The Forgotten Reason in “13 Reasons Why”

(by Jody, Mental Health Matters)

I certainly am not one to jump on the bandwagon. I generally let it pass by watching the fickle people jumping on and off trying to chase and follow the latest trend, so it is almost to my surprise that I find myself writing about the latest craze of controversy, which happens to be the Netflix series called “13 Reasons Why?”

I am quite sure that you have either watched it or at the very least heard of it, as it has stirred up discussions from the water cooler to the media. I will admit that curiosity got the best of me and I binge watched the entire series just to see what had stirred up such fuss and dialogue.

There are hundreds of blogs and articles with varying opinions both praising and criticizing the show for its approach on the taboo topic of teen suicide and underlying subjects of rape and bullying. Being both passively and actively suicidal my entire life, and having lost people by suicide, has given me the ability to empathize with both the supporters and the critics.

To an extent, as a teenager, I was Hannah Baker as and I am sure thousands of others identify with her depth of pain in one way or another. I have had suicide attempts as a child, a teen and an adult, and the thought process with all of them was different due to what I could fully understand at each age.

As a child, it was impossible for me to comprehend the repercussions of “if you touch Grandma’s pills you will get sick and could die.” I had been to a funeral by age eight and although I had no idea of the permanence of the situation, I did know that dead meant no longer here, and as all the adults at the funeral had said, “at least she’s not suffering anymore”. If you put those two thought processes together at such a young age, you can get the basics of how I came about to my first suicide attempt.

As an adult, the rationale behind my attempt was a lot more clear and concise. I also fully understood the long term consequences of my decision and the affect it would have on certain people. It was not an irrational, spur of the moment thing that I would regret but a precise plan which would achieve the final goal of ending my suffering.

Being a teenager is a completely different ball game all together. With hormones bouncing around like a rubber ball and emotions running rampant, the thought process could vary from minute to minute. I noticed a lot of people commenting on how it was wrong of Hannah to lay the blame for her suicide completely on other people, and although I don’t agree that was the intent, I can see that view as well. I can also tell you that as a suicidal teenager, you do, in part lay the blame on other people, because that is generally what they do at that age anyway. In my eyes at the time, I blamed my molesters, my parents and a few other people that I felt should have somehow known and helped. Maybe it was not right to lay the blame with those who I felt caused my pain and suffering, but a teenage mind is far from fully developed, and often irrational, and right or wrong, that is how I saw things, as did Hannah.

I agree that this show could potentially be triggering for some people, and I am glad that more warnings have been added before each episode. I also know that curiosity often gets the best of human nature and regardless of the fact that we know it may trigger us, we still sat down and watched it. I know for me personally, sometimes it is almost a way of self-testing your strength, or the power you have or don’t have over your triggers. I knew ahead of time certain scenes would get under my skin but I pushed through, testing myself episode after episode, regardless of any trauma it may or may not leave on me. I don’t know if I will ever know if it was my curiosity or the self-destructive part of my illness that was the ultimate driving factor to me watching the show.

There is much controversy over the graphic showing of Hanna’s death and although I admit I did not expect it, it’s closer to reality than some glorified, peaceful death. There is no beauty in suicide. It is not clean and painless. We do not just drift off into sleep and quietly pass away. There is no possible way to glorify the depth of pain that one feels in order to take one’s own life, be it pre-planned or an irrational moment.

Here in Canada, the scene caused enough ruckuses that the school boards felt it necessary to send home warning letters to parents regarding the potentially triggering topics of the show, and actually included information on prevention and communication as well as hotline numbers. There is discussion about how the rape scene and cyber bullying is not properly addressed. There is conversation over the educational systems lack of support, and even questions about whether the tapes and suicide were a cry for attention.

People are enthralled in the discussion via one aspect or another, regardless of the criticism or praise, and that is the one thing that everyone seems to be forgetting. Regardless of how you feel about the show, you are now discussing and reading about topics which you may never have before. People complain that it shouldn’t take a TV series to get subjects like suicide, rape and bullying to the surface, but that is the world we live in. A musical artist dresses one way, and we have a generation of kids with pants beneath their asses. Lady Gaga says she has PTSD, and all of a sudden it is front page news. So, this show did the one thing that is perhaps the most important… it not only started the conversation, but brought it to a whole new level.


