Don Was Paralyzed From A Conversion Disorder

Suffering from a somatoform disorder in 1991 (also known as a conversion disorder), Don Shetterly was paralyzed and not able to walk or take care of himself. Traumatic moments of child abuse he lived through from an early age had finally caught up with him. At age 26, Don was (read more)

Battle With Conversion Disorder

I know first hand what it means to battle with a Conversion Disorder. When I went through this experience in 1991, I was not sure at age 26, whether I would ever walk again or be normal again. In those moments, I was not even sure if I would be alive to see another day.

Of course for me, I found healing and recovery. If you saw me today, you would never guess that I was paralyzed, barely able to speak, not able to feel anything and my brain was nearing complete shut down. I still notice the effects but they are minimal and I am able to live my life without them impacting it.

The real part of all of this is that I found a way to heal and recover. Many people don't find that because the knowledge of what is going on does not exist to much degree and if someone does know that this is happening, usually treatment is a hit and miss nightmare.

I want to introduce you to another blog of someone who is trying to get the word out there on Conversion Disorders and her experience with it. When I went through this in 1991, there were no resources. In fact, I've gone years without being able to connect with anyone that has these experiences. I'm sure there are many more people out there who suffer from this, but often they are hidden from view.

Please go and check this blog out called "just me"

My heart goes out to anyone suffering through this or who has gone through it. However, I will tell you without a doubt that I know there is healing from this. There is a life beyond this! Keep holding on to hope!

Please feel free to contact me via email if you want and I'll be more than happy to talk about what my experiences were and how I came through it. I'm actually a massage therapist now and specializing in trying to help people who have been through traumatic experiences or conversion disorders. Thanks to the healing by Dr. Paul Canali of Miami, I've begun to learn what he has done with me and my hope is that I can help others in a very deep, profound way to heal.

One final note - the picture in this blog is of me in the early stages of the conversion disorder. It was taken on a good day and at a good time when I was alert. Please do not be mistaken by this picture because most of the experience was much more difficult than can be shown in this picture.

And come back tomorrow for a link to a video about one person's journey through a Conversion Disorder. It is a must see video!


Further Reading:
1) Recovery From A Conversion Disorder (Blog Post July 11, 2011)
2) Hope And Possibility Through Trauma (My Book on Amazon)
3) DonShetterly.com (more info on Don and his work)




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Blog Post & Images (c) 7/25/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

If any part of this post is used or shared, a link back to this site is required.
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/
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Conversion (Somatoform) Disorder

If you read my book or some of the blog entries I have posted about, you will quickly see that I personally suffered from a conversion disorder. There are many names for it which include hysterical paralysis or a more common term of somatoform disorder. For me, the situation turned into complete paralysis with loss of speech, feeling, sensitivity and brain function including seizures.

At the time, I did not think there was any way through this and it seemed hopeless. I experienced the seizures and a feeling of being so tired that I could barely stay awake for any length of time. Test after test was done and at first they diagnosed it as MS (Multiple Sclerosis). Imagine being 26 years old and told you have MS. I was not prepared to hear that and I'm sure no one is every prepared to deal with the trauma that a diagnosis such as Multiple Sclerosis. In those days, there was no internet and so even though I knew very little about MS, I knew it was not good.

As with most episodes of a conversion disorder (somatoform disorder), there is usually some underlying trauma and then when a certain trigger or switch is thrown, the two events collide to bring about conditions which are not easily diagnosed. I often explain it to people that it is like an electrical circuit in a house. If you start putting to many items on a circuit and then turn start turning them on, at some point they will flip the breaker. The same thing happens to our body where we continue to put one stress and trauma on after another. It builds up and something in the body ends up breaking or giving way to a shut down. The nervous system if not properly tuned up can only handle so much before it says - that's it - I'm outta here!

