Note: This is Part 2 of 3. Please click here PART 1, to read this in sequence.
Over the past few weeks, I had been diligent about going to Yoga. I knew that this would help resolve the issues that I was facing. To remember some things that I have recently been taught has helped me to stay grounded in my life. One such concept is Pendulation. Pendulation of the autonomic nervous system between the sympathetic and parasympathetic allows us to communicate through the language of the subconscious. It is through this communication that allows the amygdale (low brain) and the prefrontal cortex (high brain) to resolve their differences. Yoga is one way that does this, by connecting the mind and body through breath and movement to help us become more conscious and aware while giving us the power to heal our bodies. Our bodies know exactly what they need to heal, but often our fears and misperceptions get in the way of allowing them to do as they need to. We are often our own worst enemy. Pendulation of the autonomic nervous system is a natural healing process to our bodies that can be accessed if we know how to go in and do this.
A couple of weeks ago, I went to Yoga even though my body did not feel like it. Life had gotten very intense for me, and I found myself just trying to hang on in spite of all the body memories coming up. That night in Yoga, we went through some pretty intense moves that I had never experienced before. Most of the moves that were involving the hip/pelvic region were extremely difficult, challenging, and almost to the point of being too painful. However, I allowed myself to go as far as I could knowing that if I honored and respected my body as I pushed into the pain, that there would be the possibility of freedom on the other side. I was not expecting miracles or anything spectacular but I was allowing myself the opportunity of staying in the moment.
Before Yoga, I had taken my pulse and saw that it was in the mid to high 90’s, which is high, but lately that is where my pulse seemed to find a resting state. Through the use of the Finger Pulse Oximeter OctiveTech 300PRO, I have been monitoring my pulse in hopes of understanding my body to a greater degree, and helping move myself to a higher state of calmness, awareness, and healing. After this particular Yoga session, I checked my pulse and it was actually at 112. It had gone up instead of coming down, and this was even directly at the end of final relaxation time. I felt the agitation in my body and so it was no surprise to me. I could have panicked but I realize that this is evidence that my autonomic nervous system had been kicked up into arousal (the fear state) and so I just allowed myself to be there. It wasn’t easy, because I was discouraged that it had gone up instead of down, but I knew deep within me how the principles of the nervous system work, and that helped me to just allow myself to stay in this state.
That night, I could barely sleep. I was beyond restless and could not find a way to stay calm or still or even find a moment’s peace. I tossed and turned that entire night as I watched the clock tick by like no other night ever in my life. I have had some pretty rough nights throughout my life, but this one was intense. The body pains would come and go; the itching would get intense and then go away as quickly as it came on this particular night. I tried so hard to shut my eyes, but the fears of a predator trying to hunt me down were as big as the tallest building in the world. It seemed like the room was over a thousand degrees and I wished for more air just to breathe. The darkness seemed like a blanket that was smothering me as the predator continued his hunt. I wanted to hide in the blanket, but the room was too hot. The only thing that I took solace in was that soon it would be morning and the daylight would fill the room. For as I had been finding out, daylight was my friend in order for me to get anything close to the resemblance of sleep. The predator and the fears did not like the daytime hours and the daylight.
Morning came and I finally was able to fall asleep. I felt much safer because the predator had once again hidden. The predator never comes out during the day, but if he is going to show up, it will be at night. I slept as long as I could but soon it became necessary for me to arise and go about my day. The last thing I wanted was to face the world or anyone in any way. I did not even want to face myself. I pretty much hated every part of myself at that moment.
NOTE: Due to the length of the article, this is the end of Part 2. Please come back tomorrow for Part 3.
1. Somatoform Disorder/Body Memory: The presence of physical symptoms that suggest there is a underlying medical condition, when in fact the situation cannot be explained. These situations most likely represent an unconscious reaction of psychological situations and show up as a medical condition with or without any physical manifestation.
2. Body Memory (Somatic Memory): Sensations in the body that often link to some portion or aspect of trauma that the individual has been through. Body memories may occur in many ways.
Definition Source: http://www.sidran.org/