Why Didn't I Publicly Expose The Child Molesters

Written By Don Shetterly

Many years ago, I knew an attorney that wanted to take the people who abused me to court.  He thought they should be held accountable and he worked hard to convince me to file a lawsuit.  The statute of limitations was not something I was aware of at the time, but it wouldn't have mattered.

Why didn't I publicly expose the child molesters?

First off, I didn't want to relieve everything I had been through.  I was working hard at coming to terms with it and all of its impacts on my life.  I was tired of dealing with it, thinking about it and talking to others about it.  It was controlling so much of my life through depression and anxiety and intense fear, that I wanted nothing to do with it.

Secondly, I knew that if I tried to come forward, I would be ridiculed and threatened.  I knew that they would turn my words on me as if I was lying.  I knew that they would turn everyone I knew against me and then some.  These were wicked and evil people that stopped at nothing to silence me.  Heck, they already had done most of this so it wouldn't have been new to me.  I just wanted it over.

Third, I was still coming to terms with what happened to me.  It wasn't like I could say everything out loud.  I was not at that point.  Much of it, I had not even realized was not normal that they did to me.  You can read my book if you want to know more on that subject.  When you grow up with this stuff, you don't know any different.  Filing a lawsuit to publicly expose the child molesters was difficult to fathom.  What was right and wrong?  What was normal or abnormal.  None of those things were clear to me.

Fourth, I had pieces of stories and memories but not the full account.  My brain was still trying to protect me.  After all, I almost lost my life in the conversion disorder, and so my brain was in super protection mode.  There were many holes in what I could remember.  As Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk says, our minds remember too much and too little.

The fifth reason why I didn't publicly expose the child molesters is that I wanted nothing to do with them.  I was trying to stay hidden from them for the threats that had been made against my life.  I had no desire to talk to them, see them or have any connection with them.  I wanted absolute disconnect with the child molesters.  It was not easy living this way, but for me to survive, I had to completely let them go.

It isn't easy!

It is easy for others that have not been through the circumstances you have been through to say this is what you should do or what you should not do.  It is easy for others to criticize and be the judge, jury, and executioner, but until you've walked through my experiences in life, you don't know what I've had to live with every day.

To come forward and share what happened to you means you have to deal with the shame of what you went through.  Even if you did nothing wrong, the child molester inflicts shame upon you.  It is a shame that eats you alive and sinks you into despair.  Coming forward to publicly expose the child molesters means you have to deal with all of this horror once again.  It is not easy.  It is not welcomed.

When I see the victims of child abuse or other abusive situations come forward and hear people rip them to shreds, I want to take a baseball bat to the loudmouths of our day.  It makes me angry.  Yes, I realize that some fake people that do this and they are no better than the child molesters.

It takes great courage to speak out.  It takes great courage to confront these monsters in your life because they consume you.  They push you into depression, anxiety, and suicide.  They rob your life completely.  There is nothing left for you when you decide to speak out publicly.

Another thing that happened to me and happens with many is the fear that is instilled in you.  I was told many things that would happen to me if I dared tell.  I saw my pets killed and shot at and beat.  I witnessed many things within the family that would make you know there was no idle threat.

Why didn't I publicly expose the child molesters you ask?  Well, look at what happens today when people start to speak up.  They are not believed.  They are ridiculed and berated and mutilated in public opinion.  It isn't easy to deal with that in private.  I can't imagine what it is like to deal with it in public especially when it wasn't by your choice to do this.

We should be standing in support of those who have been molested and abused, not as enemies of them.  We should be standing up for the rights of all children, not just the ones that fit our narrow-minded thinking.  Turning a blind eye to the issue of child abuse in a family or in your church or city or anything else should not be tolerated.  It should not be the norm.

If we don't take care of our children, who will?  If we spit on those that publicly expose child molesters and abusive people, what kind of society and human race are we?  We gasp at the headline child abuse stories, but we turn our heads to what happens in our own backyards.

We make sacrifices out of the victims while we protect the child molesters at all costs.  We are so messed up on this issue in our society on this issue.  There are far too many cases for us to point the fingers at others because so much of this goes on in our backyards and family dwellings.

Why didn't I publicly expose the child molesters you ask?  Isn't it obvious?  Just look at what happens in the news headlines and then ask that question again. Those that abused me as a child will never pay for their crimes.  They have prayed to Jesus for forgiveness and most likely are still doing what they always did.

One of the ones that abused me is at least in a VA hospital and most likely not a threat to children.  The other one, God only knows!  Hopefully, he is not still abusing kids in the church he goes to, but I have no way to find out.