Unfortunately, all too often somatoform disorders are misdiagnosed by well intentioned specialists. I think back to the days when I was going through this and each doctor would run test after test to trying to explain what was going on. Early tests indicated Multiple Sclerosis but after I was started on a drug treatment (which was some type of steroid medication), my body had a severe reaction to it and started in with seizures and violent trembling and shaking throughout my body. After weeks of MRI's, blood work, a trip to the Hospital Emergency Room by ambulance, most of the doctors were giving up. Each time, I would be sent home with no explanation of why things were happening. Each time, friends would have to help lift me in and out of a car and carry me into my apartment as I could do none of this for myself. I could not care for myself during this time, yet no doctor or emergency room would admit me to the hospital.

Fortunately, some doctor got me in touch with a neurologist. It did not take long for the neurologist to begin questioning the tests that had already been done on me. She was the wise one that began to ask the questions and put things together that there was something behind all of this and it was not physical. Once she had me meet with a psychiatrist and as I began talking to the psychiatrist, I took my first steps that day. That was the beginning of my recovery. It was not an easy road and it took great will power and determination to keep going when all seemed hopeless for me physically.

Back then, I was not aware of the work that Dr. Paul Canali, D.C. was doing with trauma healing. In fact, I didn't even truly understand what a conversion disorder was at the time and it took some time before the doctors even told me this was what happened. It is a very rare condition but I know there are more out there that go through this. I have found there is healing from this and from the trauma that I suffered. I also learned that to heal the trauma in my life, I needed to go in and touch the depths of it which were located within my body and my mind. It was through that connection that I really found my way through deep healing and started to reclaim my life.

There really is hope for someone if they are experiencing this situation in their life. No one needs to go through what I went through because tests and medications are not going to heal it in the end. When I first met Dr. Canali and began listening to what he was talking about, the concepts were foreign to me. You don't hear these things talked about in our every day world. However, my body knew without a doubt that what he was saying was exactly what had taken place in my life. My body also realized that he had discovered some of the answers that I had longed to find in my life. Through his work, I have changed completely from what I used to be and I have begun to discover just who I am and what I am made of. My physical ailments from depression, anxiety, migraine headaches, stomach ulcers, stiff necks, muscle tension, anger, despair, and the list goes on - these things are no longer in power over me. I have found freedom from them by finding the necessary tools within myself to move through all that comes up in my life.

Further Reading

1. Autonomic Nervous System by Dr. Paul Canali
   
   
2. Hope And Possibility Through Trauma by Don Shetterly
   

(Copyright 11/08/10 - Use by permission only)

Hope & Possibility Through Trauma (Pre-Sale)

Announcing today, the pre-sale for my new book, Hope And Possibility Through Trauma. If you go to the following link on my website, www.donshetterly.com , you will see more information about my book and a buy now button. I have included information about the book as well as some excerpts, the index, table of contents and other sections. At this moment, it is only available for purchase through the pre-sale. Once the pre-sale is over, it should not be very long before it will be available on Amazon.

If you buy a copy of my book through the pre-sale, the price is reduced from what it will be selling for on Amazon, and I will personally autograph each one. It may take me a few weeks before I am able to autograph and send a copy of the book to you. The pre-sale begins today and ends on October 24, 2010.

So go to the link above and read all about it, then click "for more information" that gives some of the finer details. If you live in the United States, the buy it now button will go to PayPal. You can pay by PayPal or by credit card. If you live outside of the US, please contact me through the website and we can determine what the shipping costs will be for you.

If you have any questions, please contact me through the website. I'll try to respond as quickly as I can. This is an exciting time for me as I have been working many months on bringing this book together. My hope is that those who read it will realize there is Hope And Possibility Through Trauma!



About The Book

Suffering from a somatoform disorder (also known as a conversion disorder) in 1991, Don Shetterly was paralyzed and not able to walk or take care of himself. Traumatic moments of child abuse he lived through from an early age had finally caught up with him. At age 26, Don was set on a path that in order to survive and live, he had to heal those deep dark corners of his life. While this book is not a direct account of all that happened, the words here do form a picture of hope and possibility through trauma. Often when Don's world was upside down and it seemed as if he could not make it, he turned to writing to help piece the moments of his life back together. These writings have come together into a book depicting the path of healing in his life. While it has not been an easy journey, Don wants others to know that no matter what you have been through in life, there is hope and possibility through trauma.

