Monday, October 10, 2011

You Should Do This

You Should Do This
One thing I find very peculiar about humans is how we think we know what is best for others and we determine it is our life's purpose to strongly let them know.  It is as if we have determined that the only thing which matters in life is to make sure they know what we think is right for their life.  Perhaps, no one even realizes just how prevalent this is and how willing of a participant we are in this scheme.  Please understand that I am not lightly suggesting an alternative to someone.

The other day I was taking a class and we were sharing as a group a little about our self.  Each person was asked to share something personal that we would not normally share.  It was designed to give of our self in a trusting manner.  The goal was for us to be real, and help others to see an authentic side of our life that maybe they could identify and learn from.  Needless to say, it was not all that easy to do and with the group being strangers, there were much needed boundaries in place.  Yet, through the exercise, we all grew pretty close together in a very short time.

Unfortunately, in this exercise, there were people that felt it was necessary to make sure those that were sharing, knew what it was that they needed to do in order to better their life.  Some of the participants were not timid in telling them what they should do and what they should not do regarding various situations.  Some were forcefully telling other participants, don't do this or don't do that.  To be very honest, it really began taking away from the moment.

Most people are searching for the answers they need and while we don't always see the entire picture of their life, they are growing and learning.  So many times, people who have only known us for a few minutes or have seen one glimpse of our life, feel that they know best and that they should share that with us.  Yet, if you think about this for a minute, does this really make sense and does it have the desired effects you think it does.  My answer is, it probably does not.

People don't want to get preached to unless they are sitting in a church pew.  People are often longing for others to just listen to them as they sort through the chaff of life.  They want to know that others out there have been through what they have, not that they are alone in life.  Just knowing that you aren't alone in some challenge can mean the world to a person as they deal with that situation.

I have read that some of the best therapy and counseling is where the individual just listens to the other person.  The power in listening and just being there is enormous because we need to verbalize or write our words in order for our thoughts to make sense.  When we verbalize or write these things, it is then that the challenge is put in perspective and solutions begin to form.  Without this step, we are doing nothing more than following a religion of should and don't, made up by others who are not walking in our shoes.

We can lift each other up into a higher and more positive energy by being there for the person to listen to them and act as their springboard to the next step.  Sometimes that person needs to go through these challenges and difficulties because it is what helps them learn the lessons in life that they are here on earth to learn.  If we try to circumvent the lessons because it pains us to see them hurt, than we are holding them back from experiencing all they are on this earth to experience.

Yes, it is hard not to fall into the trap of "you should do this" or "don't do that" but when we begin to do these things, we need to step back and ask our self the question, "why am I doing this?"  What is it that you need to learn for yourself that you may be seeing in what someone else does?  What is it that leads you down this path?  If you allow yourself to go into this moment, you will most likely be learning the lessons you are here to learn while on this earth.

Related Blog Posts
1)  Do You Truly Listen? (Aug 23, 2010)

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  1. I enjoy your blog because it is always kind, encouraging and positive. thank you.

  2. I agree, great post, keep writing! :)

    Tiago Couto






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