- Jody (Jody's Blog)

Read all of Jody's Columnist Posts

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Jody

Guest Blogger
Writer
Survivor, Warrior, Conqueror

Visit Jody's website at

Jodyb2016 Wordpress

  

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly and Jody

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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How Pain Is Felt In The Brain

Join Jim Fazio as he discusses "how pain is felt in the brain" with Dr. Paul Canali of Evolutionary Healing Institute.  This is part of an ongoing series of interviews Jim did with Dr. Paul Canali on chronic pain, PTSD, Healing Trauma and Unified Therapy.

Do Labels Hurt Or Help?

Many years ago when I was first recovering and beginning to come to terms with the child sexual abuse I experienced, I kept trying to find labels that applied to me.  In fact at the time, I could have used several labels.

Some of the labels that I could have put on myself included the following

• Conversion Disorder Survivor
• Depression
• Child Sexual Abuse
• Anxiety
• PTSD
• Trauma

There are probably many more that I don't recall or would have to really search for the proper label.  It is my understanding that labels for mental health and other conditions came out of the DSM or the Diagnostics And Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.  In fact, Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk talks about this in his book, The Body Keeps The Score.

(click image)

During one point of my recovery from child sexual abuse, I was struggling with porn and adult bookstores and all the 900 numbers that were around in those days.  It got to the point that one month I got my phone bill and wondered how I was ever going to pay the $600 that I owed.  Keep in mind that this was many years ago and $600 was a heck of a lot of money back then (still is today).

In addition to that, I was seeking out the anonymous sex in adult book stores and almost got arrested a couple of times but luck was on my side.  Every weekend, I would exclaim I was not going to go to these places and I would keep exclaiming that up until the point when I walked into one of the booths.

I started to use labels... but she stopped me

As I finally got the nerve up to share this with my therapist, I started to use labels like sex addict and addicted to sex and other things that I thought described me and my behavior.  She stopped me dead in my tracks and urged me to not apply the labels.  Paraphrasing her, she said that if I used the labels, then there would be a much better chance that I would try to live up to the expectations of those labels.

At the time, it seemed confusing.  I didn't see the harm, but I trusted her.  Lo and behold, years later, I understood exactly what she meant.  Where we focus our mind, that is where the body follows.  If I focused on being the label, then I had to evolve a world that fit around that label.  It was a double-edged sword because on one hand it might have been able to help me, but on the other hand it would cut through me like knife in a brawl.

Labels can help...

Labels can help.  I'm not going to deny that because sometimes you need the starting point.  However, if you take the label and put it on as one of your most comfy shirts to wear, then you're entering the danger zone of needing to evolve a world based upon that label.

I'm not sure the DSM helped anyone with mental disorders, but it gave those that help people suffering from mental health issues a way to communicate.  It gave insurance companies a way to bill and classify the problems many face.  Is that helpful?  I'm not sure I am qualified to say.  I can see the pitfalls and dangers of the labels.  I can also see the necessity for this practice.

My final thought in labels hurting or helping you is that be careful with them.  In the early days of recovery and healing, labels can give you stilts to walk through some of the muck.  However, if you're not careful, the stilts begin to swell up from the moisture and soon they will not be lifting you above the muck.

Find ways that use the labels effectively, but not that they hold you back.  So much of this is unconscious and so sometimes it is hard to see that we are doing it.  Just be aware of it and look for ways that the labels become something that you needed, not what you have become.  All of us that have been wounded in life are much more than what was done to us.  Let us honor that part of ourselves.  Let us honor the part that survived and is now making it in life.

If you would like to read more about my own story, check this blog post out 

• Hope And Possibility Through Trauma (click to read)

What's your thoughts?

1. How do you use labels?
2. Do labels hurt or help you?

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Flashbacks Of Trauma

If you've been through traumatic experiences in your life, then what I'm writing here probably will not be anything new.  Flashbacks are not fun.  Flashbacks suck.  Flashbacks pop up in life when you least expect them and they try hard to kick your butt.

I have personally done a lot of work to get past this stuff, but every now and then when certain triggers of life hit, they come on like the rushing water of a flooding river that just burst through a dam.

For a long time, purple was the color that left me hiding and whimpering in the corner.  It took years to fully understand what the purple represented and when I did, I almost put my fist through my front door.  Yes, the memory was horrible.

There were times that I got flashbacks of pains in my body such as a swollen face in the middle of the night.  It would actually feel like someone had just hit me.  It would swell up so much that I would have to take medications and put ice on it to get the swelling to go down.  This would happen in the middle of the night when I was asleep.

Silence Trauma and Abuse

It's too easy to live in a society and civilization where we just don't talk about it.  You know - "it"!  We all know trauma and abuse happens, but it becomes far too easy to talk about the football game, the latest political threat we see, or some celebrity news gossip of the day.