Am I bitter and angry for what they did to me?  Yes!  The laws of Iowa don't protect me because of the statute of limitations.  So, I'm left to pick up the pieces of my life while the child molesters roam free accusing me of being brainwashed and spreading lies.

How just is that?  Unfortunately, it is the norm!

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Blog Post And Images (c) 1/01/18 by Don Shetterly

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Going To Bed Hungry As A Kid

This is a topic I have not written much about and partly because I think it is still at the core of issues I have yet to heal.  When you go through hunger, you learn in life that there is not enough in life.  Trying to undo these teachings you have learned is difficult at best.

As a kid, we were poor.  Maybe not quite dirt poor, but poor.  I have nothing else to compare it to, because it seemed normal and so framing it in any other way is almost impossible.  I saw other kids as having much more.

Because of my dad's inability to hold down a job or working at jobs that provided little income and stability, many times we just didn't have enough to eat.  I remember getting the government handouts of powdered milk, dried eggs, peanut butter and cheese.  There were many days I remember that this is all we had to eat and I got so tired of these things, that it took me a long time to like them again.

I remember going to bed hungry many times.  I remember having nothing more than popcorn to eat.  What we ate at the family supper table, wouldn't feed most people these days.  To have candy or cookies or soft drinks, that was considered a luxury.  My mom did the best with what she had, but there was just not enough.

However, somehow, my dad and one brother were always overweight.  My other brother and I were underweight most of my childhood.  How they got overweight, I'll never understand.  My only thought is that there must have been a stash of food hidden somewhere that I didn't know about and it was used as a reward/punishment mechanism for the horrible abuse that went on.  Somehow I missed out on that part of the abuse.

Going to school, we usually got free lunches or reduced lunches.  While other kids complained and threw their food away in the trash, it was sometimes the most we got to eat.  I didn't complain.  I was just happy to get something to eat and could never understand my friends who were picky eaters.

I see people treating school lunch programs as a divisive issue in this country.  To those kids that don't have enough to eat, that free school lunch they may get could most likely be all they eat in a day.  I don't see most of the people screaming about the school lunch program looking thin and having to go without meals.

It is easy to vilify those different than us and those that don't have as much, but for kids that have to go to bed hungry, it is a matter of life and death to them.  It isn't fun to have your little tummy begging for something to eat and there is nothing in the house.  It isn't easy to keep yourself going and grow normally when the food is scarce.  It is hard to concentrate and sleep.  It is hard to function.  It is hard to learn in school when you're so hungry.

One of the things I do now in my life is I help support Children International.  I love this organization because even in the worst of times, I know that there are children out there going to bed hungry.  They don't have enough to eat.  Sometimes they don't even have a regular bed to sleep on or shoes to wear. 

Because of what I have been through in my own life, I will not turn my back on those in need.  I wish I could help more than I do, but I'm trying to do all I can with the means that I have.  I get disgusted by those who have plenty act as if those who do not are some type of horrible humans.

I can only be reminded in this of the movie by Tom Shadyac called "I AM".  If you haven't seen it and if you think the poor in this world need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps - go watch this movie!

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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Respect

I see a lot of name calling these days in our society and throughout the world.  I'm quite sure I am not the only one that sees this.  Our news and social media feeds are full of it.  It is political season and so its part of the "political game" anymore which is beyond sad.

Respect is not something that our society seems to know.  What was once considered rude and ill-mannered to say is now just the normal talk of the day.  It used to be said more in private and now to engage readers and get views, it is said as if it is the latest tidbit of the day.

I find it sad and disgusting to be honest.  I grew up in a home where my mom was disrespected.  She worked her butt off and all anyone wanted to do was sit their butts down in front of the TV while she waited on them hand and foot.  She worked a full time job too, but there were far too many lazy ones in our house.

Said the monster in the house...

I saw my mom, a beautiful and caring and compassionate lady, being disrespected and beat and screamed at because of my father's anger and my older brother's childish "all about me" rantings and shenanigans.  It was always something she did wrong to provoke it of course and the begging of forgiveness was always done.  "I'm so sorry - I don't know what got into me - I will never do it again - but you should not upset me when I've had a bad day" said the monster in the house.

I see women being shown no respect and it bothers me to no end.  I am saddened by it.  I am full of rage and anger over it.  Yet, where do I go with my anger and rage and sadness?  Do I scream like everyone else?

If I scream, no one is listening anyway.  So, I turn to writing the words that I do in hopes that it will change someone.  It isn't the other person that needs to change, it is each one of us individually.  If we are not part of the solution, we are just as much a part of the problem that we abhor!

