Hiding The Punishment Board

When we were kids, we had this beds that had oak slats in them.  Sometimes we would jump up and down on the springs and of course, every now and then the oak slat would break.  Generally when that happened, my dad would scream and get angry.  But hey, that was nothing new.

Of course, he then figured out that the board made a nice punishment tool. In fact it was more effective than the belt he would normally use.  It didn't give in flexibility like a belt and it inflicted more pain upon us kids.

I used to hate the thing almost as much as I hated my father.  He didn't just punish us, he beat us.  Often it was for some small thing that just set him off wrong.  It didn't take much to find yourself on the wrong end of his anger.

The board was too convenient

Throughout the years, my brothers and I dealt with that stupid board.  I tried hard to be as perfect as I could be for we were not only taught that Jesus wanted you to be perfect, but any little infraction would bring punishment with great pain by my dad.  The board was just too convenient for him to use on us.

Since we moved around a lot, it was not uncommon to forget something.  Most of the homes we lived in were rentals and there was always left over junk from before we got there and long after we left.

In addition, my dad loved to collect lumber.  If he went by a railroad car with old lumber in it, he would go to great lengths to ask the right person if he could have it.  Then, we would go and pull all of this lumber out and drag it home.  Next, my brothers and I would have to pull each and every bent nail out of the boards.  We spent hours doing this every day when we got home from school.  Of course, my father never helped except to chastise us if we broke a nail off in the board or we weren't doing it fast enough or correct enough.  I hated this lumber.  I loathed him collecting it and most of the time it never got used for anything.

I was so tired of being beat with that board...

On one such move, I got smart and didn't tell my brothers or anyone the plan I had in my mind.  I was so tired of being beat with that board, that I decided to hide it.  The big stack of wood that he had collected was not going to go with us to our new home.  It was too far of a drive and not enough space in the moving truck for it, so my father donated it to some friend in church.

Without anyone looking, I quickly took the board and ran to the wood pile and hid it so it wouldn't be found.  I made sure no one saw me and if anyone walked around the lumber, it would not be seen.  It was just before we were ready to get in the moving truck and leave.

Where did the punishment board go?

When we got to the new place, my dad was perplexed at where this board had gone.  He surmised it must have been misplaced in the move or left behind, but he didn't know where it had gone.  Finally, little bit of a reprieve, but not by much because he still had his belt and his hand and his tools to punish us with.  He could still kick us too.

It was not until years later that I told the family what I had done with it.  They didn't suspect it out of me because I was always the one that tried to behave and do the right thing.  When I told them, I knew I was safe and while everyone laughed, I am sure my father probably wanted to beat the daylights out of me at that point.  I won that battle.  It was about the only battle with him I won.

I'll never forget that oak slat board he used for punishment.  I so badly wanted to use it on him and believe me, if I still had it, I probably would.  The pain we endured from those years has never left me.  It remains a constant reminder to me.

I'm just glad I was smart enough to go and hide the thing and not tell a soul.  I doubt I could have trusted anyone in the family to keep the secret which would have been a horror for me.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

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Spank Those Kids!

I've about seen enough of this in the news lately.  People often say, "spanking worked on me" and "works on my kids".  Really.  I honestly want to understand how would you know if it worked because that was the only thing ever done to you.

Granted, before you huff and puff and try to blow my house down, let me tell you that I'm a little jaded on this subject.  I got spanked and whipped and beat.  In my eyes, its hard to see the difference.  While it might have worked on me to keep me in line, it allowed me to be brainwashed into doing and saying and thinking whatever my dad wanted out of me.

You might say, "well it wasn't all that bad".  I'd have to reply, "no - not if you think abuse and molestation was okay because I was too afraid to stand up to him".  You might say, "well, you are an exception".  Unfortunately I think that logic holds little water because I believe there are a whole lot of people out there like me.

The thing is, I truly think most parents over react or that is what I see as an outsider.  I see them trying to control every move that the kid makes.  If you're a parent, you might disagree but from the outside looking in, that's what it looks like.

Then, of course when the kid doesn't do what the parenting figure wants, they make sure that kid knows what is coming and then the kid feels it.  It is almost like the parent is on autopilot and unconsciously taking their stress and anger out on the kid.

You might be ready to tell me I'm stupid and I don't know what I'm talking about and that's okay with me.  I'm just trying to get people to think a little and open their eyes up a little because I don't think this love for "spanking" is as helpful as we all want to believe it is.

I've seen the damaging effects of parents gone too far, both in myself and in others.  My favorite example is when you see a parent hitting a kid because they hit someone.  Using the same thing you are telling them that is wrong to get them to know that it is wrong.  Where is the logic in that?

I wish parents would stop and slow down at times and de-stress themselves first, before striking (opps, I mean spanking) the kids.  I wish parents would count to 10 and calm themselves down before spanking the kids.  If you insist you must do it, at least get yourself out of the emotional state first.

There are far too many kids out there that have been damaged by parents thinking they were just disciplining them because that is what they got as kids from their parents.  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see a continuation without much consciousness in this action.

Touch can lift our kids up and let them know we love them or it can destroy them.  It is up to each parent to choose which they do, but I think many parents out there need to take a chill pill.  We act like these kids today do things that we never did and yet, our parents probably said the same thing about us.  I know - I know - as we grow up, we tend to forget it.

I'm not going to tell you that spanking should not be done.  I can't say that.  I will tell you though, I believe there are other ways to interact with your kids and if you aren't actively learning those, then spanking isn't going to yield the positive result in my view.

This is just something to think about in hopes to raise the bar a little.  Its my view of course, but my view is based upon the abuse that I went through.  It has taken me forever to get beyond what was done to me and my body still feels it, even when I try to forget.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 11/8/15 by Don Shetterly

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Spanking Hurts

I see posts on social media where people claim that the discipline they went through as a child didn't harm them, so why should they do any different with their children.  They feel that spankings were a necessary part of their learning experience as children, and it should be passed on.

Unfortunately, even though I don't have kids (and I am being upfront about that), I think spanking hurts a kid more than it helps.  I think it is hurts the children long term and it sets them up for many failures in life as well as the potential to do more harm to others.

You can disagree with me all you want, but I've seen firsthand the effects of children being hit, both in myself and on others.  You may claim your version of spanking is not like what I went through, but in all reality, I don't think it matters.