Saturday, January 9, 2016

Wish I Could Forget Like Child Abusers Do

One of the strange and horrible things about the remnants of child abuse is something that I think affects everyone who has been molested, raped, or tortured while growing up.  It often comes to my mind that I wish I could forget like those who hurt me seemed to have already done.

It is like the molesters and abusers seem to forget that they even did anything.  It is like they put on the cloak of being a victim.  "Woe is me," they say.  "Poor me," they say.  "Look at how miserable they are making my life," the abusers say.

Yeah, like I really feel sorry for those who "F'd" up my life and cause me to struggle through many days of it.  I really feel sorry for those who forced me into a life where I had to deal with all of this and fight my way back.  I'm being sarcastic of course when I say, "I really feel sorry for them".

For them to somehow forget the nightmare blows my mind.  I mean wasn't it enough that this happened from the time I was a very small child and went until I escaped for college.  Yes, let us not forget there was that additional time the night before one of them got married. I assume that is the role of a best man for a wedding?

For them to somehow forget that nightmare not only blows my mind but is so hard for me to comprehend.  There is not a day that goes by where it has not affected me.  There is not a day that goes by that I don't remember.  As Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk said in his book, The Body Keeps The Score about those who survive trauma, you often remember too much and too little at the same time.

Often abuse survivors want to tell someone about how they were molested, raped, or tortured.  Unfortunately they are often so afraid that people wouldn't believe them or that others would think something was wrong with them.  The ones that did the stuff to me already told the world we lived in that I had been brainwashed.

I just wish I could forget like the child abusers who raped me, molested me and tortured me almost every day of my life seem to have done.

Blog Post And Images (c) 12/29/15 by Don Shetterly

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Blog Post And Images (c) 1/01/07 by Don Shetterly
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