Everyone deserves our respect...

Women, children, people different from us and people we can't stand to be around deserve our respect.  We need to respect others, even if we've been taught not to respect others.  Our parents taught us what they know, but that does not mean we need to stay stagnated in our life and repeat their beliefs and teachings.  It is time for each one of us to do some serious soul searching and clean out our own closets.

Respect comes from what you allow to take up residency in your own heart.  It is an outward manifestation of what is inside of you.  You either respect people and show love or you spout the latest lines of hatred found on social media and the news.

Respect is something we all deserve and if we deserve it, then we need to give it out to others.  If we fail to respect others, than we have failed to respect ourselves.  Let us lift the world up by showing what we can be in this society, not just how low we can go with one another.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Does Twitter Endorse Porn?

This subject really gets under my skin.  It doesn't seem like anything is being done about it and if I try to contact Twitter, I get absolutely no response.  So, I have to conclude that in the absence of action, twitter endorses porn.  They allow it on their site and they do very little to stop it.  That to me, is an endorsement!

I don't intentionally go and follow people who display porn on their timelines.  In fact, when I check them out, I often don't see any porn whatsoever and lo and behold, later the porn pictures start popping up on my twitter feed.

Of course, I know you can report them and block them, but it doesn't do anything to solve the problem.  I have a feeling that twitter (if they actually do anything) comes along and deletes the picture.  The individual just does it again and again, sometimes deleting the images I think so when twitter goes to look, they see nothing.  I may be wrong, but in lieu of proper responses from twitter, how do I know they are actually doing anything about it.

Twitter fails to respond...

You can direct message them or tweet them and they absolutely fail to respond.  You can block these people all day long and it seems like they spring up again and again with the very same pictures you were seeing before.  No one seems to do anything to get rid of it, but hey twitter makes sure you know how to mute people that are annoying.  Never mind that this doesn't solve the issue.


I've had moments where I've been in a public place or on an airplane checking my twitter feed only to have one of these porn pictures displayed.  Its rather embarrassing especially when its the close up shot.  Imagine if a child saw that.  There's no way for me to stop it other than not being on Twitter!

Imagine if we went around all day showing these images in our streets.  What would be the reaction?  Yes, there would be an uproar.  In the case of twitter, its just business as usual.  They just don't care!  Twitter seems to endorse porn, or so it seems.

Twitter sacrifices a society norm...

It almost seems that twitter wants as many users as it can get, so it sacrifices what should be a norm in our society.  We don't need pornographic images forced into our twitter feeds all day and all night.  There's hopefully a much better usage for social media than that, but Twitter has to get serious and do the right thing.

We already have enough problems with human trafficking and child porn and child sexual abuse.  We already have enough problems with scammers.  Why is it then that Twitter does not do anymore than they do in this area of porn.  That is why I feel Twitter endorses porn!
 

Sure, you can set your settings to not see all of that, but it still shows up.  I cringe at the thought of a young child looking at twitter.  These are images they do not need to see.  It is wrong in every sense of the word.

Maybe if Twitter wanted to be a serious competitor to Facebook and other social media sites, it might consider cleaning up its own house first.  Maybe by having a "quality" system, they could be better than they are today.  Yet, it seems their main focus is on how many people you can follow in a specific undocumented time frame, rather than keeping the porn off of the news feed.

I believe we can do better with social media.  I think this platform has potential, but it is often saturated with too much that does very little good for anyone's day.  We can do better on social media!

Hurt The Ones You Love The Most

This is one of those things that I just thought was normal.  You see, when you've been through all kinds of childhood trauma, things that you go through just seem normal.  Often, you're not even aware that this isn't the way things work in life.  This topic is one of those moments.

I saw over and over how family members hurt one another.  It was common.  It was a standard practice.  It was as common as you, the reader, taking a breath every minute.  In fact, it was so normal to hear "we often hurt the ones you love" that I just thought hurting people was a daily practice that everyone did.

It gave you the license to beat your wife and your kids.  It gave you the license to molest and rape your children.  It gave you the license to treat those in the family any way you wanted because then you could just ask God to forgive you and claim, "we hurt the ones you love the most".

The empty explanation...

That was the explanation I would often get as my little body hurt from the pain of being beat or molested or raped.  That was the explanation I would see after the rage-filled screaming fits and beatings I would see inflicted on others in the family.  I learned to accept, "we hurt the ones you love the most" as something that took place in every family.