Of course, I know we can't go around and talk about trauma and abuse every day.  Our world would really suck if we did.  Please don't think that's what I am referring to when I say we silence trauma and abuse.

This quote by Bessel Van der Kolk, M.D. sums it up very well.

We don’t really want to know what soldiers go through in combat. We do not really want to know how many children are being molested and abused in our own society or how many couples— almost a third, as it turns out— engage in violence at some point during their relationship. We want to think of families as safe havens in a heartless world and of our own country as populated by enlightened, civilized people. We prefer to believe that cruelty occurs only in faraway places like Darfur or the Congo. It is hard enough for observers to bear witness to pain. Is it any wonder, then, that the traumatized individuals themselves cannot tolerate remembering it and that they often resort to using drugs, alcohol, or self-mutilation to block out their unbearable knowledge? - Bessel Van der Kolk, The Body Keeps The Score:  Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing Of Trauma.

We care about soldiers when they return home, but we turn our back on them in the days that follow.  As soon as their nightmares filled with demons begin to exhibit themselves, we turn to our own happy places.  We fail to see the anguish they go through and how difficult it is for them to deal with PTSD.  We long to help, but we don't know how.  We long to make things better for them, but we distance ourselves from their hidden pain and suffering.

Fear Of Surrender Holding Hands

There I was, sitting in the room and all of the sudden... thump da thump da thump goes the music.  Its the sound that immediately takes me back to a moment in my past that is so hard to manage.  Much like a war vet suffering from PTSD, a startling noise resembling a bomb can set them off and so it is with me.  The loud base sound of music is my startling noise.  It is a trigger. 

I've come a long ways in healing on this issue.  In fact, I can now tolerate for many minutes, a car sitting next to me with their base sound so loud it vibrates everything within 100 feet.  I've come a long ways in my healing, where I can now allow my hand to be held or hold hands with my partner.

For a long time, holding hands was something I would not do.  It was frightening and scary.  It was as if it was my startling noise where I was being pinned down on the bed and raped as a thirteen year old boy.  No matter how much I wanted that feeling of holding hands and that shared moment with my partner, I just couldn't get over the fear.  I was so triggered by it.

Unified Therapy Seminar 2012

What:  3 Day Seminar For Health Professionals
When:  June 23-25
Where: Miami, FL (Biltmore Hotel)
Info:  305-667-8174

Unified Therapy(TM) is a revolutionary treatment approach which access innate self-regulating mechanisms.  A new direction for healing many chronic conditions including PTSD, anxiety, and pain.

This seminar is taught by Dr. Paul Canali of Evolutionary Healing Institute.  He has helped change my life in many ways and this is the work and understand that I am learning.  It is not about teaching a system as much as it is teaching concepts that anyone can use and that really help the person heal from the inside out.  

Gavin the ATF Explosive Canine Traumatized

On one episode of the Dog Whisperer, there was a story about a dog named Gavin. For 5 years, Gavin had been an ATF Explosive Canine or otherwise known as a bomb searching dog.

These dogs go in and detect the bombs, than sit down in such a way that the handler knows they have found something. The dogs are trained to not disturb what they find so that if it is a bomb, it will not go off.

Gavin and his handler went to Iraq always doing what was asked of him. When bombs were going off around them, he would freeze and quiver and shake just as his handler would do as well.

After Gavin returned from Iraq, the area he was living in experienced two major hurricanes, Katrina and Wilma. At the time, his handler was away on an assignment but Gavin was in the house. The windows were shaking and rattling which caused Gavin to go from room to room hiding. It was hard for them to get Gavin to eat and he was suffering from a canine form of PTSD.

After the hurricane, they could not get Gavin to come back inside the house and they literally had to drag him inside. During a 4th of July part, Gavin got so scared of the fireworks and found his way into a neighbor's bathroom shower stall to hide. They found him quivering and to frozen in fear and panic to come outside. After the incident with the fireworks, almost any type of sound would cause Gavin to hide and quiver and shake.

Ceaser Milan, the Dog Whisperer from that National Geographic channel was called in to help Gavin. The entire saga and episode was very interesting to watch because much of what Ceaser did with Gavin centers around the same concepts that Dr. Canali is teaching and working with others about trauma. Trauma, PTSD, panic attacks, and many other things usually find a home in the body through some form of traumatic experience or an ongoing buildup of stress.

