Showing posts with label beating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label beating. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Hiding The Punishment Board

When we were kids, we had this beds that had oak slats in them.  Sometimes we would jump up and down on the springs and of course, every now and then the oak slat would break.  Generally when that happened, my dad would scream and get angry.  But hey, that was nothing new.

Of course, he then figured out that the board made a nice punishment tool. In fact it was more effective than the belt he would normally use.  It didn't give in flexibility like a belt and it inflicted more pain upon us kids.

I used to hate the thing almost as much as I hated my father.  He didn't just punish us, he beat us.  Often it was for some small thing that just set him off wrong.  It didn't take much to find yourself on the wrong end of his anger.

The board was too convenient

Throughout the years, my brothers and I dealt with that stupid board.  I tried hard to be as perfect as I could be for we were not only taught that Jesus wanted you to be perfect, but any little infraction would bring punishment with great pain by my dad.  The board was just too convenient for him to use on us.

Since we moved around a lot, it was not uncommon to forget something.  Most of the homes we lived in were rentals and there was always left over junk from before we got there and long after we left.

In addition, my dad loved to collect lumber.  If he went by a railroad car with old lumber in it, he would go to great lengths to ask the right person if he could have it.  Then, we would go and pull all of this lumber out and drag it home.  Next, my brothers and I would have to pull each and every bent nail out of the boards.  We spent hours doing this every day when we got home from school.  Of course, my father never helped except to chastise us if we broke a nail off in the board or we weren't doing it fast enough or correct enough.  I hated this lumber.  I loathed him collecting it and most of the time it never got used for anything.

I was so tired of being beat with that board...

On one such move, I got smart and didn't tell my brothers or anyone the plan I had in my mind.  I was so tired of being beat with that board, that I decided to hide it.  The big stack of wood that he had collected was not going to go with us to our new home.  It was too far of a drive and not enough space in the moving truck for it, so my father donated it to some friend in church.

Without anyone looking, I quickly took the board and ran to the wood pile and hid it so it wouldn't be found.  I made sure no one saw me and if anyone walked around the lumber, it would not be seen.  It was just before we were ready to get in the moving truck and leave.

Where did the punishment board go?

When we got to the new place, my dad was perplexed at where this board had gone.  He surmised it must have been misplaced in the move or left behind, but he didn't know where it had gone.  Finally, little bit of a reprieve, but not by much because he still had his belt and his hand and his tools to punish us with.  He could still kick us too.

It was not until years later that I told the family what I had done with it.  They didn't suspect it out of me because I was always the one that tried to behave and do the right thing.  When I told them, I knew I was safe and while everyone laughed, I am sure my father probably wanted to beat the daylights out of me at that point.  I won that battle.  It was about the only battle with him I won.

http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/2015/11/spank-those-kids.html

I'll never forget that oak slat board he used for punishment.  I so badly wanted to use it on him and believe me, if I still had it, I probably would.  The pain we endured from those years has never left me.  It remains a constant reminder to me.

I'm just glad I was smart enough to go and hide the thing and not tell a soul.  I doubt I could have trusted anyone in the family to keep the secret which would have been a horror for me.




Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly
  • Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
  • You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  


Friday, August 5, 2016

Hurt The Ones You Love The Most

This is one of those things that I just thought was normal.  You see, when you've been through all kinds of childhood trauma, things that you go through just seem normal.  Often, you're not even aware that this isn't the way things work in life.  This topic is one of those moments.

I saw over and over how family members hurt one another.  It was common.  It was a standard practice.  It was as common as you, the reader, taking a breath every minute.  In fact, it was so normal to hear "we often hurt the ones you love" that I just thought hurting people was a daily practice that everyone did.

It gave you the license to beat your wife and your kids.  It gave you the license to molest and rape your children.  It gave you the license to treat those in the family any way you wanted because then you could just ask God to forgive you and claim, "we hurt the ones you love the most".

The empty explanation...

That was the explanation I would often get as my little body hurt from the pain of being beat or molested or raped.  That was the explanation I would see after the rage-filled screaming fits and beatings I would see inflicted on others in the family.  I learned to accept, "we hurt the ones you love the most" as something that took place in every family.

At the same time, I constantly heard that no matter what, family would always stick together.  Unlike strangers and outsiders, no one stood behind you like family did.  We needed to be proud of our family name and by god we would love one another no matter what.  Yes, but that included all the other stuff.

They ask God to forgive them...

It was probably more recently that I started to understand just how toxic and wrong this line of thinking is.  Having a friend monitor a family member, I could see this "we hurt the ones you love the most" statement play over and over again.  Then, they will go and ask God to forgive them.  Then, they will go and ask forgiveness of those they hurt, promising to never do it again.

Yep, its okay to beat your wife, your kids.  It's okay to molest and rape your kids.  It's okay because you can just wipe it away by asking forgiveness over and over and over again.  It resets everything according to those that inflict this pain, anger, and horror on others.

When I think of these moments that I've been through, I'm numb.  My mind and body want to disconnect.  I feel a sense of rage at those that did this stuff.  I struggle to make sense of it.

It's not right to inflict pain...

If you practice this "we hurt the ones you love the most" statement, then please stop everything today and go get the help you need.  This is not right.  It is not right to beat your wife or your kids.  It is not right to molest and rape them.  It is not right to watch them cower in the corner of the room hoping to escape the blows that were fast and furious.  It is not right to inflict the emotional pain upon them through the words you lash out against them.

You don't get to use the ask God to forgive you routine.  You may think it works.  Your friends may think it works.  Your church may think it works.  However, you don't get to use it.  After all, it means nothing because you'll go right back and do it all over again.  Maybe not the same day and maybe not the next day, but I'll put money on it that it will be in the same week.

http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/2014/02/a-worthless-apology.html


It makes me sick to watch this unfold now and to know what we went through in the family.  I'm not proud of my family name.  In fact, I hate it.

Just know that if you love someone, you don't hurt them.  If you hurt them, it means you don't love them.  You can justify it all you want.  You can invoke God into it if you want, but it doesn't mean that you know the first thing about what true love is.  In fact, it means just the opposite.  So, quit trying to convince your friends, your church and those you harm that you're anything but hurt and evil and pain.

This post is written in memory of my mom for all she went through and for me attempting to take back my life from those who only saw me as someone they could harm through control, torture, and pain.




Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly
  • Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
  • You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  


Copyright




Blog Post And Images (c) 1/01/07 by Don Shetterly
  • Permission required in writing before any part of this blog is reprinted, reworded, transmitted or used in any format.
  • Feel free to share the blog post LINK and a brief summary.
  • https://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com

  • “Amazon, the Amazon logo, MYHABIT, and the MYHABIT logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”