At the same time, I constantly heard that no matter what, family would always stick together.  Unlike strangers and outsiders, no one stood behind you like family did.  We needed to be proud of our family name and by god we would love one another no matter what.  Yes, but that included all the other stuff.

They ask God to forgive them...

It was probably more recently that I started to understand just how toxic and wrong this line of thinking is.  Having a friend monitor a family member, I could see this "we hurt the ones you love the most" statement play over and over again.  Then, they will go and ask God to forgive them.  Then, they will go and ask forgiveness of those they hurt, promising to never do it again.

Yep, its okay to beat your wife, your kids.  It's okay to molest and rape your kids.  It's okay because you can just wipe it away by asking forgiveness over and over and over again.  It resets everything according to those that inflict this pain, anger, and horror on others.

When I think of these moments that I've been through, I'm numb.  My mind and body want to disconnect.  I feel a sense of rage at those that did this stuff.  I struggle to make sense of it.

It's not right to inflict pain...

If you practice this "we hurt the ones you love the most" statement, then please stop everything today and go get the help you need.  This is not right.  It is not right to beat your wife or your kids.  It is not right to molest and rape them.  It is not right to watch them cower in the corner of the room hoping to escape the blows that were fast and furious.  It is not right to inflict the emotional pain upon them through the words you lash out against them.

You don't get to use the ask God to forgive you routine.  You may think it works.  Your friends may think it works.  Your church may think it works.  However, you don't get to use it.  After all, it means nothing because you'll go right back and do it all over again.  Maybe not the same day and maybe not the next day, but I'll put money on it that it will be in the same week.

It makes me sick to watch this unfold now and to know what we went through in the family.  I'm not proud of my family name.  In fact, I hate it.

Just know that if you love someone, you don't hurt them.  If you hurt them, it means you don't love them.  You can justify it all you want.  You can invoke God into it if you want, but it doesn't mean that you know the first thing about what true love is.  In fact, it means just the opposite.  So, quit trying to convince your friends, your church and those you harm that you're anything but hurt and evil and pain.

This post is written in memory of my mom for all she went through and for me attempting to take back my life from those who only saw me as someone they could harm through control, torture, and pain.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Neuroscience In The News On June 6

These are articles that I found of interest relating to news about Neuroscience.  In this issue, I have highlighted articles about how does memory work, untangling ambiguity in the brain, psychosocial factors in children and adolescents with conversion disorder.

Please check out the article links below and feel free to comment with other information related to these subjects.  I enjoy learning as much as I can about the brain and passing this information on to everyone else that shares these passions.

This is for the week beginning June 6, 2016.

Please come back each week and hopefully I will have some more highlights.  Feel free to share with me ones that you have found and I may highlight those as well.

Feel free to check out the highlighted articles from May 30, 2016

How Does Memory Work?

We tend to think our memory works like a filing cabinet. We experience an event, generate a memory and then file it away for later use. However, according to medical research, the basic mechanisms behind memory are much more dynamic. In fact, making memories is similar to plugging your laptop into an Ethernet cable -- the strength of the network determines how the event is translated within your brain.

Neurons (nerve cells in the brain) communicate through synaptic connections (structures that pass a signal from neuron-to-neuron) that "talk" to each other when certain neurotransmitters (chemicals that allow the transmission of these signals) are present.

Article Link:

• How Does Memory Work?
• Source:  www.sciencedaily.com

Untangling Ambiguity In The Brain

Every day humans and animals face ambiguous circumstances. If we become sick after eating, we blame the food; however, if we then fall ill without having eaten that food, the causal link becomes ambiguous. New findings from the RIKEN Brain Science Institute in Japan and New York University reveal where and how such ambiguous associations are processed in the brains of rats.

Learning how to predict dangerous relationships in the environment -- such as between odors and food, lightning and thunder, or sounds and predators -- is essential for survival. While we know much about how experiences become linked with unpleasant outcomes when the associations are clear, how these links are updated in the brain when the relationships are ambiguous was unknown.