Our bodies are designed to handle great deals of stress but when the nervous system is overloaded so dramatically in a moment or for a long period of time, the body and the mind changes. The switch gets flipped and soon a normal human being is acting in ways that are not related to the current circumstances. It is like the person becomes something they are not and which does not make sense.

Many have been traumatized in some way throughout our life. Some of us have experienced more than others but the net effect is still the same on the body. It impacts the body in very physical ways. If we allow this to continue in our life, it alters who we really are and are meant to be. If we use these things to transform ourselves, than we have the ability to do great things and to evolve ourselves in awareness and consciousness.

At one time, I thought trauma and child abuse were life sentences. However, I learned through the paralysis and conversion disorder I suffered from, that with time, healing and courageous work, I could move beyond these things. Yes, these horrible moments from my past do still affect me from time to time but I have learned that as I use the after affects to my benefit, that much greater things can arise.

No longer do I need to be on medications for anxiety, depression, migraines, nervous stomach, allergies and many other things. No longer do I need to live in constant fear of the fears that surrounded my life. No longer do I need to allow these things to pull me under and hold me back from living the life I was meant to live. Yet, at one time, the trauma I experienced did seem like a life sentence that I would never live beyond.

Much like Gavin, there was a switch flipped in my mind and much like this ATF dog, I was able to go in and heal myself physically. The healing does not just happen in the mind. It has to happen from inside the body, outward. The brain and mind is only a part of the equation. The rest of the equation happens in the body because the cells remember what happened even when the mind struggles to piece things together. In other words, there are issues in the tissues. Until the body is engaged in the healing process, the fears will still be a haunting force and true peace will only be a hopeful dream.


To Learn More About Gavin on The Dog Whisperer, click here

Learn About Dr. Paul Canali at Evolutionary Healing, click here

Read My Story, Hope And Possibility Through Trauma, click here




Blog Post & Images (c) 2/6/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

Trauma and the Stress Response

According to the article, "The Biological Response to Psychic Trauma", through arousal, the body responds to increased phsyical or psychological demands by releasing norepinephrine (NE) and adrenorcorticotrophin (ACTH). Both of these hormones play a major role in the release of corticotrophin releasing factor (CRF). The hypothalamus also secretes throxin releasing hormone (TRH) which activates the secretion of Thyroid Stimulating Hormone, CRF and vasopressin.

Of course, I could keep going on and on with all the hormones that are released because of the arousal process by the body to some stimuli of fear. But as you can see and if you read the article in detail, there is a lot that happens when we are introduced to something that brings the fear up in us. It is biological and is just not all in your head.

As the article goes on to state, these hormones help the body mobilize the energy it needs to deal with the stimuli or fear that it is receiving. Biological functions such as increased glucose release to power the cells to increasing the immune function of the body as a way of protecting us when under stress, all occur in these situations. In a well functioning body, stress produces rapid responses of hormones but if chronic stress persists all the time, than the response to stress is less than effective. Prolonged durations of chronic stress desensitize the body and hormones are not secreted or produced in the levels they are needed nor at the pace which they are needed.

Here are some findings from the article about PTSD and Hormone Levels

Abnormalities of the these hormone systems in the body are often found in patients with PTSD.

Increased 24 hour norepinephrine and epinephrine secretions with PTSD veterans compared to patients with other psychiatric diagnoses.

One study showed blunted ACTH response to CRH stimulation

Found that the severity of PTSD was directly related to baseline cortisol level.

Prolonged duration of stress is not just a function of the hormones that are released but the capacity of the individual to deal with the stress and manage arousal.

Severe chronic stress in animals results in a physiological state which resembles dependence on high levels of exogenous opioids.

Because fear activates the opioid peptides, the body can become conditioned to future stressors and to events that would normally not be considered stressful - psychic numbing.

Because of psychic numbing, there is a correlation between PTSD (trauma) and self mutilation. People who engage in self mutilation often have a history of severe childhood trauma.

One of the hallmarks of PTSD is the intrusive re-experiencing of elements of the trauma in nightmares, flashbacks or somatic reactions which seem to be triggered by autonomic arousal.

Chronic sleep problems are often found in people with PTSD due to chronic hyperarousal. Studies have shown increased sleep latency, more awakening, less total sleep time and less REM time.

In a study, it was found that post traumatic nightmares occur during any stage of the sleep cycle and most tend to occur during 2 and 3 am during Stage 2 or Stage 3 sleep (possibly during the transition to REM sleep). When a patient reported the nightmares during stage 2 or 3, it was the exact reliving of the traumatic experiences but if it was in REM, the nightmares were more likely anxiety filled dreams.

