggling not only to survive but to figure out how to function.

The paralysis started to get better, but my legs and body were weak.  My memory had gone, so remembering anything required me to write it down on a piece of paper, or it was like I was not even aware of it.  Anxiety attacks had become my best friend.  Depression and suicide were my goals.

I had no hope that anything would get better.  I wasn't sure how it would.  I was stuck in the pain and fear of a cycle that had been playing out for many years.  The only thing is I was a participant in all that was going on in my life.

When I read the limited stuff I could find about Conversion Disorder, I saw that it will probably ease and subside.  However, the chances of it showing up again were pretty high, and subsequent attacks were more the norm.  That was what the literature showed in some study that I have misplaced now.

It was pure torture every day...

In my mind, I wanted to give up and die.  The daily struggle was difficult.  I had a family turn against me.  I was fighting to re-enter life again and function in a job so I could exist.  There was nothing fun about my life at that moment.  It was pure torture every day.

I was not prepared to accept what the medical establishment would say was the outcome and prognosis of my future days.  I was not prepared to accept that I would struggle daily with anxiety attacks, depression, and suicide attempts.  I was not prepared to stay on medication forever and ever.

Yet, I had no idea how to get out of this.  I knew of no way to go from where I was at that moment to where my mind thought was possible.  I felt like giving up.  I felt like the struggle was just too much.

Something kept me going...

Something inside kept me from giving up.  Something kept me going.  Something deep inside of me kept telling me it was possible to heal and make it.

I started to look at what others were doing and looked for the moments within them that helped them.  Yes, there is plenty that people do which is not helpful, but I tried to see beyond that moment.  I tried to find the reality and authenticity of what was helping to make them better.

I started to turn over every stone in my path and find anything that helped.  I turned over many stones.  Not all of the stones were helpful to me, and sometimes it exhausted me.  Every now and then I would come across one stone that really helped me, and I would study it, learn from it and embrace it.  The stones that didn't help, I would try to push to the side of the path where others had placed similar stones.

Sometimes I needed a rest...

Sometimes I would find a resting place along my path and sit down for awhile, since I had no more energy to go on and I had no more will to fight.  It was those moments, I learned, that were necessary for me to continue.

Even through the most difficult and darkest of moments, something deep inside kept me going.  Often it was a small little pilot light that burned, but somehow I knew it was there.  I knew there was a spark within me waiting to ignite and propel me forward.

I never accepted any condition by any doctor as being the sole source of my health and well-being.  I knew there was more and I was not about to let anyone tell me that the condition I was in was the way things would be.  I fought tooth and nail most days, but I knew that I had to keep going.

I had to keep searching, for the alternative to continuing my journey was a life that was more frightening than I realized.  My evidence was Conversion Disorder, and I was not about to go back to those moments where my life almost ended.

I pass on to those who struggle to not give up where you are in the journey.  I realize the fight is hard.  I realize it is exhausting.  I realize it is easy to give up.

Don't give up!

Don't stop!

Turn over every stone you find in your path until you find one that propels you forward and then ride it for as long as you can.  Let it help you find the next stone to turn over and take you forward in your life.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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