Article Link:

• The uncertain brain: Untangling ambiguity in neural circuits
• Source:  www.eurekalert.org
• Tamas Madarasz, the lead author of the study
• RIKEN Brain Science Institute in Japan and New York University

Psychosocial Factors In Conversion Disorder

Introduction: In view of the limited studies on the psychosocial environment of children presenting with conversion disorders, the present study was carried out to study the psychosocial factors in children with conversion disorders. Method: 40 patients of Conversion Disorder, who presented with "pseudo seizures" and were diagnosed according to DSM IV criteria, comprised the sample. They underwent detailed psychiatric assessment. The psychosocial events and factors and were elicited by administering the PSLES and by interviewing the parent and child by a semi-structured interview, which covered details of school history, family environment, psychosexual and other behavior: The intellectual level of the patients was assessed by a battery of psychological instruments. Relevant investigations, hormonal assays, radiological, EEG etc. were done wherever necessary. Results: Majority of the patients were educated up to 5th class, had rural domicile and belonged to poor and lower middle SES. They were about equally represented in the two sexes. Borderline Intellectual functioning, improper schooling, family stress and current past/physical illness were present in 37.5-40 % (N=15-16) of the cases. Incidental radiological and EEG findings and unusual status of the child; only son, only child or the youngest child; were present in 33% (N=13) of the cases. Conversion/epilepsy in family/neighbour/friend and improper parenting was encountered in 22.5-20.5% (N=8-9) of the cases. Lastly, recent loss of loved one and sibling rivalry were seen to be significant in 7.5 to 12.5% (N=3-5) of the cases. 80 % of the patients had 2-3 contributory factors; the remaining had either 4 or 5 contributory factors. Conclusion: Stress was apparent in the areas of school, family and body.

Article Link:

• Psychosocial Factors In Children And Adolescents With Conversion Disorder
• Source:  archive.org
• I. Sharma, D. Giri, Anna Dutta, P.Mazunmder
• Department Of Psychiatry, Banaras Hindu University, India

If Children Talk About Abuse

Children sense - even if they are not explicitly threatened - that if they talked about their beatings or molestation to teachers they would be punished.  Instead, they focus their energy on not thinking about what has happened and not feeling the residues of terror and panic in their bodies.  Because they cannot tolerate knowing what they have experienced, they also cannot understand that their anger, terror, or collapse has anything to do with that experience.  They don't talk; they act and deal with their feelings by being enraged, shut down, compliant, or defiant.

(Quoted from The Body Keeps The Score, Dr. Bessel Van der Kolk)

Spanking Hurts

I see posts on social media where people claim that the discipline they went through as a child didn't harm them, so why should they do any different with their children.  They feel that spankings were a necessary part of their learning experience as children, and it should be passed on.

Unfortunately, even though I don't have kids (and I am being upfront about that), I think spanking hurts a kid more than it helps.  I think it is hurts the children long term and it sets them up for many failures in life as well as the potential to do more harm to others.

You can disagree with me all you want, but I've seen firsthand the effects of children being hit, both in myself and on others.  You may claim your version of spanking is not like what I went through, but in all reality, I don't think it matters.

John Grisham and Child Porn

I want to say this first before anyone starts to think I'm some whacko or idiot or liberal or whatever they think is appropriate to call someone.  I love John Grisham's books.  I've been an avid reader of his books and I don't think I have missed buying any that he has written.  I love the movies made from  his book.  He is one of my favorite authors.

However, when I saw that snippet of the interview he did where he was asked a question and he responded with an answer using child porn as an example, I have to say I was disappointed.  It didn't take long for his fans to start responding and then he retracted his statement with some form of an apology.  Of course the apology was done in a typical PR fashion with legalese.

Teaching Children Without Humiliation

Today I was shopping in an area Target and saw something that made me gasp.  As I was waiting in the checkout line, I noticed this young girl (and I'm not good with ages, but I'm going to guess she was around 7 years old).  She was sitting in the shopping cart.  I really didn't pay that much attention to her but out of a glance, her eyes caught mine.

Then all at once, the mother slapped the little girls legs rather hard and the minute she did, she put her legs together.  Up until that point, I had not even noticed that this girl was sitting that way.  Of course, nothing was said, but you could get the feeling that the mother was saying, don't you dare open  your legs around a man.

Before you think I'm any kind of a pervert, I'm not.  So, please don't be reading that into any of this because you would be so far off from the truth, it would be sad.

The thing that got me though was what the mother was teaching the little girl.  First of all, the physical part of this makes me cringe.  While many may say, oh it is for their own good, or it doesn't really hurt them, I would beg to differ.  When that girl's reaction was so immediate and automatic, the neural pathway in her brain has already been forged together.  She knows exactly what the message is, but more importantly the cells and tissues of her body know what the message is.  When that happens, it is a long lasting life event for her.

Hard To Believe I'm Loved

I saw a tweet today by Brene Brown (@BreneBrown in regards to Super Soul Sunday with Oprah.  It was a simple tweet, but one that connected with me.  The tweet went like this:  "The most important things our children can hear: No matter what, you will always belong here."