Traumatic experiences have demonstrated an increase in symptoms of respiratory, digestive, cardiovascular and endocrine systems in people with PTSD.

As you can see, this is just the tip of the iceberg in the research that has been done with respect to trauma and PTSD. If any of what I have quoted in this blog post interests you, I would urge you to read the entire article referenced below. Bessel Van Der Kolk and his associates and colleagues are some of the pioneers in how trauma affects the body in biological ways. This isn't pie in the sky concepts. It is real and anyone who has been through trauma knows just how real it is.

We are very much influenced and impacted by events in our past or by repeated durations of chronic stress. Yes, there are varying degrees to these different stressors but they affect us biologically. All too often, we go through our lives trying to run from them and trying not to acknowledge these things. That is understandable because it is not an easy thing to deal with past trauma and heal from it. It takes work and it takes the safety and support of those who understand how to help an individual heal. It takes a great deal of patience both for the person who is traumatized and the support network working with that person.

However, if traumatized people continue to avoid their past, it will catch up to them in some way. Whether it is through a medical condition of a body that is so overwhelmed or whether it is through some form of acting out that brings you front and center with a past you are trying to forget, trauma will catch up with you. Those who have been through trauma, understand this from a very instinctual level but often they have learned to cover the trauma up, avoid it and act as if everything is ok. All the time though, these traumatized individuals know that this is far from the truth.

It is important to note, that traumatized people need to know is that whatever they have gone through in their lives, they are not alone. Others have walked in those same shoes and are healing in astounding ways from it. There is hope. Yes, healing can be difficult but the other side of it can be so beautiful and provide so much more joy to life than most can ever imagine.

While you may not understand what you need to do in order to heal from it, the first step is beginning to acknowledge that something happened and that you need to begin the process. The process will unfold as it needs to, if you allow it to and if you find a person that is safe, trustworthy and fully understands the path which you walk. You don't have to know all the answers and you don't have to heal it all in the shortest amount of time possible, but in order to heal, you have to take the step into the unknown. When you take the step, you will be surprised and amazed at all there is out there for you and for your life.

Source Of Information:
Reference: http://www.cirp.org/library/psych/vanderkolk2/
Anxiety Research (U.K.), Volume 4: Pages 199-212
The Biological Response to Psychic Trauma: Mechanisms and Treatment Of Intrusion and Numbing



*For more articles, check out the Mind Body Thoughts Blog

Startle Reflex

How many times have you been sitting there minding your own business when some sound brings you up out of your chair? Or maybe some quick movement past you stops you dead in your tracks. Even a sound such as an explosion or fireworks or a moment in a song could ignite something deep within you. It could be a flash of light or about anything but whatever it is, you stop and try to determine what is going on.


What Is The Startle Reflex / Startle Response
The startle reflex is something everyone knows about. We've all felt it at one time or another. It is the response of our mind and our body from a sudden unexpected stimulus. It could be a sound, a flash of light, some event, a touch or a quick movement around us. There are many ways we are startled.

When started, our bodies go through many physical changes including contraction of muscles of the arm and leg, blinking, increase in blood pressure, respiration and breathing rate. While the muscles contraction responses generally resolve themselves in a matter of seconds, it often takes our breathing, respiration and blood pressure much more time to normalize.

Startle Response and PTSD
If there is an exaggerated startle response, it is called hyperplexia and is often seen in people with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).

Startle Response Video
Here's a great video depicting what happens in a person when a startle response is encountered. The video is about self protection but the beginning of it really shows in a simplistic way, just what the startle response does.

Startle Response from James Marwood on Vimeo.

My Startle Reflex Experience
One of the things I am learning through the Evolutionary Healing Institute with Dr. Paul Canali is just how important the "startle reflex" is to the healing of trauma. Through pendulation of the autonomic nervous system, one is able to begin moving through trauma that is stored in the body without becoming overwhelmed and shutting down. The startle reflex is one of the ways used to do this because the startle reflex kicks the system up into sympathetic mode and once dissipation has been allowed to complete, the body can then come back down into a more relaxed or resting mode (parasympathetic). By doing short bursts of stimulation and rest, the person is able to move through much more than if they were just brought into the trauma stimulus full force. Of course, it greatly helps the person going through this to be safely supported by someone that is able to be there in a grounded way without judgment.