Body Memory And Trauma - Part 3 of 3

Note: This is Part 3 of 3. Please click here for PART 1, and Part 2 to read this in sequence.


As I write this, I can feel the intense anger, pain, hurt, betrayal and heat in my body. It is as if I want to lash out and hit a punching bag. I want to scream out at this moment and just go, “Stop – I’ve had enough! What part of that don’t you understand?” Yet, the words seem to have no influence or power for me. They seem to be merely sound uttered with no result.

Part of the entire ordeal lately has left me not wanting to be physically close to anyone (not even myself). Imagine going through the roughest moment of your life and then repeating it every day. If you can picture yourself not wanting to be connected with relationships or others, than you’re beginning to get the picture. How I didn’t just give up during this time, I do not understand. This is far more than any person should ever have to face in their life and recover through.

So as the day wore on, I grew tired and the body memories came at me with a full force of vengeance. They would not let up and so I knew I had to find a way to help move through this. I decided to take a bath that night with some sea salt and peppermint essential oil that I had. It just seemed like the thing to do. The warm water felt soothing to me, and so I just soaked in the tub for some time while trying to notice how my breath felt in the water. I could sense my body move in the water as my breath went in and went out. Each inhalation and exhalation was a safe and comforting feeling to me. As I continued to soak in the warm water, I just kept connecting myself to my breath, and I could feel tiny little trembling in my arms as they were submerged. I knew that the trembling was connected to my nervous system discharging stored up energy as it looked for a way out. I stayed with my breath until I was able to extend the inhalations and exhalations, trying to allow the issues I was facing an opportunity to exit. As I stayed with this, I noticed that a lot of the tension in my body had dissipated and there was a greater calmness to my body. At that point, I just felt much more relaxed than I had all day long.

As I went to bed that night, I laid down wondering what the night was going to be like. Up until that point, I had several weeks of very little sleep and the exhaustion was wearing on me very hard. Little did I realize just how powerful my bath had been, for when I laid down to sleep, my eyes went shut easily and I think I slept the entire night without waking up once. It was the first night in many where I actually could sleep.

Waking up the next morning, I still felt somewhat tired but felt more refreshed than I had in quite some time. My body felt more relaxed and a lot less tense. Throughout the day, I noticed that the itching on my skin had dramatically reduced and overall I felt much more at peace. It was then that I realized something had shifted in me. I began to understand at that moment that the Yoga had just pushed the fears and sympathetic nervous system up into arousal, but the bath and breathing had allowed the full pendulation of my nervous system into the parasympathetic mode so that my body could heal itself and nourish itself in the way that it needed to. This was the resolution to what got kicked up in Yoga.

My next Yoga class was with a different instructor that was very low level, and while my body needed the relaxation, I wish it would have been kicked up a little than given more rest. However, the Yoga class did allow me to focus more in on my body and my breath, which of course helped take me deeper into the healing that was going on.

Tonight was my next Yoga class with the main instructor I usually go to. It is a respectful, honoring state of Yoga that we practice. The instructor is good about inviting us to do as much as we can, while listening to our bodies and remembering to breathe. Before Yoga, my resting pulse rate was again in the low to mid 90’s. However after Yoga, I once again used the Finger Pulse Meter to check my pulse and surprisingly it was 54. That is one of the lowest readings I have ever had since I’ve been checking it.

My body feels at peace tonight and not as tense. I can feel the shift and I can feel like maybe it is ok to once again inhabit my body. There are still the body issues and memories that are surfacing but for now, I’ve just chipped a major chunk away from them. The itching and pain is not completely gone but it is not as intense as it has been.

This is the holiday season and it usually pushes things up for me, so I am trying hard to take care of myself and give myself things that will help reregulate my nervous system. While the body issues are still there, they have greatly subsided since that major shift in me. For the first time since they flared up several weeks ago, I feel like maybe it is true, that this too shall pass and that I will once again regain my power over my body. Part of me says that this is still a dream but deep down, I know it is possible and hold that intention along with my courage and strength to continue on through another day.



NOTE: Due to the length of the article, this is the end of Part 3 of 3.