The reason it resonates with me is I heard words similar to this growing up, but unfortunately they were just words.  There was no action to back them up.  My family doesn't feel like I belong with them and so, some days it feels like I"m all alone.  Yes, I did make a decision to completely cut the ties between us, but it was only after I found that I didn't belong in my family.

For too many children, the family says you don't belong and they are kicked out to the street.  It is heart wrenching when I hear about this happening. I'm sure most of these kids grew up in homes where they felt like they were welcomed and loved, but then the minute they became true to themselves, the family said "oh no you don't!".

Techniques Learned From Children

Today in my inbox, was the daily email from The Universe.   I read this and couldn't help but smile.  At that moment, I knew I needed to share this.  When we are children, we see life in a very unfiltered and uninhibited way.  As we grow into adults, our experiences begin to shroud our view of life.  Life takes on a new meaning and we lose that innocence we once had as children.  So today I'm sharing the daily email from "The Universe" on Techniques Learned From Children.  I hope you enjoy it and if you do, you can also subscribe free at TUT.com.

Here are a few techniques learned from children, that will help anyone take their game, or their life, to a whole new level:

1. Once a day playfully imagine that you're already there.

2. Frequently speak in gratitude as if you've already arrived.

3. And, every now and then, physically do something you never would have done at the old level... like praise yourself, reward yourself, or cluck a few times with thumbs under your arms.

I'll never tell a soul,
    The Universe

Do Not Hurt Little Children

Do not hurt little children! While those words may sound simple and straight forward, there are people in our society that obviously fail to understand them. Every time I read a story about child abuse in any form, it makes me very angry. Today, there was a story in the Orlando Sentinel of such a case.

A 16 month old is dead because the little boy, Torey Dymond, went for a walk with his mother's boyfriend, 30-year-old Clifton Alexander Frazier. According to the mother, Rosalia Poirier, when the boyfriend got home, the little boy was lifeless and turning purple. According to the boyfriend, the little boy was whiny and was just asleep.

Fortunately, the police were called to the hospital to investigate and the boyfriend is now behind bars. In the newspaper article, it sounds like this boyfriend not only did crack cocaine but enjoyed beating the mother as well.

In addition, the boyfriend did not want the mother to call for 9-1-1 and said there was no cause for alarm.  Really, a 16 month old child is lifeless and purple, but there is no cause for alarm.  Wow... Wow...

Hope For Haditha Children And The Trauma Breaking Point

Hope For Haditha Children
Song by Don Shetterly

Back in 2006 when I heard about the Haditha massacre, I wrote the article below. At the time I was horrified. Yes, I understand that sometimes in war, innocent people are killed. However, in this case, this was not an innocent event. From all accounts in the news, it was a deliberate act upon innocent people. If the war had not been going on and this happened in the US, the individual(s) would have been on trial for murder.

Out of this tragedy, I wrote a song called "Hope For Haditha Children". This song never really took off, but I still wrote it in memory of those children who faced the horrors of watching adults murdered before their eyes. While I can fully understand the trauma breaking point, especially in a time of war, I weep for those little children.

Voices From A Journey Through Words

Here is part of a poem from my poetry book of writings, "A Journey Through Words". This poem is called "Voices" and I wrote it on January 23, 1999.

While this poem called "Voices" was written with a different purpose in mind, I can't help but think of Caylee Anthony. In many ways, it fits for her voice as well because we will never truly know what happened.

However, there are many other children in the world that are neglected, abused, murdered and left to fend for themselves. It is a familiar story to many and unfortunately we as a human race fail to respect and honor our children in the way that we should do without question.

Until this world sees children as valuable individuals and not something to be owned or in control of, our world will continue to see horror stories on display. May we all open our eyes, our awareness and our hearts and learn from these stories. May we one day see these things as a horrible infliction on our past, not something that we continue to repeat.

If you would like to read the entire poem, it is found in my poetry book that can be purchased on Amazon.com. (Please see the links below for more information).

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Voices
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We are tiny little voices,
just waiting to be heard!

We are millions of voices,
with a message to tell!

We are silent voices,
kept quiet with shame!

We are broken voices,
beaten with pain!

But together our voices ring loud

Our message blankets the sky!

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(c) Don Shetterly 1/23/99 All Rights Reserved
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For More Information On This Poem:
1) Amazon.com (A Journey Through Words) - paperback, 59 pages, full color
2) DonShetterly.com (Book Information)







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Blog Post & Images (c) 7/9/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

If any part of this post is used or shared, a link back to this site is required.
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/
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Surviving Father's Day

To all the great, loving and wonderful fathers out there, I admire and am warmed by your presence in this world. There, I said that. I actually got that sentence out! It's a first in a very long time that I could write or say these words! Most of the time, what I would say on Father's Day, you really don't want to know! It wouldn't be appropriate for all ages.