One good way to measure the state of the nervous system is by use of a pulse meter. I use the one pictured to the left. There are times that a person feels one way but when you measure the pulse, you can quickly see if the person is in sympathetic or parasympathetic mode. If the pulse is going high and not dropping down, you are still in sympathetic and there is still arousal or stimuli within the body. Until that arousal or stimuli is released, the body will not be able to go completely into parasympathetic mode. This of course may not happen all at once and may take time to go further and further into it. With the pulse meter, there is no guess work as to what is going on in the body. The pulse of the body is real where what one may experience may not be truly what is going on.



Other Sources of Information

1) Wikipedia - Startle Reaction

2) Evolutionary Healing Institute: Autonomic Nervous System

3) US National Library Of Medicine - National Institutes Of Health: Fear Appears Fast

4) How Stuff Works: Startle Response

5) Trauma, Biology And Hyperarousal

6) Hope And Possibility Through Trauma

*For more articles, check out the Mind Body Thoughts Blog

Body Memory And Trauma - Part 3 of 3

Note: This is Part 3 of 3. Please click here for PART 1, and Part 2 to read this in sequence.


As I write this, I can feel the intense anger, pain, hurt, betrayal and heat in my body. It is as if I want to lash out and hit a punching bag. I want to scream out at this moment and just go, “Stop – I’ve had enough! What part of that don’t you understand?” Yet, the words seem to have no influence or power for me. They seem to be merely sound uttered with no result.

Part of the entire ordeal lately has left me not wanting to be physically close to anyone (not even myself). Imagine going through the roughest moment of your life and then repeating it every day. If you can picture yourself not wanting to be connected with relationships or others, than you’re beginning to get the picture. How I didn’t just give up during this time, I do not understand. This is far more than any person should ever have to face in their life and recover through.

So as the day wore on, I grew tired and the body memories came at me with a full force of vengeance. They would not let up and so I knew I had to find a way to help move through this. I decided to take a bath that night with some sea salt and peppermint essential oil that I had. It just seemed like the thing to do. The warm water felt soothing to me, and so I just soaked in the tub for some time while trying to notice how my breath felt in the water. I could sense my body move in the water as my breath went in and went out. Each inhalation and exhalation was a safe and comforting feeling to me. As I continued to soak in the warm water, I just kept connecting myself to my breath, and I could feel tiny little trembling in my arms as they were submerged. I knew that the trembling was connected to my nervous system discharging stored up energy as it looked for a way out. I stayed with my breath until I was able to extend the inhalations and exhalations, trying to allow the issues I was facing an opportunity to exit. As I stayed with this, I noticed that a lot of the tension in my body had dissipated and there was a greater calmness to my body. At that point, I just felt much more relaxed than I had all day long.

As I went to bed that night, I laid down wondering what the night was going to be like. Up until that point, I had several weeks of very little sleep and the exhaustion was wearing on me very hard. Little did I realize just how powerful my bath had been, for when I laid down to sleep, my eyes went shut easily and I think I slept the entire night without waking up once. It was the first night in many where I actually could sleep.

Waking up the next morning, I still felt somewhat tired but felt more refreshed than I had in quite some time. My body felt more relaxed and a lot less tense. Throughout the day, I noticed that the itching on my skin had dramatically reduced and overall I felt much more at peace. It was then that I realized something had shifted in me. I began to understand at that moment that the Yoga had just pushed the fears and sympathetic nervous system up into arousal, but the bath and breathing had allowed the full pendulation of my nervous system into the parasympathetic mode so that my body could heal itself and nourish itself in the way that it needed to. This was the resolution to what got kicked up in Yoga.

My next Yoga class was with a different instructor that was very low level, and while my body needed the relaxation, I wish it would have been kicked up a little than given more rest. However, the Yoga class did allow me to focus more in on my body and my breath, which of course helped take me deeper into the healing that was going on.

Tonight was my next Yoga class with the main instructor I usually go to. It is a respectful, honoring state of Yoga that we practice. The instructor is good about inviting us to do as much as we can, while listening to our bodies and remembering to breathe. Before Yoga, my resting pulse rate was again in the low to mid 90’s. However after Yoga, I once again used the Finger Pulse Meter to check my pulse and surprisingly it was 54. That is one of the lowest readings I have ever had since I’ve been checking it.

My body feels at peace tonight and not as tense. I can feel the shift and I can feel like maybe it is ok to once again inhabit my body. There are still the body issues and memories that are surfacing but for now, I’ve just chipped a major chunk away from them. The itching and pain is not completely gone but it is not as intense as it has been.

