I feel as if I
In addition, I feel so all alone. The little things in life get magnified a thousand times. It seems there is little hope to find my way through what I am experiencing. The darkness of the difficult moments haunt my life.
My body feels worn down and bruised to the bone. It feels like I have nowhere to turn or anyone to turn to that may help me. I feel as if I have to walk alone through this part of my journey. There is no road map. There are no directions. The manual for my life cannot be found.
Once again though, I keep getting reminded that I need to release my resistance to what I am experiencing. Oh, how that sounds like something I need in my life. It sounds almost like music to my ears. With doubt and trepidation, I fully want to embrace this with a hug. Yet, all I see is a porcupine with long needles sticking out.
For me to release worry, I wonder how someone actually makes this happen. What are the secrets? What does one actually do to release worry? If only I had the answers. If only I knew what I needed to do.
I cling to all that I do not want in my life out of an overabundance of fear. Fear is all I seem to know. Fear is my currency and my wealth in life. Fear is my abundance.
Even as badly as I want to release worry in my life, I feel as if I would be cutting off the flow of sustenance to my life. It is frightening and difficult to think that a world without worry could exist. It seems like a fantasy! It does not seem real!
So the question I ask of myself today, is how do I release worry? What steps do I take? Where is the book describing this process?
All I know to do in this moment is to continue my search to understand how to release fear (opps, I mean worry. Did I just write fear?). Maybe the key is in my mistake of words. Maybe it isn't worry that I need to release but the fears I need to let go in my life.
Would that not be a shocker if fear was the root cause of my worry? Have I not heard this lesson before in my life? Have I not cursed these difficult steps in previous days? Of course, I know the answers to these questions I ask.
Maybe I just need to stop and acknowledge my fears. Maybe I need to realize my fears are very alive right now and are trying to take over my life. In fact, they are doing a very good job of it at this moment.
Then, if I can see and describe my fears, maybe I will fully recognize them when they appear. If I can recognize them, then I can begin to close the door on them, not giving them access to my life. If I stop giving them access to my life, then maybe I will begin to release the fears. As I release the fears, I will be removing the energy of worry that is paralyzing my life.
It all seems easy to accomplish. However, I know how difficult it is to identify and let go of the fears. Until I allow myself to have the courage to do this, my fears and my worry will control my life.
I know this is what I need to do, and I feel my feet shaking and my body trembling. May I find the courage to face my fears. May I find the strength within myself to stand on my shaking feet. May I have the wisdom to find my way through these difficult moments.
(Above Picture taken - (c) 10/09/10)
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