For me, Father's Day is anything but wonderful. Except for my two cats, I'm not a father and I don't ever plan on being one. I really don't consider my cats my children anyway as I see them as equals, not subordinates.

For those that have read my book, "Hope And Possibility Through Trauma", you will already know that my father was more of a sperm donor than a father. He of course would differ with that opinion and feels he did nothing to harm me. I, on the other hand know the truth.

It is a difficult day for me and I know it is a difficult day for many others. I wish I could say differently but I can't if I am honest with myself and with life. I wish I could say that I still talked to my father and that we had a good relationship but the last time I spoke with him was around 1998. He's too toxic for me and there is no good purpose served for me to attempt to contact him. He made his own bed (no pun intended) and I have had to move on with my life.

While it is difficult for me to survive Father's Day, I am trying to be supportive and positive to those that have a father they love or miss or that may be a father to some wonderful children. If you fall into these categories, let me know that you are out there. You might help change my perception of what a father is, because in my case, the only one I knew, fell short.




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Blog Post & Images (c) 6/18/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

If any part of this post is used or shared, a link back to this site is required.
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/
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Parents Warned of Energy Drinks

When I saw this CNN Health Article, Pediatricians, Parents Warned On Energy Drink Dangers, I thought it was a good one to post on the blog. So much of our country does not fully understand what is good for us to consume and in what quantities. We constantly indulge in things that are not necessarily the best for us. Energy drinks are one such example.

Recent studies have shown that energy drinks can cause major health problems in children and young adults. Many of the energy drinks contain high amounts of caffeine and other stimulants. According to the Poison Control Center, there were 5448 caffeine overdoses reported in 2007. It has been reported in the Journal of Pediatrics that energy drinks could be especially dangerous to children with ADHD, diabetes, sleep disturbances and eating disorders.

There is much more in this article that you can read and hopefully many people will at least wake up a little. If we stress our bodies and our minds with substances that are not meant to consume in these quantities, it will have an effect on our lives at some point. Even if it is not immediate, the body can only take so much before the breakers are tripped. We as a country have a long way to go to really understanding what good health and good nutrition is all about.

For Further Reading:
1) CNN Health, Peatricians, Parents Warned On Energy Drink Dangers
2) Confusion - Symptoms Of Stress, Part 9



Blog Post & Images (c) 2/19/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

Report Child Abuse

Sometimes we do not see what is right before our eyes. Maybe it is because what we need to see is so horrible that it is easier to ignore it. Perhaps, what is before us does not fit into our view of the world. Of course, if we are not aware of what it is that we see, the images could be unrecognizable before our eyes.

I remember a scene in the movie, What The Bleep, when there was a person standing on the shore of the ocean looking outward. At first, she could not see anything in the distance. Then, she could not understand that which she saw. It was not until the Native American came along and touched her awareness that she then recognized and became conscious of the ships in the ocean. They had been there the entire time but until she became consciously aware of them, they were unknown dots on the horizon.

Recently, a friend of mine had a child who was approached by a man they knew. He made a statement that could sound innocent if you weren't paying attention. But if you allowed yourself a moment to think about it and become consciously aware, it would creep anyone out. Then, if you started adding in all the other unusual behavior that you had seen by this person, a picture would form. It would clearly show that this situation was not normal and the authorities needed to be contacted.

While this friend recognized these things as being unusual, they confronted the individual directly. Of course, he had an explanation that sounded almost plausible. Yet, it had many holes in it and just did not fully add up. The child was then instructed to stay clear of this house and as far as I know, the authorities were not contacted.

Yes, I do realize that nothing actually happened and the conversation between the man and the child could be analyzed in various ways. However, there were so many red flags that were showing up. Child molesters are crafty, cunning and sneaky. They know how to get children to do things that children would not otherwise do. Maybe the person will not pursue this child any further, but these type of people are skilled at finding their prey. They should never be underestimated and forgotten under any circumstances.

In addition, if my hunch is correct, then there is a chance that other children may be in danger. Of course, no one knows for sure because the authorities have not been contacted. Other children may be experiencing horrendous acts just because everyone is staying silent. We may not want to rock the boat and interfere with the lives of people we know. We may fear them or what could happen, so we remain silent.

If children are being harmed and we stay silent, than we are as much of the problem as the perps who get away with these things. This may sound harsh, but if we don't stand up for the children and expose these perps to the light of day, who will do this? Child abuse molesters know that silence is their greatest weapon outside of the shame that they inflict on their victims.