This is the holiday season and it usually pushes things up for me, so I am trying hard to take care of myself and give myself things that will help reregulate my nervous system. While the body issues are still there, they have greatly subsided since that major shift in me. For the first time since they flared up several weeks ago, I feel like maybe it is true, that this too shall pass and that I will once again regain my power over my body. Part of me says that this is still a dream but deep down, I know it is possible and hold that intention along with my courage and strength to continue on through another day.



NOTE: Due to the length of the article, this is the end of Part 3 of 3.





Definitions:
1. Somatoform Disorder/Body Memory: The presence of physical symptoms that suggest there is a underlying medical condition, when in fact the situation cannot be explained. These situations most likely represent an unconscious reaction of psychological situations and show up as a medical condition with or without any physical manifestation.

2. Body Memory (Somatic Memory): Sensations in the body that often link to some portion or aspect of trauma that the individual has been through. Body memories may occur in many ways.

Definition Source: http://www.sidran.org/

Body Memory And Trauma - Part 2 of 3

Note: This is Part 2 of 3. Please click here PART 1, to read this in sequence.


Over the past few weeks, I had been diligent about going to Yoga. I knew that this would help resolve the issues that I was facing. To remember some things that I have recently been taught has helped me to stay grounded in my life. One such concept is Pendulation. Pendulation of the autonomic nervous system between the sympathetic and parasympathetic allows us to communicate through the language of the subconscious. It is through this communication that allows the amygdale (low brain) and the prefrontal cortex (high brain) to resolve their differences. Yoga is one way that does this, by connecting the mind and body through breath and movement to help us become more conscious and aware while giving us the power to heal our bodies. Our bodies know exactly what they need to heal, but often our fears and misperceptions get in the way of allowing them to do as they need to. We are often our own worst enemy. Pendulation of the autonomic nervous system is a natural healing process to our bodies that can be accessed if we know how to go in and do this.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to Yoga even though my body did not feel like it. Life had gotten very intense for me, and I found myself just trying to hang on in spite of all the body memories coming up. That night in Yoga, we went through some pretty intense moves that I had never experienced before. Most of the moves that were involving the hip/pelvic region were extremely difficult, challenging, and almost to the point of being too painful. However, I allowed myself to go as far as I could knowing that if I honored and respected my body as I pushed into the pain, that there would be the possibility of freedom on the other side. I was not expecting miracles or anything spectacular but I was allowing myself the opportunity of staying in the moment.

Before Yoga, I had taken my pulse and saw that it was in the mid to high 90’s, which is high, but lately that is where my pulse seemed to find a resting state. Through the use of the Finger Pulse Oximeter OctiveTech 300PRO, I have been monitoring my pulse in hopes of understanding my body to a greater degree, and helping move myself to a higher state of calmness, awareness, and healing. After this particular Yoga session, I checked my pulse and it was actually at 112. It had gone up instead of coming down, and this was even directly at the end of final relaxation time. I felt the agitation in my body and so it was no surprise to me. I could have panicked but I realize that this is evidence that my autonomic nervous system had been kicked up into arousal (the fear state) and so I just allowed myself to be there. It wasn’t easy, because I was discouraged that it had gone up instead of down, but I knew deep within me how the principles of the nervous system work, and that helped me to just allow myself to stay in this state.

That night, I could barely sleep. I was beyond restless and could not find a way to stay calm or still or even find a moment’s peace. I tossed and turned that entire night as I watched the clock tick by like no other night ever in my life. I have had some pretty rough nights throughout my life, but this one was intense. The body pains would come and go; the itching would get intense and then go away as quickly as it came on this particular night. I tried so hard to shut my eyes, but the fears of a predator trying to hunt me down were as big as the tallest building in the world. It seemed like the room was over a thousand degrees and I wished for more air just to breathe. The darkness seemed like a blanket that was smothering me as the predator continued his hunt. I wanted to hide in the blanket, but the room was too hot. The only thing that I took solace in was that soon it would be morning and the daylight would fill the room. For as I had been finding out, daylight was my friend in order for me to get anything close to the resemblance of sleep. The predator and the fears did not like the daytime hours and the daylight.

Morning came and I finally was able to fall asleep. I felt much safer because the predator had once again hidden. The predator never comes out during the day, but if he is going to show up, it will be at night. I slept as long as I could but soon it became necessary for me to arise and go about my day. The last thing I wanted was to face the world or anyone in any way. I did not even want to face myself. I pretty much hated every part of myself at that moment.