Definitions:
1. Somatoform Disorder/Body Memory: The presence of physical symptoms that suggest there is a underlying medical condition, when in fact the situation cannot be explained. These situations most likely represent an unconscious reaction of psychological situations and show up as a medical condition with or without any physical manifestation.

2. Body Memory (Somatic Memory): Sensations in the body that often link to some portion or aspect of trauma that the individual has been through. Body memories may occur in many ways.

Definition Source: http://www.sidran.org/

Body Memory And Trauma - Part 2 of 3

Note: This is Part 2 of 3. Please click here PART 1, to read this in sequence.


Over the past few weeks, I had been diligent about going to Yoga. I knew that this would help resolve the issues that I was facing. To remember some things that I have recently been taught has helped me to stay grounded in my life. One such concept is Pendulation. Pendulation of the autonomic nervous system between the sympathetic and parasympathetic allows us to communicate through the language of the subconscious. It is through this communication that allows the amygdale (low brain) and the prefrontal cortex (high brain) to resolve their differences. Yoga is one way that does this, by connecting the mind and body through breath and movement to help us become more conscious and aware while giving us the power to heal our bodies. Our bodies know exactly what they need to heal, but often our fears and misperceptions get in the way of allowing them to do as they need to. We are often our own worst enemy. Pendulation of the autonomic nervous system is a natural healing process to our bodies that can be accessed if we know how to go in and do this.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to Yoga even though my body did not feel like it. Life had gotten very intense for me, and I found myself just trying to hang on in spite of all the body memories coming up. That night in Yoga, we went through some pretty intense moves that I had never experienced before. Most of the moves that were involving the hip/pelvic region were extremely difficult, challenging, and almost to the point of being too painful. However, I allowed myself to go as far as I could knowing that if I honored and respected my body as I pushed into the pain, that there would be the possibility of freedom on the other side. I was not expecting miracles or anything spectacular but I was allowing myself the opportunity of staying in the moment.

Before Yoga, I had taken my pulse and saw that it was in the mid to high 90’s, which is high, but lately that is where my pulse seemed to find a resting state. Through the use of the Finger Pulse Oximeter OctiveTech 300PRO, I have been monitoring my pulse in hopes of understanding my body to a greater degree, and helping move myself to a higher state of calmness, awareness, and healing. After this particular Yoga session, I checked my pulse and it was actually at 112. It had gone up instead of coming down, and this was even directly at the end of final relaxation time. I felt the agitation in my body and so it was no surprise to me. I could have panicked but I realize that this is evidence that my autonomic nervous system had been kicked up into arousal (the fear state) and so I just allowed myself to be there. It wasn’t easy, because I was discouraged that it had gone up instead of down, but I knew deep within me how the principles of the nervous system work, and that helped me to just allow myself to stay in this state.

That night, I could barely sleep. I was beyond restless and could not find a way to stay calm or still or even find a moment’s peace. I tossed and turned that entire night as I watched the clock tick by like no other night ever in my life. I have had some pretty rough nights throughout my life, but this one was intense. The body pains would come and go; the itching would get intense and then go away as quickly as it came on this particular night. I tried so hard to shut my eyes, but the fears of a predator trying to hunt me down were as big as the tallest building in the world. It seemed like the room was over a thousand degrees and I wished for more air just to breathe. The darkness seemed like a blanket that was smothering me as the predator continued his hunt. I wanted to hide in the blanket, but the room was too hot. The only thing that I took solace in was that soon it would be morning and the daylight would fill the room. For as I had been finding out, daylight was my friend in order for me to get anything close to the resemblance of sleep. The predator and the fears did not like the daytime hours and the daylight.

Morning came and I finally was able to fall asleep. I felt much safer because the predator had once again hidden. The predator never comes out during the day, but if he is going to show up, it will be at night. I slept as long as I could but soon it became necessary for me to arise and go about my day. The last thing I wanted was to face the world or anyone in any way. I did not even want to face myself. I pretty much hated every part of myself at that moment.



NOTE: Due to the length of the article, this is the end of Part 2. Please come back tomorrow for Part 3.