When I was a child, I went through horrendous abuse. While there is a chance that we hid these secrets deep within our family, I can't help but think that someone saw it and questioned it. Someone out there saw the red flags and did nothing. For whatever reason, everyone that knew us, stayed silent. Oh, how I wished someone would have stood up for me because there was no way I could stand up for myself. I was a small child that was overpowered by those that molested me. I feared for my life and was powerless against my father and older brother.

If you see something taking place or you see the red flags, do not sit silently. Confronting the potential perp is a good step but it may not be enough. Contact your local authorities. Who knows, there may be other similar things being reported and your piece of the story might just form the picture required to take action and save other children.

To sit back and do nothing is inexcusable. You have to follow your intuition that has noticed those red flags. To do anything less, is closing your eyes to your own awareness and consciousness. Remember child molesters know how to prey upon children. Please do not let these perps manipulate your thinking and throw you off the trail of evidence. Our children deserve our protection. They deserve to live life in freedom, not in silence and shame.


*Read other articles on Mind Body Thoughts Blog

Adopted & Abandoned Children

All my life, I never felt like I fit in with my family. I always felt like the odd person out - the one that did not fit in, the one that didn't belong! I was so sensitive to things and saw things in a different way than my family with the one exception - my mom. She could sense, pick up on things and just know things that weren't visible to the conscious mind. I'm much the same way.

After I left home, I remember obtaining a copy of my birth certificate to see who my actual parents were. For a long time I felt like I was adopted. I felt like I had been born into the wrong family or someone switched me at birth. Really - I did! The birth certificate states my parents are the ones that gave birth to me. And of course, for a long time, I didn't believe it until others started telling me that I did resemble some of the physical features of my parents.

This may all sound odd to question and believe me, I still question it at times. Yes, I know I grew up with these people and I resemble them and I share some of the traits my mom has but in all honesty, I just don't feel like I belong to the family I was born and raised into. Maybe that is for good reason considering all I went through but it is a hard pill for me to swallow.

Several years ago, when I had went through my paralysis and was trying to piece my life back together, I received many hurtful, painful and downright evil letters from my family. It got to a point that I could not even think about going to my mailbox without having an anxiety attacks. These letters came to me for many months and were chastising and demeaning and manipulative.

Things got so bad that it came to a point where I had to just sever all ties with them. I had to totally let go and cut the ties in order for me to survive. My life was a fragile pile of pieces at that point where I was barely getting through my days. With the nightmares that haunted me every hour to the anxiety attacks that came as the wind blew to the fears that overwhelmed me, it was difficult to function. Any outside attacks on me just became more weight that piled on me as if there was no tomorrow. Many times, I wanted to give up. Many times, I tried to give up.

So my choice to stop all communication and contact with my family was out of necessity. It is a decision no one should have to make. No kid should ever have to endure what I went through either. Yet, I have struggled for years because I don't have that family connection. It is a biological connection. It is a basic connection for all humans.

Yes, I've heard many say that you can create your own family and you can make your life into what you want it to be. I know you can do this and I've done a lot of this work already. But at the same time, you cannot replace the biological family connection. It is such a basic function in our biology. Without that biological connection, you face life as if you are on your own. There is no "family" to fall back on and there is no "family" there to support you. You're not able to talk to your family much like others do. It is like a gaping hole within you that no matter what you put in there and no matter how much you try to fill it in, it is still there. It never seems to go away.

Maybe this is how children who are adopted and abandoned feel. I've known some people in my life that were literally tossed in a garbage can on the street and somehow they survived. However, you could see the deep pain of abandonment in their eyes and you could sense how out of step with the world they felt. There are so many children that are born because two adults decide to have sex but when the child comes, they could care less if it exists. The lucky ones find homes where they are loved. The unlucky ones are left to fight and struggle for their existence. And yet, we as a society turn our heads to these things as we close our eyes hoping that these type of situations just don't exist.

Writing all of this really doesn't bring any answers for myself and it really doesn't give me the comfort I need. I long for that biological connection which is now lost forever. Even if I could have it, the connection to the person that hurt me is so toxic, I would not wish a moment alone with them. I continue on in my life, trying to deal with the absence of the biological connection to my family. Maybe at some point in the future, it will lessen more but I can guarantee you that every holiday which comes around, I am reminded in very strong ways that the connection does not exist. If I ever figure out how to completely let go of this part of my life, I'll be sharing it with the world! For now, its a process that continues to unfold.

*For more articles, check out the Mind Body Thoughts Blog