NOTE: Due to the length of the article, this is the end of Part 2. Please come back tomorrow for Part 3.

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Definitions:
1. Somatoform Disorder/Body Memory: The presence of physical symptoms that suggest there is a underlying medical condition, when in fact the situation cannot be explained. These situations most likely represent an unconscious reaction of psychological situations and show up as a medical condition with or without any physical manifestation.

2. Body Memory (Somatic Memory): Sensations in the body that often link to some portion or aspect of trauma that the individual has been through. Body memories may occur in many ways.

Definition Source: http://www.sidran.org/

Body Memory And Trauma - Part 1 of 3

(For a licensed print ready version, click here)

Over the past several weeks, I have been experiencing “body memories” (somatic memory). This is not the first time I have been through these things and as usual, they are difficult to go through. Anyone that has been through them, knows exactly what I’m talking about. This time, it has been something totally different for me. Most of it involves intense itching all over my skin (itchy skin) and especially in the groin region. Sorry, but that’s as informative as I’m going to be because it isn’t easy to talk about. However, this is not all-the-time itching, but it just happens when you’re least expecting it and when there is no apparent reason for it. It comes and goes almost as quickly as rain starts and stops.

More importantly, there are moments when the pain starts in (not to be confused with the itching) and the pain gets so intense, I just want to cry and scream out. Keep in mind that this is not pain from some injury or other physical abnormality. If you viewed my skin and my body, you would see nothing that would lend itself to these types of reactions. However, they feel as real as if some pain or some condition was being inflicted upon my body in that moment.

These moments have seemed to focus more on the night time hours than the daytime, yet sometimes the time of day makes no difference. Usually, when these times hit, my anxiety level is through the roof and it feels as if it is 1000 degrees in the room, when the temperature is actually on the chilly side. In addition, there is a feeling of despair and anger that accompanies these times that is unexplainable. No, it is not because of the body issues going on, although that adds to it. These are things that seem to appear as entities with their own existence.

I’ve had several nights when I was awakened from a deep sleep with itching that would make me want to remove every body part I could. Fortunately a knife was not in close proximity. The pain would start coming from somewhere deep within me and pushing me to the brink of feeling like I could not take any more. It left me tired from the nights of hardly any sleep while I would struggle to shut my eyes. Even though I was tired, my eyes would almost have to be forced to close so I could sleep. It was as if they were watching out for a predator that was hunting me down.

While this may sound intense, it has gone on for several weeks. At the moment, the duration feels like an eternity. It has pushed me to the point of really wondering whether I wanted to keep going at times. Between the lack of sleep, exhaustion and the physical realities, it seemed as if there was no way through this. Even though I’ve been through body memories in the past, it still does not prepare you for when you come up against new ones. There is nothing that I have found to this point that puts me in control. It is as if this entity must run its course, and I have no say in it.

While I know that these things will pass and that there is more going on which is trying to find a place of resolution, it still takes determination, courage and strength. The body sometimes plays these past events in a continuous flow until it finds an exit route. No matter what, until these things are released from the body in such a way that the past events no longer loop in a continuous circuit, they will continue. That does not mean that we are able to get through these events in some easy fix it event, but that they often take time. Many of these body memories are well rooted and fixed within our bodies, our minds and our consciousness. So to take them on, a small piece of them is sometimes all we can handle at any one given moment. As long as we allow ourselves to go into these things and be with them, we are taking back the power from them and giving ourselves the much needed power we so deserve. It isn’t about just releasing some emotions or bringing emotions up, but it is about chipping away at these body memories one piece at a time. These are the things I remind myself of right now as I progress through these difficult times.



NOTE: Due to the length of the article, this is the end of Part 1. For Part 2 of 3, click here Part 2

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Definitions:
1. Somatoform Disorder/Body Memory: The presence of physical symptoms that suggest there is a underlying medical condition, when in fact the situation cannot be explained. These situations most likely represent an unconscious reaction of psychological situations and show up as a medical condition with or without any physical manifestation.

2. Body Memory (Somatic Memory): Sensations in the body that often link to some portion or aspect of trauma that the individual has been through. Body memories may occur in many ways.

Definition Source: http://www.sidran.org/

Post-traumatic stress may harm kids' brains

This is an excellent article from CNN.com about a study led by Dr. Victor Carrion and the senior author was Dr. Allan Reiss, both at the Center for Interdisciplinary Brain Sciences Research at Stanford University School Of Medicine.


Article Link: Post-Traumatic Stress May Harm Kids' brains