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Definitions:
1. Somatoform Disorder/Body Memory: The presence of physical symptoms that suggest there is a underlying medical condition, when in fact the situation cannot be explained. These situations most likely represent an unconscious reaction of psychological situations and show up as a medical condition with or without any physical manifestation.

2. Body Memory (Somatic Memory): Sensations in the body that often link to some portion or aspect of trauma that the individual has been through. Body memories may occur in many ways.

Definition Source: http://www.sidran.org/

Body Memory And Trauma - Part 1 of 3

(For a licensed print ready version, click here)

Over the past several weeks, I have been experiencing “body memories” (somatic memory). This is not the first time I have been through these things and as usual, they are difficult to go through. Anyone that has been through them, knows exactly what I’m talking about. This time, it has been something totally different for me. Most of it involves intense itching all over my skin (itchy skin) and especially in the groin region. Sorry, but that’s as informative as I’m going to be because it isn’t easy to talk about. However, this is not all-the-time itching, but it just happens when you’re least expecting it and when there is no apparent reason for it. It comes and goes almost as quickly as rain starts and stops.

More importantly, there are moments when the pain starts in (not to be confused with the itching) and the pain gets so intense, I just want to cry and scream out. Keep in mind that this is not pain from some injury or other physical abnormality. If you viewed my skin and my body, you would see nothing that would lend itself to these types of reactions. However, they feel as real as if some pain or some condition was being inflicted upon my body in that moment.

These moments have seemed to focus more on the night time hours than the daytime, yet sometimes the time of day makes no difference. Usually, when these times hit, my anxiety level is through the roof and it feels as if it is 1000 degrees in the room, when the temperature is actually on the chilly side. In addition, there is a feeling of despair and anger that accompanies these times that is unexplainable. No, it is not because of the body issues going on, although that adds to it. These are things that seem to appear as entities with their own existence.

I’ve had several nights when I was awakened from a deep sleep with itching that would make me want to remove every body part I could. Fortunately a knife was not in close proximity. The pain would start coming from somewhere deep within me and pushing me to the brink of feeling like I could not take any more. It left me tired from the nights of hardly any sleep while I would struggle to shut my eyes. Even though I was tired, my eyes would almost have to be forced to close so I could sleep. It was as if they were watching out for a predator that was hunting me down.

While this may sound intense, it has gone on for several weeks. At the moment, the duration feels like an eternity. It has pushed me to the point of really wondering whether I wanted to keep going at times. Between the lack of sleep, exhaustion and the physical realities, it seemed as if there was no way through this. Even though I’ve been through body memories in the past, it still does not prepare you for when you come up against new ones. There is nothing that I have found to this point that puts me in control. It is as if this entity must run its course, and I have no say in it.

While I know that these things will pass and that there is more going on which is trying to find a place of resolution, it still takes determination, courage and strength. The body sometimes plays these past events in a continuous flow until it finds an exit route. No matter what, until these things are released from the body in such a way that the past events no longer loop in a continuous circuit, they will continue. That does not mean that we are able to get through these events in some easy fix it event, but that they often take time. Many of these body memories are well rooted and fixed within our bodies, our minds and our consciousness. So to take them on, a small piece of them is sometimes all we can handle at any one given moment. As long as we allow ourselves to go into these things and be with them, we are taking back the power from them and giving ourselves the much needed power we so deserve. It isn’t about just releasing some emotions or bringing emotions up, but it is about chipping away at these body memories one piece at a time. These are the things I remind myself of right now as I progress through these difficult times.



NOTE: Due to the length of the article, this is the end of Part 1. For Part 2 of 3, click here Part 2

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Definitions:
1. Somatoform Disorder/Body Memory: The presence of physical symptoms that suggest there is a underlying medical condition, when in fact the situation cannot be explained. These situations most likely represent an unconscious reaction of psychological situations and show up as a medical condition with or without any physical manifestation.

2. Body Memory (Somatic Memory): Sensations in the body that often link to some portion or aspect of trauma that the individual has been through. Body memories may occur in many ways.

Definition Source: http://www.sidran.org/